Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Cheating and lying husband, help needed

Hijabi woman with veil drawn over her face, half face

Assalam o Alaikum, my brothers and sisters. This is the first time I'm posting on this site I hope I don't make any mistakes and I hope wholeheartedly that people on this website can help me.

My husband and I have been married for 15-17 years now. He was very abusive at first and didn't like me at all. He was married to a cousin of his first at a young age whilst he was still completing his studies. My parents were against my marriage but I didn't listen to them and I still regret this...

So when we got married, he used to hit me a lot and abuse me and my family and he never cared about me or loved me. He did what his brother said and thought of him as everything he had and did only what his brother told him to. His brother lied to him about me but he listened to it and if I tried to speak about it, he'd hit me. Soon,when his brother got married he moved out. I had my first son in 1999.

Things got better but after the death of his first wife, he's become the same. I've contacted some Maulanas  and they've all told me he's having an affair outside.

He lies to me about eveything, doesnt tell me anything about his daily life and only shouts at me and is extremely rude to me if I try to talk talk him.

A few days ago in June we went out of country and he told us to not post pictures on facebook so I questioned him and he got angry so I asked him why he's doing this and the fight soon escalated. My children were  watching when and how he abused me in the middle of the street and my kids were crying and begged him to stop but he said "I will divorce your mother I cannot live with her" to me. He has never said this before, this put terror in my heart and I decided to seek out what was going on.

Finally,  I came to know he's having an affair outside and the girl is way younger than him. Whenever I ask him he keeps fighting and denies it all then says he loves me but I don't believe him. One of the Maulanas  I contacted said that he's seeing a lot of money in the girl and is using her for pleasure and money, if he doesn't change, he's going to harm himself very seriously and that will ruin him.

Please help me out, I'm in desperate need of help. Please.  There's a lot I haven't mentioned yet but I think this is enough. Please please please help me my muslim brethren. 


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8 Responses »

  1. First of all, why and how are these moulanas telling u private info about ur husband ? How do they have this knowledge? If they are doing super natural things then u should avoid them as they are kafir. Islamically we should not seek advise of people whole claim to know things of the unseen or know details of someone supernaturally. Secondly, find out with evidence if he is Cheating on u. WITH EVIDENCE. And if he is, speak to him and advise him to stop it. If he fails to listen either tell him to marry her and have two wives if not then u should live ur own life and leave this horrible person.

  2. um i really nead some answers so can anyone check my post .... it is pending

    • The waiting time to have your post published is 3 to 6 weeks. I know that's a lot but we appreciate your patience.

      Wael Editor

    • Post it here with a reply

      • Assalaamualaikam

        We would prefer it if people don't do what you're suggesting, for a number of reasons:

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  3. What the sister above said is spot on, if he is cheating do us your Muslim brothers a favour and ease us from knowing that one of our sisters is being treated like that. You have children with him but don't let that stop you, wallah there is real men out there who can take better care of you

  4. You destroyed her first wife life ..
    Snatched her husband ...
    Now u have to bear another lady upon you

  5. Dear sister,

    You do not deserve this abuse and no one deserves this. This is very sad your children have to go through this and see you get abused. Find a way to leave this husband and seek khula from him. He most likely will never change himself unless he gets help for himself. Do not waste or ruin your whole life with this man who abuses you. Find the strength to leave him and find a new life. Marriage is suppose to be so spouses can be a comfort to one another and create a peaceful life together. It is not suppose to be torture and abuse for women. Can you go to a family member to stay with and find a job or go back to school to take care of yourself and your children. Remember your an amana to Allah and you must take good care of your self and your children. Allah does not allow oppression of women or abuse of women. It is very sad to hear the pain you have suffered in this abusive marriage.

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