Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can I divorce my husband without a valid reason?

Crying Muslim Woman

Asalaamu wa aleykum,

I'm very confused, so please help me.

I got married back in 2014 and it's been nine years since. Before marriage, I was in a serious relationship with someone. He approached my family for marriage and all, gained my trust, and unfortunately, I fell into zina. I was a teenager at that time without Islamic knowledge. I didn't know zina is a major sin. Astaghfirullah.

After a few years, this ex told me he cannot marry. I was completely shattered! I tried multiple suicide attempts, but Alhamdulillah, Allah saved me every time. I couldn't think of my life without him...not even a day.

Anyways, after a year, my parents got me married to someone else. I told him about my past. He accepted me. He is very loving and caring.

The problem is that I still think about my ex. I thought that as time passes, I will forget him, but each day, it's getting worse. I feel pain in my heart. I feel I don't deserve such a loving husband and that he deserves someone better than me.

I start fights with my husband without any reason. We in fact even divorced each other and got back together!

But wallahi I'm still into my ex totally. I cry oceans every day. I pray to Allah to heal me but it's been ten years! I can't take it anymore. I'm having suicidal thoughts every day.


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7 Responses »

  1. Asalamualaykum Dear Sister,

    You write: The problem is that I still think about my ex. I thought that as time passes, I will forget him, but each day, it's getting worse. I feel pain in my heart. I feel I don't deserve such a loving husband and that he deserves someone better than me.

    Sister, let me tell you something. A man that loves and cares about you is rare and not something you should take for granted. Allah has granted you a wonderful man, while your ex used you for his own purposes and then discarded you without a second thought. Remember that Allah always replaces our losses with something or someone better, so I would encourage you to make a list of all of your husband's positive qualities, really reflect on them, and see how he is better than what you had before.

    The fact that you've already divorced and then remarried your current husband means that there is something there of substance. Please do not ignore that. I believe Allah has blessed you with what you need but you are not seeing it because of your low self-esteem. You don't see that you DO deserve a loving man! Allah values you more than you yourself do.

    The reality is that you got no closure in your previous relationship, and therefore keep replaying all the "good times" over and over. You could instead go to counseling to help you process those feelings. There are professionals who work with people like you every day, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Resolving grief takes work.

    If you let this guy go again, you may regret it, and he may not be around the next time to take you back.

    My strong recommendation is to fully appreciate your husband.

    With love,


  2. The problem is if you divorce your husband will your ex take you as a wife? How are you sure he is still in love with you the way you are with him? don't fall victim of circumstances, don't you have children with your present husband? Pray to Allah to show you way. But be sure if your ex is ready to take you or else is the Zina you're running away from you'll still meet.

  3. Sister, you are extremely stupid and hesitant to accept God’s blessings. A man who has used you as tissue paper and dumped you without any empathy how come you still want him and have feelings for him? You do not have any self-esteem or self-respect in your eyes? If someone does the same to me believe me, I will be his worse enemy of him, strange

  4. You're so lucky to have found a good husband that you yourself acknowledge is loving and kind to you. SubhanAllah. Some sisters wish they have what Allah has given you. Please think twice before doing anything drastic and take Nor's advice to heart. InshaAllah.

  5. So can I marry your husband if he is loving and caring and provides for you? I am looking to get married. You are ungrateful and don't deserve such a husband. I know so many unmarried women desperate to get married even falling into despair and wanting children.

  6. Salam,

    I think people is being unnecessary rude to this sister, its easy to judge someone from thr outside.

    You were attached to someone and was in love and he betrayed that love and trust you has in him even after ten years of marriage you aren't able to forget him and you feel guilty. I don't think you love him, I think you are right to feel confused. The person who you knew is that not person anymore, you are not the person that you were ten years ago. I'm sure if you were to see him, you would not feel anything. You are just living in the past and it's not allowing to move on and appreciate what you have. I think you should seek therapy and see if you can work through the trauma. Maybe in time you will allow yourself to love the husband which I'm sure you do.

    InshaAllah things will get better for you, please don't give up on your marriage.

  7. Set him free sister, he doesn't deserve this. He deserves a caring and loving person like himself. The fact that he supported you after disclosing your past to him speaks volumes about him, he is a noble and rare man in today's world which many women are dying for.

    Please don't destroy his life, either be the wife he deserves or let him marry someone who will keep him happy.

    Asalam alaykum

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