Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can a girl make nikah for herself without the consent of her parents/family?

secrets, hidden past,

Aselamu Aleykum Werahmetullahi Weberekatuhu

I have a friend who lives far away from her family like two different continents. She is now in confusing situations. The thing is, she met a guy who is from a different country. Now, they want to make nikkah but the problem is she doesn't want to tell her parents because she is afraid to talk about marriage stuff with any of her family members, she is a kind of person who accepts whatever her family says to her to do. On top of that, they sent her to study but she ends up with such a difficult situation. By the way, she is in between 26-29 years adult. The reasons why she wants to make nikkah are 1) she is scared that Allah is definitely angry with her to be involved in relationship, so she wanna make it halal 2) she is afraid that she will commit the biggest sin (zina) .. yes it is right that she is already committing sin by involving in haram relationship

So what is the solution? Can she make nikkah for herself and without wali and witnesses - to stay away from major sins? 

she doesn't want to leave the boy because he went to the country where she is living now because she promised him that she will take care of him as much as she can but this was out of her positive kindness and felt pity about his life. She never thought such things would happen between them, because she was a good muslimah; but things went wrong, they fall for each other. of course, NOONE is PERFECT and EVERYONE COMMITS SINS. Allah tests whom he loves, but she failed the test. Ya Al-Hafiz Ya Al-Salam, May Allah Protect us. She is now depressed because she is making Allah angry. She prays, fasts, makes dua. She believes that Allah's RAHMA and MEGHFIRA are a way bigger that her sins.

Note: the boy also agreed to do the nikkah if it is permissible to her to do it by herself at the local mosque

Jezakumullahu Khairen


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 Responses »

  1. Salam warahmatullah. Dear sister. What you have done and doing and what you wana do nikah by urself is haraam. Ur marriage will not be valid until u dnt have a wali. Ur parents .try to talk to ur parents first concens.them if they dont listn wait for their acceptence .else speak to any mufti or aalima . To give u best solution and pls protect urself. Allah helps those who make themself pure always. Loving is not haraam but wht we do while in love it ll make halaal or haraam allah support those who love in halal way.

  2. She should try and get over the fear of speaking with her parents because marriage is her right and her parents will expect her to tell them she wants to get married. The marriage won't be blessed if it's hidden, because it's considered haram. Both families need to be involved, her parents might see things in him that she doesn't see but if she's truly convinced about him she can convince her parents. Sometimes you need the opinions of people who care about you when making decisions. Remember that no matter who you decide to marry and how the after math is up to Allah. If you really want it to last and be blessed do it the way Allah has told you to. This is a life changing decision, it's creating a new life building a home and family. If you aren't obedient to your master you may end up in marriage that you hate.

  3. In the fiqh of the Marriage contract, you must a have a waliy, or a representative. Usually that person is the bride's father. Also, it is agreed by most scholars that you have to have the bride's guardian's consent before marriage. Please tell your friend this and advise her to speak to her parents (trust me everyone feels awkward about it).

  4. I have found an article you may find useful discussing this matter:
    You should at least try to obtain your familys permission. Is happiness in marriage, avoiding zina, not worth taking the courage to ask? Right now, you do not have their permission. If they say no, you still have no permission, so you actually do not lose anything by asking.

Leave a Response