Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He is a Shiite but does not hate the Sahabah, can I marry him?

Shia and Sunni Marriage

I am a sunni girl interested in a shia guy. If i present this to my parents they will never agree because of his sect.

He has no hate towards the 4 caliphs, or Aiysha. What should I do?

- ploqt23

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12 Responses »

  1. You answered the question already, "If I present this to my parents they will never agree because of his sect."
    If your wali is not satisfied with this mans character or religion, you should not get married to him. Marriage is between families to create families, not just two people. If the guy asks for you through your father then let him, but don't push for it yourself. And Allah is the best planner.

  2. Salaams,

    I believe the issues between shia/sunni individuals marrying has more to do belief and understanding of Islam than something like actual hatred. Perhaps there are a lot of shia that don't "hate" the sahaba etc, but still believe things that are not in alignment with the majority understanding of the sunnis. Do you know the exact beliefs of this person? If he believes as you do, then it would be difficult to call him a shia at all. However, if he does have shia beliefs, then those are issues that can impact the success of your marriage.

    If you want to go into more detail about what his exact beliefs are, then we can advise in more detail.

    -Amy Editor

  3. I am a shia and i can tell you that there is almost no difference between shias and sunnis other than what you will find in Wikipedia(I have learned a lot about shiaism from here). There are some shias who curse the first three caliphs(Ali (as) is our first imam) but most do not. Shias like me and this man just consider them to be inferior to our imams, who were born leaders. If you want to know why, just go to Wikipedia(I want to tell you but there are many sunnis out there who think we use deception and whatnot. They curse us wherever they find us. I want people to be good Muslims and not get into a fight about shia-sunni).

    I can personally tell you that shia-sunni marriage can be successful, in fact, most are. I have shia uncles married to sunnis and sunni uncles married to shias. One of my sunni uncles is really anti-shia but as of yet there has been no problem in his 40 year marriage. I dont understand why people think marriage to shias wont last when we both believe in one God and the last messenger Muhammad (sa).

    Hope this helps. salam aleikum.

  4. The difference between Sunni and Shia is not with regards to Allah and Muhammad (SAW) because these two are our only similarities ( atleast in most cases ). But then our Islamic rulings are different, its great and fundamental. We sunnis derived Islamic rulings by using the Qur'an and sahih hadith, Sunnis have authentic shahih hadith sources like Bukhari, Muslim, Abu dawood, Nas'ai etc whereas Shias use Qur'an and their hadith like al kafi, bihar al anwar etc which are sometimes sayings of 12 immaculate and infallible Imams which sunnis do not agree, infact sunnis do not accept the shia hadith at all as we believe that there are many many aspects which are against mainstream Islam and sometimes shirk and they do not accept ours too.
    Therefore even though we both accept Allah and Muhammad ( SAW ), our way of life is totally different, our beliefs and knowledge will contradict each other. ( example 1. Shia first caliph is Ali RA whereas for sunnis, its Abu Bakr RA who is the first caliph ). Futheremore, many sunni ulama, advised against this marriage as obviously marriage must be an institute filled with happiness and peace but inter-sect marriage will eventually cause problems as I heard of many such cases. I've got many shia friends in middle-east, and by studying their way of life and beliefs, I've learned these:-

    -There Kalima is different ( Ali RA is included in it for some reason ).
    - They do not accept Abu Bakr RA, Umar RA And Uthman RA as the first three rightly guided caliphs.
    - They curse the sahabas.
    - Some accuse and curse Aishah RA, the mother of believer.
    - Some believe that Ali RA was supposed to be the final messenger of Allah but Angel Jibreel by mistake went to Muhammad lol.
    -Some pray 3 times a day instead of 5. And that to all in one time.
    -They put there foreheads on a rock when they perform sajda during salaah.
    -They believe in Muta'h (temporary marriage/prostitution).
    - They have a self-torturing festival in ashura ( somewhat like original sin in christianity )
    - They believe in 12 immaculate and infallible imams which if anyone denies will be distined to hell.
    - They believe in taqiyah ( dissimulation )
    - Some of them follow their imams blindly, even above the Qur’an.
    - According to their Hadith, their Imam Mahdi has went into a state of occultation, he dissaperared around more than 100 yrs ago and will be back.
    - According to some of their hadith in kafi, their Mahdi would take revenge on the sunnis and non shias.
    - Their Mahdi in some hadith in , would get fake Aisha RA and the sahabas out from their graves and torture them astaghfirullah.
    - If anyone denies their Yamani, they will also be destined to hell.
    - etc etc etc etc etc etc etc.

    These are only few examples of their beliefs which are against the teaching of mainstream Islam. It maybe that not all shias believe that but some do. My friends do.

    Marriage is not only for the man and woman to accept each other lawfully, mentally, emotionally, physically etc. Its not only between the two of them, infact it must also be a unity between two families. But one of the main aim of marriage is to expand the muslim ummah (i.e, children). If children come, then their ubringing will be according to either shia or sunni or else they'll be confused with regards to many religious matters. This is but one reason of why this marriage can turn out unsuccesfull more often than not. Contradicting beliefs, islamic rulings, ways of prayers, ritual practices, way of life, absurd ideologies etc etc will cause great arguements and fights for a pious muslim and would more often lead to divorce etc. Therefore, sunni-shia marriage is discouraged, disliked, makrooh tahrimi. Some ulamas even went on to say its haram for sunni girls to marry shia boy. We ofcourse want our children to be upright muslim and following the sunnah. We want them to be taught by a father from Ahl sunnah wal jamaah. Etc.

    To the OP, Therefore, If your parents denies your marriage to him due to religious factors, then you must obey your parents because they have perfect valid reasons to deny. You cannot get married without your wali ( father). You must forget this proposal, have patience and insha'Allah a better proposal will come from a sunni brother. Trust in Allah. Do your daily prayers.

    • The fact that your friends engage in self-flagellation in ashura alone proves that they are radical shias. I wouldnt be friends with them unless, of course, I cant help it.
      Jazakallah Khair.

  5. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister

    I am pretty sure brother علي بن عبد الله آل الشيخ‎ and other brothers/sisters have said the truth about your case. You should consider what they have said above very well.

    I am a Sunni brother but (after my high school education in the Sunni School) I have studied much in a Shia university-Alul-Bait, (before going to a Sunni university) and I know much about how the Shias behave when they are inside and how they do when they are outside.

    As brother Ali said above: "They believe in taqiyah (dissimulation)" And with this type of believe they are able to hide their real believe in their hearts, when they are in public, in order to deceive your mind and heart to believe that they are different from the other Shias, which is not really true. And they have always had a negative purpose behind this believe (Taqiyyah). They are just the same when they are inside. So be very careful. I have seen how my Shia scholars and collage mates used to insult and curse Sahabas (r.a) and Aisha (r.a) while in the class room and on campus, and then when they were being asked about this in public or on Air, they lied and said they never insult or curse anyone. And they even said: "We love the Shabas and we love our beloved mother Aisha (r.a), but it's just that we are saying the misunderstanding that occurred between the Shabas (r.a) but we are NOT insulting or cursing them at all".

    Just as Sister Amy said above: "If he believes as you do, then it would be difficult to call him a shia at all". That is very true. If this brother really does not believe as the other Shia's do, then he is not really a Shia, and if he cannot accept this fact, then believe me he is dissimulating and hiding his real believe from you, and there won't be any way to find this out until you marry him and live with him for some time. And it will just look like a slap in the face.

    You also, need to know about his family. Are they also like what he claims to be?
    Don't forget that when you face a problem in your marriage, your parent are there to assist you, but if you disobey them and marry someone they are not okay with his religion, then you might end up being alone. May Allah forbid this!!!

    Hope this helps insha'Allah
    And Allah knows best.

  6. Asalamualaikum
    my dear sister .. my opinion is that you deserve a better sunni guy that him ... first reason . does he believe in Prophet Muhammad SAW or does he follow his sunnah ?? .... second reason .. i guess after Allah they believe in Ali RA .. they say that there is no reason in respecting Prophet Muhammad SAW ... itz just Ali RA and his family which means Fathima RA, Hassan RA and Hussain RA .... they dont even mention that Fathima RA is the daughter of Rasool SAW ..instead what they say is Fathima RA is the wife of Ali RA thats it ... so those people who doesnt even want to hear the name of our beloved Rasool SAW .. how can you get married to that sect ppl ?? ... Islam means " La Illaha Ilaa Allah . Muhammadu Rasool Allah " (There is no God but Allah .Muhammad SAW is the Messenger of Allah)... if there is no Rasool SAW for them then they are out of Islam ... ie, they are not even considered as muslims and for us there if no life without Prophet Muhammad SAW because he is the reason even for our life.. if u believe in Allah and dont respect Rasool SAW then you are not a pure muslim .. third reason . you are trying to hurt your parents with this proposal..!! .. if you really wish for a happy married life then i guess first you have make your parents happy only then Allah Subhana Tallah will be happy ....

    May Allah SubhanaTallah guide every Umaathi Muhammad SAW on the straight path ... Ameen Ya Rabal Alameen Ya Allah ...

    • Its sad to see that there are people like you who think Shias dont respect Muhammad (SA). I normally dont like to argue with muslim brothers but saying that shias dont respect Muhammad (SA) is taking it too far. We think Muhammad (SA) is infallible, i.e he did not ever commit mistakes. He is the epitome of a perfect human being. We follow his sunnah. We believe in all the authentic hadith about him. As for Ali(as) and the other imams, they used to follow the sunnah of the prophet perfectly and that is why we revere them.

      Please dont preach hatred for shiaism if you dont even know about such fundamental aspects of it.

      • I don't think anyone accused you of not respecting Rasoolullah (saw). I went through the comments above, and most in fact emphasized that the only commonality between Sunni and Shiaism is the belief in Allah and Nabi-e-kareem (saw.)
        The bone of contention here is cursing the sahaba and then the element of Taqiyya which really makes you think if when a shia says he loves Ummul-momineen Ayesha (r.a.) So does he mean it, or is he just using a provision granted to him by the law of his sect.

  7. salam,

    I have known some shia muslims who do believe in Allah and prophet mohammed pbuh. they basically do belive on the same things but perform certain aspects of islam differently then sunni. the pray wear hijab go hajj. most of the things are the same.

    But you probably need to speak to the brother in question and find out exactly what aspects differ. To say that how can you marry someone who has some slight differences in practicing islam is contradictory as mulim men can marry christain or jewish women who entirely belive in a different god altogether! that would be a million times harder then two muslims marrying and which religion will de kids follow then.

    saying that is it actually haram for sunni girl to marry shia?

  8. Assalam o Alekum...!
    i have gone through the comments above and learnt a lot...i have a question in my mind,if anyone has think on this angle my question is ok its ok shia sunni marriage is allowed then what will be the future of kids?mean to say what sect/religion will the adopt coz shia mother will think that her kids sho uld be shia coz shia sect is right and she will make them to do so and same for sunni father....where will the kids go??
    someone has said that its only cultural difference not islamic ...i am not agreed coz the difference is in basic believes and kalma even....!!
    my parents has also asked me for a shia girl but i refused just of this reason and i am not going to discuss eithe it is halaal or question is very simple please answer me
    May Allah Almighty shower his countless blessings upon us and keep us happy....!!

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