Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Bullied at home and at school – having thoughts of suicide

Lonely man walking away.

Assalam. I am a 16 year old. I have been dealing with a lot of depressing problems. First off, let me tell you a story to create a background.

Ever since 2011, I have been verbally abused. People at school used to call me ugly, dark, and made remarks that showed me their hate for me. I have heard the phrase "Nobody likes you" more times than I can count, along with "You're ugly, You're dark/burnt(I'm dark skinned)". On a typical school day, I would hear each of these phrases at least five times.

I have no friends at school. Outside of school I have two friends. I'm not welcome at any lunch table. I am never chosen for partner work, and when the teacher chooses for us the other students complain. We went to a trip lately to a close country. No one wanted to be my roommate, no one wanted to sit next to me on the bus, and I sat alone when we went to restaurants.

My mother is a very talkative person. She always has an offensive tone with me. On one of those aforementioned school days, I would come home sad. My mother and father would always add to this tension. My mother especially. For instance, she would yell at me continuously over small things. Let's say she picks up some gum wrapper I dropped, she would say, "Why would you throw this on the floor? Why would you throw this on the floor? Whenever I clean you always mess it up, now clean this area."

First of all, why does an area where a gum wrapper has been need cleaning?

She then would make me get the broom and tell me to sweep that area. When I'm done, she would tell me to clean this and that area until I have cleaned the whole room.

She also complains that I never do anything for her. All I have to say for this is that whenever I go on vacation at a family member's house, she calls and tells them that I have to come back because now she doesn't get help on this, this, that, that, and this and that. She is always sending me around and if I tell her that I have to do homework or something, she makes very bad dua against me. She would say, "I hope you perish in this life and in the afterlife. I hope that you are not successful ever in this life and in the afterlife."

These bad duas are driving me crazy. I hear them on a daily basis. I heard from many sources that Allah listens to the duas of your mother. I feel like Allah is on her side. It's even affecting my prayers because I feel like I will perish in the afterlife anyways, like she wished.

I actually am a child that does stuff for her but lately I feel reluctant about it because she always has this offensive tone with me. Instead of saying, "come clean this and that" in a nice way, she would say, "I'M TIRED. I'M TIRED. DO THIS RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW". The bad duas are so bad now that I abandoned my professional dreams. This is because credible sources has made it clear that motherly duas come true and Allah is on her side.

With me suffering being called ugly, black, and feeling hated at school, then coming home to my mother like this, I've begun to have suicidal thoughts. But I won't do it because I fear Allah and I don't want to die to perish in the afterlife even earlier now, just as she wished. I need help because I am feeling extremely depressed.


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4 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum,

    Dear Little Brother,

    May Allah protect you, raise you to be a person of great respect and give you a wonderful life and hereafter, Ameen.

    The people that put you down, and unfortunately, there are many, do so in order to elevate themselves. Their bullying you speaks volumes about their character and nothing of yours. Allah swt says in the Quran [3:26]:

    Say, "O Allah , Owner of Sovereignty, You give sovereignty to whom You will and You take sovereignty away from whom You will. You honor whom You will and You humble whom You will. In Your hand is [all] good. Indeed, You are over all things competent.

    You may know that Prophet Yusuf's AS brothers planned and plotted against him and went to great lengths to separate him from their father because he was loved and their jealousy got the best of their character--sometimes people can be so cruel, even those close to us. It could be that they are jealous, it could be because they do not have a good moral upbringing or they are void of love--so many reasons. But whatever the reason may be, none of that reflects on you. Your color, your looks, who you are, are those things that Allah swt intentionally chose in creating you. Do not let their words sting you. Even though there are others like you and have suffered like you, it may bring you no comfort--but what I can say is that you could make a difference.

    It is apparent from your writing that you are intelligent and are sensitive to the world around you. This is a very rare combination and it is a gift. Some pearls are not recognized by the greater population and sometimes they are even despised for it. I suggest that you start to embrace your good qualities despite the messages that society gives to you. It is so difficult.

    Is there a counsellor at school that you could speak to regarding this bullying? Or even to get support on how to deal with this? Can you listen to lectures on youtube regarding bullying and self-esteem? Perhaps you may find, in others' stories, a way to cope and rise above all this. I believe you can.

    Although I never suffered the extent of the bullying you have, I certainly did get many people name-calling me since I was a visible minority--they would say all kinds of things that I can't write here. I know what it feels like. I had no one to tell or share this way--I did nothing but listen and remain quiet. However, when I hear how other children suffer today, it certainly makes my blood boil and the hurt does come back. What I suggest is that you seek support via videos, counselling at school and reading the Quran and praying to Allah swt. If at all possible, take a self-defence course that will help you to gain confidence and give you reassurance for the long run.

    As for your mother, you have to pray for her. She sounds like she is not well and takes out her anger and problems on you. Ignore her words and make lots of du'a for her. What she is saying to you is wrong and it is not excusable. There are some mothers like this, unfortunately. Sometimes, it is a result of their own upbringing. Have you ever tried to tell her how it makes you feel? or would that make it worse?

    I pray that Allah swt makes you successful in this world and the next and may you get strength and confidence in all aspects of your life, Ameen.

  2. Go tell a teacher hating someone based on skin color is racist , these people can get in alot of trouble , if your in the west then what these people at school are doing may even be considered a hate crime.

    • Aslm dear little brother maybe if I share this with you might get inspired I was in school and my mom used to treat me bad I would get shouted at name calling she would always find something to bring me down for years I listened and started to believe that I am fat I am ugly I am stupid I would never amount to anything even something as simple as a hug or I love you I would not get from her sometimes I would not get food etc or go to school without anything to eat or to money to buy she would just never give me I started to find a way to cope working towards my dreams and what I would like to achieve in my life and I always knew that I would wanna be alone I would go into my thoughts not bad ones. But how I would like my life to be like and somehow whenever she spoke these harsh belittle things to me I would not hear it or I would but not take it to heart this also pushed me to work harder @school get good marks to get a good job so I can leave home alhamdullilah I did just that also somewhere in the accepted islam which also helped me a lot cause I felt like I belonged and all that anger I had towards my mom for all she did to me just vanished I'm doing for her all I can to assist even she's non moslem in my duas I always ask Allaah to open her heart and accept the truth to accept Allaah as her creator in shaa Allaah Ameen this I feel her ways directed me to not do or be like my mom was towards me to my kids as I knew how it felt to be on the receiving end of that I would also try to speak to your mum let her know how you feel to hear those things from her maybe this might help as for the bulling @school alert a teacher of what has been happening you are not alone in this Allaah is always there for us it's just that sometimes when we make dua we expect a quick answer or success but that not how it works be patient you unique, have a wonderful heart and Allaah created everyone perfectly.try and find a friend in school that maybe share the same hobbies as you I hope I could assist even if it just one thing but never give up I my not be related to you but in islam you are my little brother I'll keep you in my duas.keep your head up.Salaams

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