Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I never liked him but was forced to marry him; is it OK if I divorce him?

law fiqh marriage divorce

Assalam o Alaikum,

Hope all of you well and good.  Please if possible answer me in Urdu.

Problem is that I have been married for one year. My husband is my mother's cousin from father side; meaning my uncle but still they got me married to him. I was engaged to him in childhood against my parent's will but then my mother agree later on.

I was little when I moved to Europe and then little by little I started understanding life. I kept telling my parents that I don't want to get married to my fiance for 4 years; as I didn't like him from the start.

My father was on my side but my mother wasn't as she wanted me to get married to my fiance. After 4 years, I came to UK where my uncle was already present. I told my uncle and my parents as well that if I don't want to get married then why they are forcing me to marry him. But, no one listened to me even I shouted and cried but to no avail. Even I told my fiance as well that I don't want to get married to him; he was in Pakistan and I was in UK. I told him that several years ago.

Everyone was forcing me so much that I had to say "yes". We got married but after marriage, we used to fight a lot. I spent 1 month in Pakistan then I returned to UK.

After spending 3 months in UK, I realized that I can't spend my whole life with him. In future when we have kids, they will suffer too. That's why I went to Pakistan after 3 months so that I can get him to come to UK asap so that I can break this marriage once he is here (U.K). But, they refused him visa:(.

After returning to Pakistan, and I didn't want to have any intimate relations with him. When he used to touch me, I wanted to push him but I fear Allah a lot. What do I do? I am tired of fights and have decided to leave him as he is irresponsible. He loves me but he is two faced person.

I have grown to hate him a lot after just 3 months of marriage. Not that, I liked him before marriage either but I thought to fulfill my mother's wish. I wanted to make this marriage work from my heart but he is very negative, self-centered and thinks lowly of others.

Please help me; is it OK if I divorce and leave him. I can't live with him under any circumstances otherwise I will die. Please answer me in detail as it is very important issue in my life.

wasalam and allah hafiz,



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17 Responses »

  1. im so sorry im going throw the same thing it would be
    nice if we can talk about this if you want to talk please let me know as i need
    to talk to someone like you with same problem =[

    • I have been living with my forced marriage for 15 years and its horrible.

      (Remainder of comment has been removed. If you need advice then please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - Editor)

  2. Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullah,

    (Sorry, I do not speak Urdu). You should divorce him. Forced marriage is prohibited in Islam. A forced marriage is considered to be void. Although you consented in the end, you were clearly pressured into it. You are not a commodity or a slave, and no one has the right to make these important life choices for you without your consent.

    Since you have no children and you have only been married a short time, it should be easy to separate yourself from him and obtain a divorce.

    By the way, he is not your "uncle" Islamically. You might call him uncle as a matter of tradition, but in fact he is not a true uncle by lineage and is not a mahrem. So your marriage was not illegal on that count. However, if your marriage was forced then it is invalid. And Allah knows best.

    Wael Editor

    • dear brother wael, iam just going to translate in urdu what you have said. you can delete this if you think its not required as the sisters question is in perfect english and she lives in uk. i think she wants someone to read this reply who will grasp it better in Urdu. may be her mom or husband.iam not a translater but urdu in my first language and i will try to do my best.

      ( maafi chahata hoon, mein urdu naheen bolta). aap apne shohar ko talaaq de dein.zabardasti ki shaadi ki Islam mein koi jagha naheen. zabardasti ki shaadi Islam mein kharij tasawer ki jati hai.agarche aap ne akhir mein haan ki thi magar aap per dabao daal ke haan karwai gai thi.aap koi cheez ya ghulaam naheen, aur koi haq naheen rakhta aap ke liye faisla karne ka aap ki marzi ke baghair.

      aap ki koi aulaad naheen hai aur aap ki shaadi ko thora hi waqat hua hai, aap ke liye apne shohar se alehda hona aur tallaq laina asaan ho ga.

      islam ki nazar mein aap ke shohar aap ke 'uncle' naheen hain. aap un ko uncle apne riwaj ke mutabik keh sakti hain magar wo rishtay mein aap ke uncle naheen hain aur aap ke liye namahram hain.aap ki shaadi us lihaaz se islam ki nazar mein ghair qanooni naheen hai.magay agar shadi zabardasti hoi hai tu wo khatam samjhi jai gi. walah-o-alam.

  3. I say leave him go be happy, I don't believe in arrange marriges because my cousin is going threw the same thing it makes me sad how arrange marriges still goes on, Allah want to see all of us happy and your human you need to be happy nobody is in your heart to feel your pain only Allah knows, insallah everything work out for you soon.

  4. Sister leave this man!!
    You shouldn't be in the forced marriage your parents may not agree with this right now but later will understand.
    No one deserves to be in a forced loveless marriage.

  5. salam sister, app apne shohar ko talaq dein, islam mein maharam sein shadi karna GUNAH hai, woa ap sein barein lagtein hai rishtein mein, good luck

    • Amna,

      The sister has married her mother's cousin. Your mother's male cousin is not your mahram, so you can Islamically marry him.

      SisterZ Editor

  6. sister leave this man you wont be happy and arrange marriages don't work if dil is not clicked with the other person trust me i know my cousins and friends are in the same boat and it makes me sad even when kids are involved what one does one say this makes me grateful im still happy and single regardless

  7. I want a divorce too. Everytime I see a happy couple I get so jealous. I want divorce because this arranged marriage thing is not working for me 🙁
    here's my story:

    (I have removed your comment and I submitted it on your behalf as a separate post. It will be published in turn Insha'Allah. - Editor)

  8. Dear Sister,

    i can understand your feelings. You should take divorce because you were clearly forced into a marriage. I have been in a same situation for the last 10 months but the problem is that talking about divorce is easy. but the fact is that you had no strengths to stop your parents when they were forcing you into a marriage now taking divorce is a lot more difficult. For that, you even required a much more strength.

  9. Salam Sisters,
    I am a 19 year old girl who was forced into a marriage I was not willing to go through with 🙁 My father and mother both knew I was not ready for it my dad is very demanding so everyone fears him. my dad said to me that if I did not go through with the wedding I would be dead for him and I would have to leave his house for ever! as I had nowhere to go I had to agree. On my wedding day I fainted twice with the worry because I knew this isn't where I wanted to go. My mum on the othr hand is scared to speak up against my dad even though she knew what I was going through. I have only been married 4 months but have been beaten by my husband 4 times. he said he only married me for a british visa my life is hell!! whn he beat me I told my dad about it but he told me to shut up and be quite about it! my dad claims im wrong because I am from the UK. I do not know what to do sisters I am scared to apply for divorce in case I lose my famiy but I cant live with him any longer! my dad is now getting a mortgage so we can have a house together!!! if he has beat me whilst we have been living in my parents house what will he do when we are alone! my friends kep suggesting I tell the police but I can not because it will affect my family izaat! please help me

    • Sister Sabz, if you want detailed advice then you need to log in and write your question as a separate post. My short answer to you would be, leave him. You have nothing but misery ahead with this man. If you have a friend or relative who can take you in, then do that. If not, go to a women's shelter. Try to find a job and live on your own, Insha'Allah. I realize it's a difficult choice, but you cannot stay in the situation you are in.

      Wael Editor

  10. Sister sabz take wael's advice. Go to the women's shelter. I wish I had done it. Like you I had the same reasons but in the end I was thrown out and disowned by the same family I was sacraficing my life for. I didn't bring the man over to England. I refused to sign the papers. I didn't leave because I was scared of being alone and now being disowned by the family it hurts and I struggle to continue but I know I have to. ALLAH SWT has better plans for me. I'm still in the same city. Family swears and mocks me every time they see me and it kills but I cry only to God that I'll get something better in return.
    Go and find happiness. This is NOT ISLAM.

  11. I first liked my husband then I didn't but it was ti late he told me he has been with. So many girls. And clubbing and dose not pray...
    I said to My parents that i don't want to they wer Like no you have to now everyone knows. You either get out or get married to him.
    I didnt have no were to go not much money and not close family so I married him but I want a divorce bit. Don't have no were to go

  12. I am a boy and even its happened with me. I am thinking to divorce now.

    • and same thing is going to happen with me...i dnt want to ruined life of her.but i have to do this as if i remain alive.

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