IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Question:

Hi, I am 21 years old and I have been with my boyfriend who is Muslim for two years now. For the first year of my relationship with him my family did not know about him because they would not have approved. Through out that year I fell in love with him and decided to move out of my parents house.

I am now living with a friend and her family. I am not a strong catholic and neither is my family. However they still have a problem with his religion. He began asking me if I would ever consider converting to Islam. At first I said if it was the only way his mother would accept me.

But now I have done research on Islam and have learned a lot about it. I have chosen to convert no matter what.

I have not told my family yet. I know that they will be very upset with me. I have not converted yet but I plan to in the future. I am very nervous but I feel It is the best for the both of us.

I love him and will try to make our future marriage work as best as possible.  His mother does not know about me yet either. I would love to meet her but he needs to wait for a good time to tell her. I understand that she will live in the same house with us after marriage. I do not mind that at all but I am afraid she will not accept me even if I convert. Even though I have done research, I am afraid there will be something that comes along after I convert that I do not know about.

I am just trying to look for advice. I would love to know what you think. Please write back.

Thank you

- Cortney

Sister Z's Answer:

Dear Cortney,

Thank you for coming to us for advice. Its great that you are using your own intellect to accept Islam and you are not now just doing it for marriage purposes. May Allah make this path easy for you.

Cortney, if you seriously want to convert to Islam, I would advise you to do this first before sorting out the other things in your life. This is because if you know what your identity is as a Muslim woman, you will also know that you have a set of guidelines in place to help you make good choices. This will only give you strength and direction in life.

If you want to learn more about Islam or if you just need help in taking the verbal oath to become Muslim, go to a Mosque and speak to an Imam there. They will be most happy to help you inshaAllah. You may have accpeted Islam in your heart, but you must also verbally announce the shahaadah - (the Muslim declaration of belief) which is: 'I bear witness that there is no god but Allah and I bear witness that Muhammed is His Messenger'. I think that this has to be done in someone's presence - if you go to the Imam of a Mosque he will advise you better on this matter.

If you do convert, you will need to be mindful of the nature of your relationship with this boy, as Islam forbids any sort of intimacy between unmarried couples. I would advise you to read about the beautiful and noble character of the Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him), because as Muslims, we want to strive to be like him and ideally want a husband with similar traits to his. No-one can be like him, but we can try.

So, if you and this boy decide between yourselves that you do want to marry, I would advise you to keep your distance so that you do not overstep the Islamic guidelines and also so that this boy can have the space to approach his mother about you.

You said that you are worried that even after converting you will not know everything. I assume you are talking about 'Islam'. Cortney - no Muslim ever knows everything about Islam or even nearly everything. Life is a long learning process for us all and we learn and develop through trying our best to read books and through life experiences.

With regards to your potential mother in law, you do not know how she will be with you yet, so do not worry about what may or may not happen :O). If she is a nice woman, she will accept her daughter in law whether she is born Muslim or converted Muslim.

Take one step at a time. Confirm what your identity is. After that, if this boy meets your criteria for a suitable husband and you both wish to marry, take the right steps, consult Allah and hope for the best.

Best Wishes
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor