The caste system is interfering with my choice of wife!
AssaLam O Alaikum!!
Ants have castes (show here are a male, queen and worker). Human beings should not have castes!
I have a problem please give me a suggestion what should I do. I love a girl very deeply and so much, i want to marry her as well as such i love her truely since last 3 years & she also wants to marry me but Our parents are not accepting her because she belongs to different caste & I belong to a different caste. My mother knows her very well. She liked her but the moment i told her that she loves me alot & i love her too my mother refused & told me to stop contacting with her & her parents also made our contact stop.
We both cant live without each other, She is a good muslim wears Hijab pray 5 times a day regularly & recite Quran with tarjuma (translation & attends "Dars", I also pray 5 times a day recite Quran We both asked our parents tried to make them understand but they didn't what should i do?
- Um
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As salamu alaykum Um
I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are going through. Unfortunately, this is a common problem in many families today. The whole system of caste is NOT from Islam at all! SubhanAllah, its hard enough for the youth without the many obstacles that some families place on those who are looking to marry!
The Prophet SAW said:
"O people, Remember that your Lord is One. An Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a black has no superiority over white, nor a white has any superiority over black, except by piety and good action (Taqwa). Indeed the best among you is the one with the best character (Taqwa). Listen to me. Did I convey this to you properly? People responded, Yes. O messenger of God, The Prophet then said, then each one of you who is there must convey this to everyone not present."
There are many people in your situation, so please look at these links to get some useful advice offered to others in your situation. This advice applies just as much to you.
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/parents-not-agreeing-choice-of-wife/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/parents-preventing-marriage-due-caste/
In a nutshell, your parents refusing a girl of good character and deen, on the basis of caste alone is completely wrong!
It may be useful for you to try to talking to each of your parents nicely about this, and keep trying to convince them. Remind them that caste is not from Islam. Be well mannered no matter how they treat you.
You could get a third party involved. Maybe speak to the Imaan/ another influential person who is close to deen and try to get them to convince yours and her parents.
Although this is not advised there may be a chance you can marry without their consent - if the marriage is not secret and fulfills all other necessary conditions as your parents reasons for rejection seem
to be based on unIslamic principles. This is a difficult route however.
Both of you should make dua sincerely and continue salat. Ask Allah swt to help you both and soften your parents hearts.
I pray that this works for you dear brother.
If there is absolutely no way you can marry her, please do cut off ties with her, even if its hard. Dont fall into the common trap of sin.
May Allah swt help you in this difficult situation and save our Ummah from this ignorance!
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
This was an excellent answer and I have nothing to add except one thing. You said, "We both can't live without each other." I only want to add that in the even this does not work out, yes you can live without each other. It may be difficult, but you will not die. And this is also one of the reasons why Islam does not allow a close relationship before marriage.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor