My boyfriend wants to have sex and lose his virginity on me
Sexual Relations in Islam
Hello,
I have been a Muslim for almost 2 years now. I was sexually abused as a child and that left me feeling worthless. So when I willingly had sex with my ex boyfriend, I didn't feel like it mattered because I wasn't really a virgin anyways. After I accepted God and was forgiven, I felt whole again, like I had been given a second chance and I didn't mess that up by having sex.
Now I have a great boyfriend who I've known for four years and is also a Muslim. We don't live in the same country right now, because I had to move, but he plans to come to see me soon and spend a few months here. He knows everything about me and my past.
It's wonderful that he's so accepting and I can be honest, but we were talking about having sex and I do not know if I should do it or not because he might feel like I don't care about him as much as I cared about my ex boyfriend. Seeing him so upset would be really hard, as he wants to lose his virginity to me. I want to marry him in the future, but what about now?
~ rena93
Sara's Answer:
Assalaamu alaikum.
No you should not do it. It is a huge sin in Islam which causes pain in this life and the next. I mean in exchange for a few minutes of 'fun' people get pain, heartbreak, and also run into problems such as pregnancy, regret, STIs and the guilt of the sin and if there is no tawbah then there is further punishment- May Allah save us all!
Also you should never do something to 'keep' someone - the person usually leaves after the get what they want - it's a cliche which always happens. If this man is serious about you and is on the deen he would never ask you for sex and he certainly would never leave you over it. But another important issue sister is that having boyfriend and girlfriends are not permitted in Islam, even if there is no sexual activity between the two. There are levels of sin - and that which leads to a sin is also a sin.
So please- dont do it.
If you both are serious about one another, stop this haraam relationship and let him come and ask for your hand and marry you and make things halal. Make tawbah first if you have crossed any limits.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
18 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
No sister please its really a big sin. Even when you are talking on the phone about having sex its also considered as committing zina. Whatever happened when you were a child it was not your fault or intentions. In Islam remaining virgin is not ordered but having sex only with your husband is ordered. How can you say if you have a great boyfriend? He might only be nice to you just to have sex and by the way you never know if he is already a virgin or not? I can clearly say he is not a great Muslim who is compelling a newly Muslim woman towards sex. Being nice to a woman in girl-friennd/boy-friend relationship is also tactics for boys as a motivation fro sex. Please sister save your akhirat. and i think Sara is right sex is not something to keep one another. If he is sincere with you, he would first marry you then go for sex.
Salaam, Sister...
Please do not let this man pressure you into sex. You are NOT required to give a man sex because you are not a virgin. It would be the same analogy as having to give someone money because you had loaned other people moneys in the past. If this man truly cared about you, he would want your hand in marriage rather than be a "boyfriend" or asking you to commit a sin. There are predators who will prey on new reverts to the religion. If you want to marry, talk to your imam or someone else who would have your best interests at heart and would know who is good for marriage.
Assalam'alaykum,
NO DON'T DO IT. He's a play boy and a troll. Becareful sister. Who cares what your bf thinks, its not him that you should care of instead you should fear and obey Allah. Since you've reverted to Islam, that means you've submitted your WILL to Allah and so seeing your bf upset in this situation is 1000 times better than invitng Allah's anger wherewith you will be cursed and deprived of blessings. As others said, it is forbidden to have pre-marital relationship in Islam and fornication is one of the greatest sin which requires punishment in this life and then next. Therefore, repent sincerely for having committed other sins. Your bf may/may not be virgin himself, cannot be trusted. He is an evil man to posses the thought of having intercourse with you outside marriage. If he was sincere and cared about you, then he would marry you first, since it didn't happen, I can only guess that he would use you and then dump you so I would also advise you against this relationship and marriage. Stay away.
Sorry to hear of the unfortunate incident that you experianced in the past but be patient and hope you'll overcome it.
Sister, please repect yourself, show value to yourself, honour yourself as Allah have honoured you, you are a muslimah now. As you said, you really don't want to mess it up again.
Aa am a Muslim guy u live with my mother n my sisters I do work I love my family my dad Is just there for name he doesn't ask about us my two sisters r studying my other sisters r married I tc of my family I wish to marry get good wife but circumstances I can't afford dat much I wana look after my sisters who r studying for me I just know someone is made for me and I keep praying Allah wil answer my prayers I do believe when da right time comes I will marry I can't rush wil I have responsibility.my question is do I have to marry now or look after my sisters
Izzy, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and give more details about your situation please. Out of curiosity, if you are Muslim then why do you have the email address that you have?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum sister,
having a boyfriend is haraam in islam. So you should stop talking to this guy because you disobeying Allah .if you want to have a halal relationship then get married. If this guy really loved you he would never ever ask you for sex!because he wouldnt want you to be punished by Allah by doing zina. It only shows that he doesnt really care for you and after you have sex with him he will most likely leave you . You should never do something to keep someone happy you should only kepp Allah happy and no one else.he is not even your husband so is not even your responsibility to keep him happy!sister please do not do it you will regret it for sur. A man who fears Allah and really loves and cares for you he would never ever ask for sex! He will properly leave you after he got what he wanted and you will be left alone with this sin. Dont be ungrateful and do not disobey Allah after He showed you the right path sister. You only can have sex with your husband, so talk to him if he really wants to be with you he should marry you and until then please do not talk to him or meet him sister.even if you think you can have sex with him now because you will marry him in the future, how do you know you will be alive the day after you made zina?how can you be sur he will really marry you?and even if he does you will have a miserable marriage because there wont be no blessing from Allah. He wont ever respect you because of that either,if you do not respect yourself why should he?So please sister DO NOT DO IT.
Waalikum As salam,
SIster Plz NOooooooooooooo !!!! do not do it in any case even if he might threat to leave you trust me he will any ways even if you do it!!!
talk to him about marraige he will surely not agree and if he does agree nothing better than that but if he does not plzzz cut him oofffff from your life he is using you and you will regeret each and every bit of it.
SISTER PLZ DO NOT DO IT..
MAY ALLAH LEAD YOU TO THE RIGHT PATH ( AMEEN)
ASSALAMALAIKUM
I AM SURPRISED THAT A BORN MUSLIM WHO GOT A CHANCE TO GET A REVERT MUSLIMS TO SAFEGUARD YOU FROM THE WORLD AND EARN GOOD DEEDS BY SHOWING YOU THE RIGHT PATH-
THAT BOY FRIEND WHO IS PROPOSING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU SO CALMLY AND THAT ALSO HE DISCUSSES IN ADVANCE 1ST OF ALL HE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO MEET YOU WITHOUT NIKAH -2ND HE IS FREE IN HIS MIND ON THIS MEETING WITH A GREAT SIN IN PLAN-I SHOCKED WITH HIS FAITH AND ACTS.
When one sins (minor or major) and then realises it and repents, this realisation/recognition makes him humble. It highlights to us our weakness and shows us our place in front of Allah.
If sin does not make a person humble, he becomes arrogant. Or if by praying Salaah and Fasting as prescribed, a person manages to build an immunity to sinning, this can make the person start thinking that he is better, resulting in Pride, which is also a sin. If we do not seek repentance, it means we feel we are independent and our ego takes over.
When we turn back to Allah, we turn back from sin to obedience, this is turning a negative into a positive. But how do we know what 'obedience' is? Our Fitrah is projected by our Heart and this is what tells us what obedience is, it is our internal navigation system...
The beloved Messenger of Allah(saw) said: "By Allah, I seek the forgiveness of Allah and repent to Him more than seventy times in a day." (Al-Bukhari)
Allah says in Surah Nisa, Ayah 18: "And of no effect is the repentance of those who continue to do evil deeds until death faces one of them and he says: "Now I repent;" nor of those who die while they are disbelievers. For them We have prepared a painful torment."
DO U WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO U- PLS PONDER THE EARLER GENERATION WERE PUNISHED FOR SAKE OF A LESSON FOR US TO SAVE OURSELVES- http://xeniagreekmuslimah.wordpress.com/2009/10/17/adultery-and-gods-punishment/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/
My dear sister you convert to Islam for God not for your boy friend so Allah forbid you to do zina. So if your boy friend force you for that its mean he is not a true lover he just taking fun with you. If he really love you ask him to do Nikkah with you then do sex with legally. In Islam Before nikah even you cant talk with with another male as well its also a sin. Nikah is one of the biggest sin after Shirk in Islam.
Regard Your Brother
Imran Khan
"Nikah is one of the biggest sin after Shirk in Islam".
Brother, I am sure you meant Zina - is one of the biggest sin after Shirk in Islam, not Nikah.
What about if a man has had sex with another women...about 20/30 times...but now he is with someone else...this new women has accepted him with his past but did say that he should marry the girl he had sex with..he is confused on what to do...what should he do...marry the girl he had sex with or stay with this other girl? which would be right under Islam??
Jannat, please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. (And explain the situation in more detail).
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister firstly most sexual abuse victims deal with the feeling of being worthless. Don't accept such a belief ever. Only YOU can allow someone to make YOU feel worthless. Empower yourself by outright rejecting such a belief. It was not your fault ever. Move on with life. Don't think about it, but be aware of your sexuality and how people can use it to manipulate you like your current boyfriend.
Secondly why are you in a haram 'boyfriend' relationship. You called this guy 'Muslim'? He is only Muslim by name. Stay far far away from him and cut off contact with him. He does not respect you if he is asking for such a thing outside marriage asthugfirullah. Stay far far away from that loser!
Dear sister ,first of all do not do it! If he wants to loose his virginity to u he needs to marry you! U are a revert and inshallah your previous sins are erased! So you need to forget about the past and think of yourself as new fresh and clean! As a victim of sexual abuse u need to be extremely guarded of yourself! Not allowing yourself to fall prey to any man begging and pleading for sex!! I am disgusted by this man trying to get u to have sex with u!this is someone that is extremely selfish thinking only of himself! Totally disregarding the great sin this will cause u! And sister this will leave u regretful sad and miserable,u are in delicate state being a sexual victim and a revert! U need to surround yourself with pious people that will keep u strong in your deen! ,please be strong and cut off contact with him! Completely! and if he wants to marry you he will! Please listen to me,it is going to be very difficult,inshallh Allah will give u strength .
Dear sister ,I hope that I didnt sound harsh,I'm just so worried for you.I want you to know how special you are! You have been hand picked by Allah ! You are a chosen one!! Please remember that,and that your loyalty lies with Allah! Not with this man
Sister,
Of course you should not. This would be a huge sin, as you would be committing fornication. Many people commit these sins and then they look back on it with greatest regret. They cry every day praying to god for forgiveness, and I am afraid that this may have the same effect on you. If you wish to have sex with him, you should marry him (if you truly love him). This will mean that no adultery or fornication will committed, and you will not have a life filled with despair. Once you are in despair you must battle Shaytan to end it, do not let Shaytan push you into despair. I say this because I, like you am in a big dilemma not unlike this.
Asalamu Alaikum
My dear sister you shall fear Allah and remember that Allah the Almighty granted His forgiveness to you for your previous Sins that you had committed , but to engages yourself again does not makes you a faithful lady , and once you makes him to lose his virginity you share the same punishment and continuously enjoys the same , because you are the causative agent of rendering him in to such situation . But let you got marriage if you truly loves each other , and enjoy the reward and benefits that are provided for that .
May the Almighty Allah in His infinite mercy grant His protection and maintain your faith and the entire muslim Ummah .
Sister if he wants u desperately then he'll marry u ASAP.
If he cares for u then he wouldn't be putting u in that position of asking u in the first place sis.