Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Cannot forgive myself

Crying Muslim Woman

Assalamu Alyakum. I have done something so horrible I never thought I would do. I planned to meet and marry someone but the imam would not marry us Islamically without a marriage license from the state. He is not divorced yet so we could not do that so he told me that he is marrying me without any witnesses which I know is invalid. This led to zina which I sincerely regret. I have prayed for Allah to forgive me but I cannot forgive myself for being so weak and letting my desire get the best of me.  I am divorced with kids and am afraid that one day this will come back to me and Allah will punish me through my children.  I never had the intention of doing anything haram and I never thought I would ever be in this position.  What do I do now? I have asked him to fix the mistake and he agrees that we will get married but I still feel terrible. I do not blame it on the imam but I wish he would have agreed to the marriage when we asked because that was truly our intention. I do not know where to go from here.


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4 Responses »

  1. Your marriage is consider fasit. There are questionable conditions, but your marriage is valid to a degree. If I am correct, you were divorced and married a man who did not complete his divorce. It seems to me that you are his second wife. That is why the imam probably did not agree to officiating your marriage. Too many loose ends. And you have children who are closely watching everything that is going on around them. Personally, I think you should be more concerned about your husband's lack of conduct. He was already married and then encouraged you to do a wedding with you without witnesses. His behavior is questionable. I have my own suspicions of his intentions. Who would want this for his daughter or sister? But he asks this of you. You should calmly tell your husband your concerns about committing sin and that you want the nikah done again immediately with witnesses that you know, family and friends. You should not be ashamed of your marriage. Our job is to protect one another from sin, not lead the people we say we love and care about into bad behavior. Sadly, I have little confidence in your husband because of what he has already done. So be prepared for him to make excuses and to fail you again. I hope you have family and friends to support you in the event that this happens. But do not be surprised if he disappoints you. No sin you commit will fall on to your children. Your irresponsible behavior affects them. But your sin is your sin. No one elses.

  2. It seems like the man is not a good man sister. In my youth I came across a man like that and no good ever came from the relationship. A married man that tries to get a woman to marry him in that sort of way without really making it valid and no 8 ne knowing is a path to all sorts of lies and abuse for you. It seems that he is not an honorable man just like the man I met when I was younger. The Imam saw the problem but it doesn't look like you married the man. Umm Hussain told you the right thing that nothing will happen to your children. She also said the truth that the man he'll always make excuses and fail you. He appears to be a liar who cheated on his wife and fooled you into thinking that you would be his next real wife. Allah will forgive you, but being with that man will cause types of trouble because his ways are not right at all. Be aware that married men's do these types of tricks on vulnerable women and take advantage. The best thing you could do 7 leave him and his mess and be with a man with no wife. Why still want to be with a person like that sister?

    • sister,

      the best thing you can do his:

      1. first repent to Allah (swt) seek sincere forgivness, do not let shaitan trick you Again. Allah is very meriful. and forgives who come back to him!.

      2. Leave that man! if that man had any respect for you and cared about protecting your honor- he would never meet you alone in first place!!!.

      3. if u worried about kids. Focus on your kids!@!

      4. be patient and trust in Allah. Allah will send you rightous pious insha Allah!

  3. Salam alaikum sister, i would like to say that allah is with you and he will help you. He forgives you and you must first of all have a talk with your lover and tell him everything. Then advice him to get a divorce, but don’t force him. Then after a while of healing, hopefully, you could get married.

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