can he propose marriage to me, and then convert later?
I'm a 21 year old Arab muslim girl and I've led a life free of any major sins but I still do repent to Allah and seek forgiveness. I'm in a relationship with a Romanian guy and we are serious about marriage. He's Christian Orthodox but he's completely understanding to Islam's way of life. He respects me and does not demand anything that I can't give.
We discussed his converting into Islam, but he's religious and at the beginning he had a hard time digesting the idea of converting, he warmed up to the idea now and I'm trying to find out if he has to convert to Islam and then propose to me, or he can convert after he proposes?
Our biggest (and only) point of difference : he believes that Jesus is the son of God, I say he's not. So it's a matter of belief for him. However, if we don't get married then he can't go back to Christianity but will have lost the original religion to which he's strongly attached for no reason.
I would appreciate if i knew when he can or has to convert, and whether he has to change his name (Andrei Gabriel 'first name') because I know the last name can't be changed.
-randrei7
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He doesn't need to change his name unless his name could be considered Islamicly offensive. (SOURCE: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/should-i-change-my-name/) The reason why people like to change their name when entering a new religion is because it keeps their faith closer to them. جبريل, Jibrīl sounds like a nice Arabic name if he wants to change it though or use it as a nickname.
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I'm sorry, but no it's not permitted for him to be involved(engagement, marriage) with you then convert. You guys aren't allowed to date either, but you said you have not committed any bad sins so I'm going to read relationship as friendship. In regard to engagement it's no-good, cause of what you said, "However, if we don't get married then he can't go back to Christianity but will have lost the original religion to which he's strongly attached for no reason." He should only convert to Islam if he feels it in his heart like he feels for orthodox Christianity, then if an engagement occurs with you or some other Muslim woman and the engagement fails there is no worry about him losing anything or the girl being lead-on.
There's nothing wrong with you having a friend you talk about Islam with. My friends give me "Mini-lectures" whenever we go to the Islamic Art Section at LACMA, and may I not agree with all of it the joy they have from talking gives me the patience to listen and try to understand their P.O.V. . I think you should do that with this man, with another person with you (like your sister and her husband or something), rather than try to marry him ATM. I know it hurts, but it'd only hurt more if you try even harder via him converting for engagement and never being content with his deen and taking it out on you. Don't do it tomorrow though! Take a step back and try to cool down, and once you're cool enough to only want a close non-Muslim friend who is interested in Islam rather than a fiancée. He may turn to Islam one day, and once you know he's sincere you could go about marriage.
Something I found:
Sheikh Muhammad Nur Abdullah, president of ISNA (Islamic Society of North America) and member of the Fiqh Council of North America, states the following:
First of all, a person cannot put a condition for his or her conversion, i.e., that he or she is embracing Islam just to get married to so-and-so. This is not accepted when stipulated and clearly stated. However, if anyone says the Shahadah, then we accept his or her conversion even though his or her intention might be impure, as we are supposed to deal with people based on what they show us and Allah takes care of their real intentions that they hide inside themselves.
You said, "There's nothing wrong with you having a friend you talk about Islam with." This is true if the friend is of the same sex. It is absolutely forbidden in Islam for a woman to be friends, girlfriend/boyfriend or any other unnecessary mixing with non-mahram men. That's the reason that this poster is in this predicament in the first place, because she mixed with the opposite sex and took up a haram relationship. If he is sincerely interested in Islam then he can go to the masjid and befriend some Muslim brothers to guide him. In the meantime she should cut off all contact with this man. If he is sincere about being Muslim after thoroughly studying it, then he should contact her wali to discuss marriage.
Salaam Sister
I'm not a scholar so this is just my opinion - I have a daughter who is almost your age.
Why did you begin a "relationship" with an orthodox Christian man to begin with anyway? I think that was a mistake. You should know that a Muslim girl must marry a Muslim man - you strictly cannot marry someone of another faith.
I don't recommend him reverting to Islam if marriage to you is the only motivation - he should only revert if he really believes that this is the one true faith, and believes in the Shahada wholeheartedly.
What if you get married, and then you die - will he then leave Islam?!
Marriage is a lifelong commitment, with many responsibilities and many ups and downs - it's hard enough when you're religiously compatible. Hormones play a big role at this stage in your life - attraction and lust alone are poor foundations for marriage. Believe me, you are not the only girl in the world for him, nor is he the only man in the world for you - you're just wearing rose-coloured glasses for now.
"However, if we don't get married then he can't go back to Christianity but will have lost the original religion to which he's strongly attached for no reason". - I don't understand this sentence - I understood from your post that he's still of the Christian faith.
My advice to you would be to keep totally apart for a while, at least a year. Concentrate on your studies or work. During this year, he needs to study Islam in depth and make sure this is really what he wants to do. If he then decides to revert, I don't see a problem with you two getting married if you both still want to.
As for changing his name, read the article on this site about name changing. But I really think that's a very minor issue regarding your situation for now.
Have you spoken to anyone in your family about this? At least speak to your mother, or ask an imam's advice as well. Anything done in secret is usually wrong.
Please don't be offended by my advice - I'm talking to you as if you're my daughter. Take care and be safe.
Salaam.
If he's only converting because then he can marry u, is wrong!!!! If he doesn't changes his beliefs with a pure heart, then its not worth it. Sister ur so young rite now, y r u inflicting tis pain on urself?! U shouldn't have involved urself with tis guy frm the start. U should of just maintain ur 'friendship' and nuthin else. See if u can move on, am pretty sure Allah has someone better out there for u. Someone whose loving, caring, and a practicing Muslim. Inshallah u will make the rite decision.
Salam, sister
My opinion is that, if he still believes that Jesus is the son of God then he is not a muslim yet. We muslims believe Jesus was a Messenger of Allah, just like Muhammad and Moses (peace be upon them all). Saying that anyone is the son of God is blasphemy and goes against what the Quran teaches us so, your boyfriend is not a muslim.
I don't think you should marry him. At least not yet. I'm afraid that if he converts now, it will only be so he can marry you, and it won't be from the heart. And you don't to be married to a kaffir, do you ?
I'm sorry if that wasn't what you wanted to hear, sister. You can always pray that Allah guides his heart to imaan. I sincerely hope He does inshaAllah. Allah Kareem.
Salam.
Although Islam allows Muslim men to marry Christian and Jewish women, Islam does not allow Muslim women to marry a non-Muslim.
That means you cannot marry or engage with or propose to a non-Muslim guy until he becomes a Muslim.
Even if he becomes Muslim, as others pointed out, you cannot assign much wight to his faith, as he would be converting for a worldly reason. As I said somewhere, anything done for worldly reason is very fickle. Since your BF is so committed to Christianity, there is no guarantee that he would not revert to Christianity after marriage.
Look before you leap, because marriage has the potential to build or destroy both your duniya and akhirah.
Asalamu aleikum sister!.
"Once upon a time there were a non-Muslim man and Muslim practicing Hijabi girl. Then they fell in love with each other, the girl came to an Imam and told the Imam that this man wants to marry her and convert to Islam, the Imam asked the man if he wants to convert to Islam, the man said that he does not want yet, but first wants to marry her. The Imam refused to make meher (to tie them) as the man is not Muslim.
Then the girl went to another Imam she told the story and this Imam without exploring the issue made meher, then the new family took there time. After a while the girl came back to the first Imam demanding a divorce. The girl told to this Imam what happened after him. Then the Imam asked her non-Muslim husband what happened and why he did not become Muslim. The husband ironically said " I wanted to know what is under this Hijab, but they are the same as our women, so I am not ready"".
I would say everyone is not the same as the story guy, but if your friend is not completely interested in our religion after you explained to him then leave him for the sake of Allah. Do not accept him unless he is practicing Muslim. Put this above story on back your ear. Jazaakallah.