Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Broken and depressed

Abused girl

I'm 19 years old and I have gone through emotional, physical and sexual abuse. My sexual abuse staryed at the age of 10. My parents had seperated and my mother took us to pakistan, we were there for 3 months. During the last month and a half my mother's brother started to abuse me although I kept quiet at first. But one night her brother went too far and I told my aunty in the morning. A huge issue was made and I was called a liar, dirty blood etc. Even my own mother ignored me (nothing was ever made of this). At the age of 12 my mum and dad divorced. My mum left us in our dad's care but I had to grow up quick as my dad would abuse us physically and mentally. He used to pretend he was possessed and to this day I'm unable to watch horror movies or even go downstairs on my own the slightest noise at night scares me.

At the age of 15 me and my sisters were moved to my grans as social services had found out about the abuse. Whilst in the care of my gran i got into the wrong crowd and because of my mental well-being i was abused sexually and taken advantage of by "boyfriends". One of the guys turned out to be a pimp and my cousin's boyfriend also got me sexually assaulted by a 35 year old man (at the age of 17). My family refused to talk to me. My cousin had filled thier hearts with poison against me and had turned me against them although now my cousin has gone. I still feel broken although im engaged to an amazing person I've still lost faith in Allah. I can't pray, I want to commit suicide really, just want to end my suffering.

My dad still sees us and calls me things like an orphan hes gone as far as saying i pushed myself on to my uncle he keeps hurting me and still i keep saying sorry to him. Recently he called me an orphan. I've been upset all week because of hurt so much and i dont want to say sorry to him one of my aunts have said that im trying to be equal to him when im not she said even if he calls me a prostitute i shouldnt even say 'uff'. He has said alot worse to me and everytime i say sorry he makes me feel like im the worlds worst daughter and i dont have the strength to listen to it anymore.

I've lost all love for my mum but i dont want to for dad but hes pushing me to when i cry out to him he calls me an attention seeker. He gets angry at me as he has to pay for my wedding. I want to pay for it but am unable to as I cant work. I have a problem with my health. I'm unable to walk and stand too much. I'm also tired alot of the time i have no strength in my body. I cant tell my husband to be I've lost my faith as im scared he will think I've lost my mind and break the engagement...

I don't feel at peace. I dont smile properly, its all fake, I cry all the time and am just broken. I want to be at peace. I want my faith back but I don't know how. I just want to be happy with myself.

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10 Responses »

  1. Turn back to Allah sis, no one else can help you apart from Allah.
    Clearly He is testing you and strengthening you but you cant see it yet.
    Allah places tests on us so that through those tests we can turn back to Him and realise there is no person or thing with any might or power apart from Him the Almighty and so that He may raise us in ranks in the hearafter that without the trials we would never be able to attain.
    This world is not our jannah, it is our prison.
    Our jannah awaits us so dont worry sis be smart and turn to the one who created you who knows you better than you know yourself and who clearly loves you.

  2. Sister,

    For one so young, you have been through so much. I pray that you marry and move as far away from your family as humanly possible. It is typical for the aggressor to always lay blame on the victim. It is a shame that none of your family have stood by you and worst yet, your own mother didn't have your back...yala teef.

    There is nothing wrong with you sister, you simply need to put as much distance as you can between those who are your family. There is nothing loving or caring about any of them. It's a blessing that social services took you out of your home years ago as there is no telling where you would be today.

    Put your faith in Allah sister and move far, far away from them all. Then, you can begin to rebuild your shattered life with your husband. My prayers are with you.


  3. Assalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    You have been through a lot and my heart goes out to you. Know that justice will come in sha Allah, if not in this world, then certainly in the next. Know that you must focus on your own well-being. Nothing else should matter. Because you cannot help another when you yourself are in need. Pray, pray deeply, turn to Him any way you know how, and have the certainty in your heart that your prayer reaches Him.

    Where do you live (city, province/state?) I live in Brampton Ontario. Let me know where you live so that we can get you in touch with people that can also help. But ultimately, you are in control, and you must make the right decisions.

    Take care, and God bless you, save you, and protect you, ameen.

    Allah Hafis.

  4. Salams sister Sameeen,
    I am sorry to hear about what you and your sisters went through. Please don't think of suicide because you have come a long way, your siblings need you as well and not to mention that insha Allah you will be getting married to a wonderful man soon who is your fiance. I suggest that you see a psychiatrist/therapist where ever you are living to help you move on and to help you devise a plan of action that will help you in future to stand on your own feet. I know it's not easy to forgive some one who has hurt you and your siblings all your life but try to focus on your future and try not to take too seriously what your parents say or have said.
    Suicide is not a solution instead, it is door opening into eternal hell of burning fire and not to mention the huge sin of giving up hope in Allah (swt). I have been through tough times in my life with my father who was verbally/physically abusive toward the whole family and its only because of mercy/blessing from Allah (swt) that we didn't lose our sanity. Prayers, Quran recitation, voluntary fasting, charity work helped me a lot in those hard times and still do. I can't stress enough the importance of dua/prayer in the life of a believer. Beg/Plead with Allah (swt) especially wake up during the night, perform tahajud, cry to HIM and open up to him about all your sufferings and seek guidance. Believe me Allah (swt) listens even when our own parents, siblings and friends can't understand or simply don't care or only adding to the problems.

    Don't give up hope sister, gather yourself and ask for Allah (swt) mercy/guidance to show you the right path with means to follow it. Know that for all the sufferings you went through, Allah (swt) will reward you in this world if not then HE will surely reward you in Akhirah for your patience. This world is not meant to be a place where everything is laid out perfectly for us to enjoy in fact it's quite the contrary because Allah (swt) wants to test us and see who among us are true contenders of Jannah. Also, you will see that most of the people who Allah (swt) has blessed with all worldly luxuries are those whom HE wants to test as well, to see how they use them to achieve Jannah.
    Think of people in war torn countries such as Palestine, Kashmir, Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq etc etc. You really need to take lesson from brother and sisters in these countries who have no food, shelter, medicine, clothing or even guarantee whether they will see the sun next day but still their faith is so strong. They have lost their loved ones yet they have not given up hope in Allah (swt) and certainly are not thinking of giving their life to Shaytan by committing suicide. We all love you dear little sister, we are all each other's sunshine/beacon of hope. This is why Holy Prophet (PBUH) said that whole Ummah is like a body if one part hurts, whole body feels the pain.

    So chin up, and fight like a true believer. Allah (swt) will make a way. Write back to us and let us know how you feel and if you need further help.


  5. My dear sister...

    I feel so sad and depressed just reading this. I had to keep going back and reading some of the things again because I just couldn't bear it.

    I feel like someone is squeezing at my heart right now, and I want to just scream, but everything is just stuck inside me, and I feel like I can't breathe.

    For a long time now..I just want to escape. I don't want to just die, I want to just escape. To go travel, and visit the most beautiful places on earth, and just want to create some amazing experiences.

    You are so strong. I'm only 15 years old, and even the tiniest things that happen to me, depress me. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore. I feel so paralyzed on the inside.
    I don't pray, I'm not good to my parents, I'm a bad person, and I always have this extremely strong urge NOT to just kill myself, but instead, to torture myself.
    I hate myself. And I feel like Allah would want me to torture myself because there isn't anything good about me.

    I want to give you so much advice...I want to comfort you...I want to say anything to you to make you happy...but sister...I feel like I just can't...I feel so weak right now...Like nothing I say is going to make a difference… But I will still try and hope that you will find any source of relief and comfort from this..because I love you.

    When you cry...Cry to Allah. When you feel like wanting to commit suicide..Promise Allah you wont. When you want happiness...Ask it from Allah. When you want love, ask from Allah. When you want the pain and suffering to end, ask from Allah.

    It's that simple.

    I promise my dear sister, that I will keep you in my prayers. I want every tear of yours to be wiped away from Allaha ta'ala.

    We are all here for you, my beautiful sister, and we all love you.

    But above all...above everything...Allah hears your cries, and He loves you.

    Be patient and wait just a while, for happiness is on its way.

  6. Salaam thank you for your replies,

    Your advice means alot to me. Right now im not sure how to ask for Allahs help or for him to guide me. My dads talking to me now hes okayish but i know this cycle its the same thing over and over again some of my family think i have a mental issue they say it all the time they think my fiance will leave me.. i feel like im going mad i have no confidence, my self esteem is gone im constantly scared when ever i talk to my fiance i feel like i may say something wrong and hes going to leave im neing told i have this huge past and i should never forget my fiance accepted me i wish i could work i want to start a small business from home so i can save for my wedding but im being told to work a job no body is understanding im unable to work my health just doesnt allow me to..

  7. Sister,

    This huge past you speak of is not of your own making and you need to know that. If your family behaved in a manner as Muslims should, you never would have been in many of the situations you have found yourself in. As parents, we mold our children and guide have never had that. Your mother hasn't been there in the capacity that a mother should be. Even when her own brother assaulted you, she did nothing but call you a liar. That is not how a parent is supposed to act toward their child...ever. The reality is, your family is dysfunctional like many families are. For those who tell you that your lucky that your fiance accepted you, to hell with all of them.

    I am running out the door at the moment for yet another busy day but Inshallah, some of our brothers and sisters will give you some dua's for help and guidance in hard times. Remember this sister...right now you are in your families home and once you are married, you will be in your home... your own space. You and your husband can fill your home with love together. Together you can create a world of love, harmony and a build a closer relationship with your creator. You can get through this, you really can. Believe in yourself even if those around you don't.


  8. Asalamualikum my dear sister

    if Allah wishes sumthng good 4 you ..den no 1 can take it from you nor make u sad but if Allah wishes sumthng sad 4 u den no 1 can make you happy .....

    Allah does not do anythng bad for any human being its we who hurt our self by our own mistakes .... repent sincerly from your heart 2 Allah only he can help u dear hes always humble towards his servents he respects his servents he loves his servents when you sincerly cry and make Tawba Allah Subhanatallah feels so happy hes our lord our true love

    may Allah Subhanatallah guide all umaati Muhammad SAW

    Ammen ya Rabal Alameen

  9. May Allah help u!!!! I will pray for u and all our muslim sisters that are going troh problems..
    Its very sad that u have to bear so much.. I m sure u will be fine trust in ALLAH!

  10. Reading your post, I felt as if I was reading about my life

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