Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Blackmailed for something I did when I was 15



salam...i am realy disapointed from my life..i did a lot of mistakes in my teenage,,i want ALLAH to forgive me..please pray for me.

i did not do sex..but did a mistake which makes my life hell now a days..

I am 21 now. But when i was 15 i was alone ,,dad is a bussiness man he had no time for me..and my mom was not treat me like her friend..but now she loves me alot..then i thought if my mom made me friend when i was 15 ,,(6 years ago) then surely i did not make that mistake..

a guy which was a wrong number ,,but my city fellow talked to me..and show me dreams that i will make you my wife..then he asked me to meet him..i meet once..but then he said to meet again and do sex with him..dont be scared you are my wife..i was kid ..i didnt know what he gonna do.but i refused to meet him..

but he wishd to gave him my pictures..that was not good..i did... but then i leave him ..because i feel that this is not good..

now he is blackmailing me on facebook...if i deactive my facebook ..he put my pictur and send request to my family..i was went to his home to stop him and tell his parents ..but he totaly refused by saying that you are my sister..etc... i lost the memory card ..i am sorry..

but i am 100 percent sure that he is blackmailing me...he just want to talk me on facebook..he said he never want to meet me ,,never want to talk on phone..just want to talk on facebook..if i will not talk to him..he send my pictures to my family and friends..he sent me some of my pictures to threaten me..

now i am in a nikah..and i love my husband ..and i can not live without him..and dont want to lose him..i totaly want to sincere with him..i pray to ALLAH to forgive my sins..but i think i am such a bad girl...that ALLAH is not listening to me..HE is very angry with me..

i dont know what to do...because he will never gonna accept even infront of his parents..i dont want to talk to him..i dont want to break my husband's trust ...

please pray for me..i know i am not a good girl but please pray for me..that those pictures will delete..

i just cry cry cry..i dont know where will be my life ..pRAY

- Saira

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8 Responses »

  1. May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen
    One thing I would advise you to do is definitely save
    All the messages he sends you that way if God forbid
    He puts those pictures on Facebook and your husband
    Finds out you can show him all the threats. Or just tell
    Him you have been saving up all his messages and plan
    To show them to the authority .... that might make
    Him back off.
    All the best

  2. as-salaam-u-alaikum-wr-wb sister..

    I am not sure of what the consequences will be If you tell your husband of the truth, of how someone from your past is blackmailing you..

    But I believe rather than living in fear of a "third person" informing your husband of your past It is best he hears the truth directly from his wife..

    That man that you knew in your past is only blackmailing you because he knows It's working quite well.. However, If you stop meeting his demands (chatting on Facebook) his threats will be empty threats alone.. as he'll come to know that he's heading towards a dead end.

    You could also inform the police of the threats that he has made to you..

    Allah knows best.

  3. Salam,

    I agree with sister nazo, tell him ull inform the police and that u have proof of his treats.

  4. And how old was this man when he came into pictures of you when you were 15? old enough to know better? Definitely save all the messages he sends you. You could tell him that if he insists via threats to demand your friendship via the internet, you'll send copies of the threatening messages to his family (only if you feel strong enough to out yourself as well as him). It's unfortunate that there are men who feel they can take advantage of vunerable girls/women and later feel as though they are justified somehow to throw it back in the girl's face as though they themselves are blameless. It is also unfortunate that there are girls willing to put themselves in a compromising position. This is not a judgement on you, many of us do stupid things when we are young and unsure and looking to others for validation. It happens. But nowadays with networking and all that, stupid decisions can have re-occurring tendency to pop up years later. However, remember he can't out you without also outing himself. Do you have any trusted member in your family you could bring this issue to, who could guide you? One thing to remember, men like him are they way they are because they think they can cajole and threaten women to do their bidding because the women do not fight back but rather they comply. It is a fear-based manipulation. Today he demands your friendship on facebook....but months from now what further demands will he have of you?

  5. Assalamualaikum

    1. Take your husband in confidence, first soften him up professing your loyalty and love for him and then asking him that you need his help. Let him know that, after hearing what you have to tell he might get angry but remind him that its better to forgive and remind him that Allah is with those who lifts an affliction from his brother, and that you are not just a muslim sister rather his wife and its his duty to protect your honor.

    2. Whoever the person is blackmailing you, is probably after something, more pictures maybe, a meeting in secrecy perhaps. Keep a record of all the communications, share everything with your husband, and if the blackmailer agrees for a face to face, then meet him with your husband and advise him on the spot that what he is doing is extremely displeasing to Allah and if he continues then he is bound to suffer Allah's wrath.

    3. In case he doesn't stop, then once you are convinced that your husband is on your side then let the blackmailer be. Keep praying to Allah and be happy that the honor is in the hands of Allah and if Allah wants to protect your honor then Inshallah he will protect your honor. In Quran, Surah Al-Imran Ayat 26.

    ( 26 ) Say, "O Allah, Owner of Sovereignty, You give sovereignty to whom You will and You take sovereignty away from whom You will. You honor whom You will and You humble whom You will. In Your hand is [all] good. Indeed, You are over all things competent.

    May Allah protect you from the people who want to harm you and your marriage.

  6. Don't know what country the poster is and whether or not she could file a police report comfortably in but she needs to
    1) manager her privacy settings much better. If he or anyone is not her friend, they shouldn't be able to see your friends, family relationships on facebook

    2)You dont know he still has your photos etc. He could be lying. Ignore him, change your fb name to something similar to your name but different. Ie if your name is Saira Khan. S Khan, and drop out of your existing network. Even better in my opinion since facebook retains relationships and data when you do the above delete your fb account totally, and if he has your email address start a new one and only check it occasionally.

    Start a new fb profile on a new email address, change your profile picture to something that isnt' your face/identifies you and refriend everyone. Save all content you have on your fb (ie albums, peoples name-using the 'printscreen' button while scrolling through your friends list) before proceeding to delete and remaking your account. When you make your new profile, don't add friends through your old email address, instead used the saved print screens (which are invisibly held and have to paste into a photo editor to view) and manually add them using your new email adress.

    your past is your past. shouldn't let some psycho use it against you or get depressed because of it. especially since you don't now if he even retains what he says he does.


  7. If you know his parents then you don't have to worry about. In my opinion, don't tell anything to your husband. It will effect your marriage but at the same time delete your facebook account.

  8. Please tell him to the police constables. They will show him the real stars.

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