Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Finding it hard to recover from broken trust, broken heart

Bro and sisters, please help me.

We were working in same office. He proposed to me and I really was not interested to get committed into relationship. So I clearly said him to come to parents and speak about marriage.

Then not even a day he will be without seeing me. He used to come at 12 o clock near to my home to see me. Well he did all stuffs to show his love. He was saying not to love but to marry me. Even at the time of proposing love he used to tell to marry him. But I showed no interest because I never believe guy's words.  So even I didn't believe him at first.. so on days he showed love, care much daily.

So I thought of doing istikhara from which I didn't get any negative dreams or negative thoughts. Whereas everything going even more good and within 7 days my heart started liking him. So I thought it will be good.

Even then I didn't accept his proposal,  afraid to accept. Because he might cheat me. I was searching for a Quran in English translation I used to ask all Muslims who all works and talks with me from 4yrs but no one gets a situation (it's not like they are not willing but they won't get the situation) to give me Quran in English.  So after I  started talking with him so too in the mean while I said I'm in search of a Quran with good english translation from 4 years.

And he promised me that he will bring me a Quran. So I prayed to Allah that till now am searching for Quran, no one has given me.  If this guy gives Quran in my hand I will take that Allah is saying he is perfect guy for me. If he is not my perfect guy please don't let him a situation to give me Quran from his hand. I was praying like this in fear for nearly one month.

Suddenly he came with Quran in his hand which just shocked me. and was pleasing me to accept it while giving he said that he will never make me alone and he will give his hand life long. So I just was in confusion and he kept it in hand for 15 min and I was getting afraid that I'm doing correct and at last I accepted.

After that we both thought to marry each other. He told to his family also that he like me and even I said. Both families was okay with it..days went I supported him a lot, cared him a lot. Daily I make food for him. It was like how a husband and wife be (am shamefull to tell kissing and hugging not zina).

After 6 to 7 months he said me that he had a nisbad in his family. Like they both got committed from childhood. I was just shocked and went into distress about this. I questioned him, he used to say that he will break that nisbad so you just give me support and I believed him, supported him because he said words while giving Quran.

Days went on. Everyone in office told rumours was like that guy will leave that girl and even if I ask him he says just believe me and I believed him.

Then comes he was saying that he has joined college so we both can resign. Finally he joined college was a lie and he made me to resign from that office and he still working there in same office.

After I came out it was very hard to be without him as it was a year with him. Slowly he stopped caring me, calling me, meeting me... everything he stopped slowly.

And finally I came to know that he has lied to me in everything he has not yet completed his degree but said he has, he didn't tell about me to his parents to marry me, he didn't join in college but made me to go out from company, everything was a lie.

After I left the company even for a simple thing he used to talk in vulgar words. He used to abuse me, he never respect my feelings, he never forgives me, he don't even respects me even. He doubts on me about guys. He always asks for break up the realtionship at least he used to say thrice a day. I get very upset how he got changed like this very cruel and hurting me with vulgar words. After a day he comes to ask to forgive him. I forgive him everything he hurts me and he repeats again and always.

Just before a month he stopped asking forgiveness even if he hurts me. He used to say that I'm like this only if you want me be with me or else leave me. He stopped caring about my feeling. I got much angry and scolded him one day and he never cared for that . Finally at last he said he don't love me any more.

I cried a lot, I got hurted a lot I was crying daily form past one month and he always says to leave him. I can't go away that much easily. I forgave him all how he hurted me and he lied to me. Even he hurts I accept and be with him..I thought I can change him and I can make him and take him in good way out of smoking (he started again)...

I said him to listen my words for his good. But now he says he don't want me anymore. He will never listen my word. He don't even consider me anymore and left me all alone.

He finally came again and asked me to wait for next 6 months without talking to him because he says he wants to clear that nisbad problem I don't know it's true or lie. I can't be without you, I can't be without talking I said at last he said to leave him completely.To solve his problem I can support him, why he wants me to be in distance???

I was crying to him to be with him, he just used very vulgar words and abused me badly and said that he has did a wrong by proposing to me and keeping with me.

I cried like a whole life went out. I cared him like my baby in each and everything I accepted even his mistakes and lie, thinking to change him to good guy. But at last he said that he did mistake by proposing me which took my life away,which hurted me a lot.

Now he went away he left me.. he cheated me , he lied me , he betrayed, insulted, hurted me. I lost my respect ... I  lost my modesty.. am getting worried how can I be good to my husband if I get married to somone. I don't want to get married.... as I have been with him as my husband.

I don't know what to do???? from past one month. I have been as a stone.. Thinking how it went wrong. I used to call im a lot to convince him but he never respects my feeling.

He gave words on Quran and he betrayed me like this. I was in totally ruined stage. Not eating not sleeping forget to smile also. I believe only ALLAH. I believe that it will not go wrong as we took relationship with ALLAH name AMEEN. But I have been played by him.... he never thinks that he gave words on Quran. He is not believing Quran and made fun of it....

I want him to come back . I don't know why because I have seen him as my husband. If he comes back to me what should I do?? Why this all bad happened to me as I took with only Allah help. I don't know what to do he totally ruined my life and hurted me with tears.

Someone please help me and show me the right way.  My family members are beating and shouting at me for getting cheated by a guy which really hurts my feelings.

- shazi

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21 Responses »

  1. Shazi, Asalaamualaykum,

    I hear your desperation, I understand being betrayed feels likes a physical stab to the back and the heart feels real physical pain. But Sister 'Wake Up'. Allah has saved you from committing further sin with this abusive man. He(swt) has given you a chance to repent and become a better Muslim Alhumdulillah.

    In your own words you say this man was 'very cruel and hurting me with vulgar words, he abused me, he cheated me, he lied me, he betrayed, insulted, hurted me, he has lied to me in everything he has not yet completed his degree but said he has, he didn't tell about me to his parents to marry me, he didn't join in coll but made me to go out from company, everything was a lie. He totally ruined my life and hurted me with tears.' So Shazi, why do you want him back in your life?!?! I do not quite understand.

    You have experienced alot of difficulties through this experience, but hopefully you will learn some valuable lessons, if you allow yourself to.

    1) Its is a very humble act to 'forgive' someone when they have wrong you so much, but that does not mean that you then start allowing to deceive you again. Forgiving just means that you have let go of the hate, anger and blame you felt towards the person who wronged you. At the same time, you have an obligation to protect yourself from this person, because Allah has made you aware of how this he can be harmful to you. If you had had a chunk bitten out on your leg by a fierce lion, would you then walk again knowingly into the lions den? Knowing what the nature of the lion is, would you just say: 'Oh, I can tame the lion'? If so, one would be very foolish. Its the same in this case too. The Prophet (saw) said, ‘The believer is not stung from the same hole twice.’

    2) Learn from your mistakes: You can turn this difficult and painful experience into a blessing by learning from your mistakes and by being more cautious to abide by Allah's laws in your personal conduct with the opposite sex. Allah has Decreed this even to take place in your life: Allah Almighty says, He(swt) says: “Perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not.” (Quran 2:216)

    Further, Imam Hasan al-Basri, a great scholar of Islam, said: “Do not resent the calamities that come and the disasters that occur; perhaps in something that you dislike will be your salvation, and perhaps in something that you prefer will be your doom.”

    Also Fadl ibn Sahl said: “There is a blessing in calamity that the wise man should not ignore, for it [calamity] erases sins, gives one the opportunity to attain the reward for patience, dispels negligence, reminds one of blessings at the time of health, calls one to repent, and encourages one to give charity.”

    Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah said: “A calamity that makes you turn to God is better for you than a blessing which makes you forget the remembrance of God.”

    Prophet (saw), commented: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” (Sahih Muslim)

    Prophet (saw) said: “There is no Muslim who is stricken with a calamity and (then) says what God has enjoined (to say): ‘Verily, to God we belong and unto Him is our return; O God, reward me for my affliction and compensate me with something better’ but God will compensate him with something better.” (Sahih Muslim)

    3) The pain you are now experiencing is either a reward or a punishment, depending on whether you were obedient or disobedient to Allah throughout your experience, so do tawbah and ask Allah to forgive you your sins.

    4) When someone repeatedly tells us that he loves us, our hearts will eventually start melting towards that person; whether they are sincere or not. Also saying nice things, giving a Quran and using Islamic phrases does not make one 'pious'. One can only assess a person's character by how he reacts to testing situations. And this man has shown you that when put to the test, he becomes abusive and vulgar.

    You said: 'Why this all bad happened to me as I took with only Allah help'. This is unjust, sister, as all good is from Allah and any bad is from the wrongs of our own deeds. So take responsibility for your part in this situation, seek tawbah and look forward. InshaAllah you will find a much better man, a man worthy of your love and kind nature. Don't waste a second more on this callous man. If your family are beating you and shouting at you, this is a very serious matter and completely wrong of them. You need some support and help to stand up again. Speak to your family firmly and tell them that you are sorry for the mistakes you have made, but you have learned lessons from this difficult time and you need their support, not their harshness.

    It is ok to feel angry, its a natural emotion. But dont let it overtake your life as that will be damaging to your health and your eemaan. Control your anger, be patient and stay away from this man, he is not good for you. You deserve better, turn wholeheartedly to Allah and inshAllah you will rise again. The pain will heal, it always does Alhumdulillah. Hang in there girl.

    SisterZ, Editor

    • Walaikumassalam SisterZ, i have been through a very difficuilt situation. It was a like a calamity for me. But this situation made me to strength my emaan and become aware of ignorance. May ALLAH forgive all my past sins and keep me i n straight way..

      Recently i came to know that This man is a HOMOSEX which really made me to feel guilty about myself. That i have been with this abusive man of such a vulgar character.

      I Really thank ALLAH(SWT) , ALLAH has showed me wat is this guy and blessed me to come away from him. I have been in so depressed state which i cant explain in words before 3 months. Due to mean time im getting healed by ALLAH;s mercy.. Sometimes i get emotional. But now am in better situation when compared with last few months.

      I Really thank you for helping me and guiding me . Your words really helped me a lot to understand what has happend to me. and what i have been through. I have gained a confident to overcome this pain .May ALLAH bless you .

      ALLAHAMDULILAH now im in better stage when compared with few days back.

      Lets us ALLAH take us to straight way.

      • Dear Farheen,

        Alhumdulillah, He(swt) blessed you to see the wisdom behind His Decree. Keep making dua to Allah that He makes you stronger and stronger because you may find your feelings and temperaments fluctuating (changing) from time to time.

        Alhumdulillah, you have emotionally distanced yourself from this man, but don't damage yourself any further through this situation. When I say this, I mean this:

        Do not go around to your friends and family bad mouthing this man. You may have heard he is homosexual, but this is just heresay, it is not a confirmed fact and it is not your duty to go searching to verify this matter. Just as Praising Allah is heavy on the tongue in a good way; Backbiting and Slandering is also heavy on the tongue but in a bad way and carries punishment for it in the hereafter.

        It is befitting only for you (as a Muslim) to stay away from him and to remain silent. Furthermore, when you have a bad thought about him, repel it by praying that Allah guides him to the truth as He(swt) has so Mercifully guided you to the truth. InshaAllah maybe one day you will also be able to genuinely forgive him, thereby removing the heaviness from your heart and mind and helping you to move on.

        Pray for me too please dear Farheen; for You, I and Everyone - we are all human. None of us is immune to the difficuties suffered by the brothers and sisters writing in here. We are all in need of Allah(Swt)'s Mercy and Blessings. May Allah relieve us all of our difficulties and replace our bad with good - for this life and the next, Aameen.

        SisterZ, Editor

  2. “A calamity that makes you turn to God is better for you than a blessing which makes you forget the remembrance of God.” - what a brilliant insight. Thank you SisterZ for this excellent and honest answer.

    Wael Editor

  3. My short input:

    QUOTE[He gave words on Quran and he betrayed me like this.....................He is not believing Quran and made fun of it....]UNQUOTE

    If someone can betray even after giving words like that, his true nature should become clear to you. If he cannot respect Allah, how can you expect him to become a good man and be respectful towards you?

    QUOTE[I believe that it will not go wrong as we took relationship with ALLAH name AMEEN. But I have been played by him.... he never thinks that he gave words on Quran.]UNQUOTE

    In Islam, there is a proper way of doing everything. Even if our intention is 100% pure and sincere, if things are not done according to the way the Messenger of Allah did, it may not have the blessings of Allah. For example, a scholar one day met some old men in their 70s, who used to dance as a form of worshiping Allah. They would start dancing by the name of Allah and they would dance with such enthusiasm that they would profusely sweat after completing their ritual. The scholar approached them and asked, "O my brothers! What are you doing?" They replied, "We are worshiping Allah". The scholar then said, "O my brothers! I do not question your intention and sincerity. I just want to let you know as humbly as possible that such form of worship was never performed by the Messenger of Allah. Any form of worship that is not done according to the way the Messenger of Allah has done it, it is rejected by Allah".

    I also want to say to you, as humbly as possible, that your relationship with that man was not lawful as per the Islamic Sharia. Therefore (again saying it as humbly as possible) it was not right on your part to think that this relationship may not go wrong because you have pronounced the name of Allah at the beginning of it.

    What is the way forward? Allah has blessed you with two things: First, He let you understand the true skin of that man before you have committed further sin or given yourself to marriage. Second, as SisterZ mentioned, He has brought forward you to Him. Now it is time to stop let your emotion control you.

    The first step to way forward should be mending your relationship with Allah. Remember that Allah described Himself as the 'most trustworthy handhold, which never breaks' in Surah Baqara. That man has abandoned you. Everyone, everything in this world may abandon you. But if you grasp the most trustworthy handhold, which is the rope of Allah, Allah will never ever abandon you. The second step should be learning about deen properly. Learn the the proper Islamic protocols of how you can seek prospective husbands and start a relationship in way that has been prescribed by the Messenger of Allah.

  4. Dear Farheen. hope this message finds you well. I just joined the site to post my question and came across your post where i stopped by to reply you. My question was similar in some manners and matters to yours but gender difference and that i did not commit anything Alhamdulillah even being with her for 4 and half years. By Allah i am not judging/comparing anything. I am also going through this phase of depression and frustration. Moreover, my profession (doctor) requires more concentration which is now diverted as i know i am not doing it properly hence doing mistakes and losing reputation but still i hope inshAllah one day there will an end of all this disgust.

    I am happy that Alhamdulillah you have found the "reality behind the scenes" and that you are repenting. Even after 8, 9 months of betrayal from her side, i am not able to find the "reality" where i went wrong and i am still torturing myself in terms of thought process. What is similar to you is that i totally comitted, devoted myself to her to the extent that i forgot who is ahmed. I'm now realizing that I lost my 5 brilliant years making someone's life helping in her studies and all her minute matters and not knowing in turn i'll come to know from herself how she likes when he touches her and other irrelevant intimate details. I am now 35 and I lost all 5 fruitfull years for her when i could enjoy a simple happy, healthy married life. She was in UK and left me when i was about to take UK medical registration exam and i failed. Now I am "reconstructing" myself and more accurately trying to do so. You see now I have booked that exam again and inshAllah I'll pass this time. Pleasant to hear you are getting out of nightmares. In urdu we say "qabar ka haal murda janta hai" means ONLY the deceased knows what is going on over with him, so simply "you" know and only "you" can understand and feel the pain, but at the same time only you have the right answer and the choice. My story was my question, my answer to you and to me as well. We all know the answers, but problem is with the internal satisfaction and spiritual peace which you will find only in the rememberance of Most Merciful and in His Beloved One (SAW).

    Please pray for me too when you pray for your internal peace. Everything else will be fine inshAllah. Take good care.

    • Dear Emid, Asalaamualaykum,

      May Allah give you internal peace and help you move on inshAllah, Aameen.

      SisterZ, Editor

      • W/salam dear SisterZ.

        Thank you ver much for dua. I did not write everything that happened to me not to hijack Farheen's post but i literary need ventilation as i never spoke to anybody throughout. Though i am torn, feel myself ruined but still trying to restore what i lost though much of that cannot be taken back. Hope and pray to have just some "light" which would enlighten my inner curse of darkness. You are 100% right saying fluctuating temperament time to time which does happen and it is there where i feel scattered and become rebellion against everthing. Anyways keep up the good work and please remember this brother's name in your dua.

    • I really hope u find inner peace inshaalah. My situation is similar to urs. Even the timescales. Its so hard to forget who we really are on this earth to please. We become embroiled in our own affairs then get weak as a result. Its so hard. I really hope allah swt forgives me and evryone in this situation. Ameen

      • Sorry i meant it becomes easy to forget who wer on this earth to please wen we commit these sins.we become obsessed with a person and go far from allah swt. Allah swt gives us laws and guidelines to live by and we break them and then hurt from the repercussions. Inshaalah we all find our way back on the straight path

        • Dear Aliya.

          Sorry to hear the same happened with you too. One good man once told me something which i never heard before and i was captivated under the influence for many days. Allow me to share it with you all.

          He said "Everyone has to bear his part of karbala, but we commoners can not stand firm even for a while. Only Hazrat Imam Hussein Radi Allahu Taala Anhu was the one who stood fast till the end and was victorious".

          May Allah give us just a little part of the sabr of these Sahaba ridwanullahi ajmaeen which will keep us all on track. Ameen.

  5. salam all i need some truthful advice.

    i have meant this guy i have done anything with him he is 27 and i am 19 our relationship at the time was'ny physical and never had been. Although feelings started to develop and i knew it was going to turn to a boyfriend girlfriend realtionship so i asked him if he was serious about me he said yes and we discussed marriage as i said that that was the only thing i was interested in. we both decided to read istikhara after we read istikhara i told my older brother and mum as he mentioned that he had told his mum and they was going to come around with my proposal in january 2010. i never told him that i told my brother or mum.he statered being off with me all or a sudden and stop texting and calling text him and asked him if everything was okay and if he was drawing the line. i didnt get a text back just a vioce mail msg telling me to ring him i did and then i texted but still no reply.i eventually gave up and tried to get over him but i couldnt i was dreaming about him and i lost trust at home. so a couple of months later i decided to text him he replied and asked how i was and kept saying he missed me, i replied to the message simply saying that he was a nice guy but what he did was wrong and i hope he doesnt do it to any body else.he asked for forgiveness and said that he was falling for me that when i told him that is was serious as i told my family and i left the ball in him court but he didnt do anything so we started speaking again and i read my istikhara again but then he was being off with me again and it didnt bother me much as i had my exams and need to concentrate on them. i lost all my conatct list so i sent him an email saying ive lost his number he replied 2 and half months later giving his number and telling me he misses me and hes been texting me on my old phone which he couldnt have as i my old number cannot recieve any incoming calls or messages. I Didnt reply as i neeeeeed to concentrate on my studies. he sent me anothe email that had my name on it and question marks and he put a beautiful ayat of the qu'ran on it. i replied back to his email asking for him to forgive me and that whatever hasppened in the pass was pre-ordained for us and that this was our decree and said it wouldnt be good if we has each others number.if he isnt meant to be for me then why does he keep coming in and out of my life? although i have sent him an email saying that i dont want to be with him.....i REALLY like him but am just sick of the messing around... i want to stop thinking about him as i always see and dream of us being together i cant concentrate on my studies as he is on my mind can some one help me pleaseeeeee???


  6. salams to brothers and my dear respected sisters,
    I would like say thank you to brother emid for his brilliant advice it has helped me so much,
    To cut a long story short i have been through hell the last 2 months, I devoted 4 years of my
    life to a women i deeply loved i gave her everything my time my emotional energy we never did anything haram. we became so close and attached it was like we were soul mates destined forever!!!. then one day
    she text me she is getting married to her cousin which was 2nd october 2010. I cant explain what i went through since that tx . i have lost a stone in weight and cry every night im scared for life the betrayel is beyond me. once again plz make dua for me.

    • Dear Farook, Asalaamualaykum,

      It feels like an electric shock to the system doesnt it? InshaAllah you will get through it. Once you are past these difficult few months, you will emerge a stronger person inshAllah. Use this time as an opportunity to turn to Allah. I have attached a hadith and some Quranic Ayahs here, inshaAllah they will give you all some inner peace:

      1) Abu Sa`id and Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said: "Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry or even the pricking of a thorn but Allah will expiate his sins on account of his patience".
      [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

      2) Allah, the Exalted, says:
      "O you who believe! Endure and be more patient..". (3:200)

      "And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient)". (2:155)

      "Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning.'' (39:10)

      "And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.'' (42:43)

      "Seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer). Truly, Allah is with As-Sabirun (the patient).'' (2:153)

      "And surely, We shall try you till We test those who strive hard (for the Cause of Allah) and As-Sabirun (the patient)'' (47:31)

      SisterZ Editor

  7. wasalams sisterZ,
    thankyou very much for your kind words in this very difficult time for me.
    there is all sorts of emotional stuff going on inside me sometimes i miss her then im angry with her
    for doing this to me,then all the good memories we had together come flooding back im in a deep hole sisterZ. I want to forgive her but its so difficult for me at this moment in time . Inshallah in a few months i will be able to im just going to bear it all and be patient life is short , going to kick on with life for my family
    and friends sake once again thankyou v much siserz


    • What I am going to say to you may seem a somewhat muddled task, but try reversing your psyche. Of course you are going through a very painful time and others can help ease that pain for a while, but they can't take it away.

      So try to think like this: You are actually going through a special time, you are experiencing so much pain, you may be finding it difficult to do simple things that came to you normally before this event.

      - every time you remember Allah,
      - everytime you speak and cry to Allah in your heart/mind,
      - everytime you do dhikr of Allah,
      - everytime you utter a word of tawbah,
      - everytime you fight against your nafs to pray your Salaah,
      - everytime you force a smile when inside you are crying
      you are struggling in Allah's way and InshaAllah He(swt) will reward you extra for striving at such a difficult time.

      Hold tight brother, this time will surely pass and after difficulty always comes ease and inshaAllah this bitter experience will bring you sweetness of eemaan - a blessing in disguise :O).

      SisterZ Editor

  8. Dear SisterZ.

    Thank you for these beautiful ayah and hadiths. These are so true and believe me after reading the ayat you quoted in another post, i started to pray how much i can with the qada ones. I don't know but now i feel like something like a layer has sorrounded my heart which is preventing those painful thoughts to enter. I have also started to do some zikr which i was taught after each salat. I am really thankful to you for forcing my nafs to ponder over that ayah. Its not that everything is ok but i hope inshAllah some day i'll be able to get rid of it.

    Bro Farook. I'm really happy if it helped you. I heard that after hard time there is always a mercy. Allah can turn a 'sharr' into 'khair'. I'm almost in a similar condition as yours. Whatever you say is so true and for the sake of getting out of this curse i have even changed not the town or city but country. I will just add that hold tight the rope of Almighty, do what you feel makes you come nearer to Him, tell Him all your sorrows and send durood to His Beloved SAW as much as you can. He SAW is the mercy to mankind. I'm also waiting for that mercy after my hard time.....

  9. Dear sisterZ.
    Thankyou very much in trying to help me in this difficult time of mine, Inshallah with bit of
    patience and determination i will pull through i will hang on to the rope of allah swt. allah swt and his beloved prophet s.a.w cant hurt us thats a fact only we can hurt ourselves when we turn away from quran hadith sunnah. Like you said this could be a blessing from allah to get us back on track because nothing happens without the will of allah, its his kingdom and we are all his creations. This world is not perfect and we cannot have everything only what he thinks is good for us. Sometimes i imagine myself in 30 years time looking back at this phase of my life and thinking how allah saved me from sin just to pull myself out of this curse. I have read ahadith which mentions on the day of resurection you will be with the ones you love and how sweet would it be to be next to prophet s.a.w on that day.
    Brother emid thankyou for your kind words i pray durood all the time and it gives me so much warmth in my heart. Bro if we can make dua for each other then inshallah allah will grant us the inner peace and love of his beloved prophet s.a.w ameen. take care. jkz

  10. Assalaamu alaikum

    Sister, this guy has shown his true colours. He was like this from the beginning, you just didnt see it. It happens when we are feel we are 'in love.' I had a similar situation with an 'ex fiancee a few years back. I ended up feeling so confused at how he could go from being so loving and sweet to being angry and abusive and downright cold and hurtful. But he left me before I made the mistake I would have regretted for the rest of my life. Sure I was upset, and so hurt. And at the time I wanted him back even after all the abusive treatment.

    And its cuz your hurting, which is why your thinking so irrationally.! The storm of emotions. But sister its important to WAKE UP AND REALISE THAT ALLAH HAS SAVED YOU, HES GIVEN YOU A CHANCE.

    These guys are poison - even if he was nice guy, ANY guy who is bringing you toward zina is poison.
    I fell for the same lines you fell for. As a woman, its easy for us to get captivated when a guy tells us these things.


    You also need to protect yourself from anything like this occuring again with him or anyone else. Im not saying put up barriers as such but dont be lapse AT ALL! Dont make friends with guys, never EVER be alone with a guy. (If 2 people of the opp sex are alone together, Shaytan is the third.)

    (Im sorry brothers- no offence im referring to those guys hunting girls for zina) - Be aware that (some)guys SAY what they know you want to hear to 'catch you.' They know the right lies to tell to make you love them. They can trick girls easily. Protect yourself from them and from zina. Ask Allah to help you.
    Even with seemingly genuine/ religious brothers dont become lapse, even if their intentions are good we are humans and it is easy to fall into some form of zina- which usually leads to complete zina

    If you are missing him, keep busy with halal activities. This might be the best time to learn something new about the deen. Even the most knowledgable person will find something worth studying. Or take up a project or a hobby.

    And as said above - this bad could be a punishment, or a test, or even a hidden blessing. Be thankful to Allah that He saved you from him. And Repent.


    Allah is calling you back. How many times do we get this opportunity, we dont know how long we'l live. Take the opportunity. Bear it with patience and repent. May Allah guide you and us all


  11. InshAllah Allah (SWT) will help you with a better compensate...Just wait for the right moment to come and observe patience. Allah(SWT) has promised a great reward for patience and inshAllah you and all others who are observing patience will get that reward one day very soon inshAllah.
    I will remember you in my prayers and you also remember me in your. Recite darood and IstighfurAllah as much as possible.


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