Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Boyfriend wants me to convert but he has bad habits

Muslim prayer rugI have been in a relationship with my boyfriend who is a Muslim for almost a year now. He wants me to convert in to Islam.

I believe in God but I don’t believe in different religious groups however I am willing to look in to Islam just for my boyfriend but I don’t find the motivation in my boyfriend’s character or behaviours towards me or other human beings.

There are things that I don’t like about him for example; he always expects someone to put his praying mat away after the prayer... before praying he washes himself, creates a mess on a bathroom floor making it all wet and doesn’t bother to wipe and dry... he discriminates between rich and poor, famous and general public... the way he speaks to rich and good looking human being is different to how he speaks to scruffy looking people. Obviously he is nicer to those who fall under the first category.

He lies to cover up his mistakes and is hardly sorry for his mistakes. He is also very stubborn and very poor with his time keeping.

I brought these issues to his attention and he says Allah will forgive these minor side issues if he prays five times a day.  He thinks he is not the only one with these issues, and will refine his characters only after I convert into Islam.

I very strongly think his attitude and character plays a big role in my motivation towards learning Islam because I am not getting married to Prophet Mohammad or Allah. Just talking about myself I am fine with who I am and the way I believe in God. I everyday try to live a life causing no or less harm to my fellow human being and respect all God’s creation. Please give opinions whether I should hope things will be fine and linger in this relationship or end it because my boyfriend has given me the task to take the decision.

- Reet

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3 Responses »

  1. hey how are you? hope you are doin well. ok after reading i can somewhat understand your situation. from my point of view i would say dont convert to islam for the sake of your boyfriend. also if you do convert that doesnt mean everything is gonna be ok. i dont know how much you like him but its upto you if you wanna stay or take the leave.

    one more thing dating is not allowed in islam so how religious is he? why does he want you to convert so badly? is it cos of marriage by any chance? if so tell him to accept you the way you are.


  2. Dear Reet,

    Thank you for approaching us for advice. Reet, unfortunately, not all Muslims are a good representation of what Islam is and from what you say, your boyfriend has some traits that are extremely disliked in Islam. It also seems that maybe you do understand this. Islam places great emphasis placed on attaining good character, good manners and of maintaining good relations with people. Allah sent our beloved Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) as an example and guidance for mankind.

    The Prophet (pbuh) was kind, loving, gentle in speech, good to his wives, children, elderly; he(saw) was loyal, trustworthy, truthful, calm, patient, easy going, forgiving. He(pbuh) promoted hygiene and cleanliness - especially that of sanitary cleaniless. He did not engage in any obscenities; nor did he discriminate between rich and poor, black or white, arab or non arab. He(pbuh)was good to the orphans, to the needy and loved for others what he loved for himself. He helped his wives with house work and he enjoyed spending time with them. He(pbuh) was a counsellor, an advisor, a teacher, a husband, a father, a friend, a leader and no-one including his enemies could say anything against his character - because there was nothing to say.

    History has shown that millions of people have converted to Islam because of the beautiful example of Islam that he(pbuh) presented to us through his(pbuh) noble character.

    So Reet, if your boyfriend is making a mess in the bathroom and expecting you to clean up after him, if he is being arrogant by looking down on those less well off than him, if he is showing bad manners - then this is not from Islam. When I perform my ablution in the washrooms at work, I make sure that I wipe up any splashes of water - because good manners are to clean up any mess we make - Muslim or not.

    Furthermore, if one recognises a flaw in himself - a normal and humble response would be to stop doing it and to try and improve himself. The arrogant response would be to belittle the flaws and to think Allah will just forgive him because he prays. He is only deluding himself and is weak in his faith. To add to this, it is not permissible to have any sort or intimate or sexual relations before marriage either in Islam, so the concept of 'boyfriend and girlfriend' is totally forbidden.

    To answer your question - I would say if you want to learn about a person who had beautiful and attractive manners, then read up on Islam. You will only gain as there are many beautiful words of wisdom that will touch your heart and soul.

    With regards to your boyfriend - well do you really want to be with someone who is as you described? Tell him clearly that you do not appreciate or like his bad manners and arrogant attitude and that he is the one who must show positive change before you will have anything to do with him. Distance yourself from him to see if he does actually improve himself.

    Also Reet, if this person is sincere about his religion, he will do his best to improve his character and he will also stop dating you.


  3. Hi Reet, everyone has bad side and good side in his or her character but if the good side overcome the bad one that will be good coz no one is perfect ,from the way u described him ,he seems has lack in his character doing bad habits like that,other thing is to be a muslim is not like that dear,its something you have to believe and accept truly from ur heart not just to win a bf or gf,and finally when he says to u I will do after marriage shows some doubt here,the one who he is not willing to do now will keep the same way telling the same thing ,especially in this kind of things,for example I will be good after I marry u,it doesn't make sense at all ,how come its really funny,and u are saying that his behaviors is showing that he respect rich people more than poor people or as u said,what does that mean? that means he is looking for his sake from people and that is not the way we learned in Islam,really strange boy,be careful since there are many doubtful points in ur bf

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