Can I do Istikhaarah for being in a relationship?
It is only Nikah that makes a man her Mahram
okay so i am a girl and i have been in a relation with a guy he cheated on me and i was confused so i thought to do the istekhara with tasbih and i got a good result so firstly is my istekhara valid for this haram purpose like i think i should carry on with the guy but doing istekhara for this is it valid because i already know its a wrong thing i am doing istekhara for like for being with a guy without marriage although i want to marry him later on i am really confused what should i do?
- kianmen
4 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Assalamualaikum,
Being in a relationship before Nikah is Haraam. Istikhaarah for a purpose that is Haraam is not allowed.
If your Istikhaarah is for knowing whether you should marry him or not, it should then be fine.
You should not carry on with the guy, except by a Halaal way.
- Abu Abdul Bari
Salaam sister,
You can't do Istikhaara for a haraam purpose. This website has some good information about Istikhaara and I would advise you to read it.
Secondly, you already know this relationship is haraam. There are many reasons why dating is a bad idea - relationships break down so easily, more infidelity, increased risk of contracting a disease, not knowing the paternity of a child... The most important and overarching reason is that Allah requests us to refrain from it.
Thirdly, he's cheated on you. You're worth more than someone who will disrespect you in this way, and if he's done it already, the odds are greater that he'll do it again. If you have been sexually involved with this boy, please get a checkup with your doctor or a family planning clinic, to make sure you're OK.
It can be hard to give up something we love, but our love for Allah must come first. Study Islam, surround yourself with supportive sisters and family, and focus on things which have a positive effect in your life.
You cannot do Istikhaarah for something which is haraam. So the Islamic view of pre-marital relationships is that they are haraam. You ask whether you should stay with him or leave him - the answer is clear. You need to leave him, no matter how difficult it is - for the sake of Allah. You will surely be rewarded In Sha Allah
Ask Abu Abdul Bari said above you can do Istikhaarah for the purpose of marriage. (So if you are not in any sort of haraam relationship with someone, and want to consider them for marriage then you it is valid - and recommended strongly- to do istikhaarah.) However I would advise you not to consider this man. You shoudnt have been in a pre-marital relationhip and there are no expectations - but if this man can't commit to you before marriage (if he disrespects you in this way) then how do you expect him to after marriage. His act of cheating speaks volumes about his character.
My advice to you: leave this man, make tawbah, work on improving your relationship with Allah - this is a lifetime thing we can never perfect it but start now, and ask Allah to give you a spouse who is best for you. Ask Allah to give you someone who will treat you well and love you. If this guy fits these categories then nothing you say or do will stop him approaching you in the correct manner for marriage. If not then you will move on and In Sha Allah find someone better eventually. Trust in Allah.
Please read the links below:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/the-sin-of-adultery-and-fornication-part-2/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/the-sin-of-adultery-and-fornication-part-3/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/istikhara-in-the-light-of-the-sunnah/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/power-of-salat-ul-istikhara/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/salat-al-istikhara-in-arabic/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/the-prayer-of-need-salat-al-hajah-or-istikhara/
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister,
The fact that he cheated on you even before marriage is very suspicious that he is lacking in morals and will do it again no matter how nice he is and how much he apologizes.
Is this the character that you imagined for your future husband?
Dont look at how you feel about him, because this is lust/sexual attraction- but look at his character- he does not care about Allah's will and not only is a part of your haraam relationship but is a part of another cheating haraam relationship. Also, clearly, his loyalty is swayed by his desire and lust very easy- this is not husband material sister. Because there are many other women in society who will temp him to cheat again if he has no self control.
Move on, take a breath from this relationship which you know is haraam. Tell your parents about the next relationship and involve them in finding a righteous man sister. Marriage is no joke and you dont want to be stuck with someone who is going to cause you heartache and take you away from Allah.
Character is much more important that the lust you feel for this man. Real love is the day in day out relationship you build with a good spouse.
All the best with your decision. Its hard, but some things you just have to do. Have a friend with you if need support to write a break up letter and let your friend make sure you send it if that if what you really intend. I know it helps to have a friend there to give you a reality check.