Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can I keep his child away from him?


May Allah grant us all with the beautiful blessing of parenthood, aameen.

I was previously in a premarital relationship with a guy and we committed a lot of sins. I knew what we were doing was wrong and I regret it but I was infatuated by what I thought was love I couldn't stop myself. Now two and a half years later I'm pregnant.

I told him I'm pregnant and he realised what the result of our wrongdoings have caused. Our child is the result of zina. We talked about how to tell our parents, even though he knew this was bad he was happy about his child but he suddenly changed and decided he doesn't want our baby anymore.

He said some hurtful things to me and so did I. We argued about it for a month, he was there with me for my first scan and saw our baby but still he begged me to have an abortion. When that didn't work it became really bad to the point I was scared things would become physical. In the end I told him I would but I didn't go for it.

I lied to him and now I've fallen ill, this was probably the result of my lie but I felt this was the only way to save my baby's life. I'm now almost 15 weeks along and I've heard he's moved on but I don't believe any of it. No matter what he's still the father of my child and is still someone I loved dearly.

I know how bad this is and I know I've sinned, I have been praying for forgiveness for all the sins I've committed. I've been praying for my baby's health, trying to develop good habits and pray my child will come into this world healthy and grow up to be pious.

I don't know if what I have done is right or wrong. Am I committing more sin by keeping this from the father? Can I refuse him any right to see my baby if he comes back later on in the future? I don't know how to go about this and I feel like this is making me more ill. I'm so confused and worried if I'll be able to carry out my pregnancy. I don't know what will happen to my child if anything happens to me. It's all too much deal with on my own and I have no one else I can turn to.

I pray he asks for forgiveness and walks towards the right path if he's not there yet. I would also like to request anyone reading this to make dua for my child and if I am doing this the wrong way please tell me as I don't want my actions to result into difficulties for my baby.

May Allah bless you all.


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3 Responses »

  1. sis,

    i suppose you could tell him that he has to take responsibility of his actions.
    so do you.
    tell him about the sin...he should be guilty and should make things right by marrying you.
    tell him the sins you both have committed and the only way to rectify it in the sight of Allah and this world is to ask for his forgiveness and get married so your child dosent have to pay the price of your callous actions.

    hope that helps.

  2. Salam. I would like to start by saying that it was a very brave and good thing you did by not getting an abortion. If Allah has given you the blessing of a child, it is haram to kill that life. Imagine the millions of people who pray to Allah to bless them with a child. And you have one! Instead of thinking of this as a burden and worrying and getting sick, keep yourself calm. Inshallah, the father will see sense and come to his baby. But worst comes to worst sister, there are so many single mothers out there who raise their babies themselves. And you can do it too. If Allah guided you through not getting an abortion, he till guide you further. Trust me, HE has great plans for you and that little baby. Stay happy and thank him for your blessings. Everyone has tests in their life. This is yours:)
    May Allah bless you and your baby.

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    At the moment, you need to concentrate on your own health and your baby's health. May Allah watch over you both. Make sure you're getting enough rest and support, and go to regular antenatal checkups to ensure you and your baby are doing well.

    The legal rights of a biological father can vary depending on where you live, so you may want to talk with a lawyer or advocate about what steps you need to take next. If there are concerns that your ex might be violent or unkind, though, make sure people know about this - it's unlikely that any authorities would want to give a violent man access to a young child. He may have rights to see his child and develop a relationship with them, but these will depend on the country's legal system. He is likely to also have responsibilities to provide financial support for the child.


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