My polygamous husband is breaking Swedish law
Assalaamu alaikum,
I am a sister living in Sweden. I have been married for six years to a man who is from an Arab country, just like me. He is religious and a good husband and father to our two children, mashallah. I thought our was a marriage a happy one. My husband sometimes travels for work, and five months ago he came home from a trip to our native country and told me he had married a second wife. She is also from the same country, and they married there where polygamy is legal, but she also lives in Sweden some 40 minutes from where we live.
I have asked many questions about how he got his new wife and why and so, but he only says I have no right to know anything about her marriage to him but I should focus on my own marriage and be happy instead of finding out things that would make me sad. I know that polygamy is permissible, although I thought there were restrictions like need, consent and such. I have worked very hard now for all these months to accept my new life. I won't go into the hurt I think you can understand.
But the thing that is making me write and taking all peace from my soul is that I thought as muslims we must live by the law. In Sweden, polygamy is illegal. My husband married polygamy legally and it is official, but in Sweden it is illegal to contract a polygamous marriage abroad if you are a resident of Sweden. So my husband is breaking the law. Does that make our marriage or his new marriage invalid? Has he committed a sin by breaking the law? Also a friend said to me that in Sweden if the authorities find out a man is polygamous they will put his children into foster homes. I can lose my children because I have known of the polygamy and allowed my children to live in this lifestyle against the Swedish law.
So now I am afraid. I am afraid if my marriage is invalid, if I am committing zina, if my husband is committing a sin, if my husband will go to jail, if we risk losing the children. And also I am extremely angry with my husband for putting us in this situation. He says it is only my nafs speaking and does not help. What should I do? The local imam just says I must do as my husband says, and never tell anybody about any of this.
Eid mubarak,
-Isolde
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OP: but he only says I have no right to know anything about her marriage to him but I should focus on my own marriage and be happy instead of finding out things that would make me sad.
Your husband probably had an affair with that woman before marriage or she may be his first wife. Did your husband get his citizenship by marrying you? Your husband can go to Jail only if government comes to know that he broke the law, which will not be easy to prove.
Your local imam is no good too. Most fo the times Imams will side with husbands (men).
As far as I understand, we are supposed to obey the laws of the country we live in. Typical "sunnah man." Ever noticed how the modern "sunnah man" doesn't spend much time marrying old ladies, or widows? Or being married to their first wife until she dies?
Wa 'alaikom alsalam!
I don't think the government will take away your children because your husband got a second wife. It's more likely that you'll get custody over the children. That is if he even loses it. However if you're worried, contact a lawyer specialising in family matters.
And as for the validity of your marriage I can't see why it would be invalid? If you registered as his spouse when you married than your marriage should be valid. As for his new marriage it will be recognised by some government agencies and unrecognised by others.
And your local imam is *sigh* a disappointment.
It was really irresponsible and selfish of your husband to do something illegal and force you in to the situation with him. From an Islamic perspective, I believe you are in the clear; your marriage is not invalid and you are not committing zina with your husband.
Living in Scandinavia myself I know it doesn't take much for the states here to declare especially non-Western parents unfit parents and take the children away from them. I don't think they'll take your children away just because your husband is married to someone else, but there probably would be serious consequences for your husband to face when the state finds out he's practicing polygamy. I'm not sure whether or not you would, too, because you might be considered a victim to your husband's actions instead of an accomplice...but this man has certainly done something really stupid. How is he supposed to hide the fact that he has two wives? Scandinavians have gotten to know Muslims' traditions and habits by now, it doesn't take a lot them to suspect something isn't right.
In the end of the day, this issue with your husband is not your problem, because his decision to do something illegal has been solely his, and his alone. If the Swedish government should find out about his other marriage, you can always say you had no idea he had another wife. If it will help keep your children with you.
Question: 38097 India
I am married since last 9 years and have 2 children. During my college days I had one way love on a Muslim girl but she did not accept it then. But today after so many years she is not getting married due to some problem with her hair, she has lost 2-3 inches hairs from front and due to which she is not getting married and now we are again in contact and again I gave her my proposal for marriage and she accepted it and now we are planning to get married, she has no problem of me married, also she knows that I have 2 children and then also she is ready. So please advice me whether it will be good for me to marry second time?
Answer: 38097 Apr 10,2012
(Fatwa: 776/655/B=1433)
According to Shariah, it is lawful to keep two wives at the same time but it is not generally acceptable in Indian custom. Here in India it is like to invite hundreds of problems to keep two wives. Moreover, the husband generally cannot maintain justice and equality between two wives. Hence it is better to have only one wife as the Quran said:
فان لمَ تَعْدِلُواْ فَوَاحِدَةً
You should discard the idea of second marriage; otherwise you would feel sorry later.
Allah (Subhana Wa Ta'ala) knows Best
Darul Ifta,
Darul Uloom Deoband
This is a fatwa by the highly revered and prestigious Sunni institution of Deoband on why people should not become polygamous.
Your husband should not have chosen to become polygamous.
Dear Sister,
Allow me to clear the fog of doubts regarding the laws of the land. Your husband might have violated the Swedish laws but he has not violated divine Injunction. Your assertion that a righteous Muslim Man must follow the laws of the land is correct However, the the laws of the land does not take precedence over the Quran. The Laws related to marriage in the Quran unequivocally state that A Muslim Man is entitled for 4 wives if he can maintain them equally. Thus, neither you nor him are committing Zina.
The Swedish law also mentions that " It is a secular Country". The secular means that State has no God or that State doesn't have a religion. If there is a law which is in direct conflict with the religion, then you as a Muslim under the view of Allah must not follow that Constitution. If I can further adduce, there are 19 countries which have laws permitting same sex marriages. While the same has been condemned, deplored and rejected in the Quran. So, as a Muslim you should ideally drive yourself away from such perversity just like Companiosn of the Cave mentioned in Surah Qahf drove away from Roman Regime.
I don't wish to speculate on the character of your husband or his second wife. I neither know the circumstances. You may not like it, but you would have to accept it that you would have to share your love. I would suggest instead of seeing her as a competitor, see her as younger sister. May Allah bless you and your family.
That's not her only option. I would personally not just sit back and accept my husband's doings / polygamy. I would be so angry with him that I would report him to the government and make sure he faces difficulties, for doing this to me without my consent.
If co-wives were to treat each other as sisters, then Allah Almighty would never prohibit two sisters by blood from being married to the same man, nor would two co-wives have the right to a separate accommodation and they also have the right to refuse meeting each other.
And the problem is that we have laymen talking about religious matters.
Anyways it IS haram for her husband to violate the laws of the country. Marrying a second wife, generally speaking, is not an obligation. It is simply permissible. And precedence here must be given to what is obligatory ie obeying the law of the land.
These are the words of Sheikh Ahmad Kutty (may Allah preserve him)
"Finally, Islam does not say marrying more than one wife is a religious requirement; rather it is simply an exception. So practicing polygamy is not a religious duty in Islam. In other words, you can still be a Muslim without taking a second wife. Furthermore, as Muslims, we are also bound to obey the laws of the land as long as they are not opposed to our religious requirements."
This was his fatwa on AskTheScholar.com.
There is a similar fatwa on IslamWeb.
Farrukh -
Unfortunately for your argument, the laws of Sweden in regard to polygyny do not violate Sharia as it is not a requirement to have more than one wife. I don't even think it qualifies as a sunnah.
I think you are a typically confused Wahhabi/Salafi/Deobandi of the sort who would no doubt encourage breaking the traffic laws as they aren't to be found in Quran or Sunnah.
And yes, I am not polite about this at all. As I noted earlier, not only have some men promoted mulitiple wives to a Sunnah - but they also fail to marry widows or old ladies while loudly proclaiming how they are following in the way of the Nabi (SAAW).
Secret marriages are absolutely haram - as the Caliph 'Umar noted, he would have stoned them.
Phew! That is incredible amount of castigation which I think is undeserved.
Pardon me if I sound offensive, I don't want anybody to accept my opinion until you are totally convinced. Because if you accept my opinion then it becomes your opinion.
Your argument germinates from nothing but sheer animosity for the other party. You typed this comment in sheer impulse and has no basis in the light of Quran.
Well, Quran is not deficient in language. I would suggest that you refrain from reaching conjecture without backing up with statistics and figures. How do you define requirement. The creator Allah Azwajal is cognizant about what he has permitted and what he has not.
There are 5 miillion women more in London over me the number of men. There are 8 million women in Germany who are more than men. In India, in the state of Kerela, the female to male ratio is 1015 women per 1000 men.
Ask any Doctor, he/She would corroborate the chances of girl child born are significantly higher than male child. As cruel as it may sound, the default cromosome is XX which means girl child.
Imagine if all of these men and women were Muslims. Based on western propaganda which in my opinion is orchestrated by Dajjal is that Monogamy is the only right way of marriage.If you marry only 1 woman then you are leaving rest of the women of the country without a husband and the obviously rights of wife are superior to any ordinary woman. If you think you can treat your wives equally, then you can go ahead with the marriage.
If it is permissible then there is nothing wrong in it. Period. Whether you call it obligatory or not, it's your call.
How do you define Sharia and Sunnah?
Sharia means 'The way of Life' and Sunnah is the sayings of Prophet Muhammad (peace be on him).
Haha.. I'm afraid to disappoint you but I am neither an obfuscated sectarian moron nor do I conform to your utter baseless opinion. I am pure Vanila Muslim who is entitled to have an opinion. My opinions rest on the foundations of faith. I can be wrong and I would be happy to admit it. But, let it not hurt you if I digress from your nonsensical assertion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQaPBU5ppsk
Well, there is Hadith documented which says that Prophet Muhammad (peace be on him) married Ayisha (RA) at the age of six and the marriage was consummated at the age of nine. I would like to see your comment on it.
This means that any person who is a follower of our Nabi is also allowed to marry a girl of six. Though, I personally believe that this is a fabricated hadith, but majority of the scholars think that the Hadith is Saheeh.
You are correct that as Muslim we are still a Muslim without taking a second wife. But, we are still a Muslim if we take a second , third or a fourth wife.
We can go on and on with this discussion, but the bottom line is no country allows more than one wife. This unequivocally means that you are telling me that the Quran is wrong. I'm not gonna purchase any law which voids any verse of the Quran.
As far as secret marriages are concerned, I personally feel that ideally a husband should apprise his 1st wife about his intention to marry another woman, but I won't call the marriage a secret because he informed his first wife soon. He doesn't need the permission from his 1st wife because he has the permission from Allah.
Aafa Allahu Annka!
These are the words of Sheikh Ahmad Kutty (may Allah preserve him)
"Finally, Islam does not say marrying more than one wife is a religious requirement; rather it is simply an exception. So practicing polygamy is not a religious duty in Islam. In other words, you can still be a Muslim without taking a second wife. Furthermore, as Muslims, we are also bound to obey the laws of the land as long as they are not opposed to our religious requirements."
This was his fatwa on AskTheScholar.com.
There is a similar fatwa on IslamWeb.
Dear Sister:
Polygamy in Islam though tolerated is not encouraged and is done only for exceptional case.
Sister I think you don't have to worry about your marriage because it is still valid and the subsequent marriage contracted by your husband will not render your marriage invalid. Just be patient with what your husband did because InshaAllah you will have a great reward from Allah S.W.T..
What kind of imam was this? The highly revered and prestigious Sunni institution of Deoband advised men not to marry a second wife. Primarily because dealing justly with two wives is immensely difficult.
Salaams,
I am of the opinion that Muslims should not break the local laws unless there is a compelling reason to and is truly for the greater good. Illegal polygamy would not fall into that category, because it's optional. He didn't have to take a second wife. So while his marriage may be valid Islamically, clearly there's a problem with it's legal status.
I also don't have a very high opinion of muslim men who take second wives in secret or expect first wives to just 'deal with it'. It's totally inconsiderate and not loving. Shouldn't marriage be about love? Even polygamous marriages? So why go about it in a way that will hurt the one you claim to care most about. I also think that imams who support such behavior or are clearly insensitive like the one you mentioned are not worthy of their supposed authority.
My feeling is that if you feel reasonably certain your kids are at risk for what's happened, your first priority is to secure their safety and stability. Whatever you need to do to ensure they are not removed and taken into foster care, do that. They shouldn't have to pay the price for your husband's thoughtless decisions.
I agree with above posters that there really is no issue with zina here. Zina is sex outside of marriage, and he is in fact married Islamically to both of you. So don't worry about that. I think it's an oversight for him to say your concerns about the kids and his legal standing is nafsani. It's an objective reality, apparently, and one that should be the focus of your immediate attention.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Perfectly stated.
Assalamualaikum.
I just want to know what happened to this situation and how are you know. I know this is several years ago now but I am facing almost similar situation.
I am writing because I want some answers to my questions.
I am married in Islamic court in UAE and the papers where also registered legally in Sweden as well as my home country. My husband went here in Sweden first and me and our kids were left in my homeland. I did not know that while he was in Sweden, he married another woman in Islamic court. He processed the family reunification for me and my kids and now we are in Sweden under his sponsorship. Now, my husband told me that his other wife wants to have a kid. My husband now is telling me that he will divorce me in law so he can have a child with the other woman. Why is it like that? Can't they have their kid without divorcing me? If he divorce me legally, it means he is throwing me up in situation like I dont have any right to stay in Sweden because Im no longer his lawful legal wife. The other girl is Sweden born citizen and my husband is not yet Swedish citizen. He is still awaiting for the approval of citizenship. Does marrying a second wife means disregarding the first wife?
Please any clarification or advice that you can give to me. I am really hurt of what is happening. I went here to finally have a complete family after so many years of waiting in my homeland. I just want our kids to enjoy living, have a normal life and not experiencing this.
I really needed some help/advice.