Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Cheated and betrayed! Please help me

Heartbroken, broken heart

Hello

My name is A and I am a 17 years later old male. I met this girl on a online game and we have known each other nearly for 5 years now. Her name is M and she's gonna be 21 but I met her we were both really young.

As we started dating I suffered a lot from all the cheating she did and flirting she used to do with other boys on that game as well as on her social medias. I still coped with all of that because I loved her and cared about her so much that I even accepted Islam. I am now Muslim and I'm very proud because it had changed my life completely.

Anyways... I have always wanted to marry that girl because she told me she loves me a lot too and she has even shown her love to me. She spent money on me on that game and she was always there for me whenever I needed support. But recently she has gone back home to Pakistan and she told me she will be back in the first week of March but she lied. I have suffered a lot through out this time because I have found out many things that she did behind my back.

I found out she was already married to someone in 2016 and she said she went this time to spend few months or a year with him so she can bring him back. But when she went his family called her family that he wants to divorce her and they are now divorced. It broke my heart because she kept telling me how much she loved him and that she had sex with him 11 times. She insulted him so much by saying he raped her like how? I have seen some proofs from on her email and I saw that she actually did loved him and so did he. I also found out she has these social media that she always told me she don't have them.

I also found out that she has been meeting another man from her work while she was married and was dating me. So she cheated on me but why her husband? Didn't she had any respect for him? I'm sorry I'm not making any sense but she told me just the other day that she doesn't love me anymore and that I should find someone else.

I have left her and it's been 3 days that I haven't talked to her but I'm hurting. I pray to Allah everyday and I read Quran to help me. I cry and feel so depressed because I miss her but I can't talk to her. She shouts at me and insults me so much while she's on the call to me. She doesn't have time for me or give me proper answers.

I have cancer and I feel like she doesn't love me because she knows I'll die soon. I believe in Allah and when my time comes I'll die not BC of my Cancer. She doesn't show care or love especially when she told me she doesn't love me anymore. Please help me! What shall I do? I want to forget her and be happy. I wanna marry a Muslim girl when I be 19 or 20. I want to fully forget her and I want this pain to stop. Please help me😥

I am am sorry I am not making any sense but my English is weak because it's not my first language. It's French!

Thank you for any help

Teddytaw09

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15 Responses »

  1. Don't you worry A. Allah is great. He made some great plans for you. If she really loves you she will come back if not do sabar (patience). Allah will give you reward.

  2. Aselam o alaikum,

    Salut,
    Vous parlez bien Anglais.
    Ton histoire est tres triste.

    Brother, I think you had a lucky escape to be honest.

    Allah puts someone in your life for a reason. And the good that has come out of this girl, is that you turned to Islam, alhamdullilah.

    Got to admit, some of the things you're saying she did are quite insane! But continue to do dua that Allah guides her and makes her nature and future good, inshaAllah.
    Continue doing dua that Allah sends you someone you deserve too. But you may be a little young at the moment.
    Learn about yourself first.

    All the best- bonne chance, mon frere!

    Your Sis in Islam
    X

  3. asalam alaikum, i agree with the comment above, you are lucky to escape, everyone should be with someone who loves and respects them. I know it's difficult for you now, being sick and having to go through all of this 🙁 subhanAllah may Allah grant you ease. you should try your best to forget her and do NOT contact her again as she is married and it's a grave sin to have any interaction with her. as of right now, you should focus on your relationship with Allah. "I have cancer and I feel like she doesn't love me because she knows I'll die soon" Also, you shouldn't say you will die soon as only Allah have knowledge of when a person is going to die, doctors can only give you an estimated time but ultimately it;s in the hands of Allah. People recover from Cancer with treatments, keep making dua to Allah, recite His book and beg for relief.

    The Prophet (pbuh) said, "The keys of the unseen are five and none knows them but Allah: (1) None knows what is in the womb, but Allah: (2) None knows what will happen tomorrow, but Allah; (3) None knows when it will rain, but Allah; (4) None knows where he will die, but Allah (knows that); (5) and none knows when the Hour will be established, but Allah."
    (Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 476)

  4. Brother,
    I can understand exactly how you must be feeling. I too was cheated by someone whom i gave all my love.The guy who cheated me , i met him online. When he broke up with me all of sudden without any reason and got married to some one i felt like world has come to and end. For days i couldn't believe it happened.I tried to divert myself in every way and became close to Allah and prayed. He answered my prayers and Alhamdulillah Allah has given me the best partner i could ever have dreamed of. The past love looks like a shadow now. Its nothing to the love and peace i got in my marriage Alhamdulillah. I thank Allah every day for saving from that relationship.
    Please dont waste another minute and thought on the girl who has cheated you. You dont deserve it. First thing make it as a conscious decision that its your choice you are moving on. Even if she comes back you should be strong enough to say no to her. Because she is not worth of you. A person who is cheating her husband and others. You are just a time pass for her. Please move on. Block her contact and stop stalking her profile online. Begin a new day.Look for the love in your family and Almighty.Divert yourself.

    I pray to Allah you should recover soon. The life of this world is nothing compared to life hereafter. We have to make the best use of whatever time we have in doing prayers as I have heard people will beg Allah to send them back to life one time do to one more Sujood , but it wont be possible. Thats what really matters.

    • Zeba ,

      Whats the secret of success ? It is because of arranged marriage ?
      Did you tell your husband about past affair?

      • The Secret is I never hided anything from my husband about my past. My husband was a colleague of mine and we used to work in same company,When i got cheated by my lover, i was completely broken. Allah sent him as an angel,I was completely broken and unable to carry on my day to day task.Constantly used to cry in office hours. My now husband had a soft corner for me and approached me and asked about my problem , and I confessed to him as a friend. He later proposed me and by my parents approval we got married.First i thought i could never love anyone again, but Alhamdulillah Allah has proven me wrong.

    • Zeba ,

      Thanks for your story .
      How did you confess to your husband about your past sexual affair ? Was it easy to handle this?

      • We all are humans and are prone to mistakes in our lives.We learn from our mistakes. Dont be ashamed infront of people. Ask forgiveness from Allah. When you had your past affair you were not committed to your husband.You were not answerable to him. I feel there is no need for you to have guilty conscience in first place. I felt ashamed in front of my parents cause i cheated my parents and loved some one without there knowledge. I would advice you to be bold, and have trust in Allah and seeing a favorable time confess to your husband and never ever hide anything from now on .As you both are bonded for life time.

      • Alhamdulillah i had never felt that low to have affairs of that sort, I had never ever met that guy, It was just online and phone contact.

  5. Zaiba
    Nice to hear this .
    How to confess to husband about past ? .
    All the best to you .

    • Have Trust in Allah and confess to your husband. It might be tough for a while, but eventually in sha Allah you will get your husbands heart by confessing to him. From now on please try not to hide anything from your husband. Honest in an relationship is the best thing to keep the problems away. Praying Allah should make it easier for you.

    • Do NOT NOT NOT tell your husband about your past. Allah has concealed your sin, so there is no need to reveal it. Whatever happened before your marriage is not your husband's concern. It is between you and Allah. If yow want to confess, confess to Allah and ask forgiveness. Many men will NOT be able to handle hearing about a woman's previous sexual experiences. It will create anger and jealousy and may destroy your marriage. Leave the past in the past.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • what if he finds out after the marriage?? like i know guys (virgin) make a fuss about having a virgin otherwise they are dumping her. I'm just too terrified to not to tell and if he finds out afterwards, it will be heartbreaking for me.

        • The question was about confessing to one's husband, not a boyfriend or fiance. If you are not yet married and you wish to tell your intended about your past, that's up to you. But in my opinion no good can come of it.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Hello,

    First, allow me to say that is was awful the way this woman treated you and you are probably better off without such a person in your life. Your feelings may hurt for some time, but you will become stronger for the experience. Remain positive and thank her for the time she gave you and leave it be. It is better to put yourself on the "good foot forward", despite another's "bad foot".

    You had this friend for 5 years, but did you meet her in real life? If it was only an online friendship (phone calls, gamer chats, etc) but never in person, then it is not actually real. And that can be taken as a positive thing - you can have many online friends, online girlfriends/boyfriends - they will come and go, almost like a game. Be your true(est) self as you can be online and when it comes to meeting them for real in the real world, they will not be disappointed. But people pretending to be someone else online is to be expected - it's online (not real life). I met my wife online, but it wasn't real until we met for real in person, and it became real as we solidified our relationship.

    I'm sorry to hear about your cancer.
    Stay strong and remain positive and believe in yourself.

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