Christian girl forced by a wife to marry her old Muslim husband
Assalam O Alaikum,
A Girl is forced to get married without her parents or any of her relatives present. Its haram in Islam? If a girl is married without the permission of her mother and her presence; will the marriage be valid in Islam?
They told her mother that she's going to be married and she's 14. They didn't tell mother that she's going to marry a 60 year old man; they even get her married even before the day that she was supposed to get married. None of her relatives were present.
My uncle's wife told the young lady to keep silent or to lie to her mother whenever she comes to visit her. But the mother found out anyway. My uncle's wife told her the truth. I felt so sad when I heard her mother crying as she thought that her daughter obeyed her. So her mother took her; she said that she's going to borrow her only for two weeks. So that she can take her away.
They told her mother that if she doesn't return her daughter within two weeks, it means divorce. Though they haven't let her sign a divorce contract because the mother believes that she never sign a marriage contract or any other document that shows that she agreed. So, she thought that it doesn't matter and she didn't return her for few months (3 to 4 months I think); after more than one and a 1/2 month, we resumed our relationship, as far as I know.
After 30 days, she can have another relationship or should I say free to choose her new husband. After more than one month though we haven't got married; her mother is well aware of our relationship and even likes me for her daughter. But, the daughter wants to go back just as a worker for their restaurant. She is going to live in our house again. She just wants to get closer to me again so, begged me and I agreed knowing something is going to happen.
After few days, I keep texting her that she should go home after 30 days but the helpers in the house forwarded the messages to my cousin and to her mother. So, my cousin, her husband and her sister asked me if I had sex with the young girl. I was shocked why would they ask me that? They said that she's still the wife of my uncle but its a lie. I am in contact with her mother; I even recorded her voice stating that she never agreed and would never agree to her marriage.
Now, they are threatening me because we're having a secret relationship; because she hasn't signed a divorce; that's what they told me. My uncles' family said that she came back because she still love him (my uncle); they said that they had a deal. So, I went to her mother to talk, she said that she got hurt so badly when she heard that her daughter got married without her permission. I told her that this is not Islam (as far as I know) and that I am so sorry that It went like this. So I told her to get her back; she should sign a divorce and have protection from the court or whatever to protect them.
So the mother keeps coming back but my uncles' wife said that she can go home after 4 months for a third time. Her mother told her to pack her things up. When the mother arrived; my uncle's wife told her to wait for 4 months so that, the daugther might change her mind and she might like him again. So the mother goes home again without her, the daughter's step father got mad; they're poor that's why they couldn't do anything. If I have to give up my relationship to her and should not marry her then I will do so for her own Good and for her Parents especially her mother.
What should I do to fight them especially in Court? Just in case they want me to go to jail? How can her mother fight her rights? I wanted to marry her. Her family agreed. I am 20years Muslim man.
Please understand my English. Its not that good but that's all I can say.
Sheyna
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Sister can i ask who "they" are the people making her marry?
My aunt and My Unlce. Including their Daughter and son.
Sorry i mean brother
Well don't think that 14 yrs is a legal age for a girl marry , her mother/you can take the help of police bcoz in any country the minimum age of a girl to marry should be 18yrs .
So I guess filling an complaint with police will help her and her mother
there are some country that allows 15 years of age to get married.
This is all rather strange and confusing. You are trying to explain this complicated situation without making clear who you are and what your role is. Only at the very end do we start to understand that you are a 20-year old man who is in love with that girl, and that's why you are involved.
Your involvement is inappropriate and insincere. Clearly you have a selfish interest in the matter. You should have nothing to do with this girl. She is not your wife, and is too young to be your "girlfriend" or to be engaged to you.
If she was married to your uncle without her consent, and without the presence of any wali, then the marriage is invalid in Islam. She should return to her mother and stay with her mother.
However, you have no business getting involved.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
thank you for your answer.. I know it might be insincere for you... She is now living with her mother... What do you mean underage? She might 15 but she doesnt look like 15. Do you want me to wait till she turns 18? Or do you depend on your country's law or in my country which is philippines? Or it does bother you? Her big sister is 34 years old and is married to a 21 years old guy.
Im his nephew and I live with them (my uncle, his wife, and their children)
She's not actually my girlfriend. I get to like her after few months. But because she's underage... I told her to wait. But sudden things happened.
So now what should I do? She might get pregnant. We live in her parents house but not yet married. We were planning to how can we get married. Her Mother agreed.
Should I left her? Ignore her now? People make mistake you know? Want to know more?
Sorry for my english. I couldnt explain it properply...
Iam finding it very hard to understand, are you and this YOUNG girl related/family, or inlaws ?
Sheyna
Your story is extremely confusing to say the least. But from what i can gather these are your issues:
1. You and the girl are in love and wish to marry?
2. She works for your uncles family is 'married' to your uncle without consent??
3. She lives with her mother and you live with them?? May I ask why you live with them?
The first point is that you should move out of her house immediately for both your sakes. if living with your uncle will be difficult then find another accomodation temporarily.
Number two, you should have a private talk with your uncle and ask truthfully if he is married to the girl or not. If she was forced, then the marriage is invalid anyway. You should seek legal advice regarding this in terms of the law in your country.
Once its clear that she is not married you should marry her immedialty if she is consenting and her family approve, although i also think that 14 is young to marry, but then again every culture/country thinks differently.
In the mean time I think you should calm down and think very carefully about this situation. The most important thing is for you both not to live together. You say, 'she might get pregant' this does not bode well. It implies that you are in a haraam relationship with her. This needs to stop. You both know that you wish to marry, then be pateint and wait. Resolve the problems first before heading into a marriage which is life long commitment.
1. You and the girl are in love and wish to marry?>> Yes. When she first came.
2.She works for your uncles family is 'married' to your uncle without consent??
Yes. First they approach her. They ask her in a way of joking. I see it with my two eyes and heard it with my two ears. When she said yes they took it as yes. So she ask them to let her mother know (thinking that her mother wont accept it). For example she was going to be married on oct 28 she was instead married on oct 4. The Only witnesses are my uncle, his wife, his son, the imam, his wife's brother, the girl and me. At first they told her mother that she want to get married. They even told her to tell her that age doesnt matter which her mother asked how old is the man. They even claimed that they have contract marriage couldnt show it to her mother. before when she's about to be taken by her mother, they told her that its automatically it will be devorced if they dont return in two weeks.
3. She lives with her mother and you live with them?? May I ask why you live with them?
For now she doesnt want yet for bot of us to live on our own. As we were looking a way to get married.
Ok, so the girl is married and there were witnesses. And she said yes to them, so that sounds like she was not forced.
Firstly, brother she needs to file for a divorce. Then she is free to marry you.
But I must emphasise again to you here, you cannot be in any relationship with her until she is divorced and married to you.
When I asked why you live with them, i meant you specifically not the girl. She obviously lives with her mother that makes sense but you need to move out of that house. You cannot live with her and her mother until she is married to you.
Look brother, you're making this situation more complicated then it really is.
Give her space, let the situation calm down for a bit. Get your parents involved or an elder who can communicate with the girl and her mother on your behalf until the situation is resolved.
You should also be clear that she no longer wishes to remain married to your uncle. If she does wish to remain his wife then you should walk away from her life and let her deal with her own problems.