IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Love and Marriage

Hi,

Recently I am so depress because of hiding secret from my parents. I am in love with someone that they will 100% forbid and objects. My boyfriend is related to me – he is my mother’s half cousin (which mean is my uncle), and he is a Muslim, and myself is a Buddhist. I ever hinting to my parents and asked question – what if I marry to a Muslim, they said they will totally disown me.

My uncle’s family was disapproved us to be together at first because they said is a sin and illegal. It is wrong for an uncle marrying his niece. But then they decided to give us blessing after they’ve checked it is okay for us to be together since we are only half-relative. After received their permission, they asked me to let my parents know about this and they would like to prepare for the engagement and wedding by this year. I told my uncle to give me some time since I know it will be a disaster if I let my parents know about this. Other than that, my uncle ever married once, and divorced. He has two beautiful kids, and they agreed us to marry too.

My parents noticed that I am getting closer with my uncle. We hang out quite a lot and spend most of the time together. And so, my parents warned me if they know I’m having affair with him, they will cut off all the relative-relationship with him and his family. They will not going to forgive me as well and I will never see him again.

I told my brother that I’m in love with uncle. He scolded me, and said it is hard, because he is my uncle. The relationship will become complicated, what should he call him if we were married? Brother in law? Or maintain as uncle? What should he call me? Sister? Or aunt-in-law? And what about the baby? Will the baby become abnormal since we are related? My brother said uncle must be a bad husband, that’s why the wife left him. I felt so stress after talked to him. My brother even said that uncle is a devil, should have stopped me for loving him since we are related, I am his niece.

It is so hard for me to find a good way to explain to them that  I would like to convert to Islam and the person I’m going to marry is my uncle. I am 26 years old now and no longer young, I really hope that they will understand, and give me warmth blessing. But the problem he is my uncle, I’m sure they disallow me 100%.

I feel so relief and happy when I’m with my uncle, and he is the first guy that makes me believe in marriage and love which I truly don’t believe in love and marriage will bring happiness, but he changed my thoughts. I have dated 8 times before dated my uncle, every time when I’m with my ex-couple, I feel so disgusting and goose-bumps all over me. I felt so sick when my ex held my hands, feel like want to slap them. Sometime I even fear maybe I’m a lesbian. But when I’m with my uncle, I feel so comfortable. I just want to be with him, forever. And everyday I imagine I'm his wife, helping him out to take care of the kids and cook for him and take care of him.

I know its sound crazy and stupid, why of all the man in the world, I choose my uncle, I found weird too but I just feel like he is the one. I only know he exists 2 years ago (my mother lost her contact with them), and I started to have feeling for him last year, on my 25^th birthday. I’ve tried to control my feeling cause I know is impossible for us to be together but I just can’t help it. I love him so much. Now, I am prepared to convert to Islam, and to be with him and his kids for the rest of my life. If possible, I would love to have our wedding this year.

I love my parents so much, and I love him too. If my parents ask me to choose between him or them, I won’t choose because I really love both of them. What should I do then? Is this a sin? How should I explain and tell my parents about this now? I feel like dying for keeping secret. Can we be together?

Appreciate all of your wise advice.

Thank you very much.

Best regards –

Tia (atiqahml)