Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He Divorced Her Out Of Anger, Then Divorce Happened Through Court – Can I Marry Her Now?

Divorce decree

Divorce through the Court

A friend of mine was married 8 years ago when she was 17 years old. This marriage was not a good experience and she faced tremendous sorrows and afflictions throughout her married life. Her husband was a violent and irresponsible man. He cheated her as well and he developed illicit relations with other girls. She has 2 kids from him.

After a great deal of compromise and hope that he would rehabilitate himself, the man was unchanged and never became a responsible husband. He defrauded some people and fraudulently took loans from bank in her name too. Owing to his self-imposed joblessness, they were unable to pay rent and resultantly had to move to her parents’ house. The relations often went strained and escalated to the situation that man sometimes pronounced the word divorced to her three times.

This did not happen once only, he did it every now and then when they quarreled on any matter. She did not report this verbal pronouncement of divorce to anyone because he used to say her that he did not mean it and the divorce did not validate if verbalized in anger, and he had sought advice about it from an Islamic scholar. She was virtually fed up with this troubled relation.

While both of them with their kids were living in her parents’ house, the man stole a couple of hundred thousand rupees of his in-laws and left her for good about three years ago. She did not hear anything back from him even after she contacted his siblings (he has no parents alive) who claimed to have disassociated from him. It is heard that he married some lady and has a kid as well.

She decided to get a documented divorce or KHULA from him. As such she approached the court to legislate a complete separation. The court served notices to him multiple times on his previous and likely addresses and but he did not show up or responded to the court notice. At last the court gave ex-parte decision in her favor about six months ago.

She is living with her parents at the moment. She is not highly educated, as such she is doing odd jobs to support herself and two kids.

Since I am 33 years old unmarried man, and doing a respectable job with decent salary to support a family decently. She is a 26 years old nice and pretty girl and I feel a lot about her because she has gone through an emotional trauma and grave sufferings. Considering her painful stage and my personal and unmarried status in a sense that I have to marry one day with someone, I want to marry her so that she gets manly support for herself and her kids.

I have proposed her and she has accepted it. Having said this, I am faced with some social and legal issues here. In a society where financial and social position matters a lot, marrying a divorced or widow with kids from a lower class is considered a taboo, especially for an unmarried man of my age. I have briefly discussed this matter with my mother and she is reluctant to accept the fact that I am inclined to marry her. She is looking for other options of unmarried girls.

Secondly, none of my friends and relatives knows this, nor have they seen her and her family, but I understand their reaction will be very discouraging. If I keep all oppositions aside and go ahead with my intentions, would you please advise me on the following queries:

  1. Was she divorced when her husband first pronounced her the word ‘divorce’ three times?
  2. If she was divorced at that time, what is the level of her guilt to continue to stay with him due to ignorance that divorce did not happen as given in anger, and not reporting this matter to elders.
  3. Should a divorce need to carry witnesses to be completed or does it need to be given in a documented form?
  4. Is divorce/Khula through court as in her case acceptable in the light of Islamic Shariah?
  5. Granting that her (ex-)husband did not receive court notices, and the court decision has been informed to him by his relatives as per their saying and he has not yet contacted her, does she stand as a divorced lady and able to marry with someone else?
  6. What does the Islamic law say if her husband – hearing that she has married with me – shows up one day and claim that their marriage is still in tact?
  7. Can I give children my name?
  8. What if her husband later on contacts the court to regain the custody of the kids?
  9. How do you suggest that I sell this proposal to my mother? Any Islamic quotation or sayings of the Holy Prophet (PBUH) will be appreciated to explain this to her.

JAZAKALLAH

~ aspirant


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10 Responses »

  1. Assalamualaikum Warahmatullah,

    In sha Allah, I will respond to your questions one by one:

    1. You said he did it again and again. Did he pronounce divorce on different occasions after the expiry of iddah for each pronouncement? Regardless of all of it, if he took her back after one divorce, then pronounced it again, that counts as the second divorce. If three divorces have been pronounced in this manner, then she can not get back to him. Three divorce pronouncements in one sitting count as one and is termed a bid'ah.

    2. She was divorced on the pronouncement of divorce, but going back to him during the iddah is allowed twice. After the third divorce, it is not allowed. If she did something not allowed out of ignorance, it can be hoped that Allah won't catch hold of her for it.

    3. If he pronounced divorce, that is enough

    4. Did she appeal for a Khula? I mean did she return the mahr or whatever he demanded? If not, then it may not be Khula. Anyways, no court proceedings (that of democratic/secular courts)are required. The Qaadhi can decide the proceedings of the Khula. His divorce was enough as a reason for separation.

    5. On the pronouncement of divorce, she stood divorced. If she does not wish to return to him, divorced can not be revoked. So she can marry anyone else.

    6. He can not claim such, because as per the shareeah, he has divorced her. In terms of the courts, if he is feared to take action, a little work with a legal advisor will solve the problem to make her legally divorced, in sha Allah.

    7. No you can not give the children your name. Islam does not allow children to be given name other than that of their father's.

    8. The child custody issue may have to be dealt with right away with the legal divorce proceedings, or fought later if only he fights for it.

    9. I believe you should have the girl meet your mother and talk to her. Tell her that it could be a source of Allah's Blessings as you would be accepting her in times of her grief. You should show her the girl's good character and the reason you wish to marry her over other women. Have the girl impress your mother and win her confidence to make the road easier.

    Having said all of this, brother, I advise you to keep away from the girl until you marry her nd rarely contact her. If you do, have her mahram along. Avoid seclusion with her in order to keep away from the great evil of Zina.

    I hope this has helped and I pray that Allah Helps you

    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. ask on islamqa or islamweb, u will get an answer from knowledgeable scholers in sha Allaah

  3. Masha'allah wonderful answer by Mahamed!
    Take heed brother .....may Allah make it easy
    For you inshaallah

  4. ASSALAMALAIKUM[
    Was she divorced when her husband first pronounced her the word ‘divorce’ three times?THEN SHE WAS NOT DIVORCED - SEE PROOF- Islam does not hold Triple Talaq as Lawful[View]
    There is a common misconception that a man can say Talaq, Talaq, Talaq to his wife in a row and it will lead to Talaq. This is totally an unIslamic practice.
    65:1) O Prophet, when you divorce women, divorce them for their waiting-period, *1 and compute the waiting period accurately, *2 and hold Allah, your Lord, in awe. Do not turn them out of their homes (during the waiting period) – nor should they go away (from their homes) *3– unless they have committed a manifestly evil deed. *4 Such are the bounds set by Allah; and he who transgresses the bounds set by Allah commits a wrong against himself. You do not know: maybe Allah will cause something to happen to pave the way (for reconciliation).
    Nasa'i has related that the Holy Prophet was infomed that a person had pronounced three divorces on his wife in ane sitting. He stood up in anger and said:'`Are the people playing with the Book of Allah, although I am present among you?" Seeing the Holy Prophet's extreme anger on this occasion, a person asked: `Should I not go and kill the man?"
    The intention of this verse is further explained by a few other Ahadith which have been reported from the Holy prophet (upon wham be Allah's peace) ai d some of the major Companions. " If this Divine Command is rightly followed, no one will regret after having pronounced divorce, for if divorce is pronounced in this way, there remains room for reconciliation within the waiting. period, and even after the expiry of the waiting-period the possibility remains that the separated husband and wife may remarry if they wish reconciliation,

    Ibn 'Umar, may Allah be pleased with them, reported: I divorced my wife while she was menstruating during the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him). 'Umar bin Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) about it, whereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Command him ('Abdullah bin 'Umar) to take her back (and keep her) and pronounce divorce when she is purified and she again enters the period of menstruation and she is again purified (after passing the period of menses), and then if he so desires he may keep her and if he desires divorce her (finally) before touching her (without having an intercourse with her), for that is the period of waiting ('Iddah) which Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, has commanded for the divorce of women-

    THE TALAQS BY THE SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT ARE ILLEGAL AS THEY ARE CONTRADICTING THE QURAN AND SUNNAH OF THE PROPHET SALALAHAUALAHAIWASALAM- AS SHOWN ABOVE-

  5. Salaams,

    There are a lot of legal aspects to your questions that would directly apply to the laws of your country or region (like whether the legal divorce is enforceable, whether the father can seek custody, etc). You would need to consult with an attorney in your area to get details of where the legal lines are drawn.

    Brother Waseem gave you the general outlines of how Islamic divorce works, but if there are other details with this sister's case which makes it more complicated you would need to consult with an imam or scholar near you. We are not experts in fiqh and cannot tell you with certainty which or when this sister was divorced, but it seems to me that she is certainly divorced now through the state (once again, check with an attorney to make sure) so you could remarry her, in my view.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    If he pronounced divorce, that is enough..........
    NOT ENOUGH-
    THIS IS ILLEGAL TALAQ AS THE PRONOUNCEMENT IS NOT SUFFICIENT IT MUST DONE ON THE RULES OF ISLAM AS THIS IS NOT A DOLLS PLAY BE IT ANY GIRL ANY WHERE IN THE WORLD-
    God Almighty dictates a pre-divorce interim for four months and the reason is stated very clearly in the Quran.

    [2:226] Those who intend to divorce their wives shall wait four months (cooling off); if they change their minds and reconcile, then GOD is Forgiver, Merciful.

    2:226 -Those who take an oath that they will not approach their wives shall have four months of grace; and if they go back [on their oath] -behold, God is much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace.

    [2:227] If they go through with the divorce, then GOD is Hearer, Knower.
    2:227 (Asad) But if they are resolved on divorce -behold, God is all-hearing, all-knowing.

    [4:35] If a couple fears separation, you shall appoint an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family; if they decide to reconcile, GOD will help them get together. GOD is Omniscient, Cognizant.

    4:35 (Asad) And if you have reason to fear that a breach might occur between a [married] couple, appoint an arbiter from among his people and an arbiter from among her people; if they both want to set things aright, God may bring about their reconciliation. Behold, God is indeed all-knowing, aware.

    [30:21]. Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.

    [65:1] O you prophet, when you people divorce the women, you shall ensure that a divorce interim is fulfilled. You shall measure such an interim precisely. You shall reverence GOD your Lord. Do not evict them from their homes, nor shall you make life miserable for them, to force them to leave on their own, unless they commit a proven adultery. These are GOD's laws. Anyone who transgresses GOD's laws commits an injustice against himself. You never know; maybe GOD wills something good to come out of this.

    [65:2] Once the interim is fulfilled, you may reconcile with them equitably, or go through with the separation equitably. You shall have two equitable witnesses witness the divorce before GOD. This is to enlighten those who believe in GOD and the Last Day. Anyone who reverences GOD, He will create an exit for him.

    [65:3] And will provide for him whence he never expected. Anyone who trusts in GOD, He suffices him. GOD's commands are done. GOD has decreed for everything its fate.
    The legal rulings reported from the Companions in this regard are also in complete comformity with the Holy Prophet's injunctions. According to a tradition in Mu'watta, a person came to Hadrat 'Abdullah.bin Mas'ud and said: "I have pronounced eight divorces on my wife. Ibn Mas`ud asked: What legal opinion have you been given in this regard? He said: I have been told that the woman stands separated from me. Ibn Mas`ud said: The people have said the right thing: the legal position is the same as they have told you." 'Abdur Razzaq has related from 'Alqamah that a person said to Ibn Mas'ud: "I have pronounced 99 divorces on my wife He said: Three divorces separate her from you; the rest are (acts of sin) excesses. " Waki' bin al-Jarrah in his sunan has reported this very viewpoint of both Hadrat 'Uthman and Hadrat 'AIi. A person came to Hadrat `Uthman and said: "I have pronounced a thousand divorces on my wife-'. He replied: "She stood separated from you by three divorces." When a similar problem was presented before Hadrat `Ali he replied; `By three divorces she stood separated from you. You may distribute the rest of your pronouncements on the rest of your wives if you so like." Abu Da'ud and Ibn Jarir have related, with a little variation in wording, a tradition from Mujahid, saying: "While I was sitting with Ibn Abbas, a person came and said: `I have pronounced three divorces on my wife.' Ibn 'Abbas heard it but kept silent for so long that I thought he was perhaps going to return his wife to him. Then he said: 'One of you first commits the folly of pronouncing the divorces; then he comes and says: O lbn `Abbas, O Ibn `Abbas! whereas Allah has said that whoever fears Him in whatever he does, He will open a way for him out of the difficulties. You did not fear Allah; now I do not find any way for you: you have disobeyed your Lord, and your wife stands separated from you.' Another tradition, which also has been reported from Mujahid and related with a little variation in wording in mu'watta and Tefsir by Ibn Jarir, says: °A person pronounced a hundred divorces on his wife; then he asked Ibn 'Abbas for his opinion. He replied: 'By three divorces she stood separated from you. With the other 97 you made a Jest of the Revelations of Allah!" This is according to Mu'watta.

  7. ASSALAMALIKUM
    Brother Ali Yusuf,
    You probably wish to say that the three divorces, if said in one sitting count as one.
    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor
    WASEEM BHAIJAN YES 10000000000000000%SURE THAT 100 DIVORCES IN ONE SITTING IS EQUAL TO ONE ONLY-
    PL SEE THE 99 DIVORCES VERSION FROM HADEES -
    1]The legal rulings reported from the Companions in this regard are also in complete comformity with the Holy Prophet's injunctions. According to a tradition in Mu'watta, a person came to Hadrat 'Abdullah.bin Mas'ud and said: "I have pronounced eight divorces on my wife. Ibn Mas`ud asked: What legal opinion have you been given in this regard? He said: I have been told that the woman stands separated from me. Ibn Mas`ud said: The people have said the right thing: the legal position is the same as they have told you." 'Abdur Razzaq has related from 'Alqamah that a person said to Ibn Mas'ud: "I have pronounced 99 DIVORCSE on my wife He said: Three divorces separate her from you; the rest are (acts of sin) excesses.......

    2]Nasa'i has related that the Holy Prophet was infomed that a person had pronounced three divorces on his wife in ane sitting. He stood up in anger and said:'`Are the people playing with the Book of Allah, although I am present among you?" Seeing the Holy Prophet's extreme anger on this occasion, a person asked: `Should I not go and kill the man?"

    3]This is the first meaning "divorcing for the prescribed waiting-period", which applies only to those women marriage with whom has been consummated, who menstruate and may possibly conceive. As for its second meaning it is this: "If you have to divorce your wives, you should divorce them till the expiry of their waiting-period". That is "Do not pronounce three divorces aII at once leading to permanent separation, but pronounce one, or at the most two divorces, and wait till the end of the waiting-period, so that there remains some chance for reconciliation for you at any time during this period." According to this meaning; this commandment is also useful in respect of those woman marriage with whom has been consummated and who menstruate as well as of those who no longer iuenstnrate, or those who have not yet menstruated, or those whose pregnancy at the time of the pronouncement of divorce is known. If this Divine Command is rightly followed, no one will regret after having pronounced divorce...
    4] The Holy Prophet said: `By the throe divorces the woman stood separated from him along with Allah': disobedience, and 997 pronouncement remained a: acts of injustice and sin, for which AIlah might punish him if He so willed and forgive him if He so willed. " In the details of the incident concerning Hadrat `Abdullah bin `Umar, which have been related in Daraqutni and Ibn Abi Shaibah, another thing also is that when the Holy Prophet commanded Hadrat `Abdullah bin `Umar to take his wife back, he asked: Had I pronounced three divorces on her, could I have taken her back even then? The Holy Prophet replied: No, she would have stood separated from you, and this would have been an act of sin." In another tradition the Holy Prophet's words arc to the effect: `Had you done this, you would have committed disobedience of your Lord while your wife would have been separated from you."
    The legal rulings reported from the Companions in this regard are also in complete comformity with the Holy Prophet's injunctions. According to a tradition in Mu'watta, a person came to Hadrat 'Abdullah.bin Mas'ud and said: "I have pronounced eight divorces on my wife. Ibn Mas`ud asked: What legal opinion have you been given in this regard? He said: I have been told that the woman stands separated from me. Ibn Mas`ud said: The people have said the right thing: the legal position is the same as they have told you."

    HOPE THE MASLAKHS AND SECTS AND SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT WILL NOT BE GIVEN PRIORITY OVER THE STATEMENTS FROM QURAN HADEES-

    REGARDS ALI YOUSUFF-

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