Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can I marry a girl who is taller than me?

Assalamu Alaikum.

I am 21 years old boy. I am short in height. My height is 5 feet 1 inch. For this I got into many harassment. I pray to Allah for this. So there you see, I love a girl. I think she is a good girl. I am shorter than her. She is 5 feet 4 and I am 5 feet 1. But I want her so badly because I think she is perfect for me. I am going to perform istikhara.

As I am short it is tough for these things to happen. In this situation I pray to Allah. What should I do? The girl doesn't know me properly. She doesn't know that I love her. Please help me out.

One more thing, is their any cure for this kind of diseases regarding height? I heard that their are few duas that works for hard diseases.

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9 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Unfortunately, I don't think there are any remedies (besides a miracle) that would help you improve your height. I know some men who have short stature wear lifts so they don't feel as noticeable when among others, but that would be entirely up to you. I know that there are dua's and remedies for disease, but your height, or lack thereof, wouldn't likely count as a disease.

    Based on what you described, it sounds like there will be more females that are taller than you than otherwise. There's nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of women who won't care about that aspect and will love you for who you are. I would say if a woman was going to make your height a deal-breaker, she's not worth the pursuit anyway.

    In any case, try not to let your self consciousness about your height get in the way of pursuing what you want, or the girl you want. If you are interested in marrying someone in particular, you would go about it exactly the same way as you would if you were taller than her. Talk to your parents, make an intention, and try to talk to her with her family to see if it's something that could work out or not. I wish you the best in doing so.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Unfortunately, by 21, your bones in your feet and hands have fused and thus, you will not grow much more, if at all. Hormone therapy wouldn't have made more gains in this matter, though.

    Also, don't fall in love just yet. It's too early for that and it's a form of lust which isn't the right way to feel about her now. For all you know, she and you are totally incompatible and have completely different outlooks in life.

    Height shouldn't be an issue ever, but unfortunately, it does happen. There's only one way to find out if she sees you as a match and that's to approach her parents and ask about her for marriage. There's no shortcut for biting the bullet, so to speak.

    A few tips about managing the way you dress however, will emphasize your physical characteristics and draw away from you height. You can check any number of male fashion sites for advice to make sure you are dressed correctly for your height and shape. Believe me, a well dressed man is in short supply these days, pun intended.

    http://artofmanliness.com/2011/06/07/dressing-taller-short-men/
    http://www.realmenrealstyle.com/dress-shirts-short-skinny-men/
    http://www.askmen.com/fashion/fashiontip_600/631_dress-your-body-type-short.html

    By the way, work out. There's too many fat men these days, too. A well toned, athletic and muscular man stands out among the beer bellies common of taller men.

    And whatever happens, don't neglect the shorts Muslimahs as potential wife candidates. A friend of mine is married to an amazing sister who is height challenged. They make an awesome couple

  3. Salaam
    Brother,

    Unfortunately there is not much you can do about your height by 21. Had you been younger doing Yoga andstrectching exercises might have helped. Although this is all inherited from birth.

    I would talk to your parents and the girls parent with the girl and make everyone aware of your intention and then go from there.

    I would say there are people who would not make an issue about a height, and if they do you do not want to know them and they are not worth pursuing.

    Take Care
    Allah Hafiz.,

  4. Brother, may peace, mercy and blessings be upon you.

    You should know that the height does not make the man.
    This is something that A l l a a h is trailing you with.

    Ever read the story of the jaleel companion Julaybib the ansari [may A l l a a h be pleased with him]?

    His name to start of with was unusual, it meant "small grown", ie a small grown up man, indicating that Julaybib was small in figure and short.

    Julaybib was one o those people whom A l l a a h [jalla wa 'ala] has hardly given anything o this world, he had every undesirable quality, physical, or status wise.
    He [may A l l a a h be pleased with him] was short.
    He [may A l l a a h be pleased with him] was poor.
    He [may A l l a a h be pleased with him] was very dark.
    He [may A l l a a h be pleased with him] was not from a good lineage.
    He [may A l l a a h be pleased with him] did not know his own ligeage.
    He [may A l l a a h be pleased with him] was never noticed, if he was present, he was not noticed, and if he died, it would not be noticed.
    He [may A l l a a h be pleased with him] was outcasted, not welcomed into homes.
    He [may A l l a a h be pleased with him] was not allowed to marry any woman.
    Julaybib could not dream of any compassion or help, any protection or support from a society that placed a great deal of importance on family, wealth and tribal connections
    But A l l a a h and his messenger [saww] loved him very much.

    In fact the if it had not been for islam, disabilities under which Julaybib lived would have been enough to have him ridiculed and shunned in any society and in fact he was prohibited by one person before islam, a certain Abu Barzah of the Aslam tribe, from entering his home. He once told his wife: “Do not let Julaybib enter among you. If he does, I shall certainly do (something terrible to him).”
    And this is proof that islam is the most perfect, just system that can be, a person like julaybib would be rediculed and mocked under any and every society without islam.

    Just as he was aware of the great issues of life and destiny, the Apostle of Allah [saw] was also aware of the needs and sensibilities of his most humble companions. With Julaybib in mind, the Prophet went to one of the Ansar and said: “I want to have your daughter married.” “How wonderful and blessed, O Messenger of Allah and what a delight to the eye (this would be),” replied the Ansari man with obvious joy and happiness. “I do not want her for myself,” added the Prophet. “Then for whom, O Messenger of Allah?” asked the man, obviously somewhat let down. “For Julaybib,” said the Prophet. The Ansari must have been too shocked to give his own reaction and he merely said: “I will consult with her mother.” And off he went to his wife. “The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, wants to have your daughter married,” he said to her. She too was thrilled. “What a wonderful idea and what a delight to the eye (this would be),” she said. “He does not want to marry her himself but he wants to marry her to Julaybib,” he added. She was flabbergasted and shouted "Julaybib, no by A l l a a h, we shall never marry her to Julaybib"
    The daughter being a sincere believer overheard and disturbed replied "“Do you refuse the request of the Messenger of Allah? Send me to him for he shall certainly not bring ruin to me.”

    No doubt this unanimous female companion heard the verse

    “It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error.” (The Qur’an, Surah al-Ahzab, 33:36)

    And how was Julaybib killed? He went on an expedition with the Prophet, peace be upon him, and an encounter with some mushrikin (polytheists) ensued. When the battle was over, the Prophet asked his companions: “Have you lost anyone?” They replied giving the names of their relatives or close friends who were killed. He put the same questions to other companions and they also named the ones they had lost in the battle. Another group answered that they had lost no close relatives whereupon the Prophet said: “But I have lost Julaybib. Search for him in the battlefield.” They searched and found him beside seven mushrikin whom he had struck before meeting his end. The Prophet stood up and went to the spot where Julaybib, his short and deformed companion, lay. He stood over him and said: “He killed seven and then was killed? This (man) is of me and I am of him.” He repeated this two or three times. The Prophet then took him in his arms and it is said that he had no better bed besides the forearms of the Messenger of Allah

    So brother, dont be disheartened by your height, and dont ever use it as an excuse for not reaching your absolute pinnicle in your life.

    If the girl does not know you, and has not seen you, you should go and find her father first, and ask him to introduce you to his daughter by the name so and so.Don't talk to the girl before her dad, and without her dad being in the room with her.
    If the father refuses, or the girl refuses, then say "sufficient enough is Allah for me", and walk away without looking back, with your head high.
    It is not good to "yearn' for a particular woman, pious or otherwise. think it makes a person feeble.
    It is better to ask Allah for a woman who is good for your world and for your religion.
    This "love" [more like a crush] can sometimes be a delusion, because you dont know what the girl is like.
    I think love developes after living together.

  5. first of all, short height is not a disease. you both should accept each other by seeing good belief in Allah, piousity, good virtues, high moral character, health and nessasary finance in eachother..

  6. be proud of ur height becoz this is wot will build your confident. and remember if the girl is in your destiny then u will gain her and if not then leave it to allah because he always makes a couple and wen the time is right, she will come. good luck anyways and inshallah it all goes well. by the way, u will be surprise to no that alot of women do like shorter men.

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