Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is cheating on me with no remorse, what should I do?

LIpstick mark on shirt.

Cheating husband

I am a32 yrs old married woman with two boys aged 5 and9.we hav been married for 13 yrs. 7months back i fiund out my husbnd s having an affair wih a christian girl. She even bcame pregnant. But did abortion. When i confronted my husbnd abt d affair he says he cannot leave her now. He says they love each other very much and cannot think of seperation. But they do fight nd twice he hurt her badly. Even he used to hurt me bcos hes very short temperd.ours was a love arrangd marriage. I still love him and want him back. I feel very sad when i hear him talkg to her.

He s so caring nd loving to her. I haveno one to love me i feel. She drinks too. Nd gives him gud company in every way. Now he doesnt have anythg to talk to me. He hasnt divorced me yet only bcos he loves his kids i feel. I have been degraded in evry way a woman can be degraded. He s frm a rich family nd d affair s common knowledge among public nw. Evryone looks at me with sympathy  nd i hate it. I m reaaly depressd nd confused. Shud i continue life like dis atleast for my kids or shud i divorce.

Please help me. I m regularly praying my prayers , tahajjud and fasting. Allah s great nd only he can help me. Wat shud i do?i cant go to my parents bcos i m not comfortable there. My husband wont let me go find a job too bcos they are very rich nd its shame fr them if wife works. Smetyms he says i shud be patient. If i stop irritating him with questions he myt end affair  nd cum bak. But other tyms he says he wont end it. Even before v had fyts between us. I hav caught him phoning women.

In my 13 yrs of marriage i have done only one mistake. Butdat was a grave mistake nd even today i pray fr forgiveness. I had stolen mney frma friends place. Smehw it came out nd everyone came to kno.i don't know what made me do it. But it really hurt my husband dat tym. Nd later whenever we fought he used to bring it up. Now i feel he must hav startd hatg me then. Wat can i do to win my husband bak. He used to pray fridays. Fast. Nd givzskah. But nw he does nothing. Only zakath he givs.

Please advice,

Aisha777.

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45 Responses »

  1. I can't give an Islamic way to solve your problem as I'm not an expert, I would say that if you still love him and want to make things work you should pray for patience. Cause you won't be able to win his love back with anger. It will just push him away even more. Show him how much you care for him instead. When he does something that hurts you let him see you are sad but don't get mad. Cause when your mad he will get mad too and when he is angry he won't care that your hurting. You need him to start caring about you again. And loving him is the best way to do that. Take some time to think about why he has started a relationship with another woman and if it is something that you have done then. Try to show him how sorry you are and how you didn't mean to hurt him. If it is something he has done forgive him and show him that you still love him and care for him very much 🙂

    I hope this was helpful to you
    Salaam

    • Why should this sister show her husband that SHE is sorry? It's not HER who's committed adultery, it's her husband! He's the one who should show how sorry HE is! Except, he's not sorry at all...

      And why are you asking this sister to have a look at herself to see what SHE has done to push her husband towards adultery? It's her husband's choice ONLY to commit adultery, it's his OWN fault and this sister does not need to blame herself for it, because she has absolutely no blame in someone else's haram actions! If he had a problem with his wife, the solution is not to go out and have an affair, obviously.

      To the asker:
      I think it's convenient that your husband is telling you to not get a job, because in that way you are stuck with him and has to put up with his unislamic and hurtful ways. My advice would be to get yourself a job, get out of your husband's house and seek for a divorce - it'd be a shame to waste another 13 years with this man, you're still young and can always remarry, inshallah :). Your husband is playing with your mind by saying he might or might not leave you, don't let him do this to you and your children. Empower yourself and let this man, who seems to have no guilty conscience or remorse, to dwell in his own harams. There's no reason for you to tolerate his sins and be miserable about not treating you with the respect you deserve,

      • As Salaamu Alaikum Adina,

        That was great advice you provided the sister masha'allah. Just last night I found out my husband was cheating on my and he too lack remorse. I asked him to place me in Iddah, but I am most certainly now I am going to ask him for a Khula. The trust is gone. He's playing rushing roulette with my life because he had unprotected sex with the both of us. At this time, I am going to use Allah as my strength and protector. Although it hurts, I am grateful to my Lord that he has revealed evil to me. Again, great advice masha'allah.

    • This is the most stupidest advice anyone could give in a situation like that!
      "Take some time to think about why he has started a relationship with another woman and if it is something that you have done then. Try to show him how sorry you are and how you didn't mean to hurt him" - regardless of what she has done, you don't start another relationship with someone else! If he is seriously unhappy with her and is having an affair then the two should separate, not follow your advice which is basically the woman loves him even more and shows him so much affection even though he is doing such a disgusting act!
      (Unless I've misunderstood your advice in which case I apologise if I have)

      • Its isn't really our place to tell this lady that she should leave her husband. She may not want to. She may want to work things out with him. And If thats the case looking at her relationship with her husband is a must to be able to move on. If they can talk and understand each others feelings again maybe they can get there marriage back on track. He may have had an affair but if she still wants to be with him thats her choice. She may be able to for give him. I hope they can work things out it would be a shame to throw away 13 year of marriage. My advice is not stupid. If you hurt someone you should be sorry. Especially to your husband or wife. If not you both will just carry on hurting each other.

        • Salaams,

          I would just like to say that based on the post, it doesn't sound like her husband "had" an affair and has stopped. It's been an ongoing thing that he is still involved in at this present time. If anything, his choices are evidence of throwing the marriage away because he's not even bothering to repent. I think any woman should be free to walk away from that if she would be better off.

          Asim, there are better ways to make your point than to say someone is giving "stupid advice". It would behoove you to work on speaking more tactfully, in shaa Allah.

          -Amy
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • "Asim, there are better ways to make your point than to say someone is giving "stupid advice". It would behoove you to work on speaking more tactfully, in shaa Allah" - yeah fair enough. 🙂

        • Well, if the asker knows she wants to stay with her husband then why would she write in here and ask us for advice as to what she should do? She obviously doesn't have any specific desire to remain with her husband, she wants to hear what options there are available for me and divorce is certainly on alternative (if not the best). Even if she did want to stay with her cheating husband, even though he obviously doesn't care about her, sometimes being with someone isn't only about how much YOU, yourself, love them, it's also a matter of the love you and respect you recieve back from your spouse. Why would any woman with self-respect and dignity want to stay with a man who's cheating on her? Playing with her mind? Not showing his wife any respect at all? Do you realize that this man could even actually bring home a lot og STDs in to his wife's bed? Because he obviously doesn't practice safe sex since he managed to get his mistress pregnant.

          Also, the woman has two boys - do they really need to grow up with a cheating father as an example to what kind of men they should grow up to be?

          • Well I think this lady can make up her own mind. But her wanting to stay with her husband does not mean she has no self respect and she wouldn't be doing anything wrong by staying with him if she wanted to. She may decide to leave him but making her feel like a fool for wanting to stay with him is not very helpful or very nice.

          • Jamila, you didn't answer my question: if she can make up her own mind easily, that she wants to be with her husband, why would she write in here and ask for advice? Advice for what? It doesn't make any sense. And sorry, yes, she would, in my opinion, be a fool to stay with this man. He shows no remorse of his sinful actions, he manipulates her and he doesn't even practice Islam - what is there to stay for?

            Sorry to say this Jamila, but you sound like a person who a man can use as a door mat very easily. A man cheats and you think it's the wife who needs to apologize and fix herself? Wow...

        • if she hurt her it doesn't mean that he invovlve himself in another woman and practise such haram things :/

      • but asim i think you are forgetting if you are in a relationship when you have an issue or your desires are not been met then YOU are supposed to communicate this to the other half and try and find a solution NOT go out and do haraam and then blame it on your other half and this is from personal experience

        every time i felt my ex had an issue i would ask him i would suggest is it this or this but he would not and did not even though i would explain to him that the best of people can fall into the acts of shaitaan drugs and so on but you have to tell me so that we can work on it together and make things better BUT HE DID NOT TELL ME that he was out steeling taking drugs drinking and sleeping with other women i did not tell him to do those things and i most certainly did not do those things so how could i be at fault

        same goes for this sister Aisha777. who has written this post

        • I'm sorry but I don't quite understand? "but asim i think you are forgetting if you are in a relationship when you have an issue or your desires are not been met then YOU are supposed to communicate this to the other half and try and find a solution NOT go out and do haraam and then blame it on your other half and this is from personal experience" - this is what I mean when I said that regardless of what one has done, the other should NOT go out and cheat because it is, to me, an abhorrent act and the second worst thing that one can do in a relationship. I meant was that one should communicate with the other and try to resolve the issue, if not resolvable then the two should consider separating.

        • Aww am sorry to hear that sister. Every marriage is different and no one ever really knows what goes on behind closed doors. That why I try to keep an open mind. So really all you can do is your best. You can't make a person do what you want, you can only try to help them. Thats it really.

  2. Asalamualikum wa Rehmathullahi wa Berakathuhu
    In islam if a husband /wife is cheating in the sense illegal intercourse. then their punishment is stoning them to death .. if they are not married and if they do illegal intercourse then their punishment is lashes .. but for a married person tawba will not be enough their tawba is not gonna get accepted .. but if a husband/wife has doubt that they are being cheated then there must be a solid proof and in islam the proof of intercourse is eye witness 4 men should see their intercourse ..and in case of women 8 women should witness their intercourse this is the only proof in islam rest all proofs like messeges, phone calls ,mails, letters are not valid in islam... without eye witness you cant blame them and if you coudnt not find any witnessess then you can continue with them .. but if they have done this severe sin and their husband/wife are not aware of it ... then remember Allah Subhanatallah is not blind he is aware of evrything and surely he has kept a severe punishment for you .... betrayel in marriage is severe and its punishment is also severe
    May Allah Subhanatalla guide Ummathi Muhammad (saw) on the right path Ameen ya Allah

  3. salam
    you husband gets ashamed if u work but he is not ashamed that he is cheating,made someone pregnant.Im sorry sis i kno im no one to comment like this..i see this is the maximum case of most married males now.sis jamilla's advice is good..be patient. if that continues tell him to marry her or leave or divorce u.do u think this girl will accept u if she gets married to him?she might not and he may become weak and give her priority,so where will u go then?u have to have some dignity and earn.(ur choice depending upon social circumstances) as u say he loves his kids,he might provide ur kids financially and give them the father's love.but ur place?is it secured??talking about ur mistakes..sis thats upto ALLAH(SWT)..He is most gracious.most forgiving...concentrate on ur ibadah..raise ur kids islamiclly,teach them about islam....sis look gracious and pretty infront of ur husband..be presentable all the time..use perfume,kajol..make ur self appear beautiful to him which might win back his love.
    jazak ALLah khairun

  4. Salaams,

    It sounds like what you've described has already been going on for quite some time, perhaps a number of years. Personally, I think you've been patient enough. Patience does have an expiration date, even Allah's patience does- as He states there is a time when it is too late for repentence.

    Your husband is openly having an ongoing affair with a lady who is not even Muslim, but dares to ask you to be more patient by using his quitting of this sin as an bargaining piece. The least decency he could have, not only for you or himself, but toward that lady and her unborn child by him, is to marry her properly as a second wife. Clearly he has lost his sense of priorities, what he should value, and his basic taqwah.

    I don't think you owe this man any more patience or chances. Going forward, he would need to earn them by making some huge overhauls in his life. This isn't a contest of which one of you is worse, because on the Day of Judgment Allah is not going to compare him to you or you to him to decide what each of you deserve. No, he is going to judge your husband on his own merits with no comparisons involved. He will ask your husband straight up why he committed adultery in this way and why he devalued his God-given wife by doing so. You will be asked about your own sins, and only Allah knows what He will be mericiful about.

    So contrary to what may have been advised above, I don't think this is an issue of you trying harder and fixing yourself up more. I think this is an issue of a very wayward person being held accountable to their poor decisions, and the first step in that would you deciding you're not going to put up with this any more and start moving toward a healthier family life with you and your kids apart from him. Trust me, they don't gain anything to have a backslidden father in the home. Parenting is about way more than just physically being present. If anything, his continued exposure to them will only desensitize them to how ugly and harmful these actions and habits really are. As a mother, it's your responsibility to protect them from sin, not numb them to it.

    I suggest you start looking into ways to become independent of him. You may have to settle for some second best options like staying with family or looking for work against his wishes, but the goal here is for you and your kids to have a healthy home and confidence in Allah's good will for you in this life. If you start taking the steps to move in a better direction, Allah will come through for you and help show you the way. He is known for making ways when it seems there is no way available, but you have to set your intentions and start looking for that route for it to come together.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • i agree with you and i speak from personal experience at least my children are having a loving environment now and not exposed to all that nasty stuff

    • Really Good advice, too add that the sister must protect herself sexually so as not to become harmed by her husbands promiscuity,

  5. i'm not suprised with jamila123's responses. i mean look at what she has posted. plus, people are not forcing her to divorce. they are advising her.. which is one of the points of this website. If we are not able to tell her to divorce the man, then it is not your place to tell her to be patient and cope with his unfaithfullness.

  6. Salam sister.
    What you are going through is very heart breaking. I can imagine the hurt, pain, and sadness you are feeling at this moment and I am sorry that you have to feel that. But I want to remind you that every heartache you feel Allah will reward you in this life or the afterlife Inshallah, just keep your faith strong. Now that said, Allah will not reward you if you stay put and do nothing. If you’re put in a difficult situation you must strive to change it. How you do that is your decision. Your husband is not following Islam, he is cheating, drinking, and “unknown”. He is doing HARAM.
    Obviously, the first thing you must do is make him aware of what he is doing is HARAM. I know you must have done this many times before but this time do it based on versus from the Quran and hadiths. Educate yourself more about adultery in Islam and punishment in hell fire. Prepare yourself before you confront him again. Most importantly do not deal with it as a personal matter. Think of him as a stranger that you want to educate. If it turns into a personal conversation you will not succeed in getting the point to him. If he is still giving zakat then he has some faith left in him and you need to try strengthening that.
    If he refused to have this conversation with you, then you leave him notes, write down the consciousness of adultery in Islam and put it in his pocket. Every day or two write down a short hadith or versus from the Quran. Write about the hell fire and heaven. Just keep doing it, one conversation or one note will not be enough. even if he yells at you, or gets angry, just keep leaving the notes anywhere you know he’ll read them. You need to try to remind him.
    Now, if you want to stay with him that is up to you. No one can make that decision for you. You say you still love him and I am sure after 13 years of marriage it is hard to fall out of love with him. He seems to have full confidence that you will never leave him and that you are unable to live without him. He knows you love him and he is taking advantage of that. You need to break that part. You need to left your emotions up and walk with your head held high. Do not allow him or anyone else put you down. You’re a strong person that has been through a lot. You do not need to leave his house to do this. Stay there but live your own life. Concentrate on your kids and do stuff for you. Take yourself and kids to the mosque for classes. Be more emotionally independent do not worry about the financial part yet. If you can find a job, get one. If not, don’t worry about that now. You need to prove to yourself and to him that you can live without him, which is going to be the hardest part in this journey.
    Maybe if he realizes he can loss you and his boys and the constant Islamic reminders he might have a change of heart.
    Unfortunately many Muslim men feel they can do whatever they want because Muslim women shouldn’t get divorced. Fortunately nowadays things have changed. You have the right to get a divorce, and you will be able to survive emotionally and financially.
    I will make duaa for you.
    Salam

    • Thankyou so much for ur advice. I am trying my maximum to be closer to Allah.i read thru ur advice nd it did giv me an inner strength of sme sort. I always believe Allah will see my pain nd help me cum out of dis. So i keep continuing with my prayers. Its not easy to hate a husbnd of 13 years even after all dat hes done. I kno it sounds stupid. Maybe i have turned crazy. I dont kno

    • I read your opinion ,I'm agree with you. I like your advice.some thing happend in my life too .When I was 15 years old I was falling love with my husbend ,and (he 18 years) ... (rest of the comment has been deleted)

      • Sima, please login and submit your question as a separate post. In sha Allah we will publish it in turn.

        Abu Abdul Bari
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Yes dear me agree with you

  7. I also want to give you the advise my grandma gave my mother and my mother gave me. If god forbid you every have problems with your husband and you are unable to be with him. you NEVER leave your house, you KICK HIM OUT. once you entered his house, it becomes YOUR house.

    If you dont think there is danger to you and your boys. throw his stuff out and change the locks. i dont know where you live but if your in the states you shouldn't have a problem doing that.

    good luck

    I will make duaa for you

  8. Dear sister,
    its a very common problem and what becomes common soon becomes normal. Its a shame that no1 from ur family or his wants to come forward to help u. Dear sister if he doesnt care about ur feeling or the halal relationship then y shud u bother about what he feels or his family feels about ur choice of working out?
    u have 2 choices.
    1) to have ur pride and walk out with ur sons. Chances r that he might regret and come back to u for the love of his sons at least. But like everything has its pros and cons, this one has its own. The risk factor here is that firstly u have no or little work experience (i assume) so u will have to really struggle. U and ur children will have to face severe financial problems if u get absolutely no support from ur family and the other factor is that once u leave the house empty he will feel more free to bring the haram lady into ur house and then it wont b easy for u to drive her away. He might even get use to living without ur kids and stop missing them completely. They have a right over their father and by taking this risk it cud mean that they will have to lose him to that haram mistress.
    2) ask for help. U could call ur parents and his parents and discuss the matter with them. U and ur parents will have to b very tactful coz if they r not kind ppl they could use the ugly argument to justify his actions and then strongly support him.

  9. Your situation reminded me mine. I completely undestand your feelings of fear and anger, cause I suffered the same way for 3 years. My husband cheated me several times and I always forgave him. After 13 years of marriage he fell in love with another woman. Now I'm divorced, during last 3 years of marriage I suffered and cried at nights being always alone. Constant stress, sufferings ruined my health, I felt I partly died. So I asked Allah to help me and prayed istikhara. My pray was heard and as I said before I'm divorced now but there is no more fear, anger and sufferings in my life. I remind the past as a nightmare. Now I started a new life, found a job and take care of my children. I don't regret about anything I regret only my lost time. So my advice to you, ask help from Allah and don't be afraid of hardships. Your husband connected with that woman not only phisically but also emothionally, so b/w you and your husband there is no more connection and no more marriage.

    • I pray to Allah i have atleast half d courage dat u had.

      • Salam Aisha
        Hope the situation is better now as the time pass by we woman start adjusting with the situation. I can say that cuz I m married for 22 years I m 38 married at very young age and my life story is very similar to yours even the part where yr conscious is not letting u rest I did the same mistake once but not for me as well plus now look at the brighter site of yr life MashaAllah your kids are growing now he will eventually change inshallah for the betterment of kids or if not one day he has to confront his kids and tell them that why he did that cuz men like this nature are always looking for someone to put their blames on .. It's true that now you should learn to live a life which ALLAH Gv you for yrself for your kids and be thankful to him in every single way May Allah give u sabar and I just want to give u a little advice what I fid to bring my spouse back is to show him care love him and respect him his conscious will never let him rest after your sacrifice may Allah help u amen if u need to talk to me Gv me your number and I will contact u

  10. Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

    If he has abandoned prayer, leave him. Would you stay married to a Jewish man? Of course not. Kaffirs are not lawful husbands of Muslimahs.

    So leave him immediately unless he resumes salat, (Friday prayer included) and zakat. It's the same if he said "I am an atheist" or "Isa(S) is the son of Allah." Or if he mocked An-Nabi (S)

    Here is the overwhelming evidence he has left Islam inshaa Allah. If you have sex with non-Muslim husband of yours sister, YOU are committing zina. Don't follow your husbands footsteps!

    There is an overabundance of evidence that one who does not pray is a kaffir.

    Abandoning Prayer (Salaat)

    A Major sin in Islam

    Allaah Most High says (which means): Then there has succeeded them a generation which has given up prayers (i.e, made their praycrs to be lost, either by not offering them at all or by not offering them perfectly or by not offering them in their proper fixed times, etc.) and have followed lusts. So they will be thrown in Hell. Except those who repent and believe in the Oneness of Allaah and His Messenger (), and act righteously. [Maryam, 19:59-60]

    And He (T) said (which means): Woe unto those performers of prayers (hypocrites) who are unmindful of their prayers (i.e., delay their prayer from its stated fixed time). [Al-Maa'oon, 107:4-5]

    And He (T) said (which means): O you who believe! Let not your properties or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allaah. And whosoever does that, then they are the losers. [Al-Munaafiqoon, 63:9]

    The commentators of the Qur’aan say: “The ‘remembrance of Allaah’ mentioned in these Aayaat means the five daily prayers. If anyone is so busy in buying and selling, or with his daily work of earning a livelihood, or with his children, that he cannot perform prayers on time, he will be among the losers.”

    The first thing which will be judged among a man’s deeds on the Day of Resurrection is the Prayer. If this is in good order then he will succeed and prosper but if it is defective then he will fail and will be a loser. [Nasaa'ee, Tirmidhee, Ibn Maajah]

    Informing us about the inhabitants of Hell, Allaah Most High says (which means): (The people in Hell will be asked:) What has caused you to enter Hell? They will say: We were not among those who used to pray. Nor did we feed the poor. And we used to talk falsehood (all that which Allaah hated) with vain-talkers. And we used to belie thc Day of Recompense. Until there came to us that which is certain (i.e., death). So no Intercession of intercessors will benefit them [Al-Muddaththir, 74:42-48]

    The Prophet said (which means): The covenant between us and them is prayer, so if anyone abandons it he has become a disbeliever. [Ahmad, Tirmidhee, Nasaa'ee]

    And he also said (which means): What lies between a man and disbelief is the abandonment of prayer. [Muslim, Aboo Dawood, Nasaa'ee]

    And he said (which means): If anyone abandons prayer deliberately then he has no claim upon Allaah. [Ibn Maajah, ADAB-AL-MUFRAD of Bukhaari, Tabaraani]

    And he said (which means): I have been ordered to fight against the people until they testify that there is no one worthy of worship but Allaah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allaah and until they perform the Prayers and pay the Zakaah, and if they do so they will have gained protection from me for their lives and property, unless [they do acts that are punishable] in accordance with Islaam, and their reckoning will be with Allaah Most High. [Bukhaari, Muslim]

    And he , mentioning the prayer, said (which means): If anyone keeps to it, it will be light, evidence and salvation for him on the Day of Resurrection. But if anyone does not keep to it, it will not be light, evidence and salvation for him on the Day of Resurrection, and on that Day he will be associated with Qaroon, Pharaoh, Namaan and Ubayy bin Khalaf (an enemy of Islaam from among the Quraysh). [Ahmad, Tabaraanee, Ibn Hibbaan]

    Ibn Al-Qayyim explained: The person who abandons prayer will be raised with such a foursome because his neglect of player may be due to his involvement with his property, his country, his administrative work or his trade. Therefore, if he was involved with his property he will be ressurected with Qaroon; if with his country, then with Pharaoh; if with his administrative work, then with Hamaan; and if with his trade then with Ubayy bin Khalaf, the trader among the disbelievers of Makkah.

    `Abdullaah bin Shaqeeq Al-`Aqeelee Tabi`ee (Tabi`ee: a successor to the companions of the Prophet ] said: “The Companions of the Prophet did not consider the abandonment of any good deed to be disbelief except the abandonment of the Prayer.” [Tirmidhee, Haakim]

    When `Alee was asked about a women who did not pray, he said: “The one who does not pray is a disbeliever.” [Tirmidhee, Haakim]

    Ibn Mas`ood (R) said: “The one who abandons the prayer has no religion.” [Muhammad bin Nasr Al Mirwazee]

    Ibn `Abbaas (R) said: “The one who leaves off a single prayer deliberately will find, when he meets Allaah Most High, that He (T) is angry with him.” [Muhammad bin Nasr Al-Mirwazee, Ibn Abdul-Barr]

    Ibn Hazm said: “There is no greater sin after polytheism than delaying a prayer until its time has passed and killing a believer without a just cause.”

    Ibraheem Al-Nakha`ee said: “The one who has abandoned the prayer has become a disbeliever.” Aboo Ayyoob Al-Sakhtiyanee said something similar to this.
    Ibn Hazm writes conclusively: “It has come from `Umar, `Abdur-Rahmaan bin `Awf, Mu`aadh bin Jabal, Aboo Hurayrah and other companions that anyone who skips one obligatory prayer until its time has finished becomes an apostate. We find no difference of opinion among them on this point.”

    This was mentioned by Al Mundhiree in AT-TARGHEEB WA AT-TARHEEB. Then he comments: A group of Companions and those who came after them believed that an intentional decision to skip one prayer until its time is completely finished makes one an unbeliever. The people of this opinion include `Umar bin Al-Khattaab, `Abdullaah bin Mas`ood, `Abdullaah bin `Abbaas, Mu`aadh bin Jabal, Jaabir bin `Abdullaah and Aboo Ad-Dardaa’. Among the non-companions who shared this view were: Ibn Hanbal, Ishaaq bin Rahwayh, `Abdullaah bin Mubaarak, An-Nakha`ee, Al-Hakam bin `Utaibah, Aboo Ayyoob As-Sakhtiyaanee, Aboo Dawood At-Tiyaalisee, Aboo Bakr bin Aboo Shaybah, Zuhayr in Harb, and others.

    REFERENCES:

    Al-Haythamee, Ibn Hajr, AZ-ZAWAAJIR `AN IQTIRAAF AL KABAA’IR, Vol. I, (corrected by) Ahmad Abdush-Shaafee, Daar Al-Kutub Al-`Ilmiyyah, Beirut, Lebanon, 1987

    Dhahabee, Imaam Muhammad bin `Uthmaan, KITAAB AL-KABAA’IR, (Engl. tr.) Mohammed Moinuddin Siddiqui, Dar El-Fiker, Beirut, Lebanon, 1993.

    Sabiq, As-Sayyid, FIQH-US SUNNAH, Vol. I, (Engl. tr.) Muhammad Sa`eed Dabas and Jamal al-Din Zarabozo, Maktabat al-Khadamat-e Al-Hadithah, Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, 1987.

    • Gibran, are you claiming that because her husband has not been practicing his deen properly, that if she has intercourse with him it is zinaa? That's outrageous and you have no basis for such a statement. I have noticed that your comments tend toward intolerance - you also threatened another person that she would go to hell forever - and I caution you to be careful. Don't go throwing the word "kafir" right and left, and do not be so quick to judge people and threaten them. It's not productive and does not help them.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

        It's the opinion of some scholars and apparently the ijma of Sahaba that whoever abandons salat has disbelieved. The companions didn't think that abandoning any deed was kufr except abandonment of salah.

        You will find a similar thing on Islam QA by Sheikh Salih al Munnajid.

        "That's outrageous and you have no basis for such a statement. I have noticed that your comments tend toward intolerance - you also threatened another person that she would go to hell forever - and I caution you to be careful. Don't go throwing the word "kafir" right and left, and do not be so quick to judge people and threaten them. It's not productive and does not help them."

        In you by the other person you mean another girl who abandoned salah. Well it is a pretty scary thing! In fact, I think those hadith are a great motivation for someone to pray.. However I will take your word of advise to be cautious about being too quick to threaten people.

        For example, this fatwa on Islam QA has it that if the mans wife persists in not giving salah, he must divorce her and she is a kafirah. So I'm just quoting the guys who know about this....

        http://islamqa.info/en/ref/98624

      • Assalamaualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

        "Gibran, are you claiming that because her husband has not been practicing his deen properly, that if she has intercourse with him it is zinaa? That's outrageous and you have no basis for such a statement."

        Well this isn't some kind of a debate place and I 100% don't want to argue with anyone it was just advise and I don't see how you are saying I have no basis for that statement. Rasulullah (S) and his Sahaba (RA) are not sufficient statements? If that isn't sufficient than what is?

        Yes, other scholars said that as long as the person does not deny the obligation of salat than they are not kaffirs I just posted what I thought was the stronger and pretty obvious opinion as a form of advise.

        But yes, I don't want to be over "threatening" or anything like that, SubhanAllah of course not however posting hadith with truly severe punishments is a good motivator!

        Also, if a person begins doing Salah, thing how much other bad things they will stop doing:
        http://quran.com/29/45

    • Allah is merciful and forgiving! Do not tell others your opinion guidance through Islam means truly believing Allah has a better plan! Allah doesn't like divorce ! And her husband is not kaafir! He has fallen astray! Allah is most happy when his fallen beings come to him running ! And Allah loves us 70x more than our own mother

  11. Leave him. If he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend then why do you want to stay with him for?

  12. well i think if you still love him then try to attract him by enhancing your beauty and show him that you are in relation with another man... if this will effect him then it means that he still loves you and want you by his side but if it will not effect him then you must leave him and free yourself because you are still young and beautiful and deserves a faithful husband not a sinner like him huh.... then just go for a second marriage 🙂

    • Your advice is for the sister, to show him she is in another relationship? or flirt with another man, or pretend she is interested in another man?

      which ever, that is not the behaviour of a God fearing Muslim women, neither should it be the advice of a muslim to another muslim

  13. im married for 9 years and dated for 5 years so in total 14 years together and have 2 kids age 7 and 2. i caught my husband in old blood cheating with me with a old high school friend that he hasn't seen for 15 years. they have been having the affair for 8 months now. she knows his married as i confronted her and said she don't care because she loves him and will fight for him. two weeks ago i threw him out as he said to me that he no longer have anything with her. the Friday when i throw him out i found out that he was at her place. two weeks later he sent me this Saturday night at 21h49 pm - i miss you guys a lot kasam i do, i really want to ask maalf and i want to come home love you a lot. i didn't reply. the next day (Sunday) he sent an message - can i come fetch you guys (me and the kids) i didn't reply. last night Monday he sent me another message saying - Layla wants fireworks for fireworks day do you know what time the shop close and i said salaam no idea, he replied can we maybe go find out tomorrow. i said im working tomorrow and don't know. he said can me and you go then so i said OK. all this after putting him out 2 weeks ago. im a good wife, mother to our kids and hard worker in the marriage. he just don't care. for that two weeks i didn't contact him in anyway and when he sent messages i ignored it. i spoke to another friend of mine and said that after i put him out he took his lover (mistress) shopping etc so he was with her and spent time with her. i spoke to my best friend and she said that lesson learn is i need to learn patience and trust in God. up till now my husband is not back by us, but i try my best to practice PATIENCE as PATIENCE IS LOVE. Please advise what you guys think about this. kanalla

    • Kids are your greatest strength ! Stay quiet, read all namaaz, Surah bakrah daily in your home via u tube is fine! Read even one verse but open Quraan daily in home ! Set deen in your home and in your children ! Fear of Allah will return your husband ! Give Sadka and feed the poor ! Remember to ask Allah only! And rasool e paak Mohammed SAW as his habit for madath! Focus on Salah on time, dress appropriately ! Look your best and remember Allah ! Read Darood e ibrahimi daily 313 x this will help u !

  14. Im 22 years old Im married 2 years and I dont have any children. Me and my husband we dont live together he lives in Danmark and I live in Norway Im love with him very much i dont call Me everytime. He is cheating on Me and i dont know what Im going to do. Plz help Me

  15. the only helper for you is Allah! Remember it is only Allah who forgives us and doesn't spite us or throw it back in our face! Are you capable of forgiving your husband? #1! Because every time he will be on the phone u may assume he is doing the same thing again. Next and most important ! We are no one to change anyone, only Allah has that power! From my own experience I can tell you this much the road ahead requires patience and you first gathering yourself focusing on the better upbringing of your children! You have one great thing going for you so u should always thank Allah as he has considered u worthy to bring you and give you the opportunity to instill deen in your children! You said the other women drinks, and your husband has even physically hit her! Read Salah all of them on time! Open Quraan daily and read one verse with the meaning ! Put Surah bakrah daily on in your home! Daily means daily ! Do u forget to eat or go to restroom? No, right? Then if u want something bad enough u will do it! Only Allah can help u but u must believe! This did not happen over night to you so the fixing will take time ! Remain clean look beautiful and always cook for him yourself! Give Sadka for your husband kids and yourself according to all your ages added up! ( for i.e.; 2 kids 8 & 10, husband 25, wife: 20 total would be =63 chickens ! , and make sure Sadka is then cooked and fed to poor people that will do duah for you! This can be done in Pakistan ! Once a month or every 2 or 3 months this heavy Sadka is fine! If very wealthy ask husband that u would like to have money to do Sadka for family to instill love peace and serenity in the home . Read darood e ibrahimi daily 313 times. Teach your kids Islam ! What man would want an alcoholic to raise his kids! Use your brain sister, but never utter one word for Allah forgives u and doesn't utter a word ! U must have patience truly believe in Allah and duah for you your kids and him after each Salah ! Allah holds entire universe in his control your husband is nothing for Allah ! U must believe and be dedicated to your task and commitment with Allah . Remember in the end , we all have to answer to allah.

  16. Sister I'm sorry to hear your situation,

    If your husband reforms his behaviour, repents and you can see that he is remorseful for what he has done, then if you wish to stay with him, that decision is up to you, however in the instance you should make sure your husband hasn't contracted any sexual infections or diseases etc from this women before you are intimate with him, so as to protect yourself from harm,

    If your husband does not reform himself or repent, that you should not stay with him, no good will come from such a union for you, or your children

  17. Sister I am sorry for your hardship, may Allah remove your burden and bless you with abundance..Ameen! It is very difficult to deal with such a vicious betrayal! Do not and I repeat DO NOT resort to begging and pleading with your husband who has openly disrespected not only you but ALLAH HIMSELF! Self restrainth is one attribute many brothers as well as sisters REFUSE to practice! Allah sees EVERYTHING so put your COMPLETE faith in HIM NOT YOUR HUSBAND AND HIS SO CALLED LOVE...On the last day hecwill pay relentlessly for his adultery if he does not repent sincerely and STOP his satan inspired behavior. I am a muslim brother and I have been tested relentlrssly by satan with women that I found attractive BUT ALLAHS REWARD IS SO MUCH BETTER! There is no reason to not only damage your wife and children emotionally and mentally BUT TO OPENLY SHoW ARROGANCE AND REPEATED ADULTEROUS BEHAVIOR IN THE FACE OF OUR GLORIOUS CREATOR WITHOUT REMORSE IS OUTRIGHT INSANE! Allah has you in the palm of his hand my strong sister..he will debit your bad deeds on the last day and give them to your cheating spouse as a reward for your hardship..Pray fir your lost husband and remember ALLAH IS IN CHARGE..NOT MAN! Too many married sisters and brothers out here losing their focus on worshipping Allah because their spouse is cheating..LOVE ALLAH MORE and continue praying..If your husbands behavior is taking away from your focus on Allah and your deen of Islam You have every right to divorce this man who quite frankly is behaving like a NON BELIEVER! MAY ALLAH BlESS US ALL WITH KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING..AMEEN..AMEEN..AMEEN!!

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