Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can we both get married?

Assalam-o-alaikum...
I am 22 year old revert to Islam. I am not married but have 1 young daughter; her father left us when she was a baby. I have an old friend who helped me with many issues and through many problems in my life before I became Muslim and I tried to support him anyway I could. I am still just learning and am very new to Islam. He is Muslim too. I moved away from him because we have growen close and do not wish to be sinful.
He said he wanted to marry me and we both agreed to wait until the time was right but before this his father died; a year or so later his mother called with some troubling news.

Before his father died he left wishes for all his children and for this man. He said he wanted him to go back to his homeland and marry a Muslim woman from his country. At this point in time he cannot afford to go back and find a wife, bring her here and support her. He is now 31years old so not young and he won't be able to go and do this for at least another 5-10years. He cried to his mother and explained our situation and she wanted us to get married and so said she would ask her family sheikh for guidance. I don't want to dishonour myself, this man or his father.

I am so scared; he has been my support, my guardian and my friend for the past few years. We have been through so much, everyday I remind myself and this man that; whatever Allah bestows upon us, surely we need it. Alhamdulilah for the good times and for the bad because without either of them we would not be who and where we are today. I feel I am invisable and living in the shadows. I recently "came out of the closet" about my faith to my family; they are very misguided and narrow minded so I have been teased, ridiculed and in a way out-cast from my family circle. When I told this man he was supportive and encouraging as we usually are to one another.

I want to know;

Is it haram for us to get married? What is the right way to go about this situation?
Has anyone else been through this same thing?

Jazakallah

Te Mana.


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3 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister Te Mana.

    I am sorry to hear about this situation you are in and the fact that your family are ridiculing you about converting to Islam. Stay strong sister, Muslims before have experienced such behaviour from non - Muslims. The Prophet SAW himself was mocked by the disbelievers. It will only give you more reward so be patient and expect your reward from Allah swt.

    It is not haraam for you to both get married, you are both Muslims. As for the right way to go about this situation, it is difficult. However this man is not sinful if he marries you. His father is no longer alive, that is the hard truth so no worldy matter can be of a benefit to him now. Of course it goes without saying you should not say that to the family out of respect. Even if his father was alive, we all have a choice in who we marry as long as that person is of good character and deen. I think it would be good if he speaks to his mother again and explains how difficult it would be for him to marry from back home and how the Prophet SAW encouraged us to marry young. So delaying marriage unecessarily is not good. Have you met his mother?

    Be respectful either way and InshaAllah it seems from your post that his mother is a reasonable woman so he should work to persuade her. But if she refuses without a valid reason, you have every right to marry but be aware it may cause family problems. In the meantime continue being away from this man, to reduce the risk of sin. Work on getting closer to Allah, and Islam. He is always there, ready to listen so ask Him to help you, and to guide your family. Seek His advice as He knows best.

    You are welcome to comment on here for further advice and support if needed. Alhumdulilah, I myself have not been through such a situation, but there may be others who can help you in this regard.

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor
    x

  2. Asalam wa alykume
    My muslim sister congrats to u 4 becoming muslim , u have shown real bravery in doing so and may allah make it easy for u and you r familly ameen . Simply put

    Yes you can marry him

    Rather i strongly advise you to marry him , u seem to really like him and he does like u , he would not have been there for u if he did not care for u

    What you must understand is that many muslims mix their culture with their religon some can not tell the difference . His dad has died , even if he were alive he could not force him to marry and woman what ever country she is from . He is dead , he cant even get angry at his son if he does not marry someone back home . Even if he were to give into his fathers wishes for what ever reason , he does not have the ability to carry out his wishes , allah does not put a burdon on a soul greater than he can bear . And know that u are only accountable for what u havethe ability to do . He also has needs and i dont mean just physically , he needs someone to talk to and to be there for him . 31 years is a long time to be alone . Is he going to remain like that for another 5 years ? U are there . He likes u , u have feaelings for him , u do seem to need him and he properly needs u more . His parients can not force him to marry any one . And they could only have voiced some objection to your marriage with him if there were some ipslamic reason , and if what u say is though i can see no reason so any kind of non-islamic reason , they want him to marry someone of a particuar race , or nationality or born muslim or convert all of this is invalid they have no right to do so .

    Not only is it permissible for u both to marry. , but it may bebetter that u do

    And allah pknows best

    Adheim

  3. assalamu'alakum
    sister it would be better if you ask a knowledgable person around u. But in my opinion i see no wrong here if you two get married.

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