Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t marry him because of my father’s family.

Posted by • April 20, 2011 • Printer-friendly

Hi

I met this guy last year feb , and we both have feelings for each other after when we got to know each other  for months, but we never talked or rush being together to avoid bad things . We love each other for who we are , not because of looks .. and this isn't like any young love or something ... he is very smart , mature, wise , and always pray , very kind ,nice and aklakuh aliya . we were afraid of rushing  things and do all the wrong things .. we were both careful .... I didn't want to hide it from mom so one day I told her about him  and how much I want to marry him . and how he feels the same ...

He is muslim , and he is afraid of God , and he wants to tell his parents about me too, but mom told me that there is no hope

I asked her why .. she told me because of his nationality (im saudi and he is iranian )... and because of my father's family ... she told me that I should marry someone who is from a family that is known and good ...  she told me she didn't like that I was talking to him behind her back and she don't wants trouble from my fathers family , but this is not fair because this is my life and they won't live forever  , and I was speaking from mind and heart but I thought maybe I should wait for the next 5-7 years and speak to her again that I want him and he wants me ... its not fair that she refuse him because of his nationality . and on top of that he was born in the same country and graduated from the same school  I am graduating from ... its not fair to me

I went to pray istikara and I felt that being with him will make me much happier and prevent me from doing wrong , or being married unhappily  . I want to know , what should I do ..

Please help .

your sister .. layla


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4 Responses »

  1. wael
    April 20, 2011 • 5:08 am

    Layla, my advice is that the boy's family should contact your family, and arrange a meeting. They can come with the boy, and make a proper proposal of marriage. This is what should have happened in the first place, and you can't change that now, but try doing it this way and see what happens.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    Reply
  2. María M
    April 20, 2011 • 5:56 am

    As salamu alaykum, Layla,

    When we fight for something, we cause a reaction, always and this reaction normally is that the person in front of us, close themselves, and they defend themselves from the attack, creating a hard core not to get damaged.

    If you want to open a door in front of you, you should apply the right strategy and be as soft as the water, because this way you would be able to appreciate where is the point to break the hardness of the others, and get to their soft Hearts, insha´Allah.

    I´ve got to the conclusion that many people that loves others, sometimes forget that the first priority in our life is to Love Allah(swt) and after Him(swt) we are free to love whoever we want. When we begin to love someone more than we love Allah(swt), our Love for Him(swt) is tested, and as consequence of this test, we suffer, that doesn´t mean we shouldn´t love or we shouldn´t fight for our loved ones, it means that we have to do it in the right way, having very clear which are our priorities, insha´Allah.

    Both of the couple here, fear Allah(swt), I am glad to listen to that, then I do believe that you asked Allah(swt) for guidance not just for answers, you mentioned you have done Istikhara, if your marriage it is meant to be, Allah(swt) will open the ways for you to get married, but if you have something to solve before, you will be tested till you learn the lesson you need to be able to get married, insha´Allah.

    Then go to Allah(swt) once and again to ask Him(swt) to guide your steps(thoughts, words and actions) to be able accomplish, whichever it is the best for you in this life, insha´Allah. One of the best tools to achieve your goals is to submit to Allah(swt), insha´Allah. At the end it is our submision towards Him(swt) what is being tested, many times, please recite the Names of Allah(swt) and read His Attributes, you have a link with duas on top of the page too, it may help you too, insha´Allah.

    Put yourself in others shoes and try to understand their points to see what can be done from a realistic point of view, you cannot move easily if you don´t know the soil you are stepping.

    All my Unconditional Respect and Love,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    Reply
    • wael
      April 20, 2011 • 6:01 am

      Excellent advice. Your comments about how fighting produces defensiveness and closes the mind, are right on. As you said, one must be soft and seek a way that will work.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      Reply

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