Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Caused a marriage to break

broken marriage, broken egg, shattered

asalam alaikum ..

i am a 30 year old female.. a few years back in my university i met a guy .. he was a religious guy and me being from a religious family started to get attracted towards him...

at start i didnt know but after a week of seeing him i got to know from someone that he was married . he had an office near our university . for some reason a few times i went to his office had a nice chat and sometimes even he would offer me tea. Allah knows why but i was extremely attracted towards him . when he would go to pray i would hide somehwere and watch him pray .. even though i knew he was married but i would still find ways to talk to him . he was a very humble person .

then after a few months we started chatting on phone and from the same person (who told me he was married ) i got to know that his marriage was on the verge of breaking .. i didnt know the reason but i some how felt good about it that his marriage is already breaking . then while chatting on messages we started to tell each other how much we liked each other. i knew it was wrong as he was married but i couldnt stop myself .. i m not proud of this .. but one day i called him his wife picked up the phone .. i just cut the phone i didnt say a word  but she got suspecious ... she read my messages and they had a big fight and in anger he gave her divorce .. they had a son even .

after their divorce he sent his mother at my home and within three months we got married .. now we are married for 8 years i have two kids but his ex wife still calls and cries.. that how i broke their marriage and i feel soo dreadful .. i am a married woman now and i would die if my husband would do that to me ... i die every time he talks to her .... or consoles her ..  i am so scared that what have i done .. i knew he was married still i talked to him still i fell for him .. plz do advice and plz do let me know if there is a way in islam to ask for Allah's forgiveness as i know breaking marriage is the biggest of sins ... plz do advice i am very broken inside ..


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4 Responses »

  1. assalaamu alaykum sister Ayesha

    Breaking a marriage is indeed a Grave Sin and, as you've hurt another person by your sin, you'll need her forgiveness before Allaah swt will forgive you. In addition you took advantage of the divorce you caused, which likely Aggravates the sin in the eyes of our Lord swt. However if you sincerely repent to Him and also seek her forgiveness it's possible that the Most Merciful, Who forgives all sins, if you do all you can to receive her forgiveness. In addition you should do much dua' for her and much Zikr, asking Al Ghafur to add them to her "account" of good deeds.

    End One salah by saying 100 times "subhan Allahi wa behamdi; subhanAllahil azeem!" which will cause all Her sins to be forgiven for that day.

    Also after one salah say "Allahumma Maalik al-mulki tu’til-mulka man tasha’ u wa tanzi’ul mulka mimman tasha’, wa tu’izzu man tasha’ u wa tudhilu man tasha’, bi yadika al-khayr, innaka ‘ala kulli shay’in qadeer, Rahmaan-id-dunya wa’l-aakhirah wa raheemahuma, tu’teeyahuma man tasha’ wa tamna’ minhuma man tasha’, irhamni rahmatan taghnini biha ‘an rahmati man siwaak.

    Also the Messenger of God (saws) tells us: "Whoever says 'There is no god but Allah, alone, without any partner. The Kingdom and praise belong to Him and He has power over everything'/ La ilaha illa'llah, wahdahu la sharika lah, lahu'l mulku wa lahu'l hamd, wa huwa ala kulli shay'in qadir/ one hundred times a day, it is the same for him as freeing ten slaves. One hundred good actions are written for him and one hundred wrong actions are erased from him, and it is a protection from Shaytan for that day until the night. No-one does anything more excellent than what he does except someone who does more than that."Do that Zikr once a day for her and then:

    “O Allah, Sovereign of all, You give dominion to whomsoever You will and You take dominion away from whomsoever You will, You exalt whomsoever You will and You bring low whomsoever You will. In Your hand is all goodness and You are able to do all things. Most Merciful and Most compassionate in this world and in the Hereafter, You give them to whomsoever You will and withhold them from whomsoever You will. Bestow mercy upon Me in such a manner that I have no need of the mercy of anyone but You.” [Tabarani] This will be sure to cause Allaah swt to pay your debt for you "even it be as huge as Mount Uhud" our Prophet (saws) informs us.

    May r Rahamanir r Rahiym grant you your request. aamiyn!

  2. Good reply from Goran plz follow advice and do tawbah and seek her forgivness a d be patient if your husband talk with him if you get anger may be in anger he took wronge decision and making dua that his ex wife and your husband do not talk . bcz if they continue talk it is take serious problems.

    • As salaamun alaykum sisters,

      Sister Sofi I disagree with you on making dua that the husband and his wife don't talk. That could amount to praying for what is Wrong.
      Sister Ayesha I believe you need to be ready to give Up your husband, so do not interfere with him and his former wife talking to each other. Perhaps Giving Up your husband is what Allaah azza wa jaal requires of you, as Atonement for your sin. In a sense you Stole your husband from his the wife and therefore "returning" him to her may be what is required to put things right again. I'm not saying you must do that, but ask Allaah swt in your prayers. Do Istikhara and let Him, the Omniscient, decide.

      • This is a message to all the sisters out there. Please do not break another sister's marriage. Astaghfirullah the pain is unbearable. You feel that pain simply by the fear of it happening to you but you did it to another sister. I'm so sorry that you feel the fear but worst of all the other sister is now divorced because of you. She lost her husband and you took him because if your haram relationship with a an you knew was married and on the verge of divorce. Astaghfirullah I pray sincerely that Allah Ta'ala saves your marraige and awards the sister who's marraige you broke a better man so that she can leave your husband alone and you can be happy. I pray she gets a better man as a husband than the cheating bastard that left her for another woman. Both adulterers will live together knowing what they did to that poor woman but atleast they have eachother SubhaanAllah and may their children never lose the happiness of having both mother and father's love and support daily. May your marraige be one that lasts till the day of Qiyamah. But you stole the happiness of that sister and that innocent young boy Lost His father and his home and his mother's love too because you broke her heart with her husband. What a bastard that man is, he wronged his innocent child and his loyal wife. They may have had problems like any other marraige but you broke their home just as much as he did. She deserves better so don't worry sister just pray that Allah Ta'ala grants her such an amazing man that she never even thinks about your husband again because it's now haram for her to think of him just like it was for you while she was married to him. Pray for her marraige and for her pain to be eased. Pray for her son and encourage your husband to be a good father to her son. Encourage your husband to find her a good man so that she can move on with her life. If your husband tells people how good a wife she was it will be easier for you because she has a better chance to be married and settled. That way you have your husband to yourself too. It's a win win situation. Your husband shouldn't be consoling his ex wife but only his son. GET her married to someone good and have your sanctuary back. I don't know if I'm right but I pray no one feels the pain you feel, neither you. May Allah SWT protect us from what you and the other sister are going through. May Allah SWT protect us from men like your husband. May Allah forgive me if I have advised you wrongly and please forgive me if I have said harsh words to upset you but I'm being very honest as I can. I pray that your marraige is saved but you need to be wise and do the right thing. Speak to a scholar.

        Allah Hafiz dear sister. Keep us updated on if things improve for yourself and the other sister.

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