Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can’t get over the fact that he played me

Hi I am 21 yr old girl.

I had a relationship with this Muslim guy who happens to be my friend of 9 years and it lasted a month..but I''m emotionally damaged and very much ashamed of myself that I went into a relationship trusting him so much.

He told me that he lost interest in me. He played with me actually and its hard for me to get over him knowing that he's bad for me....I cant get it off my times I'm ok but at times I feel so sick..I ask help from Allah that I wish to forget him totally and I want to see him regret and suffer because of what he did to me.

Please can anyone give me advice to how to get over him..because I still love him and he was my closest friend..thanks

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3 Responses »

  1. Salaam My Sister,

    I am sorry that you feel this way about your breakup.

    It is quite natural for you to have a powerful emotional fallout from the breakup. Your self esteem has suffered, and you feel like you have lost something which always hurts.

    It's hard to believe this at the moment, but you will get over the pain that you are feeling now. My advise would be for you to fill your time with healthy and wholesome activity that will boost your self esteem and confidence and absorb you completely (such as study, swimming, running, reading etc). Spend a lot of time with family and friends - with people who love you and value and realise that all is not lost, and there is a great deal of good and love to be experienced still.

    Allow yourself the space to grieve, but always remember to invest in yourself - your self confidence, your self esteem, your sense of self worth, and don't allow a back experience stop you from seeing all of the value and promise in your life and your future.


    Editor, Islamic Answers

  2. shameena, it's very very painful when we are betrayed by someone we trust. It shakes our faith in humanity and our faith in our own judgment. It makes it harder for us to trust other people. We wonder how we could have been so foolish, and we wonder how the other person could have done this to us.

    There's is no easy solution for this pain. The only cure is time. Cut yourself off from that man. Whenever you find yourself thinking about him, change your thoughts to someone else.

    Don't worry about the man, Allah is just and He will deal with him. Allah will give him exactly what he deserves, so don't concern yourself with getting back at him, or forcing an explanation from him, or any such thing.

    "And We shall set up the balances of justice on the Day of Judgement, so no soul shall be dealt with unjustly in the least, and even if there be the weight of a grain of mustard seed, (even that) will We bring it (into account); And Sufficient are We (as) reckoners." Al-Anbiya:47

    As Leyla said, you will go through a grieving process. Instead of turning in to yourself, try to turn to your family, your friends, and most importantly to Allah. Seek the (halal) things in life that comfort you and make you happy. Focus on yourself and your future.

    Wael Editor

  3. Sister I consider you lucky because he let you go after a month....imagine one year. I was in a relationship with a muslim boy for the end I found out hes been cheating on me for 3years. And I was an idiot and I even told him that I didnt care. But he didnt want me instead he married the other girl. I was near death because of what he did to me. He was my first love and bf. Today I'm 28 and I have no husband..and no future. Two years went by and I didnt marry or move on after him. Then I decided to move on and I met another guy...after 3 months this guy dumped me too. Saying his mom has a girl ready for him and that he cant go against his we broke up. And its been 8 months hes still not married. So twice I was heart broken. And now my first ex wants to come back into my life...but I rejected him...I am more miserable now then ever....My adive to you: Dont let men win. If he loved you he wouldnt have hurt you and consider yourself lucky that it ended soon. I know females are more sensitive and we cant be a rock like men..Take me as an example and dont be like me... Live your life and move on....and pray to allah to give you a good husband. I ruined my life..dont ruin yours.

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