Islamic marriage advice and family advice

my boyfriend broke up with me

broken heart, sliced heart


I am new here. I am not muslim, but my boyfriend is muslim. We were in a good relationship, but he suddenly wanted to break up with me. I don't know what happened. I am sure he is not getting married. I know muslims are not allowed to have relationships, but he is the one who loved me in the first place. I love him, too. I  guess maybe he is feeling too painful in front of the God? I tried to ask him for the reason, but he never tells me why. I know he won't marry me. He could lie to me about it but he told me the truth, so I believe he is good person.

Now I don't know what to do. I want to forget him, but I don't know how. I have been reading Quran for days, trying to learn more about it, but I didn't tell him that. Will he go to hell because of this relationship? If so, can I  pray for him so that he won't be punished from God? Please tell me how to pray.

Thank you for reading this.


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21 Responses »

    Indeed the knowledge of Allah Almighty given to us through the revelations to our Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, is the most beneficial knowledge we can have. Because, it is this knowledge that enables us to know our Lord and worship Him in the manner He should be worshipped.

    Without God allowing us to drink a drop from the Boundless Ocean of Knowledge, we would have been completely lost. But God is All Merciful. So He communicated with man:

    “Know, then, [O man,] that there is no deity save Allah…” (Muhammad 47:19).

    “Say: "He is the One God: God the Eternal, the Uncaused Cause of All Being. He begets not, and neither is He begotten; and there is nothing that could be compared with Him.”
    (Al-Ikhlas 112:1-4)
    “No vision can grasp Him, but His grasp is over all vision: He is above all comprehension, yet is acquainted with all things.” (Al-An’am 6:103)
    “He is the First and the Last, the Evident and the Immanent: and He has full knowledge of all things.” (Al-Hadid 57:3)

    “And verily, it is We Who give life, and Who give death: it is We Who remain inheritors after all else passes away.” (Al-Hijr 15:23)
    “The example of the one who remembers his Lord(God) in comparison with the one who does not remember his Lord is that of the living and the dead.” [Sahih al-Bukhari; 11:208, Muslim; 1:539]
    “Astaghfirullah” (I seek forgiveness of Allah)
    Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to recite this at least 100 times a day. Let us see the benefits and virtues of reciting this simple beautiful supplication insha Allah.
    Istighfar (Astaghfirullah) is the gateway of relief and happiness. Whenever you are in distress start reciting it and Insha Allah it will take you out of your anxiety and will put you in a peaceful situation and will give you happiness.
    Istighfar removes anxiety and duas are answered.
    Istighfar opens the door of sustenance.
    Istighfar opens the door of mercy.
    Istighfar opens the door of knowledge.
    Istighfar is also gateway of productivity.
    Istighfar relieves you. When you feel that sadness within you, when you are disturbed and frustrated, when anxiety surrounds you, say “Astaghfirullah”
    “If anyone constantly seeks pardon (from Allah), Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide sustenance for him from where he expects not.” [Abu Dawud].
    Declare (O Muhammad SAW) unto My slaves, that truly, I am the Oft-Forgiving, the Most-Merciful. [Al-Hijr 15:49]

  2. He needs to marry you, that is the only problem. Well, Islam is not the problem, the problem is he does not want to marry you. You can ask him. I would suggest you study Islam but be careful you are doing it because God decides everything and this is one path to God. Don't do it so God will give you a man who does respect you enough to marry you. Islam knows people have urges, but there are only ways for us to do it that's right. So study Christianity and other religions and compare. Study Islam. Ask God to show you what's best for you. You need a man who wants to marry you. You are precious and created by God. Study, pray and may God guide you.

    • Assalam Aleykoum,

      I quote; You need a man who wants to marry you. You are precious and created by God. Study, pray and may God guide you. That is beautiful and so true.

      Plus, I laso want to add that as long as you are from among the 'ahlul-kitab' i.e. Christian or Jew, then he can not use the esxcuse of you not being a Muslim to not marry you. He can marry you and you can keep your faith (and InshaAllah maybe one day you might accept Islam under no compulsion).

      And may Allah SWT make it easy upon you.


  3. Assalam alaikum Sister,

    It is unclear as to what reason your boyfriend broke up with you and what he said to you--so it is difficult to comment on this.

    As for information about Islam, I would suggest that you look up Dr. Zakir Naik on youtube and listen to his lectures. You can also find many videos on how to pray to Allah to make it easy to understand the entire procedure. Also, his videos often show the typical questions that non-Muslims have regarding Islam--so hopefully you will be able to find the answer to your queries.

    As for the relationship, we are not allowed to have relationships outside of marriage--so your boyfriend did do the right thing to end the relationship.

    I hope that Allah eases your pain and that you read and search Islam to find your connection with Allah swt, but not just to be with this boy.

    • Saba: As for the relationship, we are not allowed to have relationships outside of marriage--so your boyfriend did do the right thing to end the relationship.

      He ended relationship after having sex with her. Why do you say he did the right thing to end the relationship?

      • SVS, where in the post does it even mention sex? For you to presume this is really wrong. You need to stop assuming everyone is having sex!!!

        -Amy Editor

      • Assalam alaikum SVS,

        That is a good question.

        First, I do agree with Sister Amy that we shouldn't assume that any two people are intimate with one another.

        Also, intimate relations or not, we, as Muslims, can only advise them to end the haram relationship and IF they do want to get married after repentance, that is a separate discussion based on the religion of the sister.

        Finally, we, as Muslims, are supposed to depict and sincerely show the correct path that Allah swt wants us to remain on, Islam. Perhaps the brother realized that he shouldn't be doing this--perhaps he didn't, either way, it isn't my place to judge him on it except to say he did the right thing based solely on the information given.

  4. can i please ask a personal question. have you had sex with him? did he break up after you had sex with him?

    • OP: I guess maybe he is feeling too painful in front of the God?

      He probably looking for another girl to do with.

      • hey there i just came to us i have a proplem with english languge ?? who know a center to learn it in bittsburgh ? or if anyone can give me a class and ill bay for it !
        and im searching for a friend i dont have any friend here:(
        so pls contact me at my phone number.

        • agde, I think you have misunderstood the purpose of this website. This is an Islamic advice website where people ask questions about marriage and family issues, and we respond. I suggest you visit your local masjid or Islamic Center. I'm sure they can direct you to an English language learning center. Most cities have low-cost adult education schools.


        • Search Internet for ESL and city where you live. You may find some FREE adult ESL classes too in your area, just search ESL and city and FREE.

  5. I do feel sorry for you and your pain but what did you expect. He is a muslim but obviously was using you and not a good person at all SORRY. I honestly think you are better off without him. Be with someone who is HONEST and wants to marry you the right way with NO lies attached. You said your not a muslim then why you reading the Quran. If you are interested in Islam only convert because YOU WANT TO. Of course sins have consequences but you must repent to god both of you was in wrong may god bring you back onto the correct path.

    • Salaams,

      I think this is a rather harsh way to express what you're trying to say. Especially the part where you're asking why a non-Muslim would be reading the Quran. If I had met Muslims with that kind of attitude before I converted, I would probably be very turned off to Islam altogether. This is not the way Prophet Muhammad SAWS treated non-Muslims at all.

      d232, it's very possible that your guess is right- that your boyfriend began feeling guilty about his relationship with you and decided to break up to correct himself. Doing so may have been one of the main things that would keep him from a punishment in Hell, as you mentioned you don't want him to go there.

      As for getting over him, these things take time whether someone is a Muslim or not. I encourage you to continue reading the Quran and learning about Islam. God willing you will find the peace you are seeking as you continue to explore this guidance given to all by Him. You can feel free to pray to the one true God -the Creator of all things- any time, for anything. He hears us all, and grants us what is best for us. If you are interested in becoming Muslim, we would certainly be able to help you learn how to do so and try to point you to Islamic resources that are near where you live, as well.

      -Amy Editor

  6. I have a similar problem the only thing I converted for her. I've been with her 5 years and she ended it. I never did anything wrong I was a good man. I pray that God guides me I'm just lost. It hurts not knowing why and keep asking ur self cuz it hurts more makes you think you were not good enough. With time everything heals . Just stay strong

  7. My boyfriend and I had been dating since Sept 2018....he confessed to me he loved me and we lasted unto our six months in april. He seemed troubled when i took the flight out to see him but the first day it was purely just love. When he returned to new york with his family....he suddenly told me that he had been wrong and sinned deeply by being in a relationship with me....especially a christian.......He loved me but he said he could be friends with me always and respected me dearly.....but that as a muslim he cannot marry anyone but a muslim woman.So he had to break up with me...i'm truly heart broken because he has been the only man who has ever truly loved me,been honest with me,patient, and i mean i felt enveloped in his love and now......we no longer can share it together. It is all just memories. When we met he had become agnostic n you can tell battling with belief in God. I encouraged that God is real,living and present......and though im happy he will finally have peace for the void and unrest he felt im also saddened that i cannot be his future. I'm just hurt while happy just hurt.

  8. my ex bf is from Iraq and we met and had a wonderful relationship..i said we had because after one year i discovered he had a wife and a son in iraq and came to america saying he is single and we had sex and even lived together in an apartment..i am so sad disappointment i trusted him but he is a liar and a player..why he says he is muslim? hes is not! i dont know how his wife found me on facebook and she messages me asking me why i am with her husband and so many questions..i didnt denied it i told her everything what he said to me that he's single and i sent to her pictures of us in a trip to las vegas she got crazy and told the family everything and she asked for a divorced she lives in Baghdad with the kid she left the house with the kid without saying were she went, the family got crazy, they started to called me telling me all kind the things that is all my fault..anyway my so ex bf cant go to iraq so he told the family he wont divorced her and if she decides to leave him he will take the kid with him,,he spoke with his father he took the kid from her and brought the kid to their everything is a mess..i am honest i dont feel sorry for any one in that family i told my so ex bf i hate you for what yo did to me i dont care if your family is suffering is not my problem is your problem because you lied to me and too many people thought you are a single man when you are not so now be man and speak the truth..i will never ever will believe any word for any muslim man before go to their home country and see the reality with my own eyes..some people told me i am being i am, really?? so 1 year i was played like stupid and i am the cruel one? no. I dont know he came back to me the other day saying he is finalizing his divorce and he wants us to be together but I dont believe in anything i am honest but he probably misses the sex but i am not more his sex doll that is how i feel now after 1 year with him. i know is my fault for having sex with a man without a proper commitment and is something that i learned and i want to change for myself. I pray to God to give me the strength to change for my own benefit, thanks for reading me. 🙁 🙁

    • At the end, If you see the overall picture, allowing sex without marriage will lead to feel you like you are cheated and you are less precious and easily available .

      This is a lesson so try to learn Islamic way of life where Zina (Adultery) is hated the most .It is sinful to engage in sex without marriage .

      In islam there is no IFs and Else .Zina is not allowed .Full stop .

      • Thanks for your response. I am 40 years old and what I dislike so much is people dont take me seriously when I say I dont have sex without commitment is like people think I am joking.. I am not! I changed for myself and I want to meet a good man to share my life with.

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