Catholic girl with a Muslim boyfriend
I am a Catholic girl who has been dating this Muslim boy for about a year and a half now. I am sooo in love with him, and I believe he feels the same way about me. He's my first love, and vice versa.
We are both 21 and we go together to university. Two months ago someone told his mother and he broke up with me right away. He said he was not ready for a serious relationship. I cried so much and I kept messaging him. Now we are back at school and we are back together. No one knows about our relationship.
My mother liked him but after he dumped me she doesn't want him around. She says that if he loved me he would have done different. All my friends think he is playing with me. I am confused. I love him and I still think he loves me.
- lisaruiz
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It is my humble opinion that this man does not deserve someone as wonderful as you. For a year and a half he dated you (even though in the Muslim faith it is not allowed) and the moment his mother found out, he dumped you like you were nothing. It seems he did not consider your feelings and how hurt you would be and that it simply didn't matter. If he truly cared as deeply about you as much as you seem to care about him, he might have thought about a better way to deal with the situation yet he ended things and that was that.
You say no one knows about your relationship and so my question to you is...is that acceptable to you? As I have read on this site many times, "If a relationship has to be a secret, you should not be in it". Listen to your friends and more importantly to your mother. No one is going to care more about you than her and neither she nor your friends want to see you get hurt. As a mother myself of three very precious daughters, my advice to you is end things with this guy. You deserve far better and from the sounds of things, it is only a matter of time before he ends things and you are hurt even more than you were the first time around. Certainly you deserve better than that.
HI sister. i think that what your mother said about this boy is true.the person that truly loves you and want to marry you will never do what this boy had done the person that really loves you will never mess with you like this.He could have come to your parents and ask your hand in marriage wisely.and not by dating for such years.As in islam it is also forbidden.a person can never be able to choose the partner of his life like this.so i advise you to stay away from him it might be hard for u but it might be good for you at the end.many girls have been the victims of such guys they lie to you with there sweet words and make you fell in love with them and at the end they threw you away so you have to be careful because (everything that shines is not a gold )dont be a doll in there hands to play with. such guys they dont want marriage at all they just want a mess.so try to find a true love in the right way and not in the wrong way.marriage is the bound the ties two couple together forever & make them had a family and leave a happy life for ever.thick of the future of your children dont ever choose the father of your children like this.Be wise in choosing a true husband.wish u a good luck in your life.
As i am a muslimboy lives in Egypt and know well my religion than your boyfriend i will tell you the best answer.donot marry him because he will never convert because all muslims has believes that if a man marry a girl from another relegion the girl must convert or never marry(the girl mustnot return to her relegion never ever) if he is a really muslim he will say. so better for you convert to muslim or he will never marry you
Ahmed,
A Muslim man can in fact marry a Catholic woman however, just as in the Muslim faith where the children must be brought up Muslim...in the Catholic faith, the children must be brought up Catholic. This is where there would be problems for this young woman and her Muslim friend. He can marry her and she does not have to convert to Islam, however...the children must be brought up Muslim.
Salam
I've been dating my bf for 1 year and 1 month now and my family doesnt know that he and his family wants me to convert so idk i want to convert but idk about my family and everything else. Help needed.
Julie, do what's right for you, your heart and your life. If you want to convert to Islam then do so. Your family might be against it in the beginning but they will accept it in time. Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. If you're doing it only because someone else wants you to, that's not a sincere reason.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
If you do convert to Islam, then you have to sever all ties with your boyfriend until marriage. Pre-marital relationships are not permitted. Your boyfriend can then bring a proposal to your guardian for you.
Listen to the other two responses. In Islam it is forbidden to date. If he was dating you anyways, the he's a coward for leaving you just because of his mom. Stay away from him.
Well sister i always belive that ppl should look for spouses in their own community n that just me
Obviously he is in her community since they go to school together.
Let me emphasis
Plz stick 2 ppl in your own community n RELIGION
It's not against islam for a man to marry a catholic girl. You can marry a girl in your community but not everyone has to, ok?
Also, may I remind you of the bold and italic buttons for you to emphasize in your posts, rather than posting in caps.
@sarahl
Sister , i have stop using caps as u can see
N regarding the sister , im telling that if this person is not supporting here now how can he support in the near future
Mind u 21 is a young age , n marriage is a far road from here
She shld be worring about here career n let here parents decide a better spouse for here
N as i always say stick to ur own"community n religion"
sisters i thick that it is better if you tried to advise our sister instead of misunderstanding each other we are muslims and we must try to understand each and solve our problems wisely.hope i didnt hurt any of you.and may Allah forgive you.
@saja
Well the thing is that the author of this post is not a muslim a catholic so an islamic answer is a way out of question for here
The best answer is that she should consider here career first n leave his marriage in the hand of her parent n forget that person
sister i know that she is not a muslim but an islamic answers might give her an interest to know how wonderful our religion in solving problems and it might make for her a way for Hidayah. many non-muslims are converting to islam because they knew how islam teaches us to respect people even if they are not muslims many of the non-believers are posting their questions here they might be interested of how our religion is having the right solution to many problems.& with this also they might be converte to islam.hope i didnt hurt u.
@saja
U did hurt me , i m a male(brother)(hahahah)
Our religion is WONDERFULL we dnt have need any mortal(people.) green signal for that
Many non muslim r converting 2 islam that is good
Many nonbelivets r posting their complaint ova here, they might convert to islam- anyways its there own thinnking of sharing n seeking guidance from muslims, but will they convert allah know best
Although my point ova here is that , this sister is just 21 n she should focus on her career , n regarding her marriage let her parents decide what is good for her
even she is a catholic , they too have strict rules regarding affair, obedience to parents
She broke that so did the boy
Its betta she carry on whether she wanna convert or not(allah knows the best)
But first she has 2 move on.
salam sister
N islam is not just a religion , like other religions or man made religion like of the idolators
That any beliver/non beliver can used it just for sake of marrying him/her
Islam is the way of life , it is to have total submission 2 allah , n to work out good in this world so 2 attain paradise
If believer/non believer does not understand islam n use it as a tool 2 marry each other
Then they r lost n nothing good will comeout of it
Sister lisaruiz, to be put it bluntly and honestly, this man is playing with you and is probably using you as a means of satisfying his sexual desires because it would be alot more complicated and that extra bit difficult perhaps to get that from a Muslim girl.
It is haraam, meaning prohibited, in Islam to "date." Pre-marital relationships in the form of 'dating' and any form of physical contact too is not allowed between an unmarried man and woman in Islam. So what your boyfriend is doing is against his religion and this should show you his weakness of character. As far as I'm aware, it is also not good for a catholic girl to have a relationship before marriage so you both need to think about this point seriously.
As well as that, the main thing is though that I dont even see you two with a future ahead..this mans actions are big hints of his intentions. A mere mention to his mum and he just breaks up with you without even struggling, open your eyes and realise what everyone around you is telling you which is the truth; he is not serious about you.
Its gonna hurt because your attached but wouldn't you much rather you leave him now and hurt less than you would do having spent another two years with him only to then see him walk out for good this time, once uni is over I'd say.
A lot of men are players out there..and for a woman, and ESPECIALLY if its her "first love"..she has this thinking that he genuinely feels the same way I do for him and doesnt even want to think anything other than that. And a lot of these women are extremely heartbroken to find out that no, that was not the case.
Peace.
Dear LisaRuiz,
Your question is not really one that begs an answer from an Islamic perspective. Neither you nor your boyfriend, or your mother, seem to be concerned that your relationship is not Islamic. Regardless, I do believe that he is playing you and is not serious. You should probably take your mother's advice. It seems like the two of you are quite young and this likely will not result in a marriage.
If you are interested in a spiritual perspective, then I will tell you that these types of relationships are not permissible in Islam. In all likelihood, this boy will end up marrying a muslim girl who is favourable to his parents. If you are interested in Islam, begin to study it and advise the boy's family that you are willing to accept Islam. If you do not visualize Islam being part of your life or the lives of your children, then it is best for you to realize that perhaps you should look for a spouse within your own faith.
Assalam u alaikum Sister Lisaruiz,
You are pretty young. As i have been through some same stuff and i too am about your age so i can understand what you are going through. In Islam it is wrong to date and i beleive what good can we expect from something started the wrong way. You are young and gentle. You deserve far better than him. Don't go back to him. Your mother is right. Stay away from getting hurt again and again. You will feel better..
I will pray for you. Take care
Masalaam
I'm atheist, so here's my completely unbiased opinion...
People allow their religion to have a large influence on them.
They fear punishment in the after life.
In Islam, relations with a non-muslim is considered haram.
A traditional Muslim family will take this extremely serious.
So your boyfriend was probably ashamed of his actions because they are completely unacceptable in the eyes of Allah (God) and doesn't look good for his family's name.
He probably still loves you, but is unsure as whether to continue the relationship considering it'd be going against his religion. Just give him time and be understanding.
It is a relationship. It may not last forever. There are risks involved. And sometimes you just have to go ahead and take them.
Good luck!
Sister Lisaruiz,
Take my salam, as a muslim bro i have soft for you and would like to tell you that, Islam doesn't support pre-marrage date, may be there is some restriction in your faith also. you said you love him a lot, may i know what was the commitment, how you two has been planed to settled the race? Before date, is there any good plan who will change the religion because as per the muslim rulez we cant marry a non muslim. did he noticed it before love? Or did you study muslim culture before thinking of marry. you even didnt mention that why your boy friend requested you to became a muslim or not? or you requested him change the faith. It really seems like a immature step for a important decision. any way, its possible to do wrong in all position of life, but it doesnt means that there is no way to come back.
We all here will be happy to see you happy. In this regard please think firstly, although your boyfriend walked in wrong way according to islamic rulez, How you feel the islam is? The girlz of muslim society falls is such kinda problem rarely. you might get your clear answer. Than if you think it is the (Islam) right faith for you just pray for pardon to allah-subhan.definately allah is the one who like to pardon. Inshalla allah will help you to find the way. Than propose your boy friendz family. We believe any muslim boy if he has faith in allah will be happy enough to accept such a proposal.
The only request please don't mis-understand Islam. It is the only way to get peaceful life And most importantly valid for those who believe it and obey the way. Not for those who believe but don't obey.
sister we all wish you all the best, be happy and inshallah allahpak will be in your favour.
hi. I have a boyfriend he said that he is a muslim and he also said to me that it is not allowed in their religion to have a relationship to non muslim except that we need to get married and I need to convert.. is this true..? i mean muslim cant have a relationship to non muslim..? im totally confused?