Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Boyfriend’s father thinks my family isn’t educated enough.

Love marriage or arranged marriage?



I've been in a relationship with a guy for a long time and we are very serious. In fact, my parents were asking me to get married. I informed him and asked to get a proposal.

He is basically from north India and I’m a South Indian. My family doesn’t have any issue with this, but his father is not agreeing--he has many issues like north/south castes and my education (I’m a Bsc graduate and he is an engineer) so his father wants a girl who has done engineering. His father also has an issue with my parents not being very educated--for instance, my father has done only a Bachelor's and was working in an Arab country but now he is retired and my mom is a homemaker. Meanwhile, my guy's father is a professor and his mother is a dentist!

My boyfriend is trying a lot to convince his father but he is sticking to his words and my boyfriend has also stuck to his words but there is still no change in his father decision.

Please let me know what can be done in this’s very tough for us. I have always prayed to marry him and after his father’s denial, I did Isthikara...the answer was positive and so he is still trying his best to convince him.


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5 Responses »

  1. Love is not enough sis. Unless the man is extremely committed, I would personally not advise going ahead with the marriage.

    May Allah guide us all and make it easier.


  2. As-salaamu alaikum.

    How old are you two? In Islam, a man doesn't need permission from his parents to marry someone. So, technically you two can get married even when his parents disagree with his decision. But this decision takes a strong man, because he will potentially make his parents angry and they may get angry at you two and make your marriage life difficult.

    Talk about this with your potential husband, and let him also talk to your father to show his seriousness, commitment and his maturity. If you two are really committed, then say bismillah and get married. You may have to lower all your expectations, as in he has to pay for the mahr and waleemah himself without help from his parents, he must provide housing for you by himself, and basically man up and support you 100% without help from his family side. Are you two ready for this?

    If he's not ready then better that you find someone else.

  3. I think your potential's father is being very unnecessary its hard enough to find someone and then parents add on more complications... so what you haven't done a Engineering degree, when he dies, his father oneday will, will he then care you done a Engineering degree... absolute nonsense!

    Asian parents really make things difficult either is caste or we will wait for eldest person to get married... I think it's in Asian mentality and in Genes think this way especially parents of that generation.

    Well his father is a Professor and mum is Dentist so their expectations is your family be highly educated as well. My own view these things dont matter but looks like his father may not feel comfortable about it which is a shame as these things dont matter as long as both families respect each other and both potentials are going to be good for each other and happy together....

    I cant advise, but you're right his parents dont think your family is educated enough but you are educated so they should not completely blank you as potential.

    If I were you make dua to God and let him do whats best for you, yes try and your potential try as well.... see what happens. if only parents were like our best friends then we could talk freely with understanding.

  4. Asalamualaykum Sister,

    You should pray Istikhara (2 rakahs plus the dua for a maximum of 7 days. Information is in the blue menu atop this page), in which is inherent that Allah make this proposal easy for you and move it forward IF it is in your best interests.

    If you've known this guy for awhile, I would make every effort to convince his father and convince him to stand up to his father as possible. Make it halal. It's not guarantee that you find someone else, so make the most of what you have and be grateful for it 🙂

    May Allah bless the both of you with marriage and a partner to find comfort in.


  5. His father is measuring your family and the guy you want to marry cannot stand up for you. Is this the guy you want to marry. If he is a man, he doesn’t need his father’s permission. If you two can get married with simple nikkah and live on your own then go for it. But if you have to live with his family…run!! Pray salatul istikara. You break up him and see how much he will fight for you.

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