Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can I divorce my husband who abuses me mentally and physically?

abuse violent physical beat

Salaam 3alaikom

My english is not so good but I hope  you understand me.

I am married for 5 years and have a son of 2.5 years. My husband abused me the first 4 years mentally (still sometimes) and physically. He was also very miserly. He does not pray. I have the idea that he does not really believe even if he says so. For example, he made a note such as "why should we pray, if we do not pray we go to hell, so it's forced. Why does it have to be so forced? '' Sometimes he went for me during the prayer and said nasty things to me (after we had a fight). until last year, nobody knew it.

He has abused me even when I was pregnant. He has kicked me once in my stomach when I was heavily pregnant for the rest it was pushing and pulling. When I wasn't pregnant , he was throwing things at me, name calling , kicking etc. He said things like "I'm going to beat that child out of you"  after that always name calling. He did this even on the street! Sometimes he says also mean things to my son if he doesn't want to listen. A neighbor told me that she has heard how he was berating me. Since then,  I am always ashamed when I see the neighbors .

I had no keys of the Windows, balcony doors, mailbox and the storage space.
I always had to ask for permission if I wanted something. And if I wanted to eat something and went to the fridge, he would say wait until dinner, you are thick (I'm not overweight). And if my family came to eat dinner I had to do the grocery , because he doesn't want to pay (while I had almost no money, just enough to have lunch on work). He did not even want to lend me 20. I paid for everything in the house, helped with paying the bills . He earns more than enough and has a lot of savings. He also never wanted to do sadaqa. He never wanted to buy a sheep with 3ied or donate to the poor. If my parents asked I lied that we had already donated to a poor relative of a friend of his.

When I gave birth to my son I became very depressed. I stopped working. I just sat at home. I never saw my friends, my family very little. Then I realized how deeply unhappy I was. I was allowed to invite my family several times with difficulty. I even had to cancel them when they were on their way because he didn't feel like.

Ultimately  I told my family and they said, "give it one more  chance and say that  more knowledge to gain about the islam and must pray (he has no desire to gain knowledge, also not a good example for his son). You have a child and he needs his father."

One day it was so bad that the police came and got him arrested. He offered several times in tears his apologies, and said that he was wrong and would never do it again, he would pray, had promised not to scold or say mean things to me and would not be miserly anymore. We were a few weeks apart, after that I gave him a chance because I believed he would change.

It's a year ago now. He doesn't beat me anymore. He pays all the Bills and does grocery. (must listen to it every day that he does)

He gives money with difficulty to pay my bills. (He does not want me to work but stay at home and take care of our son). I get exactly the amount to pay my bills, have no money for public transport or if I need anything. I get to hear that every day that he pays my bills and that I shouldn't complain.

He prays almost never, sometimes but not always all 5 prayers. I have the idea that he just does because he is afraid that I'll leave him.

He takes me down sometimes with nasty comments. He has his character traits still but much less.

He often does fun things with our child and plays a lot with him.

I am disgusted by my husband if touches me.

I'm still unhappy and I don't want to be with him anymore. I am still with him because of our child.
Am afraid that my child will blame me later and becomes unhappy. Im also afraid that my child will takeover his behavior.

Can someone please advise me and tell what islam says about this?
Is it allowed for me to divorce ?
And what are my obligations to my child? Should I stay with him because of my child ? What does islam say?

JazakAllah Khair

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7 Responses »

  1. Sister Salaam aleikum, I Am shock. I Will never accept this If My man did this to me. Islam doesnt support this kind of things. Our prophet pbuh said to the muslims men to respect their wives and be Really good to them. I Am So shock. You have the right to divorce him and Tell him that you cannot live with him like this. Sister I Am here for you. You can give me your WhatsApp number zo that we can talk more and give you proofs and Also that I can support you. Please think about your Son. Your Son doenst need to suffer this. You need to project him.

  2. Bismillah.
    I have been in a similar situation as this sister.
    I am now going through divorce.
    I have 2 kids and the only regret I have is why didn't I do this earlier.
    Trust me there is no space for this behaviour in Islam.
    So get on with living your life.
    U can do it and u will inshahallah

  3. asallam o alikum dear sister its all seems like that your husband is far away from his deen that is why he is doing this i wish and pray may Allah give hadiat to your husband insha Allah be ptient a little more please do not think about divorce right now each of the two spouses must treat the other well, and adhere to that which Allaah has commanded of kind and decent treatment. Allaah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “and live with them honourably”

    [al-Nisa’ 4:19]

    “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them”

    [al-Baqarah 2:228]

    i hope and pray your husband will be fine with you soon insha Allah do not abuse him back do not fight with him if he does keep silent this will also make effect on him as hazrat umar rA said that in spouse if one is fire the other should be water so i can understand all you mention but give him some chance insha Allah he will realise his mistake oneday and will be nice and good muslim remmeber we muslim have power of dua so use that Alla love to hear insha Allah all will be fine but do not think about divorce ,islam give right women to get divorce for the valid reason but if you will be patient insha Allah all will be fine just never be hopeless make dua as much as you can and try to read quran daily so may shytan leave your house because fight in spouse happen by shytan so try to read daily last two ayyat of surah baqrah jazak allah khair remmeber me in your prayer as you are in mine

  4. You should tell him about deen you mention his note about prayer or it is imposible then when he is sitting with you watch islamic programs on tv or share links with him islamic youtube channels bcz its all whispers from shytaan if he act upon whispers he will be sinner and may be he become disbeliver and his behaviour effect your son ,he change his behaviour towards you irs good and you should accept you and make dua to ALLAH THAT HE change your heart for your husband if really he changed het behaviour and if he does not listen and accept true concept of islam then you should leave for deen and for your son bcz disbeliver will bad impact on your son.

  5. Sister
    I am not trying to be rude, What are you thinking and why are you staying with this.
    I was also married to an abusive man, it was an arranged marriage where the guy was using me for greencard and his sexual desires.
    YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME sister. I am sorry but you are. I told my family and they told me to come to them. I have separted since then due to his abusive behaviors. I have seperated missing our greencard intereview which he never got.

  6. Divorce him...........NOW

    Your husband will never change. Court will give you your child and court will make him pay for support.
    Your neighbors are your witnesses. They will testify in court.

    If you don't give him a divorce, your son will see this and your son will become exactly like his father and then will do the same with his wife. Your son is young and there is still time to save him.

    Your husband is abusing you.

  7. what are you waiting for sister???
    an abuser will always be a abuser...u need to take action now otherwise ur son will learn exactly what his father is doing...n most importantly sister it's about u not ur son..no one deserves this kind of treatment.... u are his wife not a commodity... u have ur own self-respect n dignity.. divorce him n free urself from his cage..do it for YOURSELF... because u deserve better...

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