Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can I use the money of my wife?


Can i use the money of my wife?

i am going to marry a christian wife without converting her to Islam. she promised me to take me with her USA where i can find a good job and support my parents back in Pakistan and also my christian wife. but till she gets me in USA can i use her money as help, as gift.?? I have in my mind that after marrying her i will try my best to convert her to Islam and make her a good muslim. but right now she is willing to marry me but refusing to convert Islam.


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11 Responses »

  1. Try supporting your parents yourself instead of using a woman. This is how some men ruin womens lives, marry her as a muslim and behave like one instead of worrying about converting her after marriage

  2. Salam,

    I am glad to hear that you are not planning to leave her after getting to the US. I see two things wrong with your post. 1. she is not muslim and I know it's ok for muslim men to marry christian women however it's not really recommend because for one of the reason you list in your post, she is not muslim and also because of she has already made is clear she will not convert, are you really willing to take the chance? she will be raising your children - just something to think of. Also, the other thing is you are the man, you should NOT be using a woman's money - muslim or non muslim. 2. Allah has given you the responsibility to take care of your wife/children. Please dont put that burned on her having to take care of you, you are not a child. Cant you work and save your own money and use it when you get there?

    • Salam,

      I would like to apologize for my comment - it sounded awful when I reread it. I did not mean to generalize all of them as I just realized one of my absolute favorite speakers has a pakistani background - Nouman Ali Kahn - and I would NEVER say anything bad about him because Masha'Allah Tabarakallah, I think he is a blessing for the ummah. Some of the things I read on here just makes me angry and sad. This was a mistake and I would appreciate if you can delete the first few lines of my post.

      Also, I apologize to the OP.

  3. Umm Ladies, i think the brother here is asking from an Islamic perspective...
    Brother, the rule is that the man is the provider of the family, but it is not forbidden to take from your wife, if she willfully shares her wealth with you.

    and to my sisters here, please keep your anger and emotions out of your responses so the inquirer does not feel humiliated coming to this forum asking for our advice in the light of Islam. im talking to you...Nanchant and Astar101.

    • I'm not angry...or did I mean to humiliate him...I just meant if he is capable that he should work also and not just take her money...

  4. Its obvious KITKAT fell for the charms of a Pakistani man..hence the venom and hateful generalization.

    KITKAT...mind i ask where you are from so i can present to you a 100 stereotypical examples of your gender and country?


  5. Islamically I haven't seen anything that says you can't accept her money. You can't take it by force but you can accept it if she's offering.

    The gift of belief is from Allah. And she has to be willing to accept Islam. You can try guiding her but you cannot make her believe. She may never believe. Before you marry her, be sure that you are willing to accept the consequences of that. Talk about how the children will be raised now.

    Be aware that when they're actually there she may want to give them a christian upbringing, and you may have to be ok with that or end up getting divorced later. But even if you divorce she'd still have custody and still raise them her way. Just don't rely on conversion as a guarantee.

  6. If you cannot convert her, how can you guarantee that you can convert her later. If she being muslim is so important to you, don't marry her. I hate seeing the post here saying that my wife does not want to convert and I need to divorce her, etc etc. You know it well by heart that it is not going to work. However, the fact that she is an American and a promise a better future just blurred your vision.

  7. Assalam alaikum,

    Dear Brother,

    You have asked if you can use your wife's money, but as of now, this woman isn't your wife since you said you were going to marry her.

    As for using your wife's money--this shouldn't be a problem for any Muslim man, so long as he is not using her and breaks his promise in returning it to her...but otherwise, this isn't a problem.

    I think the reason why your post might be disturbing, or at least I will speak for myself only here, is that it seems that you know a woman in the USA, she is Christian, you live in Pakistan, and the both of you are getting did that happen? I can only imagine, but would rather not. It raises the concern that this is one of those typically common stories of overseas men seeking a relationship with a woman in the west for immigration purposes...this is the first thing that crossed my mind and I don't know why is it better to leave your parents and go to USA? There are no guarantees there--and then you are choosing a Christian woman, which some argue is allowed in Islam (I suppose if she is a devout practicing Christian) and if the future, how will that influence your children? Is it really the best choice? I know that this wasn't your question, but it is hard to answer yes or no to your question without considering the broader picture.

    Anyways, ideally, I would say you should stay near your parents and do what you can for them and seek help from Allah swt while putting forth your best effort. May Allah swt ease your pain and help you to be successful in both this life and the next, Ameen.

  8. I dont even feel crucial enough to start it by saying even a SALAM to you.

    1 - What type of a MUSLIM do you call yourself that you are going to marry her without she embracing ISLAM ? Will your hardcore Country accept you for that deed ? I dint say ALLAH because when you can think about marrying someone who is non practising who doesnt want to embrace ISLAM either i dont think you would have thought about ALLAH yourself

    2 - At Present by your ownself on your own credits and merits you are unable to support your family what and how will you support your wife after taking favours from her of going to the States ? That is really Hilarious even to wonder about your mindset.

    3 - You want to use her money till she gets you to the states. Tell me one thing what are you yourself doing for your own living apart from thinking of taking monetary help, going to USA help from that lady ? Dont you have 0.01% Self Respect ? Not boasting but i know many people who merely work as labourers or drivers in the middle east even though there wives are from well to do parental background yet they are happy and providing there family as well as wife and children but not taking a single penny from wife.
    Would have you said that CAN YOU TAKE MONEY FROM HER AS A " LOAN " AND NOT AS A GIFT your intentions could have been pure. But when at first place your intentions are not pure wonder what type of person can you be when it would come to practicality.

    4 - If you cant convert her before marrying her, then why do you want to convert her later ? Dont even do that 😀 If she had to get convinced by knowing our religion there wouldnt have had been the need to ask her to Convert she would have by her ownself which is not the scenario in her case.

    5 - Kaka ji you havent married her and you terming her as your wife before marrying ? :)) looking at your Question. Please grow up and do something for your own living. Have heard Pakistan is a poor country but still people are surviving there. All wouldnt have been having some lady from US to help them with monetary needs. Do something on your merits if you have any rather depending on someone just because she is from the states. Stop being money hungry and selfish it will lead you to no where.

    And finally by the way.. By all this is your family your parents Okay with ? You intending to take money from her as gift ? Are they Okay with that ? They Okay with you marrying someone who doesnt have faith in Islam ? Would the marriage be Valid ? Or you plan to marry by the Catholic way? Church wedding exchanging wine and pork Nauzubillah. Please really grow up. You need a real good councelling. Change your obnoxious and selfish mindset.

    Good Luck

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