Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Caught my husband watching porn

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I caught my husband watching porn on his phone a while back ago. I was really hurt and till this day I'm still hurt.

I saw him acting really suspicious and excited, and I was wondering why. He then hid his phone in his boxers really quick and at that moment I knew something was up. I saw a bunch of naked girls pictures, and I was heartbroken.

-muslima1120

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39 Responses »

  1. Assalamualaikum

    You need to set your emotions aside for a second.

    1. Is it wrong for him to watch porn. Absolutely, he shouldn't be watching it.

    2. Is it easy for him to stop? You might answer that "He has his wife to fulfill his desires, what else does he need?" but the reality is a bit more complicated.

    I am going to explain things from a guys perspective and then you can be judge of whether it applies in your husband's case or not.

    1. In this day and age, porn and similarly related material is so readily available that young men are easily exposed to it. Some of them develop addiction, others occasionally fall prey to their desires once in a while because it really very hard to get out of your system once you are exposed to it. The main problem is that it so easily available these days.

    2. As a wife your immediate response might be to think that he is not satisfied with you and he has to resort to porn. And you might think that he watches porn all the time and you might start to remember all the times he acted suspiciously. These kind of suspicious thoughts should be set aside if you want to tackle this more maturely.

    3. I would recommend that you at least watch "Like a Garment" series (about 40 minutes) from Shaikh Yasir Qadhi. The most important message from this series is that men are easily affected visually, but that does not mean that they are not satisfied with their wives. What I am trying to stress is that don't jeopardize your marriage by thinking that since he watches porn he is not happy with you.

    4. Once you have understood that, then have a open talk with him. Talk with him about what goes on in his head. A more open discussion, don't try to accuse him (he will get defensive and you might cause irreparable harm to your marriage), get him to talk about what he likes or dislikes.

    5. The problem with men is that they have significantly more wild imagination and this imagination just runs wild. Sometimes wives don't understand this and the men try to suppress their wild imaginations. But for men who have been exposed to porn before marriage have even wilder imaginations (because they have seen wild things) and this is something they can never unsee or forget.

    I am very sure that once your husband knows that his wife is willing to understand what goes in his head without judging him, he will rarely have the desire for the fake stuff when he has the real deal.

    Finally, make sure both of you pray 5 times a day as prayer keeps the bad stuff away. If he isn't regular than start being regular. Inshallah with time his desire for the fake stuff will diminish.

    PS - If he admits to being heavily addicted to this stuff than advise him to seek some professional help and assure him that you are there to help him get through it.

    Disclaimer: I am not trying to defend the husband, I am trying to explain how the wife can help her husband overcome his weakness without shaming him. (Our initial reaction always seems to be to shame someone into correcting their ways but I have never see that approach work.)

    • 100% agreed with your reply sir, dats true.
      When u start accusing d husband the relationship will suffer a lot.
      Solution is very simple but difficult to apply in real, and that is PATIENCE and UNDERSTANDING

    • Aslamalaikum... i asked it on forum but my post is not approved yet. I want reply asap brother.

      I want to know answer from a male's point of view. My husband watches porn and he does not know that i know about it as I check through method he doesnt know. I felt he was struggling against it. But he acts wierd like he distances himself for days from me and becomes rude whenever he watches porn and in result i also suffer. I did not let him know that i know about it as it would make him feel more guilty. He left it after our daughter was born and our intimacy improved and he was so happy with it but few days ago he started to act wierd again. Checked pc and discovered the reason again. He did not watch it for 7 months. He is watching again and i see him depressed and frustrated these days. I want to talk to him about it. I get very hurt and also how can i help him without talking to him? But the problem is we are not very frank as we had arrange marriage and we just got to know each other after marriage and our marriage is only almost two years old. What i want to know is that will it hurt his male ego if i ll talk to him about it? He is trying to maintain a good image before me. He does not give his any weak or negative point to me so that i dont judge or taunt him. He is very egoistic by nature. I dont want to hurt my man's ego and dignity he is maintaining before me. But then what is the solution? I find no solution than talking to him but i find no words to initiate it. I am stuck. And our relation is suffering. Its not normal from the beginning. I cant take it anymore but i dont have courage to talk to him about it and also i fear what if i mess up things by direct confrontation? I am so frustrated.

      • You need to discuss it with him in a non-confrontational way. Let him know that you discovered it by accident and that you can feel that it is affecting your relationship. Remind him that it is haram, and tell him that you consider it unacceptable. As you said, your relationship is suffering. So you must deal with it.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • So if you say that I, a woman, am not nornal for my sexual desire, i will leave islam. Men and women both have sexual desires but men keep getting excuses for their behavior forgetting that its women who enjoy showing their sexual beauty. You have a choice to join them in their haram or join the halal woman beside you. Just as i have for the past 13 years struggled to control my sexual desire, when my husband would rather do haram.

      • That is also exactly my point of view.
        For men always any excuse is just right their. But a Women can not imagine or look for a Man or Porn with Males who are grandet with amazingly power in Bed. If a Man would catch a wife in the position of watching this kind of things omg... this would be never be forgiven.
        Yes may 1 time i eyes catch a naked picture in inet but to look a second time is haram. This women is not made for u halal so if keep looking on u r doing haram continusly. My 18 Years of Marrige gots broken because of Porns watching from my ex. At the first time he said its appetiser, then suddentlt he beginns to question me, why my anatomie is not like this ur fat ur this ur that. Then he beginns to fall in love with this kind of womens and he beginns to obpress me to say he wana marry 3 more women. And if i m not agree then acourding to him i was not a muslim.
        Yes save ur tresor wife with long hiljabs but in second way go and look on other open naked tresors while akting.
        I m sorry in islam their is no oooo place for any excuse to look haram stuff.
        In this case i open the first talaqu and swear on Allah that my husband cant touch me at all anymore. This abstinence is enough to show him...respekt your from Allah Teala halal weddet wife. If he cant stop to watch, then excuse me he is still not ready to get married!

    • So what if the wifes was the one watching porn. Would it be recommended on him to sit and think and don't jeopardize the marriage, while at the same talking with her?

      • this man i wana see who can do this.
        Mostly they r okay if women looks for lesbos but cant look other men.
        Thats why short cut: no one should look this devil made stuff!

  2. good advise.

    porn is very common and easily accessible. on your face all the time. i will be surprised if a man who uses computer says that he has not watched any porn intentionally or unintentially.

    take it easy sister. indeed what he is doing is wrong but listen to what Mullah Nseeruddin is saying. men can easily see something vulgar ,get excited and not get emotionally attached at the same time. as a woman its difficult to understand that behaviour.

  3. salaam alikum

    well i think form a guys point of view you lot see it clearly, but that's the thing men don't wanna listen to their wives, it doesn't matter how hard a lady tries to be there for the husband, we ladies think sensitive all we want is to feel loved and special by our husbands, all we get is compliments from our husbands about other women.
    what about the hard work that the ladies do 4 their husbands and don't get appreciated, we have a 24 hour job to look after their children and them but still they humiliate you. we don't even get paid 4 that work, men should control their eyes so they don't get attracted to other shameless women, as for muslima1120 he shouldn't be watching that kinda stuff if he's got a wife how much is a wife suppose to try to impress her husband they never interested, you impress them either you walk away from your religion looking like a slut or u'll get all depressed trying your best to be a good house wife and impressing ur in laws with a fake smile. how would the guys like it if we women went around looking at naked men will our husbands be impressed?
    they'll probs get the divorce papers out and say u disgust me i'm leaving you.
    if a lady can control doing bad whats wrong wiv men they aint created differently u know apart from u know...
    but what i'm saying is that men are created to protect their family and respect their wives feelings and look after their children, not staring at other females to get sexual pleasure,@work ....perverts.....
    srri but i feel like ripping their eye balls out ....
    we shud understand our husbands when they emotional and upset but when it's our turn it's like oh get outta my sight and they walk out leaving you to cry on ur own . and it's ok 4 them to screw us up and ruin our lives. it might not be as painful as you guys see it but it is when a lady has to go through rough times.
    what about when a guy says things like i'll shag ur wife the guy will kill em
    and they their looking at other girls on porn and girls that are half stripped naked walking down the street they shud be feeling disgraceful. it's like committing adultery. haven't u heard u look @ a girl once just to rec·og·nize them u shud look at her twice and the third time its a sin and u guys just sit their staring at them like u can't find another one like them once a slut always a slut. a slut can never be a house wife.
    anyway sister just hope Allah changes him for the best. men are naturally disabled with their imagination. astagfirullah.
    Allah haifz

    • I completely agree with you. I don't understand why women have to tolerate men's disgraceful behavour and be understanding towards their husbands sin! Allah has given us a heart and mind. We need to restrain ourselves from sin. Its not the wife's responsiblity to stop the husband. The husband being the maintainer and protector should no better!

      Whether men or women there is nothing to understand about sin. They should stop it! There is no excuse! Im sure if a man came here and asked all the men here will say divirce her! Where's the understanding there?

      • Hey Sumaira, I can well imagine your response, if it was a wife watching porn! I have checked previous posts as well and somehow saw your comments and all you do is defend females, your gender, even if she is a Zani.

        Shame on you. Stop acting smart and at least be neutral!

    • May Allah help our sisters insha allah. U r right sister, all most evil muslim men's who don't practice the deen would want is sluts and nothing else and having four wife's.. I Hope thy know what it would feel if their wife went with another guy..

    • U answered everything I wanted to say ... I'm sooooo happpyyyyyy tht I'm not the only one thinking tht

  4. Saalam Sister,

    I am a brother and I definitely agree with you on some points. If it was the woman, she would have been shunned and most likely, everybody would say to divorce her and such. Men shouldn't be that weak to be compelled in doing this, especially when they have a wife already. I don't understand, a wife is a treasure from Allah and vice verca. Treat other with the utmost dignity and respect. And if you do love each other, why resort to this filth and sin. I would 100% look at my wife instead of watching porn. May Allah(SWT) guide us all.

    Having said that, if you love one another and that is if you truly do and follow Islam the right way, there is always forgiveness. Keep the matter between the husband and wife and don't escalate the situation by telling other members of the family. Trust and forgiveness is being part of a Muslim and we should all strive to have those qualities just like our Prophet Muhummad(PBUH). Now I am not saying keep on forgiving for every sin or mistake but if the person is sincere and realizes his/her mistake, then forgive away. If Allah can forgive his children even when they committed major sins, why can't you?

  5. Allah does not have children.

    As for the matter, i would only advice you to forgive your husband if he truly feels bad about watching porn and has definitely stopped doing it. If he still watches it and tries to hide it from you, i would kick him to the curb.

  6. Dear Women !

    Its not the women who will decide which sin is biger than the others, may be some sins which are so big are over-looked very often by husbands, then why not same rule applies to women also.
    And if women work 24 hours a day then are men doing nothing to feed their family ???? sooo funny.
    we should follow the principles of Islam which ellaborates that husband has to feed his family and wife should be obedient,, and these duties of both should be performed in any sort of circumstance.
    One should learn to forgive her husband or atleast treat with controlling language, there could be some other sort of expression of anger.
    A wife who could be dis-obedient with her husband on watching porn, should understand why he is watching porn ........... The solution lies in understanding not in aggression ....... Think About it

  7. Communication is key in a relationship. I wud be hurt too and talk to my husband or partner, at the same time think of how to resolve this issue with therapy. (or sex therapist if there comfy)

  8. Asalam alikum

    Today i caught by my wife watching few nude pics of celebrity.
    i want to tell you truth how i get into this thing. Thing is facebook now a days social groups try to earn more visitors on their website and post enticing posts on facebook which leads hysband like me to visit those pfes even those posts are not intresting for us. But the texting of posts are so influencing that it attracts you to ooen them atleast one which cause trouble. Men are less string to control their reelung tgan women. Wufe thinks their husvands hace interests in porn but its not true.

    These porn things are marketed very well to entice innocent husbands like me to get trap into these posts and cause troubles in relationship. My advice stop social networking everything will be good.

  9. What if I have caught my husband many times. Had that discussion and then he has sworn he will never watch it again. Then few weeks later it's back on his phone? Which he left accidentally and as soon as I held his phone he tried to snatch it from me? Then what? Do us wives have to be "patient and understand" then too? What if this particular husband has does much more than this. Ie cocaine addiction, being violent towards me, in debt due to his previous drug habit. Borrowed money from all my relatives behind my back to find this habit. I forgive him move on and then the porn returns? At what point can we actually stop being patient? I pray 5 times a day, he hardly prays. He hardly fasted in ramadhan, and I feel as though everything he had said before we got married was a total lie. I would've left him a long time ago but we have a son together who is 18 months AH. But all of the above has now put a mental strain on my brain and is affecting me in more ways then one. Can you give me some advice on this?

    Jzk k

    • "At what point can we actually stop being patient?"

      That's really up to you. If I were you I would have left him as soon as the cocaine problem and violence surfaced. But I understand that having a child complicates things. As yourself, is the child better off having this man around? Or worse off? The decision is yours. No one can make it for you.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Thank you for your reply.

        I tried to help him with his addiction and debt even though it was quite difficult for me.

        But my husband has pushed my patience to my limit now and I think I have to schedule an appointment with the Shariah council.

        Thank you once again.

  10. Asalaamu'Alaykum Sisters,

    Thank you so much for your responses as this has helped me with what's currently going on in my home.

    (A little background info: We both pray 5x a day, ‘religious’, just married December 2014)

    A few days ago, on Saturday morning to be exact, I saw an e-mail on my husband's phone about a job and I was excited to see it because he's been on the look out for a new career venture, so I clicked. I read the e-mail then for some reason, I decided to go to the search engine. There, in the history, I saw it in his phone where he had searched inappropriate material. I was livid. I AM LIVID. I had seen once before he saw something inappropriate but he swore he clicked on an article (as he reads a lot) and it led to something else. I believed him, no questions, I believed him. I thought it was an honest mistake, no biggie. I didn't question it. But this time, I couldn't think of any excuse, I left our home and he texted me shortly thereafter questioning where I was. I just texted him back confronting him about it and told him how I felt. I was disgusted, sick to my stomach and I didn't want to be near him or hear his bogus excuse. Nothing he could say or do could make it better at that point. What I saw in the search, just the words penetrated my mind and I couldn’t get past it. Since it was Saturday morning, I made myself busy and didn't come home until it was time for bed, and I made it clear I did not want to sleep next to him. Since this happened I haven't been able to sleep right, eat right or worship in the best of ways. I feel betrayed by my best-friend. My husband is not the type who is romantic, thoughtful or even too expressive but little things that he does have shown me he cares in his own way. But now with this, I question everything. Maybe he’s not romantic because he’s not attracted? Maybe he’s careless because he doesn’t really love me? Maybe he does certain intimate things because he’s watched it somewhere? My mind goes a million miles a minute and before marriage I was very self-conscious and with marriage I learned to accept myself and have gotten better but now, with this I just feel horrible about myself. I applaud the wives that support their husband’s and say they make duah and help them cope but honestly, I’m still upset. It’s hard for me to be sympathetic when he actively chose to search that crap. No one told him to do it. HE did out of his own free will. I can’t justify and say maybe he did it because I’m not engaging with him, because I am, in every way, physically, emotionally, financially along with taking care of our home. He’s apologized and we’ve been intimate since then and unfortunately, I felt nothing, I felt empty, I didn’t feel the love. So, I guess my question to all of you is, once you have talked it over with your husband, how do YOU get over it? How do things go back to normal? ‘/

    (sorry for typos or grammatical errors, im on an Iphone)

    • Wow! It's like u described exactly what happened to me. I had completely trusted him, never even for a second had I doubted him. He told me he had watched before marriage n then one day I just randomly checked his tab and found that he had watched it, n when I checked further I found something else wich was dated a month ago wich lead me to believe that he had been watching it regularly. I was devastated. I hadn't for a moment thought he would do anything like this. When I spoke to him about it, initially he lied n said it was just a one time thing, but then I told him I had seen something else dated a month again then he accepted it. I couldn't eat or sleep for days. N I was pregnant at the time too. He felt really upset n cried and swore he will never do it again. That was the first time I had seen him cry n I believed him. I just pray to Allah that he keeps his word and never does it again inshallah!

    • sister khmar

      your story is very similar to mine -

      he acts all simple and true form the heart - iv given him 5 chldren mA - took out debt for his business, bake and cook from home for his business, he pursued me and made sure he was the one even though i had doubts.
      but i have found a secret fine he had, and some material that he cannot explain, but instead lies about..

      I'm currently not with him, had to get him out of the house, my eldest son is 10 now and i feel i don't want no bad vibes to rub off on him..

      what do i do, i feel my life is ruinined - he has his phone strapped to his a*s quite literally - iv seen videos of him with his friends and he's swearing and acting like he's 15 when he's neat 40 with can you do, he has 2 daughters.
      i do pretty much ev myself anyway supported him in the business he does which was my mistake and now its hit me in the face - broke family relations over him as they wanted me and i told them not to speka against my husband and stopped speaking to my own brother - i have no mother since ei was 10 and not much family around me and feel alone and like iv been used and taken advantage of..

      May Allah guide and protect us all - Happy EId

    • it is like you are explaining every emotion I had. But as for his situation it was sometging that just escalated. It started when we were engaged and i found that he had taken pics of women on the beach and messaged them to his friends and to himself for back up, i went crazy because he was at that area planning for our engagement the laaast thing i would imagine would be him thinking about such things at this time, i just escalated things and qas totally ready for a divorce but then I gave him a chance seeing as he is single, not married and has no sexual relatuons so I just told myself that marriage will definetly satisfy his needs, but then i check out his phone two months into the marriage and find him asking his friend to send him more pics of women that his friend has already sent,,, I just felt so hurt but again blamed his friend. Now barely for months into the marriage I found asian and japanese porn search on his search engine, i was so shocked i couldn't react or talk about it I just couldn't open my moth to talk about it, it is like I was on auto pilot or like i was just lying to myself i even cut my hair asian style that day and put on asian style make up, but when we got intimate I couldn't help but feel like am just lying and acting something I am not, it just feltso wrong being intimate with someone and knowing that he is thinking about a whole different type of women ... the next day I got to dressing and applying make up but I just felt so fake it just felt so wrong I couldn't look at myself in the mirror finally i just got angry with him over another issue until i had a panic attack i just had to leave the house to walk and just get away from him and the house for a qalk but he wouldnt let me out or go out with me, it was really late but i just couldnt breath i was frantic.. it eacalated and he said either he beats me up if i try to go out or i can call the police, which i did just to get out of there after i got some air and cried myself to calm down i just walked back home and next day he woke up beating and kicking me out of the house and divorced me islamically as turns out it was just the first divorce and kicked me out of the house after i told him i have seen what he has been looking at... i left the country back to my family now he started accusing me of being the one who watches porn and that i am just making up things about him even though i have all his search history with me... the thing is i just cant seem to eat or think or sleep right, and i can't imagine going back to him it just feels so hurtfull so empty so self deciving to be in any way intimate with him... what really hurts ia that i would never imagine even looking again at a guy that attracts me on first sight because i believe what goes around comes aeound i felt that Alah would have him be like this if i were this way of course also because it is Haram... and it just hurt so much that he would be so inclined to go on porn sites searcging for women that are nothing like me I just feel so hurt I just dont know what to do how to act and he is not a bit regretfull on tge contrary on top of accusing me of things i haven't done he believes i should feel bad and try to make up for bringing the police when i just had to go out for some air... he just doesnt care how it hurts to him it is just okay

  11. I caught my husband watching porn last night. He was sitting in the living room,came back from work half whilst I was sleeping with our son. Bare in mind I'm going through post natal depression n 2 hrs befre I slept I told him I was stressed and to call me, he dint. He does cabing so he can call me. We have been going through a very rough patch but den something made me wake up and go to the living room n I see him watching porn. I was so disgusted and I burst out crying screaming. He had told me his got a bad addiction and he made a promise saying he will never watch it now dat he has spoken to me about it, he well nows how prayer isn't accepted if u watch porn he nows the sins. I've been feeling so unhappy with him as since we had our bby boy ah he has put me down so much n talks bwt marrying someone else n how I've gone crazy and I can't handle being a mum. I've said maybe I have but help me then and when I ask for help he says I'm being bossy. What do I do? I just want to run away and escape but haven't got the money and I just don't know were to start. After I caught him instead talking to me he says il end the marriage tomorrow il tel my parents...wdh!!!!

  12. I feel so bad. Sisters please dont be disheartened dont let any man take away the honor that Allah has given you.
    Emotionally its going to be tough but replace those free time moments with deeni works. And Allah will do the rest.
    For those going through post traumatic or post natal depression get help to deal with your anxieties.
    And work on small steps.

  13. Everyone is responding to the original question but not one of you have referred to Quran or sunnah about porn. Remember Allah Ta Ala says our limbs will testify against us and lowering of the gaze does not just apply to someone crossing your path, it applies to looking at forbidden things. Shaytan makes your evil deeds fair seemingly. Your husband is continually committing a major sin, remind him if what Allah says regarding looking at forbidden things.

    • Remind him??
      Its no use reminding these kind of husbands...no matter how many times u remind them about halal and haraam, theyre never going to listen. Instead they just make fun of you( calling you mufti/imam) or they just point out your mistakes to make you think you are no better than them( eg. You are so slow in cooking, you dont mop the floor properly) or even tell you to accept their habit of watching porn because it is considered a normal thing in todays society, and many wives accept it so why dont you??

  14. assalam'ualakum

    I have been recently married for about a year almost going into two years from now... i have been observing my husband because we married the islamic way where my mom found someone and his parents find someone for him and our family ended up finding each other so that is how we got married.. we got married not knowing much of each others personality... once we got married he would take me out and stuff but i realized how much he would look at other women to the point where he is totally ignoring me and not even listening to what i have to say. i brought this up with him and he said sorry he wont do it again but still kept doing it and even online, i tried so hard to look nice every single day for him in the room because we live with his parents and yet he scans the girls on the street and internet from head to toe but only looks at me with a glance not even looking back twice !! i was so hurt but kept being patience with him as time flew by in the year we had many arguments about only "WOMEN" he would make me feel ugly and i kept wondering if i abandon my hijab would he look at me, i wanted to kill myself many and multiple times because i didn't know what to do or how to handle things in this situation. He knows i know that he watches filthy things but every so often i would ask him if i need to improve myself so he doesn't turn to porn but he gets upset and bashes me saying IM NOT WATCHING IT clearly when he knows i already know maybe i didn't approach him in a better manner to have made him feel defensive.. To be honest i wouldn't have cared is he looked at women unless he gives me infinity times more attention then them but its the other way around.... with him doing all these things i have felt in the dark for that year and turned to social media where you can talk to multiple of ppl in one room but on live similar to what youtubers do but the difference is you are not being recorded for many too see you whenever they want..i got my attention there and enjoyed other peoples compliments without my hijab i even took an effort in looking nice i did nothing haram just talked about life . i met so many poeple and talked to so many people that my husband suddenly became nothing to me and the times i went on are the times that i felt lke he was watching porn so you can say this was a way for me to cope with me feelings by talking to other people and getting thier compliments....how did i know he was watching porn well its cuz i canhear it and he stayed in the bathroom forever!.. however it sarted to get to me because i know this was haram and i reflected and said ALL I WANT IS MY HUSBAND TO NOTICE ME LIKE HE DOES WITH OTHER GIRLS!!! otherwise why did he marry me if he wasnt ready to commit ! i repented and told my husband about it.. i was thinking he would try to be understanding about it like how u tried but yet he got upset and wanted me to write why i was sorry like a five year old sorry note before he could forgive me thats when i got so pissed because he expected me to write why i was sorry and yet he didnt get why i did it and just crazy stuff happened that day but then it made me even more furious so i decided to turn to Allah and just waited within that year and i though maybe he will change the next year so going into the second half year he changed and told me he will try to change and not watch porn or look at women so much but it turns out he just became more secretive with watching porn or maybe this was his way of changing by watching it less i dont know but what ever his method is its killing me and i dont want to live anymore.... i am a 21 year old women and he is 26... i dont know what to do anymore i prayed and prayed and now i just want to kill myself life has become meaningless ive done all i can to make him happy and he has complimented me on how i am so good for him because i serve him well and his family but his bad habbits is tearing me down and im dying inside.... i understand this is Allahs test and people have is far more worse then me so im sorry if i sound naggy he is a good man with bad habbits i cant talk to him about my feelings anymore or els he will yell at me...

    • Sister you need to stop this talk of suicide. Just divorce him, for goodness sakes. Yes, divorce is taboo in our societies, but it's a lot better than suicide, which is a big sin and an offense to Allah. So divorce him. You'll be happier without him. And maybe in time you will find someone good.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salam my sister in deen, I agree what he is doing is not right. But do not kill yourself for nobody. indeed suicide is haraam.

      There is hope in sha Allah, try to show love and engage him with your activities,

      If he goes to the toilet AGAIN late at night,

      just Knock on the door, ask him 'what are you are doing and show that you are aware of this. But don't go hard on him. Or a better one call on his mobile phone and tell him to come to bed. You can the help process insha Allah.

      There are soo many islamic lectures online and check on youtube. Sit with him and watch it with him.

      I am sure he loves you and trust me I heard worst situation than this. No matter what happens, you must be strong in this life and be positive.

      Men do look at other women it is weakness of men given by Allah my sister. But men must lower their gaze.
      Please search for Nouman Ali khan's talk on youtube and he explains it well.

      Send him text him randomly and say what attracts about you and what food he likes tonight and message whatever you want from him sister, flirting and joking, enjoyment made halal for you both. i think you both do love each
      other and my wife and I will pray for you and for your husband. maintain your husbands honor and remind him that that what is wrong in islam. Sister Allah is there for us all.

      Suicide is clearly haram : shaytaan is trying to make you lose sister and break your relationship. Subhanallah. May Allah make us strong.

      1) shaytaan will get you depressed
      2) may cause doubt on one another
      3) shaytaan makes you feel like suicide is the best way. WHICH IS NOT.

      My sister, for now do not think of Divorce,

      1) speak to him if is he willing to change. Be open with him, express your feelings and how much he hurt you.

      2) get counselling and be just and kind.

      Make him lead you in Salah late at night : just say to you love him and say to him Allah will make our love stronger lets pray. doesnt have to be every night. (My wife advised you on this sister which will work insha Allah)

      Indeed Allah is with the patience,

      jzk

      Saleh

      • Asslam'ualakum

        Thank you so much for your encouragement, to be honest this has lighten me up so much and i will too pray that Allah grants you and your family Jennah because you have encouraged me to stay strong i have never believed that little words can help boost a person strength i try and now i will try harder to help my husband i know others have it much worse and i am greatful that i am not in the worse case.. Alhamdullilah.. but May Allah bless you and your amazing wife !

        jzk

  15. I don't know what to do. I came home from work. My husband was asleep with his boxers down and porn playing on his phone

  16. I have something concerning to share.

    Last night i woke up at around 3:00 am and couldnt go back to sleep, so i went downstairs to the kitchen to get a sip of water. i could hear somehting playing (audio) in the room next to the kitchen, when i went there i saw my grandfather's older brother (great uncle) watching the television. the tv was at the other side of the room and thus his back facing the doorway, so he wasnt aware i was standing there watching him. there was an adult scene playing on the tv and the man and woman were having sex.

    i have done my own share of sins, i have seen not full-on porn but like rear end and a couple glimpses of pics of privates on the porn sites, but i made a vow to never, EVER go near such a sin again. I feel like i am trying my best to never go back to searching such things and i have completely ceased looking at such sexual pictures where people weren't wearing anything. i guess i was just traumatized because this was something i completely gave up months ago, and now i have a completely different viewpoint on it -- i find it disgusting and so so haraam and sinful, i am no longer attracted to these desires of vieweing such things visually. i still masturbate but i am so addicted to that, but i do not look at any pictures or porn or anything. i promise myself to never go back to seeing it. i dont want Allah SWT to hate me for what i used to do :'(

    yet seeing that scene on tv, 2 people on top of each other......i felt sck to my stomach. i was so so disgusted wallahi, we all viewed him as such a humble religious person, hafiz al quran, imam and sheikh at islamic school i go to on weekdays......i never would have thought he'd watch something like that. it was so dirty and i immediately left the room once i knew what was going on. i am still very much traumatuzed and i dont really know what to make of this situation. help!

    • lebanongurl, even sincerely religious people sometimes commit sins, have weaknesses and make mistakes. Maybe you could write your great uncle an anonymous note reminding him that such things are haram and that he should fear Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  17. Asslam'ualakum

    I am really sad to read all the stuff about husbands. I have been married for two years. It was an arrange marriage. I was told wife was hafize Quran and very religious. After shadi i found out it is nothing like that and she watched porn. When i confronted her. She lied on my face.

    I am very depressed and heart broken. I need advise please.

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