I might have ruptured my hymen and I am worried what my husband would think.
Marriage to a Pious Muslim
Assalamualaikum my brothers and sisters,
reflecting back at life, i now think that MAY BE there is some chance that my hymen has been broken. i have a doubt, and im worried now about this.
i have not done anything wrong for my hymen to be broken, however, my future husband would probably never ever believe me, as we have issues within our relationship anyway and he may explode at me - at least at the start of our marriage, because of this hymen issue - and im scared of that happening.
i have done research, and i have come across various answers. However, i am still confused and wondering if a man can actually feel a difference between a woman with a hymen and a woman without one. i think there is a possibilty for a man to notice, because i have heard of issues being raised on this matter many a times, but im not quite clear. bleeding or no bleeding is not an issue in my culture, but there is some myth about the tightness of a virgin and hymen, im not able to understand this much.
anyway, i am innocent, but there is no medical tests that could prove my innocence. moreover, i dont want to undergo any operations.
i just want to know if there is any possibilty of hymen being an issue??? if so, how may i deal with it?? i doubt he will believe me; a lot of people there tend to take the hymen as a definite sign of virginity. i know doctors and islamic scholers and I myself can explain how this myth is wrong about the hymen in shaa Allaah, but he will probably still have some level of doubt in his mind.
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Salam Sister,
Why worry so much about the unknown? If you yourself know that you have not been with anyone, why worry? Some women do not bleed at all having intercourse the first time.
If you and your future husband are having so many issues right now and you are not even married, maybe you should reconsider your position. He should not be exploding at you now or in the future. A husband should be kind, considerate and caring towards you.
Salam
Trust me, there is no way a man without experience in such things can tell the difference. You should never tell him either.
I also agree with the above comment that if you know what kind of a person you are getting married to, then you should consider some one else
Salam Ahmed,
" Trust me, there is no way a man without experience in such things can tell the difference. You should never tell him either." What man these days has no experience? Also a man that is having his first marriage deserves a virgin. Also he deserves to know about his wife. I am not saying shes not a virgin but come on people. It is 2012!!! But how did this happening? by you thinking of past events?? I'm confused please someone explain or did I read her story too quick?
"trying", it's clear from her story that she's still a virgin. Perhaps the hymen was broken in sports, it happens.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
"wael" ok???? thanks
Salam Trying,
I would like to add that a woman who is having her first marriage deserves a virgin man just as well. However...you are correct when you say, "it's 2012". It takes a very special brother indeed in order to fulfill that requirement.
Salam
@najah you are so right and i agree with that
Umm, its very possible for a womens hymen to break from just everyday activites. Sports, running, taking a hard fall. Some women are even born without a hymen. Mine broke just from wearing a tampon daily. I'm a virgin, never been with a man and my hymen ruptured. So what?! It does happen and can happen. And if your man doesn't belive you over something that silly....tell him to kick rocks. If u have a intact hymen great...if not, ol'well. Telll him to do research on the hymen. Lots of medical research online LOL
@jessica warren what you written is correct. It is culture and peoples mind set nothing else that contributes to wrong attitude and misunderstandings.
You are worrying over nothing may allah make it easy for you sister ameen.
Salaams,
I do not believe a man can tell, physically during intercourse, that a woman has a hymen or not. For one, if a man does have intercourse with a woman who is a virgin, the idea is that he then breaks her hymen at that time, so there would be no hymen to feel anyway. As far as the issues of tightness goes, my understanding is that particular sensation (for a man) comes mainly from the tone of the vaginal walls, which are deeper within while the hymen is simply a layer of flesh on the outside of the vaginal opening.
Usually, the presence of a hymen is detected by seeing it visually or by bleeding when it is broken. You have already said that the bleeding is not an issue, so if it's also not viewable I don't think an innocent man would know a difference. We are making the assumption here that your husband-to-be is also a virgin and has never seen the female anatomy before, so what in the world would he be able to compare you to?
I agree with some of the posters above, your bigger issue here is not so much what your hymen is or is not, but the fact that your prospective husband already has trust issues and indications of a temper. If he cannot be reasoned with about something as simple as a hymen breaking because of any number of natural reasons that have nothing to do with sex or impropriety, then how in the world will he handle the many difficult tests you will face as a married couple? If he already seems like an unreasonable person who won't give you the benefit of the doubt, and may begin to accuse you unjustly, you can't expect that quality will magically dissappear. It sounds like these are some warning factors you should seriously weigh when going forward with this man.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister Amy,
I have been reading your reply to various posts for some time now. MashAllah, your replies are always so well articulated and sound. I pray one day inshAllah I can advise people just like the way you do. May Allah swt bless you for your efforts, ameen,
-Helping Sister
I totally agree helping sister Amy offers wonderful advise Mas'Allah.
Salaams,
Thank you both for the kind compliments.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
You know that you're chaste and that's all there is to it.
Just make Dua that you don't get a husband that is inconsiderate.
that isn't so inconsiderate
ASA sister if this man has that type of attitude regarding chastity, maybe you should really make dua'a amd ishtikara to determine if you should marry. What we women worry for ! In my culture i suffered in which my hymen was stitched as a child due to reasons of culture and patriarchial attitude of the importance of virginity. To me your past is between you and ALLAH swt and if a man doesnt trust you then why even marry him..choose wisely
Some said that the man cant feel the difference, but then why do some girls go for the hymen repairement operation? I dont want to do the operation, incase it goes wrong and im not sure if its haram to do or not.
One brother seemed to doubt my chastity, and asked for explanation, I dont think I need to explain to a male about this, what I said was enough I think, and alhumdulillah some of the wise understood and did not judge. Some people just start doubting, and it just shows how insensitive and unwise they are. If I was promiscous I think I would have known what the difference before and after hymen exactly was then.
My fiance is good guy, though he may lack in certain aspects and our relationship is not too strong. I am sure he is a virgin too, from how much I know him.
I just dont understand why girls do the hymen operation? Is it so that the hymen will bleed on the elwedding night? Or is it for some sort of sensation to be felt by the hymen?
Sorry, but I just want to know exactly what its like, so if there is anyway that he may doubt me if the hymen is broken, then I think I might end the engagement in sha Allaah.
Some have said that only if he has experience will he be able to tell, I doubt that he has any experience, but friends do sometimes talk about such experiences, could he get to know of what its like from what his friends say, without experience ?
You are right in saying that friends talk about this among each other before the wedding night, but he must have done a lot of research on the subject himself on the internet, and if you google this topic, you will find that bleeding is not a definitive source to confirm virginity.
If he has half a brain, he would know not to black and white anything.
Again, do not fall for your infatuation with this guy, do not only remember his good sides and deliberately try to forget his bad aspects, do not think he is the last guy in the world or is too good for you.
Do istikhara, consult your parents, siblings, trusted friends on their opinions before going forward with this guy.
i totally agree with you there very good advise to sister
the problem is that im not sure if i should leave him or not. im engaged to him, and when i asked someone on the net, who seemed knowledgeable whether my engagement made me in nikah to him or not. he said yes, u r in nikah to him. my fiance and i both agreed to this relationship, but i had no idea that my agreement would contribute to nikah, i intended to marry him but i didnt know i will get in nikah by agreeing, and the coming of guests and my grandad being happy with this relationship, nor do i think my family intended this to be nikah. my intention was that nikah will be done later. there were many guests, but im not sure if anyone of them were in the position to be witnesses, i mean whether they do the salahs or not . my family as far as im aware didnt consider all this to be nikah, due to their and mine ignorance i suppose. i dont think the grooms side thought of this as nikah either, though im not 100% sure.
my fiance once told me to 'Leave' so im even confused if im divorced or not. im too cautious, i dont want to to be asking about what he meant on this and how angry he was when he said this.
i do not know if i am single or married, and i dont know if leaving him for religeous reasons is valid or not. he is a good guy, though the hymen is a bit of a worry, but in sha Allaah that shouldnt be an issue, may be i am over worrying, i dont know, hymen does have a lot of significance but i dont know if it will be a bother for us. it may not give problems in sha Allaah.
i do want to leave him. though he prays, but i have a worry that because he is not so religeous, he doesnt see anything wrong with celebrating birthdays, doesnt mind if men see me without a hijab etc i worry that my kids may grow in fitnah, he may listen to me and not do what i dislike, but his family may have an influence on my kids. he doesnt seem too keen to learn about islam right now. i know this is coz of his ignorance and he may change when he be with me in sha Allaah, but i dont know , sometimes i just feel like leaving him, but im not sure to do that or not.
remember me in ur prayers
Salaams,
Take this very seriously: NEVER marry someone for their potential. If you are not comfortable with the way someone is at the time of engagement, and you are hoping they change with time and enlightenment, you are taking too big of a risk. You should marry someone because you are pleased with who they are now, not who you hope they will become. Too many women have made the mistake of marrying for potential and wind up dissappointed and/or divorced when their hopes don't come to fruition.
It sounds like there are plenty of red flags that this relationship is not going to turn out as you'd like, if he is not an advocate of your modesty (by encouraging you to cover in front of non-mahrems) and seems wishy-washy about his faith overall. Don't take these signs lightly, and don't stick your head in the sand expecting that he will magically march in step with your preferences just because you've married.
As far as your questions of being married or single: an engagement is an engagement. It is a separate thing from a nikkah. A nikkah is only valid if there are Muslim men as witnesses present (at least two), you have your wali there to represent you, you are given your mahr (dowry), and you are aware that you are giving consent to marriage at that time. No matter how many guests were present at whatever function you are referring to, if you don't have these elements then there is no marriage. Those are required by shariah, and if they were missing no "internet expert" can over-ride that with his so-called knowledge.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Respected Sister,
I'm totally agree with Amy sister, it's not Nikkah, it's just an agreement. As it is clear that you have so much doubts about your relation. Then you should do "Istikhara" and seek guidance from Allah Almighty. And if you like religion and want to follow it then it is a very good thing. But here I will like to tell you something. When Sayed Abu-al-A'ala Moudidi was going to marry, his wife was a non-religious (so called broad minded) lady. Someone said to Molana that "Sir you are a well known religious scholar, then why are you going to do this? You should marry a religious woman, not any woman like her" Then Molana replied that "Brother, if I can"t convince my life partner to the straight path, then I have no right to preach anyone". Then the sky saw that no man could see the face of Molana's wife after their marriage.
My Sister, If you want to do veil or hijaab then no one can stop you, be a practicing Muslim. Offer your prayers regularly, Islam is not only conserved to 5 time prayer and 1 month fasting it is a path way. It guides us in each and every field and way of life. Hold your faith strongly and do the WIRD of Ayat-e-Karima . . Recite Ayat-e-Karima 300 times in a sitting once a day for 40 days regularly, and pray to Allah to show you right path and help you. He will surely help you. Just pray that "O Allah! please do the best for me" . . . He will definitely do the best for you. And always keep this in your mind that "NEVER COMPROMISE ON YOUR FAITH".
May Allay help you, protect you and guide you. Ameeeen
Hymen signifies alot, especially to the ignorant ones. Intact hymen explicitly means virgin in many parts of the world or should I say, majority of the human population. It is still falsely considered a measure for chastity and the new information about the ways of how a hymen can be torn is not acknowledged by the majority and many people are oblivious to this. So therefore, for those of you who have an intact hymen, do take good care of it. You really dont want your cherry to pop unnecessarily and then fall into false accusation or unnecessary suspicions or doubts or worriedness of what your potential may think about your missing one, tention etc etc. So take greatest care of it thinking that it means your life, without which problems may occur in reality but you are innocent.
Just a thought.
true
my friend got married....her husband is a believing man....but she told me that she did not bleed or anything....she was very svary and her husband told her to relax because not all girls bleed....and about tightness....she is and was tright because she has sickness that keeps her "inside " be tight and her musckle cant relax which is bad and hurts her alot ebverytime and now her husband totally scared of having sex with her....i am sorry for my language......end is that man can not see difference....i mean they can compair u with other girls as we all are different we are also different over there, if it is a silly man who have been stupid he will compair u...but as u did not have sex u are still tight and will always be like that....
WHY WE WOMEN HAVE TO PROVE OUR INNOCENCE OR ANYTHING....WE SHOULD PROVE OVER INNOCENCE TO ALLAH NOT TO A HUMANEBING......THEN HOW WE WOMEN FIND OUT IF A MAN IS VIRGIN OR NOT...WELLL WHAT WE DO IS JUST TRUST HIS WORDS......I KNOW MANY MEN WHO MARRIED VIRGIN GIRLS AND THEY LIED ABOUT THEIR PAST......SO WHY WE WOMEN HAVE TO PROVE SOMEONE SOMETHING....DOES IT MEAN OUR BODY MEANS MORE THEN OUR PERSONALITY...I AM REALLY ANGRY ABOUT THAT....I LOVED ONE PERSON WHO LEFT ME...HE TOLD ME HE GONNA MARRY ME AND ETC. WHICH IS HE LIED BUT HE ALWAYS TAKE MY PAST UP AND TOLD ME WHY THIS AND THAT....I WAS ABUSED AS A KID....EVEN THAT NO BODY TRUST ...AFTER THAT I HAVE BEEN USED BY ANOTHER MAN.....I CANT TELL AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME....WE WOMEN DID CREAT THAT BULLSHIT (SORRY FOR MY LANGUAGE) VIRGINITY THING....NO MEN KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT OUR BODY WE TELL THEM WE SHOW THEM.......IT IS OUR WOMEN FAULT THAT TODAY U AND ME AS FEMALES CANT SLEEP RELAX AT NIGHTS BECAUSE WE WORRY WHAT MEN DO SAY...BUT DO THEY THINK WHAT WE WOMEN GONNA SAY ABOOUT THEM NOOOOOOOOO.......
Salam sisters,
I agree with hadija_1234, why should we please men all the time when they only lie and hurt us, we women have Islamic rights too which the men are ignorant towards. I was a Virgin until i got married to an idiot when i was 18yrs old and it lasted 4 months because he controlled me and beat me up because his Fruit wasn't cut exactly in half and over silly things and i put up with it until he tried to kill me then i called the Police and left him and came back to my home in Nz, he resides in Europe. I was single for 2 years then i met a wonderful man non practicing Catholic man who didn't convert to muslim but we had the Nikkah which i understand is invalid in Islam but we stayed together for 9 years and in that time I decided i never wanted kids and he actually did everything Islamic apart from his daily Salah, we parted after that time because i really needed a man who i can relate to islamically though 13yrs later we still adore each other and he is my Bestfriend though the only issue was i was not content when it came to Religion. I remained Single for 3 years then my Brothers Bestfriend who is a Kiwi converted to Islam 15years ago came into my Life as i Had not been in touch with him for over 10years as he was married at the time but also now single, well put it this way he is my Soul Mate and we have been together for over a year and had Nikkah as I refuse to have Court Marriage just because i don't trust men entirely considering all that i had been through in life when it came to men hurting me, using me etc and making me literally hate them, one thing i have realised that you can never trust a man 100% but we women do deserve a man who is our Bestfriend/lover from the start and understands you and your concerns and will always love and care for you no matter what and i have found that in my Kiwi husband who is a Convert and he also prays 5 times a day since he converted and he has a Heart of Gold and treats me like a Flower, I know he loves me more than i love him but that is because of what i have been through in life, also he knows that i have been with 2 men before but he treats me with so much respect that sometimes i think he deserves better than me. Sisters we should NEVER marry a man if we have doubts before the marriage because you will NEVER be happy and sorry to say this but men do not change their nasty ways so if you are worried about certain issues before Marriage then please DO NOT MARRY HIM AND DO NOT BE THE HOUSEGIRL FOR HIS FAMILY?! Men sleep around and expect their future wife to be a Virgin, gosh i would tell him to get stuffed lol and i can assure you i have talked many friends of mine out of getting married to hypocrite Muslims . ALL THE BEST SISTER AND MY ADVICE IS DO NOT MARRY HIM AS ALLAH WILL GIVE YOU A MAN WHO WILL CHERISH YOU FOREVER 🙂
Plz tell me I m very confused....last time periods k doran mai ne apni finger vagina me Dali.....plz tell me Alalh na kray kya MRA hymen rupture ho gya.???. I m very ashamed and worry ...kisi se ye matter discuss ni KIA plz tell me ans
It's not a big issue. Hymen could break due to many reasons such as fast running, during sycling, during playing
I am pure Virgin never a guy touched me but I feel like my hen is broken and while I wash my vagina I think water finds its way in what does that mean?
It's not unusual for the hymen to rupture as a result of day-to-day activities. You are still considered a virgin.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I have read all the comments . Todays modern men know everythig.
only 5% men can understant in our society that hymen is not a big issue .as only tightness of vagena matters. 95 % follow traditional criteria of bleedig .... thnx