Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Black revert looking to marry Pakistani Muslimah

Islam strictly prohibits Racism on any basis

Salaam I have recently reverted to Islam and have come into contact with a practicing sister who is interested but is worried about her parents accepting me as I am black. Is this allowed in Islam? And what advice would you give me should her wali say no based on my skin colour?

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5 Responses »

  1. Aslm I would advise you to talk to them or consult an imam to assist you maybe even accompany when you go and talk to her parents or wali.According to my understanding different races can marry so long they muslim or have accepted Islam.all guardian wants to see their children get married and be happy in that life even if you a different race it can work if you put all effort into it.Open up to her people let them know your intentions are good and that you will take care of their daughter.I am south-african and married a tanzanian there was few insecurities from my family side as to the reasons he would want to marry me citizenship etc asoon they got to know him and look past the skin colour(he's dark in complexion and I am very light skinned)it used to create attention when we in a public place people used to stare or an expression on their face or some would even ask is he your husband and this made him uncomfortable.I would not be ashamed or shy to be seen with him so long having a marriage of understanding each-other and wanting it work there will be challenges and obstacles you will have to face but trust in Allaah make a lot of dua for Allaah to make it eazy and for you to be accepted but dear brother also know that if you get rejected that Allaah knows what is best for us everything gets decreed for us.sometimes something we want that seem good for us can actually be bad and Allaah can divert you from it but @a later stage you will see the blessing from Allaah in you not getting what you wanted you will be in our duas and all the best.

  2. Assalamoalikum ,

    Based on color they can't reject but character can be a criteria for rejection .How was your behavior some years back ?
    Also it takes time to trust a person whoever he may be .Also there are people who convert for the sake of marriage and this conversion is not acceptable as it should be for Allah .

    When her family hears about you first thing they might think is that you are converting for the girl .And it is difficult to convey them .Also in Islam it is haraam to have a relatiionship with boys so how come she is involved with you ?

    Your situation is complex .

  3. As'salam alaykum brother,

    Are you asking if you're allowed to marry a Pakistani sister, according to Islam? Of course, race is no barrier to that. Allah has written in the Qu'ran that no Arab is greater than a black man, and no black man is greater than an Arab (I apologize; I can not recall the exact verse right now, and am not able to refer to it due to writing this on my phone). Also, it states that the diversity of colors and languages have been created as one of His many signs. Racism, in fact, can be directly attributed to Iblees, as he did not bow down to Adam alayhi salam, upon Allah's command, due to believing the the way he was created out of fire, was better than a man made of clay; and that is essentially what racism is, believing that the way you are, is better than another creation of Allah!
    So if her wali refuses due to this issue of race, I think that it would be a good idea to, of course very politely and respectfully, sit down with him and have a chat about this. I understand however, that in some cases, parents may be very cultural and grew up in an environment where interracial marriages weren't ever even thought of - in that case, it may be difficult to change the wali's perspective on this, as the opinion they hold may be very wrongfully rigid. It's not always possible to change the mindset of others; we are each accountable for our own deeds and must strive to be the best and set good examples.
    Just remember that if Allah wills this union between you and this sister to be, it will happen. What's meant to be yours will never miss you, and what isn't, always will. Make sure to pray istikhara. This website has got an excellent article on that, which I've personally used in the past and found it to be a great help.
    Last thing, you already be well aware of this, so this is just a friendly reminder from your fellow Muslim: remember to not prolong interaction with this sister, as there is no place for pre-marital relationships in Islam, other than those that are supervised by a wali (that is, after obtaining permission to marry / getting to know each other within Islamic boundaries). So if her wali declines your proposal, and talking to him does not improve the situation, it is best to part ways, as emotional attachment can be very dangerous without confirmation.

    Take care, and I wish you the best in'sha Allah.

  4. You are quite genuine. Marrying a islam convert would be way better for him. I have heard that in the shariah, for an islam convert wisdom lies in marrying another islam convert. There's no restriction on it, though. No hard and fast rule such as you are not allowed to marry a muslimah. But following the shariah's wisdom, is far better for us, coz that actually shows the level of trust in Allah. When we take a decision as per our thoughts, we do not know about the consequences. But when we take a decision following the shariah's wisdom, things turn around for us in the right way without any doubt inshallah. And definitely the shariah always brings out the best for us. We got to trust Allah.

  5. as-salaamu 'alaikum wa-rahmatullah,
    May the Peace and Mercy of Allah be with you brother,

    Congratulations on coming to the straight path, the path of all Prophets of God, and the path to true inner peace within the heart. The more you spend time in prayer, or giving charity, helping the poor, or even listening to Qur'aan and remembering Allah (dhikr), the more your heart will be softened inshAllah and the more at peace you'll feel inshAllah.

    Secondly, forgive me for this long message! ...

    SubhanAllah, as you know, skin colour or nationality or language or tribe has no meaning in Islam, and people can marry from who they want - just as the Prophet (sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam) actively encouraged this by marrying from different tribes and communities to bring about peace and showing everyone that we are ONE Muslim ummah (community).

    In fact, one of the reason the Prophet was "sent" (chosen) by Allah is to remove the artificial boundaries of tribalism or nationalism, etc...

    "The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam) said: "Whoever parts from obedience, and splits away from the Jama'ah (majority Muslim group) and dies, then he has died a death of Jahiliyyah (ignorance / out of Islam). Whoever rebels against my Ummah, killing good and evil people alike, and does not try to avoid killing the believers, and does not pay attention to those who are under a covenant, then he is not of me. Whoever fights for a cause that is not clear, advocating tribalism (or nationality/country), getting angry for the sake of tribalism, and he is killed, then he has died a death of Jahiliyyah."

    [Sunan an-Nisai, book 37, hadith 149]
    (Classed as Sahih (authentic) by al-Albaani)

    And Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) reminds us in the Qur'aan this famous ayah...

    "O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another (not that ye may despise each other). Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you (the one who is most pious (muttaqun)). Indeed, Allah is All-Knowing and All-Aware."

    [Qur'aan, surah hujuraat 49, 13]

    Having said all of this however, the Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam was the best of all humans and the perfect example for us. And as you know, sadly we Muslims are far away from such perfect example.

    In Islam, the wali (guardian) is responsible for giving his daughter in marriage, and without his permission there is no marriage - the Prophet (upon him be peace) warned us of the severity of this: -

    The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam) said: "Whichever woman married without the permission of her Wali (father) her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid!
    If he consummated the marriage, then the Mahr is for her in lieu of what he enjoyed from her private part. If they disagree, then the Sultan (Muslim ruler) is the Wali for one who has no Wali."

    [Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879]

    Also, our Prophet (sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam) warned the wali (guardian, usually father) not to refuse a good person (with good religious commitment and good character)...

    Abu Hurayrah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If someone whose religious commitment and attitude (character) pleases you, proposes marriage, then marry [your female relative under your charge] to him. If you do not do that, there will be tribulation in the land and much corruption (fitan).”

    [Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him, in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah. 1022]

    Having said all of that, I now reach the hardest part of my reminder and advice...
    and as I mentioned previously, us humans are not perfect like the Prophet (upon him be peace), and usually the wali will also take other factors into account in order to figure out whether the marriage would be good - and that includes nationality (or rather character). And as you know, each nation has been blessed with their own type of personality.

    If both of you were born, educated, and brought-up in the same country, and especially with parents who are also educated and brought-up in the same country, then there shouldn't be much of an issue inshAllah - otherwise, you may find each others personality rather different.

    Forgive me for this generalisation, as I've grown older and having known many different families from different nationalities, and friends from different nationalities, there's something I've come to recognise...
    for some reason, people (especially women) born in Asia (Philippine / Malay / Bangladesh / Pakistan) are more soft-hearted, loving, and caring in their nature than those born in the west and especially Africa. And having been married to an African wife myself, I've noticed that their personality tends to be more harsh, or perhaps, hard-hearted.
    For example, I've noticed in many Arabs a sense of pride, and arrogance. While Pakistani men tend to be quite controlling and possessive of their wife (and similarly, their women appear to be much more loyal) - so each nation has their own type of personality.

    Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Messenger (sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam) said: "Pride and arrogance are characteristics of the owners of horses and camels, and those bedouins who are busy with their camels and pay no attention to Religion; while modesty and gentleness are the characteristics of the owners of sheep (and goats)."

    [Sahih al-Bukhari, book 59, hadith 109]
    [Sahih Muslim, book 1, hadith 94; and hadith 99]

    No doubt there are exceptions...
    A good friend of mine (Nigerian), he spends a long time in masjid, delved in the remembrance of Allah and reciting the Qur'aan, and mashAllah I have noticed that his heart has become softer since he converted.
    He mentioned this himself - he said that he noticed before Islam, people used to be scared of him (he's quite tall and large built), and since he reverted to Islam, he now finds that even little old ladies push him about 🙂

    So anyway, use your wisdom, put your feelings aside for this woman (also limit contact, as a man and women should not be alone (even over the phone), except that the third is the satan tempting them); and as another brother suggested, pray istikhara for guidance.

    If the wali agrees, then alhamdulillah - thank Allah.
    And if this doesn't work out, then alhamdulillah - thank Allah, for he might have saved both of you from pain.

    Forgive me for this long message!

    Take care brother,
    and may the peace and mercy of Allah be with you.

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