Please help me, I can’t live without him
I have been in a love relation for the past 7-8 years. He is also a Muslim and loved me a lot. We were supposed to get married but something went wrong with his family as they came to know that my father is an addict; this is not my fault. He some how got physically connected with a girl then we were facing problem and later confirmed that he never gave my place to anyone else. He was sorry and I tried forgiving him; some how I taunted him about it and he decided to end relation with me.
He behaves the same way; cares for me but when it comes to say I love you he starts fearing. He made me better and even taught religious stuff. He always said the problem is not his but his family but yesterday he got angry and said he is not interested to marry me.
What shall I do? I can't live without him and can't even believe that Allah is doing this to me. Everything was perfect but now I don't know. Allah always gave me more than what I wanted but this time he is giving me hope and than again breaking it.
I am so hurt that I sometime decide to not think of Allah but what can I do I can't stop trusting Allah and nor can I stop loving him. I have been waiting to solve this for a longtime.
Please help me.
~Tashnim.
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Salaam Tashnim.
Sorry to hear about what you are going through. It is always heartbreaking to lose someone dear to us.
Sister the answer is simple, but actually taking the advice will take time. If he doesnt want to marry you dear sister, accept it. It means he is not good for you. Do not wait around and hope he will change his mind - he has made up his mind. You say he cheated on you any way? Why on earth would you want to marry someone who already treats you so badly. Him leaving you is a blessing in disguise. You can't see it now because you are understandably upset.
Take a good look at this guy. Yes he was nice and loving and kind. But it doesnt matter how he was. How is he now? He has cheated on you and left you. This says a lot about his character. You deserve much better.
Another point is that being in a love relation is Islamically wrong dear sister. Anything which leads to zina is zina. Saying "I love you" is zina of the tongue. These are not minor sins. So turn to Allah swt and repent.
Dear sister if we disobey Allah and do something that is forbidden then how can we blame Him if things go wrong. We can't. So please be careful what you say and accept that your actions or you accepting this guy into your life was what has caused your pain. We are to blame for our own mistakes. But Allah swt is the Most Merciful so learn from your mistake and repent.
First of all some points.
- Cut all contact with this guy.
- If he contacts you change your number.
- Acknowledge that you have sinned by being in a pre-marital relationship.
- Regret
- Repent.
- Don't keep male friends again and never be alone with a non-mahram man without a 3rd person
- Know that it gets better after some time. The pain heals with time.
- Thank Allah swt that He has saved you from such a man! Don't blame Allah swt.
You can live without him, even if right now you feel you can't. Many people have been through a difficult time, but now they are living normal lives without their love. They don't even miss them. So with time and patience, you will slowly start to move on InshaAllah.
In the meantime work on your deen. Work to get closer to Allah swt, keep busy and take up any halal hobby if you can. Especially if its a hobby that preoccupies the mind.
With time you will move on InshaAllah and realise you are much better off. Its important to remember there are levels of sins. But it's not OK to be emotionally involved. As Muslims we are obsessed with protecting our bodies we sometimes forget to protect our hearts from haraam love. And remember what we say can also be sinful.
If our love for anything or anyone exceeds our love for Allah swt, we have a huge problem.
The sooner you realise this, the better. And you can and will InshaAllah. Don't blame Allah thank Allah. If you dont pray, start praying Fardh. Also read Qur'an regularlly. After a few months you still start to feel better InshaAllah
If you need anymore help, please write on here.
Sara
IslamicAnswers,com Editor
sister don't delude yourself there are other Muslim men out there inshallah you will find someone good!
it is hard to live like that a cheat is a cheat the feeling of distrust fades slightly but doesnt go away, it is best to move on you have to get along with your inlaws though no inlaw is ever easy.... it is nautral to love your patner more importantly it is loved in the sight of ALLAH "whoever looks at thier spouse with love..." though you were not married well "what is better for two people that love each other then marriage" 7 years is a long time to wait and in the west it is not recommended to rush into marriage nor is sexaul activity but 7 years you are supposed to be commited you know every thing about each other and discuss the idea of kids (maybe)