Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can I marry her again? And should I?

Divorced couple split in two


Salaam, I went to your forums quite a lot but never thought one day i would be writing about my problem. Right now I am facing the worst time of my life I sincerely need some help & guidance.

I had an affair with a girl, I sent proposal to her family many times but her father was rigid and he didn't even bother to talk about it. Me n my girl we both decided to do a secret nikah. She was of the view that one day he will agree so lets do the nikah to save ourselves from sins.

It is important to mention that I didn't know about any fiqh rulings or even fiqhs about that point. All i know was some sects & their little differences. She said to me to consult some mufti to find out that if we do a nikah in secrecy and then when our parents are agreed we will do another nikah it is permissible.

I went to a local mosque near my office which i thought are the one's who don't do innovations. They referred me to a mufti sahab. I went to his home I asked him the same question and he said you can do the nikah, he mentioned that In Saudia Nikah-e-Misyar is happening. I didn't know what he was talking about and then he said you can do both nikahs also he said instead of doing court marriage you can ask any maulvi to do it all you require is witnesses.

I went home told my girl over the phone as we both live in different cities. I called one of my friend to arrange a maulvi. After somedays we did our nikah in the presense of 2 witnesses , a friend of a friend who acted as my girl's wali. This is something I came to know on that day. After our nikah the friend who arranged everything he said this nikah is not valid in shariah. I told him to stop saying this in front of my wife as you will create doubts in her mind.

We went to his house. We spent sometime in Khawla for two days, (3-4 hours on day 1, 3-4 hours on day 2). We had sex up to some extent but we have not done intercourse. As she started bleeding so we left it. There wasn't any penetration. After that we went to our cities.

After some days I started thinking about what my friend said about this nikah, It confused me whether this nikah is valid or not, on the same time my friends told me that the Maulvi is not registering the nikah in union council neither he is giving his credentials on nikah form as he is saying that it will create problems for him. It made me confused even more. Sometimes i thought that nikah is valid, sometimes i thought it is invalid. I wasn't sure.

Instead of consulting with someone a thought came to my mind that if it isn't we are trying to convince our parents , so when they are convinced we will do the other nikah. so i felt comfortable. We didn't meet each other after our nikah, we used to talk over the phone and one day while arguing over the phone i said to her that if you didn't do this i will divorce you. She said why wait do it now. On hearing this i went out of control and said i divorce you, i divorce you, I divorce you. I don't know why I said it three times, I don't know whether i did it to emphasize on first one or not.

It's been three months and I am still stuck in this issue, Satanic whispers have got strong and now i don't even remember what my intention was as that time. All I remember is while I was uttering it for second or third time it flashed in my mind what are you doing but I couldn't stop myself. Sometimes I felt that i said it three time just to emphasize. She was also during her menstruation period when this happened.

In short I never wanted to leave her permanently it was just a moment of anger. Even after that i called her back and said now you are happy, and then i said don't worry that's the first time i have divorced you. She said to consult with someone.

I trust Islamic Research Foundation and Zakir Naik. He is the only person whom I can trust with my eyes closed. I searched and find out according to Zakir Naik it is considered as one. I told my girl. In the mean time she was also worried she contacted my friend's fiancee who sent her some links from internet saying it counts as three. This made us more confused. I started looking and found that majority said that the divorce is irrevocable, on the other hand the one i trust he said it's one.

I also searched for our nikah at that time and found majority said the nikah is invalid. I asked some scholars and got two fatwas, One say Since Nikah was invalid since beginning your divorce is invalid. The other one said nikah is invalid according to majority but divorce occurs in a marriage where there is a difference between scholars about its validity. The divorce occurs is irrevocable in a sense that I can remarry her with correct marriage contract. At that point i started having whispers you did this nikah after asking a mufti & secondly when you were confused why didn't you consult anybody. Now after divorce you started looking for its validity. This made me confused even more.

Now I am in a state in which I don't know what should I do. I don't follow any particular school of thought and I agree with Dr Zakir Naik on this. I don't which fatwa should I accept the one discusiing about Nikah & divorce or the one's regarding divorce alone. I have developed so much strong whispers that I don't remember the exact details of divorce or intention. I don't know which fatwa should I follow. I thought to follow Zakir's Naik Fatwa that it counts as one as he is the only one whom i trust but then I start feeling like does that mean I will be following my desires. I know the nikah was invalid and we invalidated everything now. I don't want to leave her, She has sacrificed so much for me, leaving her at this point it will create problems for her future life, however on the other hand i don't want to do anything that is haram.

I need your guidance and help & i request all of you to be kind as it has already shattered my life and I am not in a position to face any criticism. All I want is an advice or guidance. Thanks & Regards

- Vivacious


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6 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum,

    Is there any way for you to speak to an Islamic Scholar?

    If you Nikah wasn't valid, then your Talaq wouldn't be valid.

    I suggest that the both of you take the heat and involved your elders--especially her father, and ask for her hand. Properly ask for marriage with the involvement of your parents and an Islamic Scholar. Yes, it will be difficult, but it would be worth the peace of mind that you clearly do not have right now.

    I don't think you should abandon her at this point--you've already made choices that you really shouldn't back down from. Both of you should repent and make every effort to have a proper Nikaah.

    May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.

    • Assalaamualaikam

      MashaAllah sister, good advice.

      Brother, I'd advise that you discuss this with your parents and with an experienced scholar. Marriage and divorce are serious matters, so take time to make sure you and the girl you like are sure about this. And before taking any final decision, be sure to pray istikhara.

      Midnightmoon editor

  2. Thank you for your concern. Actually i have got opinions from scholars. Some of them say there is no divorce as there is no nikah from the beginning. There are some who says divorce occurs where there is a difference between scholars on its validity. Some says it is no divorce as given during menstruation. Some says it is one divorce as it is said in one sitting however some says it is three. This has made my life very complicated. I don't know whom should I follow.

    I have researched a lot on the topic of Divorce and I have written an article about it. I am sure it will help a lot of people when seeking a fatwa. I hope I can get an email address where I can send that to the admin. You can publish it online

  3. Can I get some advice on my problem please

  4. Brother i am facing the same problem,did u get out of it with some soloution,if yes please advise me also...hope ALLAH helped u whatever i want.

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