Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Brother in law causing problems

money and love

It feels like money is more important to them than our relationship

Salam w 3alaikum, ever since my brother in law got married from a girl with a visa who resides in the same state as my husband and I, it has caused huge problems within our relationship.

Long story short, my husband is from my home land and I'm from America. We got engaged when I was 18 and married a couple of months later. We came to America not having anyone for help so we began to save before our first child in order to buy a house. Once we saved a fair amount of money.. His brother called and asks for it all so he could build a business back home. My husband went behind my back and sent him $20000.00. Shortly later my first child was born and we struggled financially and I was so disappointed That I worked so hard  to save saying no to baby items so we could buy a house. And thus we were out back another two years and stayed in rent.

Shortly after he got engaged to my husbands friends younger sister. My brother in law demanded we become financially supportive for her cell phone bills so we did. When it came time to for her to travel back home to see him he also demanded that we pay her plane tickets.

I was floored because after the birth of my first we visited back home and my husband has stated if I wanted to go with him I would have to pay my own ticket. I was appalled at the fact that he would pay another woman's ticket and make his wife pay for his own. She then traveled back to give birth here and we continued to pay for cell phone bills and formula for her son. Shortly after she applied to bring her husband here and we payed immigration fee of 1500. She was financially able to do this on her own. We were not. On top of all that she would put me down making herself higher because of all she had. I replied with nothing to avoid drama.

they now reside in out tiny basment with 4 kids for free and we pay there car insurance .. Bought them a car, cell phone bills, cable and internet. And they live for free. 3rd month they were here my husband was out of work and the stain of all there expenses plus out own left us broke. We had no money to pay mortgage and bills. They were out and about eating out and buying gifts for her family. My husband then forced me to take money out of university fund for my kids and pay the mortgage and bills. He refuses to pay it back.

as I thought it couldn't get any worse they have caused problems between my husband and I by breaking 3 of my locks that connect to my upper suite so that his wife can do laundry when she pleases, the wife constantly takes everything I say and twists it and tells her husband. He then comes yelling at me. I have never belittled her or done anything to make her unconfortable.  I believe she wants out of my house but is creating a plan I which she can convince her husband that I am putting her through hell and he would then make a decision Himself to leave. He has gone as far as cornering me when i am alone as his wife watches and will try to trap me with his words.everything he screams at me for is for her sake.. " why did you do this? Why don't you take her with you? Why don't you help her? Why do you use so much gas for the vehicle? Etc"

i was at my wits end and ready for divorce because my husband is constantly on his side because it's his older brother.

If thing couldn't get worse he has now purchased them a a house for $400000.00 and is putting a down payment for $40000.00. This is not fair at all because we have been here 6 years and have only payed off $20000.00 our house. They have been here 6 months and get things handed to them and take it for granted. On top of it all they wasn't to go as far as to renovate when my Husband is out of work and I fear financially. I have two babies and really stressed out.  Furthermore my brother in law belittles me and tells me that I have nothing to do with money and to just bud out. I'm really depressed any advice is appreciated. We are all Muslim and I have a feeling this is all haram to put a wife through such pain, hurt and financial abuse to keep his brother happy.


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5 Responses »

  1. Sorry to hear abt this but let me tell you that this habit of giving in to his brother will never change. As proof of my saying is your situation as you are in. With 2 children he dosent realize that you and your children have needs. You can wait and be a good wife and scrafise your needs but your children need a home of their own good education and a good living lifestyle. If you are going to earn and give it to others then better you make a decision now and struggle for a better living. His brother and his family will succeed in life and you and your children will be left with nothing but regret. If talking with ur husband made your situation any better then you wouldnt be writing all this. Do something now then crying over later. But I am telling you this pattern of your husband of giving everything to his brother will never change.

    • Thankyou for replying. I completly agree with the pattern of this situation not changing. The two currently do work together.. However the brother takes a fair share of the income. As of yet the mortgage payments for the new house my husband purchased so they could have a bigger place to stay does come out of my personal. Furthermore he is paying for the house insurance, and still his car insurance and cell phone bill. I have tried to put my foot down and demand that he change this so it could be all there responsibility on 3 seperate occasions, however we come to an agreement and he does not commit
      To his promises, I feel that he is scared of his brother. His brother is older than him and he seems to change completely when he's around. I'm not sure as to what to do anymore. I have lost a lot of weight and and am left with a compromised immune system due to all the stress.

  2. Why is your husband spending on his brother in this unusual manner? Maybe there is something your brother in law is black mailing him about. Talk to your husband anf try to find out why he is spending so much on someone elses children rather than his own family. I dont know what the culture or anything of your husbands so I might be wrong, but I find it rather absurd that anyone would spend on another person much more than he can afford for himself. Please try to figure out why this is so

    • I have confronted my brother in law and my husband about the situation. And my husband brother will say things like "I raised him! He is responsible for me now!" Or he'll say my house that myself and my dad bought alongside my husband is not mine and it is instead his and my husbands. Also I have told him that his wife and him are causing a lot of grief and problems within his brothers marriage and if I was in his place I would stop being selfish and rent a larger place for his five person family and leave family relations aside and business is business. It's extremely difficult to prove a point when it's 3 people on one side all against me.thankyou for your reply. I appreciate it.

  3. asalam aleikum,
    i think its important u involve a nonbiased party to this problem.try your local masjid imam.please sister also note that islam is against interest mortgages so if thats the plan you guys have,please change that.remember if we fear Allah He will make a way for us out of our problems.

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