Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t cope anymore

muslim woman suffering face

Salam,

I am in desperate need for advice. I am a married woman of 4 young children. My husband left me and took the children with him he lives in another city and does not allow me to see my children other than for 2 days. I recently lost my mother from a heart attack and do not get on with my father or brothers. I am now in debt and at risk of losing my home. I was married for 14 years during which time my husband never paid towards the house or the children.

I often sit at night crying and crying praying to Allah that I don't wake up in the morning. I have lost my fight and if I lose my home my father won't let me go and stay with him and neither will my brothers. My husband verbally abuses me as do his brothers and parents. I have no one at all other than my sweet little children who I will not be able to parent if I lose my home as I already live so far from them. Please please please help I am desperate and just want this all to end!!! I wish my mother was alive :'(

Sist.


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19 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMALAIKUM
    DEAR 1ST
    PLS CAN YOU TELL THE REASON FOR HIS TAKING AWAY THE CHILDREN AND LEAVE YOU BEHIND THEN SOME THING CAN BE WORKED OUT IN THE MIND -
    AND DONT PLS LONG FOR DEATH IT IS NOT ALLOWED IN ISLAM LIFE IS TO FACE IT NOT TO DEFACE IT.
    Verily, We have created all things with Qadar [Divine Preordainments of all things before their creation, as written in the Book of Decrees Al-Lawh Al-Mahfûz].(Surat al-Qamar, 49)
    Everything they did is in the Books. (Surat Al-Qamar, 52)
    Everything is recorded, big or small. (Surat Al-Qamar, 53)
    Say: "I possess no power to harm or Shelp myself except as Allah wills.
    Every nation has an appointed time.
    When their appointed time comes,
    they cannot delay it a single hour or bring it forward." (Surah Yunus, 49)

    HOPE YOU WILL REPLY
    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF

  2. It will be easy to advice if you tell us which country you living right now. Maybe you can take support from the government but every country has different rules that's why I am asking.

  3. ASSALAMALAIKUM
    NADIA YOU ARE RIGHT IN HELPING HER BY KNOWING HER LOCATION-

    EVEN IF IT IS REACHABLE WE CAN SORT OUT BY CONVINCING THE HUSAND THAT THIS WAY OF LEAVING AND SEPERATING MOTHER FROM CHILDREN IS NOT ALLOWED IN ISLAM-
    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF

  4. Asa sis, what country:-) are you in? If you are in the UK or oz I can help you. Don't feel this way 🙂 things will get better. There are soon many resources out there.I'll be checking this post.

  5. This is your ultimate Test Sister. Who says that you have lost it all. You have Allah. He is the hope of everybody. This is perhaps a test of your life. It is pivotal that you hold on to the rope of Allah come what may.

    Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) lost both his parents at a very young age. He even Lost his two sons when they were toddlers. Did He ask for death?

    Prophet Yusuf (Pbuh) was abandoned by his own brothers. He was jailed for not being guilty. Did he Lose hope?

    Pharoah's wife , Aasiya, was tortured to an extreme extent.

    When Pharoah found out that his wife Aasiyah
    believed in Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta‘ala,
    instead of in him, he was furious! How could
    she? He ordered his guards to beat her. They
    tied her hands and feet, and beat her
    mercilessly in the scorching desert heat. She
    turned to Allah and prayed, “My Lord, build
    for me a home with You in Jannah and save
    me from Fir’aun and his deeds and save me
    from the Zaalimun ( wrong-doers and
    disbelievers in Allaah).” (Surah at- Tahreem:11)
    .

    If you believe in Allah then, there is still hope. This is the time to show patience. Sit down to pray and you will see How much Allah loves you.

    Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity.(2:286)

    If Allah should aid you, no one can overcome you; but if He should forsake you, who is there that can aid you after Him? And upon Allah let the believers rely.( 3:160)

  6. salaam we can't help or advise on your options until we know which country you are in

  7. Sister,

    Like everyone here has said, it will help to know the country in which you live so that we can try our best to look for resources or help for you.

    Salam

  8. ASSSALAMALAIKUM
    FOR MY VISIBILITY TO TYPE WITHOUT MISTAKES-

    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF

  9. there is a verse of quran which Translation is "O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient."..its a test from Allah and if u do sabar n pray Allah will give u more which u have expect not..increase your bond wityh ALlah..that`s all i could suggest

  10. Honestly I got tears in my eyes from reading your post. I wish your mother was alive too nothing is like a mother and plues if she was alive she would have been there for you. Alhamdullah she is with Allah and a better place. I hope everything work out for you sister.

  11. As salamu alaykum, Sister,

    I am sorry you lost your mum, Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon. Ameen. And I am sorry you are going through so much pain by yourself. Thank you very much for sharing it.

    Listening to you, you need someone to talk that will be able to give you solutions to your problems. I understand you are under deep pain but right now it is time to move on and look for solutions wherever they are.

    Can you find free socia/legal assistance where you live?

    Have you tried to talk to your father/brothers about your situation? Have you given them the opportunity to choose to help you? Please give them a chance, people can surprise us when we least expect, please forgive them whatever they have done to you in the past and ask for help,... if they are not able to help you, ask Allah(swt) to help you to forgive them and keep going to see where the open door is.

    I am sorry I am not of much help but Insha´Allah I will pray tonight for all of you, we need our family and they need us and we have this lifetime to understand this.

    May Allah(swt) forgive us. Ameen.

    María

  12. Sometimes I wonder the person who asking for help/advice if they are asked to give more details or ask question the qutionarer do not reply at all! I don't get it what are they afraid of replying? Are they not serious about their situation or it's just want to see some basic knowledge of what people say about the situation? Sorry if my word sound harsh.....

    • This is what I was wondering the other day, it is possible that this post was published weeks or months after the questioner initially asked and so this long wait makes a person impatient unfortunately (when infact they should be patient) especially when some seek immediate advise or comfort etc. But some do come back after long time to read. There maybe other reasons.

  13. assalamalaiakum,
    Sorry if my word sound harsh.....

    from 2 days i was also wondering and thid is not harsh it is the right thimg to do when so many people are concerned in giving her advice and she sits quite.

    Sist.

    pl dont sit t but say something to all the people who answered you-

    regagrds
    ALI YOUSUFF

    • Assalamualaikum Wahrmtullahi Wabarakaatuhu

      Alhamdulillah we have such a great community which is so intent on helping our estranged sister.
      Alhamdulillah it really makes me proud to be part of a community that treats this Ummah as one body and loves what it loves for it brother/sister what is loves for themselves.

      May Allah grant you with goodness and enter you into the Jannathul Firdouse .

      Brothers and sisters we should also only assume the best of the sister,

      It might be the case that she has lost her house already. May Allah protect her from that and shelter her and grant her a best outcome out of this trial.

      It might also be the case that she is going though so much trauma that she has lost all hope. Lets just remember her in our prayers which is the only real way we can help her and also if the admin/moderator can send out a personal email to the person asking if everything is alright.

      Ya Allah forgive us shortcomings which we are full of,our sins and mistakes if we have done it while intending only good for the sister.

      I love you all for the sake of Allah my dear brothers and sisters.

      Baarakallauhmma feek.

  14. Oh my dear sister i genuinely feel ur pain. I really hope u read these comments by our brothers and sisters who r eager to help u. I wish u had written which country u r in but i can only tell u one thing dear sis, ur husband has indeed done a grave sin by taking ur children away from u and hasnt shown any mercy even though he (prbly) knows what a serious loss u r dealing with after the demise of ur mother. Sister what made him take such a step?

    Raising 4 kids all by himself wont b easy unless he is driven by anger or ego or both,. Its horrifying to even imagine how ur children should cope with a resentful father and no mother for comfort. Allah understands ur pain and he also sees the tears of ur children. He will surely hear the innocent victims at least. Sister u r dealing with multiple problems, that only hapns to those whom Allah chooses. U r close to Him, much closer than u think. Do not think of suicide, coz that way u will ruine ur akhirah. What else do we have other than that? This duniya is not for enjoyment for us. We have to earn the akhirah sister. Jannah is not cheap, especially the higher levels. Have faith, u will get sabr in sha allah.

    Last night while going from one video to another on youtube i hapnd to watch one which was so touching. A man from palestine i believe was taken into a morge like room where two bloody bodies were lying on the floor. One looked like a young man perhaps his son and the other was a toddler his grandson mayb, and the man's reaction shook me up. All he kept saying was ''Alhamdolillah'' as he wailed and as he tried to move the dead. This wailing man taught me something i will never forget. Subhan allah.

    My dear sister a momin's life is full of trials and sacrifices, i know u must b thinking its easier said than done but i know Allah will test me soon specially now when i have started to show more faith in Him than b4 and that i have begun to believe that i practice islam more than i did, now that i weep for Him,He will test me soon and my trial will b tough but i shall pray to Him to make us all stronger to deal with them. This duniya is a prison we cannot escape. So hang on my dear sis. Pray as much as u can coz ur time hasnt come, not yet, not yet.

    U will meet your mother one day. Hope u see her with ur record full of good deeds. If u go to the higher level of jannah because of ur patience and faith in Him, Allah swt will put her in that level for u. U will meet her sis in sha allah.

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