Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My boyfriend won’t marry me but is going on Tableegh instead.

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Aassalamu Aalaikum. I am a Bangladeshi girl of 25. I've completed masters last year. I've affair with a boy. He is my classmate. He has completed M.B.A exam last month. Now he is doing Internship in a bank.

I said him to marry me after completing Internship.Because I know that relationship with a gayre maharram is totally haram. But he is not interested to marry me now.

He said that after completing internship he will go for 5 month(toblig jammat) which is called 3 chilla.

But it is not possible for me to control me those days. Because its a long time. I think about him all the time and it will bring for me a great gunah. Is his decision is right?

- Evana

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3 Responses »

  1. Assalaamu alaikum sister Evana.

    Im afraid I dont fully understand your post - so I will do my best to answer your question. Your relationship with the boy has been wrong dear sister, so first and foremost you must make amends. Make tawbah for the sins you have committed with this boy.
    (I am not implying you did complete zina but you must be aware that dating, talking, meeting alone and such things with a non mahram are still sins and form of zina.)

    It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has decreed for every son of Adam his share of zina, which he will inevitably commit. The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking, one may wish and desire, and the private parts confirm that or deny it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5889; Muslim, 2657.

    It is not permissible for the Muslim to long for the things that lead to zina, such as kissing, being alone, touching and looking, for all these things are haraam and lead to the greater evil which is zina.

    “And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”
    [al-Isra’ 17:32]

    So leave your relationship and make tawbah dear sister, dont lose hope, remember that Allah swt is the Most Merciful.

    "Say: O `Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: verily, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful". (39:53)

    You need to accept it if hes not interested in marrying you. This is one reason why premarital relationships are forbidden in Islam. We are precious, we should not spend our time with someone who will not marry us. Has he expressed an interest to marry you afterwards? Personally I think it will be good for you to be away from him.

    Dont waste any more time in this relationship. I cant tell you if his decision was right, but if Allah swt has decreed it , there must be some good in it for you. You will miss him, but in time, you will move on. Please in the meantime spend time getting closer to Allah swt.
    There is no happiness in sin, and him leaving is likely to be a blessing for you.

    "Fighting is prescribed upon you, and you dislike it. But it may happen that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that you love a thing which is bad for you. And Allah knows and you know not." 2:216

    If you dont pray, start praying at least your 5 prayers a day. You can also do a few extra rakah in the night. Read extra Qur'an. Take up a (halal) hobby - spend some time doing things you love and keep busy. All of this, plus time will help you move on InshaAllah.

    You can also do Istakhaarah and ask Allah to give you whats best for you. Please scroll to the top of the page and check the above links on Istakhaarah questions and answers.

    I pray that Allah swt helps you and gives you whats best for you dear sister.
    Be strong - you can do it!
    Sara Editor

  2. Sara, I'll clarify for you a little bit Insha'Allah. Basically the young man is going to go for da'wah for five months after his graduation. The Tablighi Jama'at is a da'wah organization that travels the globe, calling Muslims back to the worship of Allah. It is very popular in the subcontinent.

    Maybe the young man feels regret for things he has done and wants to purify himself and make tawbah. I once spent a week with the Tablighi Jama'at and it had a powerful effect on my spirit. I think five months would really transform a person.

    Or maybe he wants to work fee-sabeel-illah in order to give thanks for completing his degree. The choice is his and it's not up to you to question it.

    I think you should ask him clearly what his intentions are after his rehla with the Jama'at. Does he intend to marry you? If so, he should approach your family and make a proper proposal. If he's not willing to to do this, then I think he is not serious about marrying you.

    Wael Editor

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