Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can dua change my past?

Hi,

i am 20 years old, i have been in a relationship last year that went on for about less than a year. when i entered this relationship i had really serious intentions, all i wanted was to have a beautiful blessed marriage. I've always been a girl who knows my religion, what is right and what is wrong. i know punishments and i have always feared Allah (swt). when we both entered the relationship we were both religious about it, until we started to fall for our nefs. we havent completely done zina, but i know that even holding hands is a form of zina, so the other stuff we did is counted as lower form of zina. the sins we did got inbetween us because i know that Allah (swt) knew that we were just poisoning each other.

back then i was never able to see outside the box, i dont know what is was, its like i had a curtain over my eyes. But now im full of regrets. i cant forgive myself. i did stuff that i would have never thought id ever do in my life, i feel used, i feel like a shame. i ask forgiveness everyday and every chance i have. its been 5 months and i still feel the pain and regret like they one. i feel like a walking disgrace. i know that ill never take part of these mistakes again because i feel the pain and i dont know if my regrets will ever leave, and maybe that way Allah (swt) will forgive my mistakes. but i dont know if ill ever forgive myself. i can never get my past out my mind and what scares me the most is that when im seeking for forgiveness what if people find out? i have a well respected family and i am so scared that they are going to find out their daughter is a shame. i dont want to leave my room, i never go out the house, i cry about 80% of the day, i feel like everyone knows my story. im scared that people will call me that one word i feared my whole life. i get shamed of my self.  i dont look in the mirror, i dont go in public, i feel ashamed that i cant even go in the mosque. each time someone says im an amazing person or say im a good girl its like something stabs my heart and i just want to go in my bed and cry. im scared that my sins will be there for the rest of my life that if i forget people will never. i know that if god want to get his believers back on track he aflicts them with trials,  and i know that it made me a better person. ive never been this connected with god or practicing my religion. but it kills me how im so sinful. i look at my friends and go i wish i was as clean as them, so pure. i fear that ill never be able to function if my past gets heard. im scared thats its already getting heard and i dont even know about it. what scares me the most is my sins make me feel suicidal. i feel like its too much to carry and i dont know how to deal with them. each time i come eye contact with someone i feel like they know my story, im scared i am going to loose my loved ones. i havent told anyone about my sins and have no intentions too.

i dont know if anyone ever witnessed anything, nothing has ever came to my ear yet, but my question is if dua can change fate/destiny then if i was to make dua too allah (swt) if anyone witnessed or heard about my past can somehow forget or maybe its like they never saw or heard, will it be possible? because im doing my researches, and i have came across that if Allah (swt) did not want us to make a dua to be accepted he would have not put that dua in our mind in the first place. is this possible? when i am trying to build on my religion and be the best of i can ever be, i dont want people out there to know and judge me. i want my mistakes to stay in between me and Allah (swt). is what i am asking for an impossible dua?  please give me advice, im so desperate for anything that will make my fears leave me.

also when i make dua, am i meant to be 100% sure that its going to be accepted? because sometimes i feel doubt and it makes me feel a guilt in my heart, since nothing is impossible for Allah (swt).

Advertisements

Tagged as: , , , , , ,

3 Responses »

  1. You are feeling remorse. That's the most powerful manifestation that Allah wants you to get near to Him, and that He has accepted your repentence. He wont divulge your sins to anyone.

    But mark my words. Satan will try his level best to make you complacent and commit you to sins once again since this is his primary objective. Sway the believers away from religion as much as he can. So, in order to avoid yourself from sinning again, just keep this golden rule in my mind. Do not talk to non-mahrams in seclusion and do not talk to them in general unless there is an emergency.

    Keep reciting Astagfar. Keep repenting. And live a happy life. You are good to go! And remember when you feel buried under your sins, it's not a bad thing per se. It's good. It means Allah loves you and He keeps instilling these thoughts in your mind. What is the net result? You feel more and more remorse and are unlikely to commit this sin again. Also, remember that time is the best healer. You are feeling the pain right now. It's been 5 months. I can assure you that 5 more months from now, this will get out of your head. Give time some time. It will change itself.

  2. Assalaamualaikum.

    Mashallah.

    Allah will not make your past known to anybody at all, sister, if you truly make taubah meaning if you remain consistent in performing good deeds after you make taubah.

    Here's a beautiful story of man who was in a situation just like you, from the story of the Prophet Musa (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)

    It has been related that during the time of Musa (Moses) (may the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him): the Children of Israel were afflicted with a drought. The people went to Musa (may the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) and said, "O one who has spoken to Allah, invoke your Lord to provide us with rain." He, accompanied by the people, went out to the desert, they numbered 70,000 or more.

    Musa (may the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) supplicated for rain and for Allah's mercy. However nothing happened, except that the sky seemed to be even drier and the sun seemed even more oppressive with its heat. Musa (may the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) was surprised and asked his Lord for the reason behind that. Allah inspired to him, "Indeed, among you is a slave who has been challenging Me with sins for the past forty years. Call out to the people until he comes out from among them, for because of him you were prevented (from rain)." Musa (may the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "My Lord, I am a weak slave and my voice is weak. How can my voice convey (to them) when they are 70,000 or more in number?" Allah inspired to him, "From you is the call and from Us is its conveyance."

    Musa (may the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) stood as a caller and said, "O sinning slave who has challenged Allah with sins for the last forty years, come out from among us, for because of you we have been deprived from rain."

    The sinner turned to the left and to the right. Seeing no one coming out from among them, made him realise that he was the one who was wanted. He (the sinner) said to himself, "If I go forward from among this group of creation, then I will expose myself. But if I sit with them, then they will be deprived because of me." The man put his head in his garment, regretting his evil deeds. He said "My Lord, I have disobeyed you for forty years and You (Allah) have given me respite. I have come to You (Allah) in obedience, so accept it from me."

    He no sooner finished his speech when a white cloud appeared and the rain came down in abundance.

    Musa (may the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "My Lord, why did You give us drink when none from among us came out?" Allah inspired to him and said, "O Musa, I have given you rain because of the same man who was the reason why I (Allah) prevented you from rain (the man who repented).
    Musa (may the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "My Lord, let me see this obedient slave." Allah inspired to him and said, "O Musa, I did not expose him when he was disobeying Me, then do you expect Me to expose him while he is obedient to Me?"

    May Allah accept your repentance. Salaam.

  3. Dear Sister: Continue making taubah, but stop beating yourself up. Many Believers make terrible decisions and find themselves filled with regrets. Sometimes this is the only way we can learn to be dutiful to Allah. Every human being has weaknesses. When we realize we have done something wrong and turn to Allah to forgive us, that is a very good thing. And you have done a good thing to wipe out a bad thing by making taubah.

    Insha Allah you have many years to do good deeds, to fast, say extra prayers and to spend in the way of charity. And to be forgiving of others who may wrong you. That in itself is a blessing. Do not discuss your error with anyone. If you feel compelled to do so, turn to Allah and continue to ask only Him for His forgiveness. Allah's capacity to forgive us can not be calculated in any way. Allah is the Greatest Forgiver. Through His forgiveness, our worries become smaller, and often our bad deeds are wiped away.

Leave a Response