Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I can’t restore my faith

 

Depression

Just remove the darkness and there will be light...

I will try to keep this as short as possible. I lived in Pakistan for some time where I developed my love for Islam. However upon moving to the USA, I lost interest and claimed to be agnostic. My parents abused me physically and emotionally and treated me very unfairly, so I started to despise the religion.

I found a man who was Muslim and we were going to go to our families to ask to get married, but one day he got angry and beat me. He used Islam to defend his actions, and from that day I started to despise Islam. I sinned in all ways possible. I just couldn't restore my faith-  I didn't know how to.

Now I am in the lowest point of my life. I am suicidal and severely depressed. I have no one for support and am not getting better. There was another boy who was athiest that I became to attached to, but the truth is only for attention...and he has recently abandoned me too. I feel as if every time I meet someone (even girls) who brings me happiness, they are somehow ripped away from me.

Please help me sisters and brothers I need advice and guidance. Will this ever get better? What should I do? I try to restore my faith in Islam, but for some reason I now doubt the religion. How do I know it's correct now? I just need help. I am so lost I think about wanting to kill myself everyday.

-Tanragagirl

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11 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,

    it must be hard, getting abused by parents, but their actions does not represent Islam in anyway or form, so it doesn't make sense if you blame religion for their own behavior. you doing injustice towards Islam by default.

    firstly you got to understand Islam is the religion and Muslims are the people. not every Muslims are following the true teaching of Islam. sadly people are mixing culture and traditions with Islam.

    you said, I found a man who was Muslim and we were going to go to our families to ask to get married, but one day he got angry and beat me? firstly man and woman who are not related can not mix. yet he put his hands on you, which is far worse than just mixing. also said, He used Islam to defend his actions? this shows his lack of knowledge.

    but the big problem is, you actually took his word for it, instead of verifying what true teaching of Islam is. if you take everyone's opinions on what Islam is you will be in total lost..

    you said you have doubts? I think you should re-study Islam from the foundation, from the authentic teaching of Muhammad(pbuh). find out the purpose of life, why we are here, where are we gonna go etc.. find an imam and ask him questions regarding your doubts etc..

    learn to pray if you don't know how to. ask Allah(swt) to help you and guide you. also suicide is a temporary solution to a bigger problem.. Allah(swt) did not create the man and jinn except to worship him.

    ma salama..

    • you 'hit the nail on the head' by saying....

      "but the big problem is, you actually took his word for it, instead of verifying what true teaching of Islam is."

      this is where the problem starts, and rumours spread like chinese whispers as one person takes the opinion of another and so on, the chain becomes so long that the message is so distorted it couldnt be further from the truth...and then we have...wife beatings, grave worshipping, and forced marriages all attributed to islam, only serving to tarnish its name.

      to find the truth, stick to authentic sources and you will be surprised by the truth.goodluck.

  2. ASSALAMALAIKUM-MAY BE A LITTLE LONG ANSWER BUT CANT AVOID IT IS FOR YOU-AT THIS STAGE-

    DEAR DEAR DEAR YR MIND IS JUST CONFUSED AND THERE IS NOTHING THAT ALLAH DIDNT DO FOR YOU-NOW ALSO U R BREATHING AND EXHALING THE OXYGEN[HE IS GIVING] AND EVERYTHING INSIDE YR BODY IS FUNCTIONING VERY WELL AND THIS IS THE PROOF OF THE MERCIFULS BLESSING ON YOU-
    ONE SECOND IF THE URINE STOPS KIDNEY WILL SWELL AND BLADDER WILL BURST-INSIDE YOU WILL RUN FOR A DOCTOR TO SAVE YOU-WHICH OF THE FAVOURS OF YR LORD WILL YE DENY-THE LORD OF THE WORLDS IS YR MALIK AND THE PROVIDER- THANK HIM NOW EARNESTLY-
    I have no one for support-SEE THIS YOU CAN SAY ABOUT THE WORLD BUT NOT ABOUT ALLAH WHO IS HAVING THE LOVE OF 70 MOTHERS FOR YOU-
    KEEP AWAY FROM WORLDLY PEOPLE PARTICULARLY THE ATHEISTS-THEY DONT HAVE VALUE FOR THE SECURITY ALLAH REVEALED FOR THEM IN QURAN-
    http://creatorstruth.ning.com/video/allah-orders-to-protect
    SEE THE LEADER OF THIS DISEASE ABONDED THE BELIEF-
    http://www.existence-of-god.com/flew-abandons-atheism.html
    but for some reason I now doubt the religion. How do I know it's correct now?SEE SATAN HAS CHALLENGED ALLAH THAT HE WILL SEE THAT HIS OWN ARMY WILL BE GREATER IN NUMBER THAN THE BELIEVERS IN ALLAH READ-
    He promiseth them and stirreth up desires in them, and Satan promiseth them only to beguile. ( سورة النساء , An-Nisa, Chapter #4, Verse #120)
    Lo! the hypocrites seek to beguile Allah, but it is He Who beguileth them. When they stand up to worship they perform it languidly and to be seen of men, and are mindful of Allah but little; Who took their religion for a sport and pastime, and whom the life of the world beguiled. So this day We have forgotten them even as they forgot the meeting of this their Day and as they used to deny Our tokens. Al-Araf, Chapter #7, Verse #51)
    The Role of Satan
    Satan was there in the Paradise of Adam and Eve and his vow was to misguide and deceive them and their descendents. Satan said: “…surely I will sit in wait against them (human beings) on Your Straight Path. Then I will come to them from before them and behind them, from their right and from their left…” (Quran 7:16-17)

    YOU ARE A GOOD GIRL AND YOU HAVE STRONG FAITH ALSO TELL ME IF BANDIT WANTS TO LOOT A RUINED AND EMPTY HOUSE OR ONE FILLED WITH JEWELS AND VALUABLES????
    HE WILL TARGET A RICH AND VALUABLE HOUSE AND THAT IS YOUR IMAN HE STARTED WITH USA AND BROUGHT YOU TO THIS STAGE BECAUSE IT TAKES TIME FOR HIM TO SHAKE A STRONG FAITHFUL LIKE YOU- WHAT ALLAH REPLIED TO SATAN-

    The meaning of having true faith is the evil thoughts that you face.......
    Abstain from these temptations. This means to completely turn away from it then act as though it never existed. Then occupy yourself with the remembrance of Allah (i.e. recitation of the Quran and dhikr from the Sunnah).
    Seek refuge in Allah from the whispers of the Accursed Shaytaan.
    Say I believe in Allah and His Messenger (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
    Recite Surah Al-Ikhlaas. Then spit to your left side three times and say I seek refuge in Allah from the Accursed Shaytaan.
    [Iblîs (Satan)] said: "O my Lord! Because you misled me, I shall indeed adorn the path of error for them (mankind) on the earth, and I shall mislead them all.
    40. "Except Your chosen, (guided) slaves among them."
    41. (Allâh) said: "This is the Way which will lead straight to Me."
    42. "Certainly, you shall have no authority over My slaves, except those who follow you of the Ghâwîn (Mushrikûn and those who go astray, criminals, polytheists, and evil-doers, etc.).
    REMEDY FOR YOUR FUTURE LIES IN THIS-
    The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, said: “The master of invocations for forgiveness is that the servant says:
    ‘Allãhumma ‘anta rabbee, lã ‘ilãha ‘illã ‘anta, khalaqtanee, wa ‘anã `abduka, wa ‘anã `alã `ahdika wa wa`dika mastata`tu, ‘a`outhu bika min sharri ma sana`tu, ‘aboo’u laka bini`matika ‘alayya, wa ‘aboo’u bithambee, faghfirlee fa’innahu lã yaghfiru ‘aththunooba ‘illã ‘anta.
    O’ my ‘ilãh You are my Lord, there is no ‘ilãh but You. You created me, and I am your bondservant, and I will stick to my covenant and promise [of faith and sincere obedience] to You, as to my ability. I seek refuge in You from the evil of what I have done, I acknowledge, to You, your bounties upon me, and I acknowledge, to You, my sin. Thus forgive me, for none forgives sins except You.
    Whoever says this as he enters upon evening, then, dies that night, he would enter Paradise; and if one says this as he enters upon morning, then, dies that day, he would enter Paradise”. [Al-Bukhari]
    The servant is always in the blessings of Allah which necessitate thankfulness, and in sinfulness which requires seeking forgiveness. Both of these matters are required and essential for the servant at all times, as the servant does not cease to alternate between Allaah’s (various) favors and blessings, and does not cease to be in need of repentance and seeking forgiveness.
    The Power of Istighfar – Astaghfirullah (I seek forgiveness of Allah)
    People often forget the importance of the simple yet powerful dua (supplication) – Istighfar i.e., saying “Astaghfirullah” (I seek forgiveness of Allah). Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to recite this at least 100 times a day. Let us see the benefits and virtues of reciting this simple beautiful supplication insha Allah.
    Istighfar (Astaghfirullah) is the gateway of relief and happiness. Whenever you are in distress start reciting it and Insha Allah it will take you out of your anxiety and will put you in a peaceful situation and will give you happiness.
    Istighfar removes anxiety and duas are answered.
    Istighfar opens the door of sustenance.
    Istighfar opens the door of mercy.
    Istighfar opens the door of knowledge.
    Istighfar is also gateway of productivity.
    Istighfar relieves you. When you feel that sadness within you, when you are disturbed and frustrated, when anxiety surrounds you, say “Astaghfirullah” “Astaghfirullah”…
    Reciting Astaghfiruallah is an effective method of calming our self and wipes away the variety of worldly worries from our mind and body. It may also help us, if we are suffering from depression, it calm us and lessen our depression.
    Astaghfirullah also helps us to refrain from all forms of sins. Regularly saying this reminds us that Allah is everywhere and in this way there is very small chances of doing wrongful actions.
    Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,
    “If anyone constantly seeks pardon (from Allah), Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide sustenance for him from where he expects not.” [Abu Dawud].
    In another hadith, Abdullah bin Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said:
    “The one who (regularly) says Istighfaar, that is, frequently repent to Allah Ta’aala for sins committed, Allah Azza Wa-Jal will open a path from poverty and difficulties. All sorrow and hardship will be removed, and in its place prosperity and contentment granted. One will receive sustenance from unimagined and unexpected sources.”
    Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) has said in another Hadith:
    “The one who seeks forgiveness for Muslim males and females from Allah Ta’aala twenty six or twenty five times every day, Allah Ta’ala will count that person among those whose Du’a is accepted, and through the barakah of whom those on earth gain Rizq (sustenance).”

    • ‎بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
      ‎الحمد لله رب العالمين

      ‎السلام عليكم و رحمت الله و بركاته

      ‎جزاكم الله خارا كثيرا
      ..
      "Astaghfirullah also helps us to refrain from all forms of sins. Regularly saying this reminds us that Allah is .. [ OVER all things and ruling above His throne the heavens and earths and everything inbetween them ] and in this way .. [Allah protected His servant turning to Him Alone..Allah turned to him. Thereupon Life is no longer a lotto (game and gambol) drawn from chance but a living love of the Lord Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds]. .."و الحمد لله رب العالمين

  3. check how prophet MuhammadSAW behaved with his wives and see.

    always research yourself about Islam rather than believing others.

    Prophet MuhammadSAW never beat his wives.

  4. Listen sister one thing and remember this and I kid you not
    Allahs mercy overpowers his anger if Allah can forgive a prostitute if Allah can forgive the man who killed 100 people then you and I are mere servants
    You are seeking happiness right then seek Allah from a true and pure heart and ask forgiveness
    When the angels asked Allah why do you create man he will cause trouble thenAllah said you do not know what I know
    Allah loves those who repent and then put their trust in him
    I suggest you do the same and his mercy will InshAllah shower you
    Just remember sister ask for mercy and follow prayers humbly
    The devils is always looking for chances to make people ignorant and that is what happened to you
    If you are clever sister then you will understand
    Wasalam

  5. Sister,

    Help me to understand how you developed a love for Islam whilst you were in Pakistan and yet, you lost interest when you came to the U.S.A.? What was it that made the difference for you? Islam is Islam whether it is practiced in Pakistan or the U.S.A. Why did your parents abuse you? Was it because you didn't pray or...? I can understand how you would rebel if your parents were physical with you. No one wants to be treated unfairly.

    It appears to me that you are looking for love. We all need love but you are looking in the wrong places. For the Muslim guy who beat you...be glad you didn't get married to him. That was only a taste of what life would be life would be like with him. Don't hate Islam because some man thinks he has the right or need to use his hands on you. Praise be to Allah that you were able to see the real person behind the mask. A person not worthy of you on any level.

    Dealing with depression is hard but that is not to say you cannot overcome it. Are you in school or do you have a job? You need to sit and think long and hard about who you are and what you want to do with your life. To hell with these guys you seem to hanging around with. That is the first step you need to take. Separate yourself from these creeps who will only use and abuse you. Have faith in yourself and put your faith in Allah.

    Go and pray to Allah for guidance. Ask him for his mercy and help in your current state of mind. If you have a Quran, pick it up. Open it and even if you read a single page...it will be one page that can bring you closer to peace. Know that you are not alone and young people every day feel exactly as you do. The difference is...you are still among the living. Never think of suicide as an option sister. Look at the obstacles that you have faced as trials of this life. Know that you are a valuable human being and that you can change your life and your perspective on life.

    Instead of thinking of ending things, think about how you want to live your life. If you are in school...what do you want to do when you finish your studies? Things can and will get better. Believe in yourself and think positive.
    You deserve happiness and a life filled with goodness. Stop looking for losers who cannot appreciate the beautiful person you are. Focus on what matters most...you. May Allah guide you and forever keep you in his shade...amin.

    Salam

  6. The journey of life often encompasses difficulties, challenges, trials and tribulations. With the right frame of mind and positive attitude we can come out of each “dark tunnel” better, stronger and wiser.

    We have a choice on how we respond to life’s “storms.” Either we can cast blame while becoming resentful and bitter or we can be positive and turn to Allah Ta’ala and exercise patience. Every hurdle we face in life has a meaning and Allah Ta’ala will not expose us to a burden we cannot endure. “Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Qur’an: 2:286).
    “Great reward comes with great trials. When Allah loves a people, He tests them, and whoever accepts it attains His pleasure, whereas whoever shows discontent with it incurs His wrath.” (Hadith- Tirmidhi)

    “…….If anything befalls you, do not say ‘If only I had done (such and such), the such and such would have happened,’ rather say: ‘Allah has decreed and what He wills He does , for (saying) ‘if only’ opens the door to the work of the shaytaan(devil).” (Hadith-Muslim ).
    As part of our Imaan (faith), we believe that all matters are in the hands of Allah Ta’ala. However, our Imaan can get shaken during times of trials and hardships. It is during such times though that we should remind ourselves that a believer’s position and rank is raised in front of Allah and that such a hardship may very well be a sign of Allah’s love for the believer. This can help us in maintaining and even strengthening our faith.
    Once a boy found a cocoon of a butterfly and took it home. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.

    Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. Then the boy decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily.
    But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The boy continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
    Neither happened!

    In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

    What the boy in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were Allah Ta’ala's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

    Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If Allah allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would sometimes cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been and possibly never be able to “fly”.

    Sometimes we need heat and warmth to ripen fruit and sometimes cold is needed in certain fruit to complete the ripening process. So exactly is the same in life sometimes we may have to undergo various conditions that may appear to be unfavourable so that we “ripen” and are ready for the onward journey.

    I wise person once said: “ I asked for Strength...And Allah gave me Difficulties to make me strong. I asked for Wisdom...And Allah gave me Problems to solve. I asked for Prosperity...And Allah gave me Brain and Brawn to work. I asked for Courage...And Allah gave me Danger to overcome. I asked for Love...And Allah gave me Underprivileged people to help. I asked for Favours...And Allah gave me Opportunities. I received nothing I wanted ...Yet I received everything I needed!”
    Accepting and enduring our condition and the Divine Decree of Allah Ta’ala can help us in not only shedding burdens of the past but to also win Allah’s pleasure. Suppressing our urge to blame others for the pains that we encounter by maintaining a positive mindset can help us maintain a less stressful life and promote healthy relationships.

    “Nothing befalls a believer, a (prick of a) thorn or more than that, but Allah will raise him one degree in status thereby, or erase a bad deed.” (Hadith-Bukhaari )
    Hardships and trials are part of everyone’s life. The important thing is for us to have the right attitude of trusting Allah and His plans when facing such hardships and trials. During such trying times, always remember that nothing happens without the Will of Allah. Second, we may not know that our trials and hardships may be part of a bigger plan of which we may have only limited knowledge. It’s only at a later stage when the bigger Plans of Allah reveal themselves to everyone. We can see an example of this from the following verse of Qur’an-Surah Yousuf that when the step brothers of Prophet Yousuf (peace be upon him) were taking him to throw him into a dark well, Allah revealed to Prophet Yousuf (AS) that,”Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.” (Qur’an, 65:7) and this is exactly what happened.

    Allah also reminds us:"…and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know." (Qur’an-Surah Baqarah: 216)

    “There is a blessing in calamity that the wise man should not ignore, for it erases sins, gives one the opportunity to attain the reward for patience, dispels negligence, reminds one of blessings at the time of health, calls one to repent and encourages one to give charity and endure.”
    Life is a learning curve and the challenges are there to make us stronger and to condition us and build us emotionally, spiritually and physically for the greater challenges that we will encounter tomorrow. Outwardly circumstances may be perceived as hardships but in reality they may really be blessings in disguise!

  7. Leading a life with the guidance of Islam will never be stagnant. We must always strive to learn more about our religion and our faith, and the trials of life are only a means to further our development. I would advise you to learn more about Islam in your journey to restoring your faith in Allah. For this, you need look no further than the Qur'an, Hadith, and the life of Prophet Muhammad (SAW). In your research, you will undoubtedly see that the abuse you have received is not what Islam teaches, and you may come to accept that the hardships you have endured are for the better. The restoration of your faith relies on your willingness to be proactive in seeking knowledge - once you are able to do this, then things will become easier for you, InshAllah.

    I also advise you to forgive those who have committed injustices against you. I am aware of the difficulties of this task, but persevere and ask for patience and guidance from Allah. Harboring negative emotions will only make you bitter - against those around you and Allah, because you will question why such things have happened to you. This will prevent you from restoring your faith in Him, and this won't allow you to heal or trust in Allah's plan. Becoming an individual who forgives will soften your heart and will bring you closer to Allah. We are all human and we commit mistakes. The benefit of knowing our mistakes and what is wrong is to help us avoid error in future, and it allows us to help others to avoid these errors as well. Forgive and ask for forgiveness, and in doing so you will find tranquility. The peace you find will help to restore your faith in Allah, InshAllah.

    On this note, it is important to remind yourself of the bigger picture: Allah is the best of planners. Accepting this is one of the greatest challenges of faith, because it means walking forwards blindly, believing and knowing that Allah will help us if ever we stumble. Believe He is there for you, always - no matter how unjustified you feel your situation is. Our senses are limited; there is only so much we can see by ourselves, which is why we should trust Allah. Sometimes, it's better simply to accept the challenges and hardships we have been given without questioning them, just as we would accept the blessings we have been given without questioning them.

    Have you ever considered that Allah has removed certain individuals from your life in order to help you become closer to Him? Take this opportunity for renewal: Allah never abandons those who remember Him.

  8. Increase in faith

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