Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Black listed because of family

financial problems, money issue, wasting money

As-salāmu alaykum

my husband and I have been married for 4 years and are very happy.

Lately he has been very stressed I have just found out that he has been black listed therefore he cannot take out a bond to purchase our own home. we are currently renting a property. (our plan was to rent until our application came through for bond/ mortgage loan).
We have no accounts and deal striclty with cash. 2 years ago he took a bond/mortgage and bought mother-in-law a house to stay in. currently mother-in-law and 3 brother-in-laws stay in the house. nobody in the house is paying for water and lights and the bill is on his name. the water and electricity account is overdue which is causing his credibility to go bad.

I am not sure if I should confront my husband about this as I do not want to be disrespectful and I have an extremely good relationship with my in-laws. but we have two sons and i have to think for them too.When the two brother in laws gave the water and lights money to mother in law to pay my husband she took the money and gambled at a casino. I want to let my husband know (respectfully) that he must c9nfront in laws and let them know that they need to pay the electricity and water or he will sell the house. but if this does happen what happens to mother in law she cant be on the street.

How do i confront my husband respectfully. as he is stressed having to pay monthly rent and provide food for our sons. I wish i could help more but my monthly income only allows to pay for the water and lights on our rental and my credit for furniture. kindly help with advice on how to approach my husband.


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3 Responses »

  1. I'm sorry you have such issues Cat.

    In this case you are just going to have to tell your husband the facts

    all of the facts respectfully of course

    you have to make it clear that you are not trying to insult his family

    but the facts are still the facts and the bottom line is still the bottom line

    it is still your husband's responsibility to maintain economic stability

    and because of this
    this will put him in a lot of trouble as well as his family as well

    By the way I have to state that it's very irresponsible of your mother-in-law to take the money

    that was meant for paying bills to a casino
    of all places which is very famous for losing money

    you are just going to have to be honest and to the point

    Perhaps your husband will feel offended

    but the bottom line is the bottom line

    if he wants a house of his own

    he has to tell his family to contirbute around otherwise you will never get that house

    Tell him everything but only once.
    After that he will come to a conclusion

    He is not going to go against his own self-interest

    and if he really wants a house
    he is going to have to do something

    Keep emotions out of the picture and just stick to the facts

    you need a house

    you have to have good credit

    and your in laws are not contributing

    if there's any paperwork that can prove it show it to him

    And make sure to tell him when he's in his most relaxed state most preferably after work wait 2 to 3 hours after he's eaten and relax

    Good luck

  2. Your brother in laws are supposed to contribute and pay rent and electricity .If they don't let them leave this house .his mom can stay with you .

  3. Asalam Alekum

    What a devastating situation you are in Subhan Allah.
    Sister if you think your mother in law will not listen to you interms of Naseeha of deen, then I greatly advice you to tell your husband it's the least you can do since you can not change by oral or your hand as you may not see the money by your own eyes where it may be after your brother in laws give to your mother in law, if this does not make sense to you please don't hesistate reply back to me. It is our duty as a Muslim to get your closer ones (loved ones- family) nearer to Allah and those who do not believe in God by giving Naseeha.
    One of the End of time signs is gambling.

    It sounds to me that you are scared of your husband, or I may be wrong. If this is the case then I advice you to talk to somebody - your uncle or brother to do something about it.
    Otherwise your case is not a major problem, seeing that your husband is trying his best to make your family happy.

    And last but not least one of Reshme's comment was beautifully stated, let your husband relax before bringing up the topic.

    Wa Salam Alekum

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