Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Born Muslim or revert; how do I even get married?

Red Black flower

Asalamualaikum,

I am a revert to Islam, alhamdulilah, and it's been almost a year since I reverted. Now my problem is that I am from a hindu family (who doesn’t know of my conversion yet), and some of the ways I could get married are closed to me.

First of all, I am not working currently because I took a break to study, and that’s when I found Islam 🙂 But there is a lot of uncertainty regarding work, which is supposed to be my first step. It will help me go out frequently and maybe socialize in the community, inshaAllah, but currently I am just so lost. I can’t go to a mosque, because women here in India don’t go to mosques.

I have tried some matrimonial sites, but figured I need a wali to keep the process safe which I don’t have. I'm not comfortable either about telling my mother about my conversion. I plan on telling her once I start working.

I am already 26, and muslim families mostly marry their children early. The muslim guys here have a really bad reputation of being players and short tempered, generally. Born muslims have a very different outlook about Islam, and it's very different from my own. It's more of a culture than a religion from what I have seen here. Will a born muslim be able to understand me?

Sometimes I worry that I won’t find a good, pious husband who will understand my situation,  is religious and equally spiritual. I don’t want a rigid husband, and can’t be a second wife because it would hurt my mother tremendously. It would add to the burden of hurt, because we have family issues related to polygamy. So how do I get to know someone who is compatible and trustworthy, and I can’t even afford to be choosy?

I trust Allah a lot but I need to put my own efforts, too. I just can’t figure out how. All these ways won’t work unless I am independent. I know its better for women to not work, but it's my need. Allah knows best, and I don’t want to work at an unislamic place like a bank or BPO, so I am kind of waiting for this one job that even my mother would be happy with- but it's so uncertain and there's only option left. Also, my mother is dependent on me, so it's not an option to not work after marriage. Who is going to accept me with all my troubles?

It's been like almost a year that I am facing this, and it's worrying me because I am stuck at one point. Alhamdulilah my deen is my most prized treasure, but I worry so much that I won’t be able to practice completely if I don’t get married. My only reason to worry over marriage is that I get to practice my faith, and expect my mother to accept it someday inshaAllah, but she will be very hurt if I stay unmarried for this reason. I am praying and making lot of dua everyday, and I also want this job just so I can do something for my deen. I try my best to practice and gain knowledge alhamdulilah. Allah has blessed me tremendously with the deen.

What course should I take in my situation? And could you please tell me about any Islamic organization or sisters in and around Mumbai that could help? I would really appreciate any opinion and please keep me in your prayers 🙂

Allah hafiz,

-crystal

 

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14 Responses »

  1. Ah sister I am in the exact same position as you! I am a revert in exactly the same position

  2. My dad is a Hindu and my mother a Christian, I reverted nearly 2 years ago now.. It has been a struggle but Alhumdulilah my deen is precious to me and in sha Allah will keep steadfast on the halal path completing my 5 salah every day. I make dua upon dua for Allahs mercy and will remember you in my duas sister. Would have been great if you were closer to London

    • Dear amiran,
      Sister it was amazing to hear your deen is precious to you, because really that is all there really is in life. I will remember you in my duas as well sis. I am not in London but my duas are with you dear sis. Keep steadfast, indeed Allah does not abandon his people. I say this because I have recently seen a light from Allah. SubhanAllah InshaAllah if everything goes well every worry and apprehension I have mentioned in this post will be taken care of and I am not exaggerating at all!!! Alhamdulilah!!
      No matter what happens I think I have seen a glimpse of His mercy to help me keep going alhamdulilah!! Sis just make Allah your priority. This is what I have learned I cannot even tell you for now how Allah has heard every dua of my through just the answer of one and I cannot be thanful enough to Him for a chance to please Him!! Keep steadfast and have faith. The help of Allah is indeed near 🙂
      May He give you the best of this world and the next. ameen

  3. Assalam alaikum Sister,

    Since you are in Mumbai, I would suggest that you try to contact the Islamic Research Foundation.

    You will be able to get information about Islam and hopefully get in touch with other Muslims motivated by Islam.

    This information was on their website:

    The Islamic Research Foundation (IRF), Mumbai, India, is a registered non-profit public charitable trust. It was established in February 1991. It promotes Islamic Da’wah - the proper presentation, understanding and appreciation of Islam, as well as removing misconceptions about Islam - amongst less aware Muslims and non-Muslims.

    This is their website: http://www.irf.net/

    I hope that Inn Shaa Allah you find the peace that you yearn for and that Allah swt eases your difficulties, Ameen.

  4. Dear Sister Crystal,

    May Allah bless you for the efforts put into reaching back to Him.

    As an IndMuslim, I strongly recommend you to contact and meet the people involved in Jamaat-e-Islami Hind (JIH), Mumbai/Greater Mumbai/Suburbs. It is one the best organization as far as know, which provides excellent facilities catering to the specific needs of converts/reverts with a complete focus on their future-all round upbringing.

    Moreover sister, as mentioned that you would like to get married soon insha Allah, kindly explore their women's section, as JIH has an exceptional and dedicated women/sisters wing, including Girls Islamic Organization/GIO, for lady students/semi-adults. Having very good personal contacts with them, would make your task easier as they have very good brothers including those from Students Islamic Organization (SIO,India-Mumbai) or their ex-members. I advice you to personally visit, meet the top rung office bearers, discuss your problems and needs with them involving senior women members collectively. They are dedicated, true to their words and would support in all your endeavours.

    Jamaat-e-Islami Hind (Maharashtra Zone)
    Head Office:
    4-B, Hamid Building,
    96, Hafiz Ali Bahadur Marg, Mominpura, MUMBAI – 400 011
    Phone: 022-23082820, 23050314, Fax: (022) 23052002
    Email: ,
    Online Coordinator :
    Check out the Web: http://jihmaharashtra.org/eng/
    Zonal President: Engineer Taufique Aslam Khan
    Zonal Secretary: Mr.Aslam Ghazi

    Students Islamic Organization(SIO-India,Mumbai)
    Islamic Education Centre (IEC)
    Shop No 10, First Floor, Swastik Chambers,
    Next to Kurla Nursing Home,
    Pipe Road, Kurla (W), Mumbai-400070
    Phone: 022-26506589
    Web: http://mumbai.sio-india.org/
    Metro President: Dr.Tarique Shah
    Metro Secretary: Br.Hamidullah

    Also check out their local branches in various locality.

    Yes, it is a tragedy that women are prohibited here from accessing the mosques, but it should not hold you back, atleast these dedicated people will try their best to stitch you together. We are aware that most of the muslim youths here are off the track but their are really great pious and devoted persons as well. Also, get involved here and socialize with womenfolk and girls as much as you can like a family, then you will be able to make decisions based on mutual consultations. We understand there are pros and cons with matrimonial sites yet these organization is one of the few where most of them are educated both in religion and secular subjects.

    My final advise would be to join the organization and learn as much as like till you are comfortable enough thereby search obtaining assistance towards finding the partner.

    We too pray insha Allah so that your difficulties are eased and get a loving and caring husband.

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    You could approach your local mosque or community centre - they may run classes you could attend, or groups for new Muslims to meet and learn more about Islam, and a growing number have matrimonial introductions services. Even if women do not usually go to mosques in your area, the mosque would be able to inshaAllah point you towards places that could help you.

    Another option would be to search online for Islamic lectures and courses in your area, go along and introduce yourself to people there.

    As a Muslimah, you will need a wali, and an imam could act in this capacity for you. If you explain to them that you have accepted Islam but do not have a male Muslim relative, inshaAllah they will be happy to help you. You may also still want to involve your mother in deciding on a marriage partner, as she would probably be keen to help you find a suitable husband.

    Telling your family about accepting Islam can seem one of the scariest aspects of reverting - but remember that they are your family, and so are more likely to accept you than reject you, even if they seem very upset at first. It might help to speak with other reverts and get accounts of how they explained it to their families. One option might be to introduce the idea of Islam to them gently (eg. if you have met Muslimahs during your studies, you could mention them a couple of times in conversation, emphasising positive qualities), then the idea of you being vaguely interested (eg. "I spoke with a girl on my course, she said [an interesting thing about Islam] - isn't that interesting?"), then the idea of being interested (for example, if your mum likes poetry, you could read some Islamic verses and discuss them with her, or find some works by Muslim philosophers), then tell them that you believe in your heart that Islam is the true religion and want to live your life as a Muslim. Sometimes a step-by-step approach can be easier for a person to accept than a "bombshell" moment, as by the time the news comes, they are partly prepared for it.

    May Allah guide you to what is best in this life and the next.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  6. Two pieces of advice:
    1. Don't jump into marriage with anyone whether you met this person through a relative, friend or online. Take time, think and ask guidance from allah ta'allah and insha allah this will lead to the best.
    A lot of the time jumping into a marriage because of how you feel without thinking thoroughly will lead to bad things.
    2. Don't jump into an arranged marriage as I have learned, parents don't know best...

    Anyways best piece of advice I can give you is go to the nearest islamic foundation and I'm sure there will be sisters there who will be able to give you information on how to find a good suitable muslim spouse.

  7. Oh sis, alhamduillah there are Muslims where you live. I am also in a similar situation like yours, a revert for almost two years, about your age, and my family doesn´t know about me reverting, since they despise Islam so much. At least you live where other Muslims are, for I live in a city where I´m the only muslim, and I can´t move to another city in the nearby future.

    But I´m so grateful that Allah guided me to Islam, and if not getting married is my test, then I´ll accept it and pray to him to guide me and take me where I should be.

  8. Salaams,

    Please do not put out marital bids on this site, nor include personal contact info in your posts. If you are looking for a spouse, there are websites specifically designed for that (check out zawaj.com, for example).

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Salam Sis

    I want to know if you're already married now
    I am also a hindu revert finding difficulty with marriage
    Please anyone out there is there hope because loneliness too hard to bare

    • I too am a revert Sister from Hinduism, Looking for someone to complete half my deen. I am in the same exact situation. And I am not someone ho looks for a life partner in the comments section. But i don't have any options because of my Hindu background!

  10. Assalam Alaikum...

    • Assalaamualaikam

      This is not a matrimonial site. If you are looking for a spouse, please try getting in touch with your local masjid or community centre, who can inshaAllah help you.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

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