Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I convince my Buddhist girlfriend to be Muslim?

Large stone buddha statueI am seeking advice on how I can guide my non-Muslim girlfriend to Islam. Her background is Buddhist, but she doesn’t believe at all about Buddhism. She still believes in God's existence, but “who is the God?” or “why she needs to pray?” is not a matter for her. Especially when her past young life which was full with difficulties, poverty and discrimination, built-up her personality to work hard and only believe in herself, until she gain success in her life now.

The problem is that we are going to get marry, but I am not sure whether she can give her heart to Islam. She said she can become Muslim for me, but she has resistance in praying, fasting, etc. Maybe because of her past experience, she feels such praying, fasting etc. is taking her away from the freedom that she have been working for so hard and long.

Even though so, I tried to let her know about Islam, (although ashamedly I am not a good Muslim), but she only has bad impressions on it (as of news). Even she denies her own mother who always prays in the temple, and does nothing to improve their family’s life. Nevertheless after all the denials, one day she told me that she starts to pray to Allah in her heart to help her every time she feels bad about something. Even when she try to cook live fish or shells, in her heart she felt sorry for killing them and ask Allah to forgive her, which makes me happy to hear that. But it only stops there.

And now we are going to get married, she feels a bit fuss of living as a Muslim. She said she does believe in God, willing to let our future kids to learn Islam, but she herself doesn’t want to do all the praying etc. I know it is God’s will to open someone’s heart to Islam. But I don’t want to give up as what I feel for her. I just hope one day that she is willing to live as a Muslim as I really love her so much. Please advise how I can guide her. She only hoping on me, love, and logic thinking...

- Brother XY

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15 Responses »

  1. Asalaamualaikum Brother XY,

    Nikah between you and this lady would be void because a Muslim man is only permitted to marry a Muslim woman or a woman of 'the book', i.e. a Christian or Jewish lady. If you wish to lead your life in a strong Muslim manner, then marrying even a Christian or Jewish lady would bring difficulties along with it.

    If you want your girlfriend to warm towards Islam, she needs to be shown Islam in a positive light. You say she doesnt believe in Bhuddism anymore and believes in Allah as the One God, this is positive as she's half way there already. You say that she denies her mother, but does she know that as a Muslim, you cannot deny or reject your mother even if she is a non-believer? You must treat your mother with love and respect and even take her to the temple for her worship if she wants to go.

    All your girlfriend needs now is to see the beauty that Islam can bring in to our lives. It starts with you showing her the true Islam - not a confused one. However it seems from your words that you are not practising yourself and are willing to go against Allah by marrying this girl although she is not permitted to you.

    Brother, when our love for Allah's creation takes us outside of His(swt) laws, we are committing an indirect form of Shirk. I know you are caught up in an emotionally difficult situation, but if you really believe that Allah and His words are true, then it would better for you to re-focus Allah as your priority.

    Try to change your mind frame to think that you will only marry this girl if she becomes a true Muslimah.

    - Try to come towards Islam yourself, do lots of tawbah. This will be good for you and may also influence your girlfriend positively.
    - Tell your girlfriend what you are thinking so she knows how seriously you feel about your deen and that you will only marry her if she is a true Muslim.
    - This may push her towards looking into Islam. It may be initially for you, but as she comes to learn about Islam, her intentions may re-focus towards learning and converting for Allah.
    - Put her in touch with some kind practising Muslim sisters so she can see Islam for what it really is.

    Brother, in order to strengthen your connection with Allah and to see Him as your priority, you need to invest some sincere time and effort. And for you to see if your girlfriend sincerely comes turns towards Islam, you need to give her time and space.

    If she does not accept Islam sincerely, it is still your choice whether you decide to marry her or not. If you do marry her, and you come closer to your deen, will you be happy with your wife being a non-believer and how will she raise your children? A mother is vital in providing a good Islamic upbringing to her children; so if she is not practising Islam herself, what kind of impact will this have on your family life?

    I can only advise you strongly to leave her if she does not accept Islam sincerely. Marrying her in her current state of belief will be a sin for you and you will be displeasing Allah greatly. I know it will be very difficult, but leaving her would be a sacrifice for you and Allah will surely reward you.

    We are all Allah's servants and agents on earth. We are here to worship Him(swt) and then to spread the 'true' message of Islam. After that, its is completely up to Allah to guide whomsoever He wishes. If your girlfriend is sincerely seeking the truth, Allah will guide her inshaAllah.

    May Allah guide us all to the straight way and keep us there.

  2. Hi friend
    As ur assuming that she will accept Islam religion after marriage...Please try to impose this condition on yourself..
    why dont u accept her religion ?
    Try to follow buddhism as she is trying to follow yours..

    You love each other equally...try it on your side too ...
    ur trying to emotionally trap her..
    Its equal responsibilty of both partners to understand each other...try to do all things equally...

    Buddhism never taught to beleive in GOD and beleive in miracles ...It teaches us to beleive in yourself..Teachings of Lord buddha will guide you towards success if you follow them..Lord Buddha said "I am not your GOD,I am your mentor...I can show you the way..I cant do any miracles..I am a human being...I can tell you the Path leading to the end of suffering ,leading towards success...,leading towards happiness.".

    As u said ..she is not intrested in buddhism....
    I think u r wrong...
    If she beleive in herself..it means she is following one of the techings of lord buddha...Lord buddha said,,,dnt pray me for acheiving success...Do hard work..u will get success..
    This means She is following Buddhism..she is following each and every aspect of it

    Dnt expect anything from her side all of a sudden for Islam..she have already done so many compromises for you and for your religion ..Dnt expect much from her side more than this..

    U want her to start praying and strt fasting for u as its mentioned in Islam...Ask question to urself..Can u stop praying and fasting for her?..If u can stop all this ...then only ask her to strt fasting and praying..she cant agree on this.dnt force her too...

    Infact try to bring changes in urself..If she is unable to do it ..

    If u love her u wil do it for her too... u wil respect her religion too...and u will not force her or convince her to follow whole religious activities..Praying namaj...or a sudden beleif for islam is difficult...It wil come slowly if u give ur love and support to her..

    Whatever she wil do from her heart will be better for you both ..dnt impose anything...
    already u told that she is trying from her side..and may be she is expecting same from ur side too...
    .she is doing all this for ur love and support...Always support her infront of all ur family..always support her in case of ur religious disputes...

    If possible stay apart from ur families...u will be saved from all disputes of religion..

    Last thing...
    Dnt bring religion in between ur love life...
    Dnt bring GOD in between two humans who love each other madly...
    U can be happy if u respect each other equally...

    • Rahul, I appreciate your sentiments as I know they come from the heart. However, your suggestions do not work for us as Muslims. Your central thesis is that love is a human thing and we should not bring God or religion into it. But in Islam, life itself is ibadah (worship of Allah), and this influences every aspect of life, including marriage. We believe in the Oneness of Allah, so we can never compromise that by worshiping Buddha or abandoning our religious principles.

      Similarly, one of the goals of marriage is to bring us closer to Allah, so a marriage that takes away from Allah is defeating its own purpose. That's why it's recommended for us to marry a Muslim. We believe that Islam is the path to Paradise in the life hereafter, and that is the life that counts. This life is nothing, only a trial and test, and a preparation for the next life. So we only want to marry someone who will help us in that goal. If we trade the eternal life for the sake of satisfying our desires in this life, we have failed.

      If someone loves a Muslim and wants to marry him, she has a choice. She can convert to Islam sincerely and then they can establish their marriage on a common ground, with shared principles of faith. Or she can let him go and find someone else to marriage. There is no force or coercion. There is always a choice.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Brother!! The way you comment is lyke you dont beleive in GOD at all..Read all the scripture and you will find that God has created only one relegion and that is ISLAM (Peace)..Take my advice and beleive in God cuz the judgement day is near and hell fire will not leave any wrong doer

  3. If it is so its a his mistake to choose other religion girl as his life partner.

    He should not have approched her if this is so.

    Its not a one day process to beleive in other religion.It wud be difficult on her side too.

    If she is doing this its her love towards him.but if she is asking some liberty in some conditions u shud respect it.

    And as he already did his mistake now he have to undergo its ill effects or good effects with equal responsibilities.

    They might have agreed on few things before committing each other.

    Now at the time of marriage if he is expecting some more things from her side,
    then i guess they both need to recollect their memories before commitment.

    Boys generally commit so many things to convince a girl and then they forget everything.

    Both should stick to their words on which they agreed each other.And must come to a common conclusion.

    One more thing is :

    Does Islam teaches to first love a girl of different religion
    and then force her to follow all religious activities (even though she already said no to this b4 commiting each other) and
    then leave her if she is not agreeing to accept it ?

    I know any religion will not teach such bad things..

    then y u r suggesting him to leave her...

    she will follow and obviously do it for her family's happiness but give her a freedom to decide what she wants to do and what not.

    He should also stand behind her and support her if ur family members are against this..

    If possible stay apart from ur families..u will be saved from all disputes of religion...meet them in family gatherings and festivals and so on...

    Now this is equal responsibility of both partners to consider each other equally..

  4. Islam is against "girlfriend and boyfriend" business..So any Muslim is doing such thing than he/she is not a muslim cuz he/she is not following Islam

  5. Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy and as you might not know brother ,marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity ; the prophet (pbuh) enjoined up in the followers to marry. He said "when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion , so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half ". As you can see , Marriage is just like any other IBADAH . The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety) brother.

  6. Where a relationship with somebody of another confession is forbidden, there is no place for love and a life in peacefull harmony.
    Humans will always fall in love with each other and if there is a cause who put a forced acceptance or denial of the loved person, for the sake of the afterlife, is causing harm only in the here and now.
    That is my oppinion as agnostic and I just can support that you should understand her believe and she should understand yours, do not force anybody to believe in something, because this will finally destroy your relationship.

  7. I am a non-Muslim having a relationship with a Muslim and because of the great Love I have for him from the very 1st day I started Loving him I decided to convert. Even before he could ask me I myself through self willing ness expressed to him that I would convert. it came from my heart because I noticed the commitment he has for his religion. I began to realize the difference in the two religions we followed. Everything in day to day life connects up to Islam and I admire the true virtues of the Prophet's teachings. I started to read and learn more and more about Islam and I am now waiting for the day to convert.

    You will have to set an example to her about the virtues of the great Teachings of ISLAM and most of all pray to Almighty Allah to give her the Wisdom to convert. Suggest suitable reading for her so that she will be more aware.

    Good luck brother. I am sure she will convert.

    • assalamualaikum

      peace be upon u

      alhamdulillah. glad to hear that Roshani. i too, am having the same problem with this brother of ours. i am trying my best to show her the path to islam by showing her the beauty in Islam and also the meaning of Islam which are surrender, submission, obedience, sincerity and peace. She is still having doubts because she does not want to leave her roots and also she is afraid and sure that her family and comunity will not accept her if she is to convert. i hope that she would see the light soon enough.

    • hi sister my friend is budhist and her parents are not happy is that possible she can contact you through email or you can guide her about your experience or can you plz email me ****

  8. salam alaykum
    dear brother and sisters this question of converting a girl a boy into islam for the marriage i totally no where related to islam if anyone wants to convert just for the marriage or money or anything else than he need not to be converted this is not allowed in islam
    (and allah knows best)
    it has nothing to do with islam therefore this shouldn't be discussed in the light of islam

    • One of the most intelligent posts on here. If two people are of different and incompatible religions why did they ever start dating in the first place? And how can a conversion for marriage be any sort of real conversion? Either the one converting doesnt care much about religion and values the possible marriage more highly than religion (why else convert for marriage) or the person has no true sense of identity and just believes whatever people around him or her believes. Maybe some people will want to convert after meeting someone of that religion but its not real if they are pressured into it or are doing it for wordly benefits like marriage. True conversion must come ONLY from the person themselves. It often comes after some serious soul searching and exploration as well. Anything else is just the woman saying she believes when deep down she doesnt. Thats what it sounds like for OPs girlfriend. Shes just praying to please him. Honestly she doesnt sound Buddhist either i wouldnt be surprised if deep down she was just very secular or non-religious. If she truly does believe in God/Allah than she is secular beyond that one belief.

      The OP has to make a choice: His girlfriend, Islam, or pressuring his girlfriend so much that she will say the words and pretend to believe when deep down she doesnt. And from what I understand that last option is very very bad in Islam. Maybe even worse than being a nonbeliever...(correct me if Im wrong on this).

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