Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I converted to Islam and my husband is a drug addict; can I remarry a Muslim man?

confusion decision

Can I marry again?

assalamu alaykum,

I'm Bhabes n I converted to Islam 4 years ago Alhamdulillah, and i been practicing muslimah. my past life when i was a christian is a depressing one even my family didnt knw about it.

after graduated in college i have bf who i have been meeting always and in short i got pregnant but he said he cant marry coz his parents wants him to marry other girl n because im afraid for my family to knw i decided to do abortion. my bf also abandon me, so decided to go to other city to forget my past.

There i meet another man and after 1 year of our relationship I got pregnant again and this time i told him i will process everything for civil wedding all to my expense. shorty after wedding i discover things about my husband his addicted to drugs and always need money to provide for his addiction. actually that time im working and his still studying and im the one providing for him.

We always quarrel and that maybe the reason why after 2 months of pregnancy i got miscarriage. after that i struggle for 2 years with him until i already indebted too much just to provide for him. so i decided to go to Saudi to earn n pay my debt n also to be away from him. in few months in Saudi i learn Islam n decided to convert.

Alhamdulillah i feel so great SubhanAllah i feel im getting to a brand new life again. i decided not to be in relationship with any guy until a few months ago i meet this Indian guy he's so nice. We talk as a friend and after sometimes he ask me to marry him, i did say yes but im so in doubt if i can marry again.

Its been 5 years i didnt see my husband and until now his not yet working n always asking me for money and i'm so tired of providing for him and my family said his just making me a fool. he didn't pay the money for our debt and he just waste everything. now i decided to go my separate way.

My question is, is it possible for me to marry a muslim man of different nationality?

~ may_hmed


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34 Responses »

  1. Assalam ualikum ofcourse it is possible,islam doesnt account for nationalities rather religion and as you are muslim now Alhamdulilah u cant have a non muslim man as husband and more over u can marry with this muslim guy.
    Welcome To Islam Sister ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Walaikum salam,
      Thanks for welcoming me, for now im thinking a lot about my decision.
      Hope i can decide not only for my happiness but for my partner as well.

  2. Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

    Firstly,
    Islam does not allow a haraam relationship outside marriage. there is no free mixing, touching and so on between a guy and a girl who are non mahram to each other in Islam.

    I think you are in Saudi Arabia now. Can I know in which city are you in?
    Seek advice of a scholar with regards to your situation now and that you want to marry now. Alhamdulillah there are many scholars in Saudi Arabia.
    ________________________________________________

    Scondly,

    If you are allowed to marry now.

    my sister before you agree to marry someone try your best to research more about them first.
    Find out more about that Indian guy before you agree to marry him.

    Many men try to act to be very good at the beginning, later on they show their real colors. You may have already experienced that. Allah knows best. So be very careful now.

    Marry a religiously committed man.

    Do istikhara.
    (www.islamawareness.net/Dua/Fortress/026.html)

    Jabir bin Abdullah (RA) said: The Prophet (SAW) used to teach us to seek Allah's Counsel in all matters, as he used to teach us a Surah from the Qur'an. He would say: When anyone of you has an important matter to decide, let him pray two Rak'ahs other than the obligatory prayer, and then say:

    "ุงู„ู„ูŽู‘ู‡ูู…ูŽู‘ ุฅูู†ูู‘ูŠ ุฃูŽุณู’ุชูŽุฎููŠุฑููƒูŽ ุจูุนูู„ู’ู…ูŽูƒูŽุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽุณู’ุชูŽู‚ู’ุฏูุฑููƒูŽ ุจูู‚ูุฏู’ุฑูŽุชููƒูŽุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽุณู’ุฃูŽู„ููƒูŽ ู…ูู†ู’ ููŽุถู’ู„ููƒูŽ ุงู„ู’ุนูŽุธููŠู…ูุŒ ููŽุฅูู†ูŽู‘ูƒูŽ ุชูŽู‚ู’ุฏูุฑู ูˆูŽู„ูŽุง ุฃูŽู‚ู’ุฏูุฑูุŒ ูˆูŽุชูŽุนู’ู„ูŽู…ูุŒ ูˆูŽู„ูŽุง ุฃูŽุนู’ู„ูŽู…ูุŒ ูˆูŽุฃูŽู†ู’ุชูŽ ุนูŽู„ูŽู‘ุงู…ู ุงู„ู’ุบููŠููˆุจูุŒ ุงู„ู„ูŽู‘ู‡ูู…ูŽู‘ ุฅูู†ู’ ูƒูู†ู’ุชูŽ ุชูŽุนู’ู„ูŽู…ู ุฃูŽู†ูŽู‘ ู‡ูŽุฐูŽุง ุงู„ู’ุฃูŽู…ู’ุฑูŽ- ุฎูŽูŠู’ุฑูŒ ู„ููŠ ูููŠ ุฏููŠู†ููŠ ูˆูŽู…ูŽุนูŽุงุดููŠ ูˆูŽุนูŽุงู‚ูุจูŽุฉู ุฃูŽู…ู’ุฑููŠ- ุนูŽุงุฌูู„ูู‡ู ูˆูŽุขุฌูู„ูู‡ู- ููŽุงู‚ู’ุฏูุฑู’ู‡ู ู„ููŠ ูˆูŽูŠูŽุณูู‘ุฑู’ู‡ู ู„ููŠ ุซูู…ูŽู‘ ุจูŽุงุฑููƒู’ ู„ููŠ ูููŠู‡ูุŒ ูˆูŽุฅูู†ู’ ูƒูู†ู’ุชูŽ ุชูŽุนู’ู„ูŽู…ู ุฃูŽู†ูŽู‘ ู‡ูŽุฐูŽุง ุงู„ู’ุฃูŽู…ู’ุฑูŽ ุดูŽุฑูŒู‘ ู„ููŠ ูููŠ ุฏููŠู†ููŠ ูˆูŽู…ูŽุนูŽุงุดููŠ ูˆูŽุนูŽุงู‚ูุจูŽุฉู ุฃูŽู…ู’ุฑููŠ- ุนูŽุงุฌูู„ูู‡ู ูˆูŽุขุฌูู„ูู‡ู- ููŽุงุตู’ุฑููู’ู‡ู ุนูŽู†ูู‘ูŠ ูˆูŽุงุตู’ุฑููู’ู†ููŠ ุนูŽู†ู’ู‡ู ูˆูŽุงู‚ู’ุฏูุฑู’ ู„ููŠูŽ ุงู„ู’ุฎูŽูŠู’ุฑูŽ ุญูŽูŠู’ุซู ูƒูŽุงู†ูŽ ุซูู…ูŽู‘ ุฃูŽุฑู’ุถูู†ููŠ ุจูู‡ู".

    74. Allaahumma 'innee 'astakheeruka bi'ilmika, wa 'astaqdiruka biqudratika, wa 'as'aluka min fadhlikal-'Adheemi, fa'innaka taqdiru wa laa 'aqdiru, wa ta'lamu, wa laa 'a'lamu, wa 'Anta 'Allaamul-Ghuyoobi, Allaahumma 'in kunta ta'lamu 'anna haathal-'amra-[then mention the thing to be decided] Khayrun lee fee deenee wa ma'aashee wa 'aaqibati 'amree - [or say] 'Aajilihi wa 'aajilihi - Faqdurhu lee wa yassirhu lee thumma baarik lee feehi, wa 'in kunta ta'lamu 'anna haathal-'amra sharrun lee fee deenee wa ma'aashee wa 'aaqibati 'amree - [or say] 'Aajilihi wa 'aajilihi - Fasrifhu 'annee wasrifnee 'anhu waqdur liyal-khayra haythu kaana thumma 'ardhinee bihi.

    O Allah, I seek the counsel of Your Knowledge, and I seek the help of Your Omnipotence, and I beseech You for Your Magnificent Grace. Surely, You are Capable and I am not. You know and I know not, and You are the Knower of the unseen. O Allah, if You know that this matter [then mention the thing to be decided] is good for me in my religion and in my life and for my welfare in the life to come, - [or say: in this life and the afterlife] - then ordain it for me and make it easy for me, then bless me in it. And if You know that this matter is bad for me in my religion and in my life and for my welfare in the life to come, - [or say: in this life and the afterlife] - then distance it from me, and distance me from it, and ordain for me what is good wherever it may be, and help me to be content with it.

    Whoever seeks the counsel of the Creator will not regret it and whoever seeks the advice of the believers will feel confident about his decisions . Allah said in the Qur'an :

    "And consult them in the affair. Then when you have taken a decision , put your trust in Allah."

    Reference: Al-Bukhari 7/162. and Aal-'Imran 3:159.
    __________________________________

    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  3. I just wanted to Welcome you!

    Welcome sister!

  4. Assalamualaikum,

    Sister, welcome to Islam.

    When you accepted Islam, your husband had 3 months to consider entering Islam. If he becomes a Muslim, he can remain your husband. Otherwise, your marriage ends because no Muslim woman can be married to a non Muslim man.

    Ask your husband once if you are in contact with him, whether he would become a Muslim, te be on a safe side.

    After this, if he refuses, you are free to marry this Indian man, but make sure he is sincere and is not using you. I know people in Saudi Arabia who have married reverts and are happy with them.

    May Allah give you peace and tranquility.

    Abu Abdul Bari
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • How can a "drug addicted" person would understand what Islam is. I don't think sister should stay or even try for him because it's no use.

      • @nadia - why cant a "drug addicted" person understand islam ?

        May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

    • Assalamu alaikum brother,
      First of all we knw that we are not allowed to have relationship outside marriage. And he said he dont want to do haram things that is why his convincing me to marry him. Wat im afraid of is i am register as married in my passport n i dont knw if i can change it without any conflict.
      Yea theres a lot of sholar here but mostly they are arabic speaking n cant understand english thats why its very difficult to consult here. And im not actually going outside, just work n home
      Insha Allah i can solve my problem with Allahs guidance.
      Thank u so much for the advice brother Abdullah

      • walaikumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu.

        Alhamdulillah.

        Sister can I know in which city are you leaving in ?

        • I dont want to specific brother but its near medina

          • ok. Alhamdulillah.

            If you want I can ask IslamicAnswers.com Editor to forward to you the number of Dr. Murtaza Baksh , who is a student of knowledge based in Jeddah, he is also a medical doctor. He studied in the massajid in Saudi Arabia under prominent Shuyoukh such as Sheikh Ubayd ibn Jabiree who gave him a tazkiyya, Sheikh Salih Al Fawzan, etc.

            InshaAllah you can ask Dr. Murtaza Baksh about your situation and what you should do. As I feel he can help you inshaAllah.

            what do you say ?

        • Thank u so much brother but i dont knw if they allow it here to give numbers...

    • Assamualaikum brother abu abdul bari,
      I did ask him before to convert and he said yes that was 3 years ago until now he still not converted. I knw that he loves me but the problem is i want to change him to be a better husband but still his not. I dedicated my life to him, send him to a good college to finish his study but its been 5 years he still not working and im tired of providing for him. Yesterday he call me n told me he dont want to lost me. But i feel that his just using me coz his asking for big amount of money he said he needs to pay for his AWOL or means absent from his work without leave. I didnt care a lot now but still i cry a lot coz i feel guilty of leaving him behind.

      • Wa Alaikum as Salam sister,

        If he has not accepted Islam within 3 months from the time of your conversion and intimation to him, he is no more your husband.

        Regarding the passport, you will have to ask someone who has knowledge about it in your city. In sha Allah, I will email you the number of either Shaikh Murtaza Baksh (from Pakistan, living in Jeddah) or Shaikh Zulfikhar Ibrahim Memon (from England, living near Madeenah, I suppose).

        They will in sha Allah be able to advise you on your passport issue also. Most probably you will have to approach your country's embassy and ask them to change your marital status first, then marry the Indian brother. You can take further advise on this matter from the Shaikh, in sha Allah.

        Give me some time, I am looking for Shaikh Zulfikhar's number from my friends.

        Abu Abdul Bari
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Another question brother is it haram to be married secretly? Is it ok to be the 2nd wife?

          • my sister in Islam is that indian guy already married ?

            May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  5. Actually brother Abdullah, his father wants him to marry a girl of their choice and i respect their culture n tradition. Im thinking too much about this.

    • you should know that, when you entered Islam all your previous sins were forgiven. alhamdulillah.

      If you have told tht "indian guy" about your past and he agreed to marry you. Do not think that he is doing a favor to you.

      Sister you need to be serious about your life .. you have experienced a lot in your past.

      I do not know the intentions of that "indian guy" . But you may end up in serious trouble.. Allah knows best.

      Please.. Don't spoil your life. Its my request to you.

      My advice to you would be to contact Dr. Murtaza Baksh and tell him that you are a revert and you have been facing all these problems and also about this indian guy and if he is asking you to get married with him secretly. say that also. tell him clearly.

      Again I tell you.. Don't spoil your life sister. Think well.

      may Allah help you and us.

      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

      • Bro abdullah,
        I dont really knw wat i feel coz before i knw him i decided not to be inrelationship again, i better be alone n i think all guys are not good n just using girls feelings. But in him i feel diff3rent.
        But maybe ur right i must rethink about my decision. Allah will guide me Insha Allah

    • You asked two questions previously about 'secret marriage' and 'being 2nd wife'.

      Regarding secret marriage,

      The purpose of having witnesses to the marriage is to announce it. Hence, if the two spouses agreed with the witnesses that they should keep their marriage secret, then the marriage contract would be invalid because concealing the marriage is equal to the absence of the witnesses or it annuls the purpose of their presence.
      Islam made the announcement of marriage obligatory, and recommended us to celebrate marriage and announce it by playing the duff and showing joy. Members of the two families should participate in this celebration, as narrated on the authority of โ€˜Aaโ€™ishah that the Prophet, , said: โ€œAnnounce the marriage, make it in mosques and play the duff [to announce it].โ€ [At-Tirmithi]
      The following are some Hadeeths that also state that announcing the marriage is obligatory:
      - The Prophet, , said: โ€œAnnounce the marriage.โ€ [Ahmad, Al-Haakim - Saheeh]
      - It was narrated on the authority of Muhammad ibn Haatib Al-Jumahi that the Prophet, , said: โ€œThe difference between the halal and haram marriage is the beating of the duff and the public announcement of the marriage.โ€ [At-Tirmithi, An-Nasaaโ€™i and Ibn Maajah]

      regarding being 2nd wife, it is ok if the husband can treat both wives equally and justly which in this generation is very difficult. Many men these days marry second/third time just to have multiple sex partners.

      You said you respect his culture and tradition and you don't mind being a second wife, but you obviously know that you can be the cause for his family and first wife's break up, depression etc etc. If/when that happens, you are the one he is going to leave NOT his parents or first wife (there are many cases as such and sorry if it came harsh). So it would be good if you respect his wife-to-be too. If that man really want to marry you then he would do so and tell his parents and not take you as second wife and secret. There can be many problems being a second wife and that to if you consider a 'secret marriage', for example, if he marries in India and his wife stays there, then when ever she is pregnant etc then he has to be there with all his family even though if you are pregnant at the same time. And it is highly possible that once he is finished in saudi, as foreigners cannot stay long in most cases, then he would go back to india to his wife and parents and leave you or divorce you with or without kids becuase his parents are unaware of your existance. Etc. Him marrying you can really cause big trouble to his family and first wife if found out and so as bro Abu Abdul Bari advised, if he wants this to be secret, then deny this offer.

      • Pray salat al istikhara (prayer for guidance) so Allah may guide you insha'Allah and live a peacefull life and not based on tension, fear, sadness etc. Life is already hard so don't make it harder.

  6. Sister, being a second wife is not something I see as a problem, but what I worry about is "secret marriage". I can't say it is haraam because I have no evidence. But it is surely something that will deprive you of your rights. Would you not love it that you have a family you can meet (his family; I mean), people you can celebrate with? In laws, who will love your kids and play with them?

    Secret marriage is something that keeps you in the background and your husband would keep the news of "you" away from his other wife and his family. He would be deceiving them by not letting them know and you will face the grief.

    There have been many posts on our website on the subject: secret marriages. You should search for them and read them.

    This man can handle the situation if he wills. He must be brave and adamant that he would marry you. If his family agrees, I do not think the question of being a second wife will exist, because they will cancel the other plan. It all depends on the man. He must be convinced and confident that he will not keep you "secret" and will support you in all situations.

    If he insists on a secret relation, I advise you to reconsider his offer.

    Abu Abdul Bari
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Bro abdul bari,
      Thanks for good advices. Insha Allah, Allah will guide me to a better decision. I just love him so much n i always pray for him to be happy with his coming marriage with this girl. Im hurting a lot but Allah knows best for all of us.

      • Do not lose hope in Allah and talk to the Indian man to announce your marriage among his family. He will not stay in Saudi forever. What when he returns to India to never come back? So, perform Salatul Istikhaarah and hope for the best from Allah. If not him, you will certainly find a man who will comfort you, in sha Allah. If required, give him this link, so that he can talk to us on here and so that we can help him make the decision.

        May Allah Grant you success

        Abu Abdul Bari
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • @may_hmed - did you speak with Dr. Murtaza Baksh ?

        May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  7. asalamu alaikum,

    I just wanted to welcome you to Islam. a little personal advice if you do re-marry do not be a second wife, don't marry more problems. indian culture is too crazy, vast majority of them will mistreat you etc, don't get me wrong some are very lovely. don't rush into anything if you have doubts..

    ma salama

  8. Assalamualaikum dear bro n sis,
    Thanks for all the advices u gave me. Now im trying to be strong n decided to better be alone in my life. My indian is going to get married nxt week, we already talk that we better be friends. JazakAllah khair

    • Wa Alaikum as Salam sister,

      I know it is hard, but it is an important decision. Allah Will give you better, in sha Allah.

      You need not be alone in your life. There are numerous Muslim men who will be better than this Indian man. And please take heed of one thing: do not keep contact with him, lest you should fall into the trap of Shaitaan. You have been guided by Allah to Guidance after a lot of darkness. You do not want to get into the trap of Shaitaan now, do you?

      When you have left all for Islam, because you saw truth in it, keeping a distance from him should not be much difficult. Hope you understand and pray that Allah Gives you the strength to lead your life, to Success.

      Abu Abdul Bari
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Salam bro,
        Actually im on a week off from work now, need a rest life is so stressfull this days. N im thinking to leave this country n go to other arab countries. Im always trying to be online here just to use my spare time n learn from other experiences also.

        • @may_hmed

          you should stop contacting him totally to be away from the traps of the shaitan.

          I do not know why you want to leave that country. Try to get a job in madina or mecca in a place where there is no free mixing of men and women.
          and i don't know if you spoke with Dr. Murtaza Baksh. ?

          and Read this..

          Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her), said: "Abu Salamah came to me one day after being with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: 'I heard from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) something that made me very happy. He said, "There is no calamity that befalls one of the Muslims and he responds by saying 'Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilahi raaji'oon (Truly, to Allaah we belong, and truly, to Him we shall return),' then he says, 'Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha (O Allaah, reward me in this calamity and compensate me with something better than it),' but Allaah will do that for him."'" Umm Salamah said: "I learnt this from him, and when Abu Salamah died, I said, 'Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilahi raaji'oon,' then , 'Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha,' Then I thought to myself, Where could I find anyone better than Abu Salamah? When my 'iddah (waiting-period) was over, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked permission to see me, whilst I was busy dyeing a hide. I washed the qaraz (a kind of dye derived from a certain plant) from my hands and granted him permission, putting out for him a leather cushion stuffed with palm fibres. He sat down on it, and asked for my hand in marriage. When he had finished what he had to say, I said: 'O Messenger of Allaah, I do not want you to lose interest in me, but I am a very jealous woman, and I am afraid that you may see in me something that could earn me the punishment of Allaah. I am also a woman who is ageing, and I have children.' He said, 'As for the jealousy you mentioned, Allaah will take this away from you (according to another report: as for you saying that you are a jealous woman, I will pray to Allaah to take away your jealousy). As for what you say about age, the same applies to me as to you. As for your children, your children are my children.' So I accepted his offer and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married me. Allaah gave me someone even better than Abu Salamah, namely the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)."

          These two reports are in the Musnad of Imaam Ahmad. The hadeeth was also reported by Muslim from Umm Salamah, who said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 'There is no Muslim who suffers a calamity and says what Allaah has commanded: "Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raji'oon, Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha," but Allaah will compensate him with something better.' When Abu Salamah died, I said, 'Who among the Muslims could be better than Abu Salamah, the first household to migrate to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)?' Then I said [this du'aa'] and Allaah compensated me with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He sent Haatib ibn Abi Balta'ah on his behalf to ask for my hand in marriage, but I said, 'I have a daughter, and I am a jealous woman.' He said, 'As for your daughter, we will pray to Allaah to make her independent, and I will pray to Allaah to take away your jealousy.'" (Reported by Muslim, 1525).

          _______________________________________

          May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  9. Assalaamu 'alaykum brother 'abdullaah.I need dr murtaza bakhsh's number on urgent basis as I have to discuss some points related to my research project in Masters,Usool ud Deen.jazaakallaahu khayraa.assalaamu 'alaykum

  10. Hi good morning can i ask about the requirments im a cristian but im planning to married muslim man.. Should be possible that i can marry him??and what is the requirments??

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