Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Brutally abusive mother

Girl with hidden face, teenage girl


i m brutally abused by my mother in everyy sense! She uses such a dirty language for me, she curses me, and even hits me! I m a grown up girl i m 18 still she does all that to me. You must be thinking it is some kind of normal torture every mother does that but no! She holds the holy Quran and curses me that in future i wont see any happiness and i ll become a prostitue, one day i ll be in the hands of one man and one day another. She mentally tortures me! Sometimes shes like i have done zinah! Even if i say anything on my self defence she says that i m answering her back and this and that! I m a muslim girl i cant tolerate all this , she can say anything to me but i cant tolerate anything on my character! i m tired! Cause of her i have done self harm, i have tried killing my self! She just pays for my education, my father pays for all my other expenses. When her sisters say stuff about me she supports them but when someone say anything abt my cousins (her favourite sister's daughters) she lashes out! Since i was a kid i never got her attention, she n her sisters rule my life i m soo tired of. She calls me names, puts me down, talk abt my face that it is 'manhus'. My cousins lie abt me n she trusts them n tortures me, my khalas even hit me cause she allows them. I m tired of this life why doesn't Allah help me! I feel soooo helpless! I want to die but i even want to live away from all this! I hate her! Can Allah even feel my pain?! What have i done wrong?! I always listen to my mother, always respect her then why?! I guess even Allah hates me.


Tagged as: , , , , , , , ,

5 Responses »

  1. Bismillah

    Assalamualeikum wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

    If I got you right, you are really under depression. You need help, a way to feel safe from this torcher. Remember that no matter what, you don’t deserve abuse and it’s not your fault at all. Talk to someone you trust in the family or a counselor, use their support to help you heal.

    And never again think that Allah hates you, He is nearer to you than you can ever imagine and he truly loves you more than anything. Just don’t give up praying to him.

    But before the help comes, just remain calm. If being around your mother makes you feel angry or anxious, try and find some calm. If you feel uncomfortable in your own home, it’s important to find ways to experience peace, even if it’s just for a short period.

    Also, in such a sensitive situation, you need to be around people who are positive thinkers. If the friends you have are not good friends, it’s time to cut ties with them. Get friends who will only add value to your life, especially in times like this, you need them.

    Also recognize your abusive patterns so that you can avoid them if possible. What is it that makes your mother very angry that she curses you? You know what she dislikes about you, if you don’t know then observe and find out and avoid them by all means.

    Jazak-Allah khairan katheeran

    Wa-Aleikum Salaam warahmatullahi wabarikaat

    Abdullah Abarika

    Blogger @ Seekers Elite (

    • Assalaamualaykum Abdullah,

      You write:

      "Also recognize your abusive patterns so that you can avoid them if possible. What is it that makes your mother very angry that she curses you? You know what she dislikes about you, if you don’t know then observe and find out and avoid them by all means."

      This implies that the abuser has "reasons" for abusing her that have to do with her, and that the abuse can be curbed should she only identify those reasons and avoid them. I'm sure that you didn't really mean this, as earlier in your post, you stated that the abuse wasn't her fault.

      Abusers don't need a reason to abuse.

      Sister Unknown:

      You ask what you've done wrong and the answer is that you've done nothing wrong. I would suggest counseling/therapy for you, as you'll need to learn to separate your sense of self from what your mother projects onto you. Your mother has deep-seated issues that have nothing to do with you whatsoever. She may have learned this way of handling things in her own home growing up and/or may have a personality disorder or anger management problems.

      I agree with Brother Abdullah that it will be very important for you to find an emotionally safe place away from your mother every day to experience relief and escape from the pain and suffering you are enduring. Taking a long walk outside or going to the library are options that will free your mind. If unable to leave the house for whatever reason, you can find an escape or space to call your own in activities like reading, talking on the phone with supportive friends, taking a bath, researching your favorite things on the internet, or even watching your favorite shows if possible. Children's programming in particular is very soothing and uplifting. You deserve your own time and space in which you can feel free of your mother, even if during only part of the day.

      Also, it is easy to forget to take care of yourself emotionally and physically when enduring abuse. Remember to let yourself feel whatever you are feeling without reprimanding yourself. Cry if you need to without berating yourself. Remember to drink water, eat fresh fruits and vegetables if available, and take that daily or semi-weekly walk to get exercise and let the sunshine heal you. You deserve it. The more attention you give to yourself, the less of an effect her words will have on you or your self-image.

      Please know that you are not alone. We are hear to listen if you need to write again for advice again in the future.

      Big Hugs,


      • Also Unknown,

        You mention that you are 18 years old. Are you planning on attending college? If so, I can recommend that you choose to stay in the dormitories at university, even if it means taking out a loan in order to do so. The relief you will get from being away from your mother altogether will make it worth it. Under those circumstances, you could just keep in touch with her over the phone for what is necessary and avoid her otherwise.

        In the meantime, please know that you can and should call the police if she is very violent or otherwise abusive. This will send her the message of "zero tolerance" and will minimize her abuse towards you.



  2. as salaamu alaykum wa rahmat'Ullahi wa barakaatuhu dear unknown.s

    I feel so sorry for you but even more sorry for your mother and aunts and cousins who are making your life Hell. Your suffering is in this dunya and so will pass, but theirs will be in akhira unless they repent to Allaah swt and mend their ways!Please read this link:

  3. Never use Allaha names...If you guys were educared properly in the correct understanding and environment of Deen ..non of this would happen..your mother is doing wrong and harming her own self unknowingly you have to know that this world is created for test and the best amongst you are the pious..who really fear Allah..
    They are honest kind and very patient. ..

Leave a Response