Can’t find a husband: divorced with one child
I am divorced with 1 child, a 3 yr old. I have been actively looking to remarry but am having no luck. I am 33 years old and want very much to expand my family, have more child and husband.
I feel like I'm just getting older and older and soon it will be too late. It seems no one wants a woman that already has a child, I feel like an outcast and unwanted. I'm wondering if I should just give up my search?
~MarloMina
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Dear Sister MarloMina, Asalaamualaykum,
Of course you shouldnt give up hope of being happily married. See your spouse searching as an elimination process, the more you meet that don't meet eye to eye with you, the more you will come closer to the ones that do.
My cousin recently said to me that since she has two daughters and is divorced, she feels she'll never find a man who will accept her whole heartedly and that she feels she has 'obstacles' to getting married due to this. I said 'Your daughters are not obstacles, they are a beautiful blessing. Those guys who wouldnt consider marrying you because you have children and are divorced are in my opinion not 'marriage material' anyway and I would never want to marry those type of men either. The nice guys are the ones who don't see such things as baggage, they see such things as a blessing and thats the kind of man you need to be looking for. The only barriers you have are the ones you have created yourself by limiting yourself to one 'race'. You have no-one stopping you from marrying whoever you want (her parents have passed away and her siblings will support her in whatever she does).'
And my advice to you is the same. Don't give up, keep searching and insha'Allah someone will come your way. Better still, divert your mind by taking up hobbie you enjoy. Insha'Allah you may meet someone who is like minded through common activites and hobbies.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As-Salaamu alaykum, ukhti. Please do not give up. I was a 46 year old divorced, revert when I married a wonderful Muslim man. I don't have children and would love to have a baby with my husband. Allah subhanna wa ta 'ala knows best. Make du 'aa that He crosses your path with a mate perfect for you and your child.
Salam sis, I am on the same path..which Dua should we need to ask mercy from Allah to give us the desire of our hearts..
Salam Sister
I agree with two sisters' advice above. Pls don't give up. Insha Allah there will be a good man who will love you the way you are and accept your kid sincerely.
You must thank to Allah because you have a kid already. He can be your heart comforter by looking at his shining eyes and see he grows and learns new things every day. That's wonderful ! Some women here in Indonesia age 35 up and they are still single. So it is not about having kid or not..but it is about Allah Kadar. Pls be patient Sister.
May Allah grant every single Du'a we make. Amin
I agree with Nisa.
MarloMina, you came into my mind in the early hours of this morning and then Allah(swt) caused me to remember that He(swt) gives more to those who are grateful. So be grateful for the beautiful child you have and Allah will give you more. There are many sisters who are older than you, but have never been in a fulfilling marriage, nor do they have children. In the meantime, focus on raising your child as the best muslim he/she can be.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Please don't give up insallah Allah find you a nice husband soon. Just pray to Allah .
ASSALAMALIKUM-
I AM FROM INDIA...
1ST TAKE MY MAIL ID FROM BILKIS MAM THEN I CAN EXPLAIN THE SUBJECT IN PRIVACY
WHICH IS ISLAMIC NOT TO EXPOSE [ONE WOMANS[MY WIFES] SHORT COMINGS
I have the permission DUE TO 2 REASONS -
CHECK IN GOOGLE[WILL GIVE THE NAME OF DISTORTIONS
IN REGULAR HUSBAND RELATION PROBLEMS WHICH OCCUR DUE TO DIVINE DECREE-
1]......................................REASON WILL BE TOLD TO A SERIOUS ENQUIRY [DIRECTLY]
2] http://www.......................com ANOTHER SERIOUS PROBLEM.
AFTER KNOWING ALL THE REASONS DIRECTLY FROM ME YOU CAN EVEN TALK OT MY WIFE ON PHONE AND CLARIFY...
And the consent of my wife to marry another woman as we both have agreed for points which are practical and islamic for doing so- WITH THE 2 REASONS IN MIND.
THIS DECISION DUE TO THE ABOVE-2 MAJOR PROBLEMS WHICH HAVE OCCURED IN LAST 6 MONTHS-
Ali
I am not quite sure what you are trying to say in your post above.
If you wish to give advice to the sister, you can do so here. You do not need to give your nor your wife's personal details here, so no one but Allah and yourself will know who you are. So you will not be exposing your wife.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ASSLAMALAIKUM
EVERYONE SEE THIS PAGE https://www.facebook.com/BLISSOFREMARRIAGE
I MADE BCOZ I KNOW THE LIFE OF WIDOW BCOZ MY MOTHER BECAME A WIDOW AT HE AGE OF 26 WHEN I WAS 4 YEARS.
AND DIVORCEES I HAVE SEEN SETTLED &MANY DISPUTES IN MY SURROUNDING AND WHAT IS THEIR PLIGHT THAT ALSO I HAVE SEEN AND ALL HAVE TAKEN PLACE DUE TO SOME DRUNKARDS OR GAMBLERS AND WOMANIZERS AND MONEY WORSHIPPERS WHO DIDNT VALUE THE PEARL OF THE CREATION[THE WOMEN]ALLAH CREATED AND ONLY CREED FOR MONEY OR THOSE WHO HAD ALREADY MARRIED THEY REGRETTED NOT MARRYING A RICH GIRL-REASON OF DISPUTES AND HATREDNESS-
WHEN GOOD TEA IS NOT AVAILABLE AT HOME MAN GOES TO DRINK TEA OUTSIDE..IS MY THINKING-
NOW-BREAKUP DUE TO WOMEN.
SOME FAULTS ON WOMEN SIDE WHO DIDNT CARE TO PAMPER THEIR HUSBANDS WHEN THEY COME HOME BY MAKING THEM SELVES PLEASANT LOOKING NEAT AND TIDY AND ATTRACTIVE..NOT .MAKING GOOD FOOD NOT KEEPING UPTO EXPECTATIONS OF THE HUSBAND IN DOMESTIC MATTERS.
TODAYS OFFICE ASSISTANTS AND SHOPS CUSTOMERS [YOUNG GIRLS] DONT MIND MARRYING A MARRIED MAN -HIS SHOP OR BUSINESS PLACE IMPRESSES THEM AND THEY THINK THE INCOME IS SUFFICIENT AND THEY PROCEED TO CONVINCE HIM THAT THEY LIKE HIM HE IS SMART HE LOOKS LIKE UNMARRIED ETC ETC .
Brother,
Please write in lower case, Thank You.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ASSLAMALAIKUM
That is what dear sister i mentioned if they need to know they can take mail id from you ask me directly as advised by you this is what i am following that is your sincere advice-
You do not need to give your nor your wife's personal details here,
Dear sister,
Assalamalaikum-
Please write in lower case,
Thank You.
Is this for me and if it is for me i didnt understand pl clarify if you dont mind.
And my humble request is pl note i am very serious person in the matter of a girl child anywhere i see any oppression i cant keep quite and i see that she is left alone or given justification for her right.
Even i have sent sources for many to open boutiques in their homes and make source of income and be only dependant on Allah ONLY and not on any human beings.,they are happily running their business and looking after their children and their schooling etc.
Young or old is not the subject matter but their happiness is something i yearn that Allah must give then at any cost because one poor cousin sister of mine suffered a lot to marry due to many grooms demands she lost hope one fine day she took poison and after admitting her in hospital and immidiate action there she was saved due to my anger for the dirty attempt she made,she cried a lot and promised me she will not attempt again and was reading Yasin regularly and she pleaded for me to talk to her and and 3rd day due to A/C in ICU and the drips effect she died of Pneumonia and not because of poison.
I am getting tears remembering her condition the doctors pumped the chest and tried i was just next to her &
THAT DAY AND TODAY i cant tolerate any male who asks dowry or treat any one as he likes oppresses a wife influenced by her mother or sisters Zulm or treating like door mat.I am the last person i cant digest it.
Other Hadiths of the Prophet (pbuh) and/or sayings of the Imams are given here:
► The World And All Things In It Are Valuable; But The Most Valuable Thing In The World Is A Virtuous Woman.
► Allah Enjoins You To Treat Women Well, For They Are Your Mothers, Daughters, And Aunts.
► The Rights Of Women Are Sacred. See That Women Are Maintained In The Rights Assigned To Them.
So pl confirm my replies after moderation and keep my postings intact so that i will be encouraged to lend some advice may be even one line may open some door to happiness for widows and divorcees.
Regards
ali Yousuff.
Special request-
PL SEND THIS
https://www.facebook.com/pages/WidowsDivorcees-Right-to-happiness-/207274066009133?ref=tn_tnmn
TO YR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES CIRCLE AS I WANT THIS GROUP TO BUILD SO THAT THE HIDDEN FROM THE WORLD THE SAD WIDOWS AND DIVORCEES CAN INTERACT BY CHATTING WITH EACH OTHER AND SOLVE MANY PROBLEMS BY SHARING THEIR SORROWS...
REGARDS
ALI YOUSUFF
Brother,
I don't quite understand how your comments are helping the author of this post. I see that you want to help women who have been divorced or widowed, and you may have some useful words of advice to share. But the way in which you are writing your comments is very difficult to comprehend and very confusing. So rather than posting so many comments on the same matter, it is better if you think about what you want to write, put it all into one comment and submit that (in lower case).
Thank you,
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamalaikum-
In reply i will just say that i am also looking for someone one who wants to marry as i also want to have children-and if it not suitable with me i can see if there are any people[males] who are looking for marriage so that i can help them in finding a suitable match,for this if any one needs my mail id you can give for the sake of helping someone settle down in life as the matter cannot be discussed in this forum openly.
Regarding writing everything in one reply is little difficult sometimes we remember something after
the 1st reply.it will be important then i have to write and i have seen other people replying on the same subject a number of times even after 1 month.
One special request pl like this page and request others to like so that the widows and divorcees group build up and they get connected with each other for the better of their future. PL LIKE AND SEND THIS
https://www.facebook.com/pages/WidowsDivorcees-Right-to-happiness-/207274066009133?ref=tn_tnmn
TO YR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES
Allah Hafiz.
assalamalaikum .
See after i posted my reply i saw your wonderful link of subjects which are so helpful to many i just posted this http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/ in my page of widows and divorcees https://www.facebook.com/BLISSOFREMARRIAGE as i liked it so much this happens when we remember something later and also when it is beneficial to others-
Regards
Ali
I am also divorced 28 with a 2 yr old child- strange thing is I had 3 miscarriages before I had my child but after child was born me and husband divorced!
I just think how mad my situation is I prayed and begged Allah fir a child once I had a child I got divorced now I'm finding it difficult to remarry due to my child....
How strange things turn out 🙁
Assalamo Walaikum
Never get hopeless with Almighty Allah blessing. Among many reasons one might be the parents of any boy who doesn't wish to endorse a daughter in law like you. However, my parents too. I always wish to stand for others who are in grief and sorrow. According to sharia revealed by our beloved prophet S.A.W, I am ready for nikah with you and further keep my best efforts to return smile on your face.
Jazak Allah
may Allah swt have mercy on you
have sabr sister.
ASA,
WOW..i cant believe it..as an ummah we are in trouble. Look at our prophet SAWS..he married a WIDOW that was older than him, women that had responsibilites to carry..Now our own muslim men that want to be an example of the prophet saws would never even marrry a woman...that is a possibly good woman..just because she has a child?? SUBHANALLAH..i hope none of you MEN ever find yourself unfortunate enough to be divorced! Some people it is not their fault..why should they be condemned for that? children are a blessing alhumdulilah..it could be YOU..BUT wait many men can be divorced 2,3 times and have kids but since the kids arent living with them..they would still want a single woman with no kids...and we wonder why we arent strong! The most vulnerable a muslim MAN should be willing to protect.
OH PLEASE do not bring half actions of our holy prophet SAW in here when talking about marriage. If you bring him, then get all his sayings and come, not only " He married divocred women too " " why wouldn't you ? Etc etc " Soon you'll realise what i'm talking about.
Firstly our prophet married 11 times ! Do we have to follow that to ? Yes the Quran is clear but what is sunnah ? You get the cut ?
Our prophet married for his and his wives mutual interestes, 10 of all the wives was married for a valid reason regarding his situation at that time. Only Aysha was a virgin.
Secondly, he was a prophet of Allah, an immaculate human being, a blessed person and in no way we can even compare ourselves to him by just sitting behind a monitor and typing. Our choices of women we want to marry and his are obviously obviously different or maybe similar and no one is at fault here, both are genuine human beings. Just because some single muslim men doesn't like divorced women with or without kids doesn't mean that he is any bad man lol. He can be an excellent ' marriage material ' too.
Lastly, read the hadith,
sahih muslim,
Jabir B' Abdullah reported: "I married a woman during the life time of Allah's messenger (may Allah be pleased with him). I met the apostle of Allah, whereupon he asked: Jabir have you married ? I said: yes. Whereupon he asked: a virgin or one previously married ? I said: one previously married. Whereupon he said: why did you not marry a VIRGIN so that you could play with her and she could play with you or you could amuse her and she could amuse you ? "
the prophet wanted the young Jabir RA to marry virgin as he wanted us to follow his path. But since Jabir has 9 siblings, he prefred to marry and elder to take care of them thus he is sacrificing his pleasure which the prophet applauded him for his decision.
Moving on it is natural that being with a divorced woman is quite a challenge. It is a fact not my opinion, widows or divorcees are sometimes influenced by their previous marriage/s. They enter their new marriage with their existing emotional baggage and it takes vast amount of time and patience to make things work out.
Imagine that you are a young faithfull muslim girl, who remained chaste throughout her life and protected her honour and then when you want to get married to a man similar to the likes of you and all of a sudden a man with kids proposed you. Would you marry him ? ( a rethorical question, do not be desperate lol. Think about it. )
We just have to change our ways of thinking then only this ummah can get out of trouble but bashing muslim men for not marrying widows or divorcees is complete absurd.
but I have read in islam, marrying again makes you lose custody of your child... this shows that a divorced woman cannot marry if she wants custody of her child... and every woman wants custody of her child... so marrying again cant be thought of I think
AssalamuAlaikum
Peace be upon you my sister and your child as children are one of the most beautiful gifts from Allah SWT .
InshaAllah may Allah give you a good and pure husband Ameen
Iam 23 and I will love to marry a girl who is divorced and has children and iam sure someone else will also want to as he will be having children right after marriage without any wait.
The situation is so much similar I am also facing the same problem please don't give up keep trying inshaAllah our prayers are with you. I suggest that you make friends join some hobby class which you can enjoy.and tell people that do you want to get married so that people know and can give you suggestions
Im a girl who is 24 years old and has a baby girl. I got divorced over 2 years ago. I met someone and told my family. My family said they didnt have any issues as long as he didnt. After speaking to his family, they tirned around and said i would not be worthy of their son and i was not good enough because i already have a child. Hes a divorcee aswell. He has a huge past with number of criminal convictions etc. Yet i was willing to accept and help build outlr future. He didnt say nothing and just because his horrible father said that he gave up. I now have no hope in Marriage and hate how society looks at divorced women with kids.
Alsalamualakum Zayna, I want to discuss with you in details about your case , where are you live ? i live in UK
Mohammad, we do not allow the exchange of private contact information or matrimonial proposals, sorry.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister I am in the same situation, divorced and cannot find a religious Muslim spouse my parents are Pakistani father and mother is English , I don't know which route to go through to meet a compatible spouse . I don't agree with dating sites and want an Islamic marriage and follow the Islamic process to meet someone I have lots of hobbies , and lots of friends but not many of them know good Muslim brothers who are single my age I'm 35 now . I would prefer to marry through recommendations but find it difficult to find a religious practicing man who fears Allah (swt) and who is financially stable who I find attractive.
Is the mosque the best route ? I darent tell my friends I'm looking for a spouse as I don't want to seem brash .
Any ideas where is best to start looking subtly? Thank you