Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He is blackmailing me and making my life hell



salam alykom.omg .i feel for u .im being blackmailed by a pakistani national in uae. He has taken over my life 100% .im divorced with 2 sons. I met him a year ago and he ask to marry me n we planned a life in the future kids are 10 n 13 so when i went to court they told me if i remarried i would lose my kids to my ex,so i decided to stay with my kids.

Now he is blackmailing me ,telling me to give him money and sex or he will kill my kids and throw acid in my face. im living in hell .im afraid to go to the police because its illegil to have sex before marriage, he took me to a hotel dragged me out of his car into a room n raped me several times, beat me until i was black n blue. He says if i close my mobile or dont answer his calls he will come to my home n cut my boys up.if he gets a call from police he will kill me n a muslim .yes i have sinned .and i am so ashamed of what i did .i prey n ask allah to forgive me n help me rid this terrible cancer which is eating away at my soul.any advice would be welcomed .but before u point ur finger at me make sure ur own hands are clean.salam.


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21 Responses »

  1. sister I am so sorry about your terrible situation, but your last sentence forced me to smile. Sister no body hands are clean if it was clean then we won't be here sharing our problems.

    Back to your situation, I strongly recommend you to take police protection seriously if you take police protection no one can harm you as long you are under law. He raped you he should be hang to death. He is an animal sounds to me. He seems too dangerous person I don't think taking relatives help will help. Only police can help you.

    And obviously, ask Allah's forgiveness, pray to him day and night cry to Allah, of course Allah will help you.

    • Nothing serious,

      no body hands are clean if it was clean then we won't be here sharing our problems.

      Actually, there are differences about ' clean hands ' ! Like I'm proud to say my hands are clean. I didn't come here for any problems instead to help people to my best. The difference is the degree of sins. For the sins which are explicitly gravely forbidden in the Quran and sunnah, these sins have severe consequences ( sometimes immediate) like intoxicants, zina, theifs etc etc. These are the sins done by not following the law to the letter and dis-obeying Allah, as Allah said: " what ever evil/harm befalls you is from your own wrong doing ". But for other small wrong doing which are not even stated in the Quran or hadith but morally wrong, doesn't have/less consequences. Therefore, I know many muslims who have clean hands and are almost perfect humanbeings. Its just that, if we follow the law of Allah, obey Him, His messenger, fear Him, then we are victorious.

      • Agree. Me too

      • do not take any sin lightly as. the biggest punishments u will recieve is from the sins u took lightly

      • WARNING!!!:The following that is written is not for fun but if for saving a life.

        Sister...I'm giving you 3 choices...choose one✔️:

        Choice number 1:Call that creature...fool him by telling that you're ready...act that you are really ready to fulfill it...tell him to come to your home...make sure you have a sharp butcher knife which is not going to break soon...hold that knife in your hand...and first of all keep your kids in a safe place...not in your can be in your family's house...don't inform your kid's location to that creature...he may kill them...hide the butcher knife..keep it in your hand..don't show it to that creature...once he comes in hug him...when hugging him your hand which holds the butcher knife will go to the backside of him so he won't see it...then immediately stab him with the knife on his head...don't do it on another part.. because he won't die immediately...but the head..once you stab...he will die...I know it sounds scary...evil and illegal...but this is a serious matter and you can easily say he was trying to kill you so you killed him...after you say this court will take this case as a self-defence case...and you won't be jailed...

        Choice number 2:Call him..again make sure your kids are in a safe place...tell him to come to a café or any place outside...hold your phone in your hand...keep it in audio recording...then ask him why you are threatening me...then ask him what do you want from me...then he will again say the reason and threaten you again..all of the things that he says will be now you have evidence...but after you have the evidence make sure you go to meet a high level help you...not the police station...

        Choice number 3:Go to a far country and start a new life...delete all your accounts...get a new phone...replace everything so that he won't be able to track you...

        Choice number 4:Combine all of the choices...first kill him like I said in choice number 1...but before that take evidence like I've said in choice number 2...use the evidence....and then start a new life like I've said in choice number 3

        I hope you read this comment and I hope it'll be useful for you..May Allah save you from the hell your living in now..Allah verily forgives people who ask for forgiveness through their heart...and have just done a mistake.....Allah will help courageous...always stand up for your rights...don't choose the bad way(suicide).... you'll be able to make it out of the pain you are suffering from...

        Note:The following is just for saving an innocent's is not evil...before pointing your fingers at me read the hadiths of prophet Muhammad...and see what type of brutal punishment do these type of people(that creature) deserve...the punishment is way brutal...

        Sister,I hope you'll find a way to get out of that fearless and careful.Have faith in the almighty Allah.

        Assalamu alaikum varahmathullahi vabarakaathuhu.

  2. Salaams,

    I understand that it is illegal to engage in premarital sex where you are, but is it not also illegal to rape, blackmail, intimidate or threaten to kill someone where you are as well?

    I suggest you print copies of every correspondence where he has made such threats. If you can, start recording any phone calls and keep all voice mails from him. Any damage he does to you or your property you should take pictures of. Not only that, write a narrative of everything he has done to threaten you and your family and have a witness sign that it is accurate information based on your oath. Once you have all your evidence together, go to the police and get them involved. The sooner you do all this the better.

    Personally, I would advise you not to mention or admit anything about having a consensual sexual relationship with him previously. If your life, or the life of your children are being threatened, and your admission of it could jeopardize your safety, in this instance I believe it's justified to be deceptive. If you need to, tell the police that all he ever did was rape you. Without any proof otherwise, they cannot assume any more than that.

    This is a very serious and extreme situation, so it requires extreme and perhaps unorthodox measures. Another thing I would suggest is getting your family involved to help you be away from this man's attempts at controlling you. You didn't mention them, so I was wondering if you had gone to them already or not. Certainly this is not a situation that you can make go away on your own, either by complying with his wicked demands or trying to fight him by yourself.

    Another thing I would do is let your ex know about the threat he is posing...unless your ex is also a dangerous person. I am suggesting this only on the assumption that he is involved in his children's life on some level and cares about them. If that's the case, he should be informed of this threat to their safety. Otherwise, if he is absent or vindictive, it's probably better to leave him out of it.

    You need to take action as soon as possible. Don't think that the police are going to care more about his accusations that you slept together before marriage over his life threatening statements and actions toward you and the children. Most legal systems have a hierarchy of what is important to prosecute, and violence is usually much more high on the list of getting expedited than a moral crime. If you still have concerns, then please consult with an attorney and have them guide you out of this situation according the the limits of the laws where you are.

    -Amy Editor

  3. Wa'alaykumsalam,

    By reading your problem, I guess you're in Pakistan because all what this man did is not possible in UAE as the police there can solve this problem in few seconds and put him in prison/death. I normally hear all these acid throw threats, blackmail, dragging to hotel etc occuring in Pakistan and so if you're in Pakistan, I'll just pray that the police would be of some use, because not long ago when one of my mate's mate got raped in Pakistan and she complained to the cops, the cops there sexually harrassed her and they weren't willing to help because they hold her responsible for leaving the home, some of them are sexist, they'll only listen to men words. Thats the height of absurdness. I'm not denting your hope in anyway just warning of external factors just incase.if you're in UAE, it amazes me of how can he take you to a hotel forcefully (aren't there security etc ?), he must fear the law. If you're in UAE, then no doubt you've got to go to the police station immediately, they would protect you, and severely punish that animal. I really hope you're in some developed countries so justice can be served.
    If you're going to the police station, then get some male relatives with you and you need proofs and evidences. Amy has given good advises, If those are not possible, then perhaps changing towns might help or on an extreme level shift to a different country, go somewhere far far away.

    Ask Allah for help. Make extremely sincere tawbah so that Allah will help you. Pray regularly and act quick before the situation escalates out of control. May Allah have mercy on you.

  4. if you are in pakistan, DONT, DONT DONT go to police, you will wish rather to be raped again by the animal.

    if you are in pakistan, then , i guess change of place, city or if possible country.
    if any other country, just report him to the authority. never nver never adnit to anyone but Allah about your sin.

  5. Salam sister,

    I lived in UAE for 5 years, rape he can have death sentence but usually they give life life in jail. He knows that and that's why he threatens you , he will not do anything, he knows that even if he runs, Interpol will find him. Don't show him you are afraid. If he calls record the conversation and keep SMS that can proof, police in emirates will only waste your time if you don't show proof they will call him and not do anything. When u got raped I guess u didn't keep any clothes with DNA ? If u don't have proof it will be difficult but at least try to get proof from his treats, they take them seriously also there. Your case must be registered , once he tries to bother you again,u call police and then they will severely take care of him.
    My dear sister, if you stay without doing anything,you will just regret it as he will continue. Go to police tell them the story but u don't have to tell them you had sex relations with him, just say you were planning to marry him and he get upset when you changed mind, and then he raped you beat and threaten you etc. u don't need to say he was your bf etc. so pls be smart to make it fast and efficient, get one conversation recorded or SMS and go to tell your story to police. Allah help u. Salam

    even i am born and bought up in the UAE...i should say somehow ALHUMDULILLAH..this place is not like our asian countries...on what your going...just a little close even i went through it..which spoiled my life...the match is that even that guy was a Pakistani..and i called him a brother....anyways..i would say apa(sister) dont be scared..i was a fool to be scared of him other then ALLAH...what do you think he will leave u even after he gets from u all he wants???? noo..never he will keep doing that and plus he might even to shut ur mouth kill u ppl..we dont know anyone fear no one but ALLAH..pray,fast..and keep praying...i know ur condition the scared for ur kids..will make u however make u to receive his calls..etc..i know how it feels...i would only say keep praying...ask ALLAH to help you out..and if ALLAH wills to not harm you..then believe me ALLAH wont let anyone to...and about what others have told you on keeping record its true.... you have to try it..and apa..i would say after all this put a complain only if your in UAE...leve rest to ALLAH..i will really pray you gain strength..and will face him somehow...and apa to be true....better is complaining and taking little risk..than to keep the scared of he killing your kids..i am not big enough to give u advice...but i would say apa..i know what your going through..and if its better leve the country..

  7. salam...i am realy disapointed from my life...

  8. ASA sis look we all make mistakes and we must ony repent to ALLAH swt and we dont owe man an explanation. Unfortunately i have lived in too many middle eastern hospitals to see how rape victims are persecutednfor being victims many times given lashes ir placed in jail eventhough they were forced against their will im the middle east today.. The woman is aleays to blame and dna tests are rarely used .. I mean i have had muttawa state if no witnesses no case! Eventho some women i have saw were in worse condition! Beaten and bloodied! Thus i dont live their anymore! Look move!!!! Asap!! If you are in saudi i wouldnt go to police as i have worked there and they will blame you.. Dubai i think uses dna now but when i was there theydidnt! Get out!

  9. I hope you have learned that you should not meet up with random men. But you did do it and now you suffer the consequences. You should tell him that he's scum and that you're not afraid of him and won't have anything to do with him anymore. Close all of your social networks accounts, like Facebook, don't get a new mobil phone/number for a while and change your address, too. How is he supposed to find you like this? :).

    Also, I don't know which country you're from, but you should report him to your own country's authorities if you're from a not-so-currupt country, as well as the Emirati authorities.

  10. Dear Sister,

    I live in UAE for years now, i strongly recommend u to goto police, as they are very understanding and supporting. They will definitely extend their support for your protection and am sure they wont file any case of haram relation on you as long as you don't admit.
    UAE laws are very favorable for women, they wont ask any proof or any justification.. They gonna fix that guy in the rite place in no time.

    May Allah protect you; if u need any help, plz let me know thru email. I can guide you inshaAllah.

  11. Please please please contact the police immediatly. I am a british born pakistani. Im really ashamed of this man. Please go to the police, he is trying to make scared so u dont go he cant harm you. Contact the police and until they arrest him keep armed with a knife inside ur home. I will pray for you.

  12. Salam,
    i know its a very old post but i feel like i am going through the same pain n stress that i wanna kill my self.
    I am a Pakistani girl was living in Bahrain and one Pakistani male staff proposed me for his brother as he was living in Bahrain too i thought to know him more first i accept this relationship, with time passed by i was close to all his family members in Pakistan and i informed my parents about him, he used to come to my place we become close, so he use my mobile my laptop, checking my wallet access to my email, i thought all will be fine and we need to go to Pakistan n get merry that it.
    but he start approaching for any physical relation which denied and then he started threatening me that he will kill himself jump from the window this n that, forcefully i have to be with him, if i close my phone he start calling my room mate, calling my office, coming to my office waiting for me to finish still i tried keeping myself safe in terms of not to be rapped. n then i got his intentions clearly when his brother who proposed me went Pakistan but did not go to my home to propose officially, i was just prying to finish these things up n fly home before i forcefully lose my virginity.
    i went home cut off all the ties n connections but as he has all the details of my family he started calling every single person in my family, i asked him that if you are serious send your family now as i am here, but he did not but asking to talk to him, my family denied the proposal even they did not come but by seeing this kind of things they asked them not to come.
    after a year i came to UAE with one of the most deserted area in UAE so he wont find me but he left Bahrain n came here, the first time i met him after one year i was shocked n his first demand was to go to hotel.
    not to make it a drama in front of my staff i went but i saved myself from being rapped, but in the hotel room he took pictures with me i was fully dressed but holding me so closely.
    and than he found a job in Dubai n than the worst time of my life started, every day off he is asking me to come to Dubai if i deny he will come to my place.
    if i switched off my phone he will call the office n say he is my husband than he started adding my staff searing them by workplace and introducing him as my husband, to some of my staff when they asked i said yes, other wise seeing me going to Dubai every week they will think i am a prostitute.
    but this June i couldn't save my self and he forcefully tried to rape me, he beaten me up to the point that i could not walk properly and was bleeding severely for few days, i was mentally tortured i cried, begged him but i saw a real that day, after that when i was not receiving his calls he started blackmailing me that he has my pics he will send it to my family, i was going out with him since 2012 just because i trusted him and after because i was scared but still i was safe in some terms, but now i know he wont stop he is blackmailing me with all the records he has when we used to have trusted relation plus in between after the fights he took some pics secretly... no nudity but showing us both together only.
    it is enough for him to blackmail me because first its a big thing in Pakistan to be with a man without proper relation 2ndly when my family already told me that they wont accept this proposal. Its overall 4 years and 9 months now.
    he posted all the pics on Facebook, calling me from different numbers, i informed my family but off course cant tell them every single thing, but they are supportive.
    i am afraid if he will start sending this to any of my family member?
    All his threatening and blackmailing msgs mails n whatsapp msgs are with me i want to call police but what if he gets more angry and ask someone in Pakistan do that thing on his behalf? or after he is released he go there n do the same as revenge? or if UAE police will asked me to come to court or something like this?

    i feel i am the cause of this trouble that when he first blackmailed me with his life i should have leave him by that time?

    • Assalamuallaykum Miss Khan,

      I hope that you get a response here soon, but if you want to get as many responses as possible, I think you should submit your question as a separate post to this website. That's what the moderators of this site usually recommend.

      Hang in there...Inshallah you will get some help soon,


  13. Sir m in trouble some one blackmailing me I gave money,jewelry,and my respect my family did not accept his perposal but we kept relationship be coz he black mailed that he will tell my family about me
    After many years I decided to marry someone he accepted me with my negativity but blackmailer once again raped and make video and order that I lol never marry otherwise he will report and will see video to my family.
    My questions is if I report to police or any agency then is just use according to Islam

  14. Asalamualykum,

    If I understand correctly that this man raped you and is threatening you, then calling the police is just according to Islam, yes.



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